Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Goodbye And Goodluck
DESOLE
It was sometime around midnight and Milo and I were having a nice heart to heart chat while pigging out on a box of Rocky Road ice cream on the floor of the tour bus. We joked around, smoked cigarettes and reminisced on the days when I was a total stoner who’s show up to school high every other day. Thing were good, things were funny. But they were about to be even funnier.
“Hey if I ask you a question will you hit me?” Milo asked, giggling to himself a bit. I blew a smoke ring above my head and laughed.
“Nope! Lay it on me!” I insisted. He took a moment to laugh before asking.
“What’s Gerard like in bed?” he asked. I felt my jaw drop and my cheeks burn bright red and I couldn’t help but laugh along with him.
“I am not telling you!” I said, fighting the urge to smack his arms. After all I told him I wouldn’t hit him.
“C’mon! Please? Does he talk dirty? I bet he’s like a total freak, am I right? Does he like, make you wear latex costumes and beat him with a whip?” Milo pried, each of his questions making me laugh harder than the last. I could barely breath I was laughing so hard. My stomach was staring to hurt.
“Shut up!” I squealed in my hysterics. “Gerard is a perfect gentle man…who likes to have his hair pulled every once and a while.” I added at the end, sending Milo into a fit of giggles.
“Haha, I knew it!” Milo exclaimed. We were falling all over each other we were laughing so hard. “I bet he makes a really fucked up face when he climaxes. Right?” Milo continued while I proceeded to roll around on the floor.
“No!” I said defensively, trying to manage to talk with a mouthful of snickers. Milo raised his eyebrows as if to say, “tell me then!” “I dunno, he kind of bites his lower lip and shuts his eyes real tight. Its really cute.” I managed to choke out when my frantic giggling had subsided.
“Sounds like it.” he joked. I reached over and smacked his arm.
“You have a girlfriend Milo!” I scolding him. He laughed and shrugged. We continued to giggle about the conversation we had just had. There was a knock on the tour bus door and before I could respond the door flew open. Gerard was standing there, a rather anxious smile on his face.
“Des, can you come here for a second?” he asked hurriedly. I furrowed my brow in confusion and worry.
“Uh, yeah sure. What’s going on baby? Is something wrong? You seem a little jumpy…” I said, standing up. Gerard didn’t say anything, only nodded and left. Milo shot me a concerned glance and I shrugged in response as I got off the floor and walked outside the bus.
“Gerard, tell me what’s going on.” I said a little more firmly than I meant to when I got outside. He was fidgeting around and this made me even more nervous about what was going on.
“Nothing, it’s a surprise. Just come with me. We have to hurry though. Don’t look so worried, everything is fine.” He said, taking my hand and leading me over to the MCR tour bus. I couldn’t help but look worried. What was he talking about? What was going on? And why wouldn’t he tell me?
“Gerard, baby, please. You’re scaring me.” I said, not wanting to take another step until he confirmed with me what was happening. Gerard rolled his eyes and sighed, walking back over so that he was right up against me. I didn’t even care how risky this was. Having him close to me like that was comforting in itself.
“Would I let anything bad happen to you?” he asked, his voice low and raspy. I slumped my shoulder and shook my head. “That’s right. Now come on, this is important.” he said firmly before grabbing me around the waist and leading me inside his tour bus.
Inside, the rest of MCR sat there, seeming to be waiting for something. They all looked rather grim. I immediately separated from Gerard and put on my best act. Gerard however, grabbed me around the waist again and slammed me back into him. I shot him a confused glance. What was he doing? The band was right there!
“Des, its okay. They know now. I just told them about us.” Gerard said calmly. My stomach dropped. Why did he do that? What was he thinking?
“Gerard, don’t you think we should’ve talked about this first? I mean, what if something goes wrong?” I said, trying to fight back the nausea that was gurgling in my stomach. Gerard gave me a squeeze and I turned my attention to the band who were all sitting there with their eyes glued to me.
“We won’t tell anybody.” Frank piped up suddenly. I was still in shock. What he said hadn’t registered. I must’ve been giving him a very confused face because he repeated himself. And though he sounded slightly impatient, I could tell that he meant it. “We won’t tell anybody. And though we may be skittish about this whole thing, we realize that you’re making Gerard the happiest he’s been in a long time. We understand.” Frank explained. I felt my heart warm with a surge of affection.
“Speak for yourself!” Mikey burst out suddenly. He stood up angrily and stormed off the bus. All I could do was stand there, mouth agape and eyebrows raised. Frank sighed and shook his head. Gerard let go of me to try and chase Mikey down.
“So Gerard told you everything?” I asked finally, the realization finally hitting me. I felt a sense of dread and forewarning. Something was going to go wrong. I could feel it in my gut. Nothing good was going to come of this, no matter how much everybody assured me.
“Yeah, he told us. The whole plan and everything…yeah…” Ray said quietly, as if he wasn’t sure what to say.
“Des, Mikey wants to talk to you.” Gerard said, poking his head back into the bus. I sighed to try and repress the nervous energy that was causing my knees to start buckling and my fingers to start trembling. I gave to the boys a little wave goodbye and walked outside. Gerard lit himself a cigarette and leaned against the bus, leaving Mikey and me to our “talk”.
“Hey…” I said awkwardly, rocking back and forth on my heels and my toes.
“You really broke his heart you know.” Mikey said bitterly. I bit my lower lip to keep from pouting. I didn’t say anything. “You really crushed him. He cried pretty much every night for like a month. Did you know that? Did you know how badly you’d hurt him? Or did you just not think about it to keep yourself from feeling guilty?” Mikey continued. Just hearing those words coming from him sent tears rushing to my eyes. I couldn’t bare the thought of Gerard hurting.
“Mikey, wait. I didn’t want to hurt him. You don’t understand. I left because I was lost. I didn’t know what to do. I was only nineteen!” I said, wanting to get on my weak knees and beg for forgiveness. I’d always thought of Mikey as a brother, and I couldn’t stand it if he hated me even thought I deserved it.
“I was young too! But I didn’t run out on him when he needed me! None of us did! And now he’s better and you want him back. That isn’t fair to him, it isn’t fair to me, to Lindsey, to any of us! You’re being selfish.” Mikey spat at me. I was shocked; he was right. I was being selfish.
“Mikey, calm down. You don’t understand. I chose this.” Gerard said, stepping in to defend me. I was crying now and I hadn’t even realized it.
“Get off me!” Mikey said, shoving Gerard aside and going back onto the bus. Gerard sighed haughtily and walked over to comfort me.
“Don’t listen to him. He’s just confused, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” Gerard assured me, trying to put his arm around me. I shook him off.
Mikey was so right about this it hurt me. What he had explained showed me that I was being selfish. I knew from the start that this relationship was wrong in so many ways. I knew it wasn’t fair to people, but I chose to go ahead with it anyway. I had to stop this! I had to make things right.
“Gerard, no. Mikey’s right. We have to end it.” I said, trying to walk away from him. He grabbed my forearms and pulled me back, his expression confused and hurt and only making this all the more harder on me.
“Wh-what?” he stammered. I could see his heart sinking in his eyes.
“Milo knows, everybody knows. Sooner or later the press with find out.” I wept, wanting to wipe my eyes but not being able to because Gerard was griping my wrists for dear life.
“Des, come on. Mikey will come around. He’s just being stubborn. We only have a week left of this. I know this is hard on you, its hard on me too. But just one more week and we’re free from all of it.” Gerard assured me, yanking me into a reluctant embrace.
I couldn’t resist. I buried my face in his greasy, unwashed hair and took a deep breath. Cigarettes and Old Spice, the way he always smelled. I was emotionally exhausted from all of this.
“Shh, shh, just don’t worry about it. I have everything under control. Lindsey has no idea, the press is nowhere near finding out. Just one more week baby. That’s all we have to do is get through one more week.” he cooed in my ear. The slightly nasal sound of his voice was soothing in itself. I shut my eyes and bit my lip. “Don’t every scare me, saying things like that. You don’t know how much I love you.” he said nervously.
“I’m sorry.” Was all I could really say at that point. This relationship was eating apart inside. I could feel myself being hallowed out by it. I had the feeling that after this one week was over, there would be nothing left in me that was able to love…
[*A/N
Sorry for the lack of updates! Things have been really crazy at my apartment complex lately. Thank you so much for all the fabulous reviews! You guys make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside
It was sometime around midnight and Milo and I were having a nice heart to heart chat while pigging out on a box of Rocky Road ice cream on the floor of the tour bus. We joked around, smoked cigarettes and reminisced on the days when I was a total stoner who’s show up to school high every other day. Thing were good, things were funny. But they were about to be even funnier.
“Hey if I ask you a question will you hit me?” Milo asked, giggling to himself a bit. I blew a smoke ring above my head and laughed.
“Nope! Lay it on me!” I insisted. He took a moment to laugh before asking.
“What’s Gerard like in bed?” he asked. I felt my jaw drop and my cheeks burn bright red and I couldn’t help but laugh along with him.
“I am not telling you!” I said, fighting the urge to smack his arms. After all I told him I wouldn’t hit him.
“C’mon! Please? Does he talk dirty? I bet he’s like a total freak, am I right? Does he like, make you wear latex costumes and beat him with a whip?” Milo pried, each of his questions making me laugh harder than the last. I could barely breath I was laughing so hard. My stomach was staring to hurt.
“Shut up!” I squealed in my hysterics. “Gerard is a perfect gentle man…who likes to have his hair pulled every once and a while.” I added at the end, sending Milo into a fit of giggles.
“Haha, I knew it!” Milo exclaimed. We were falling all over each other we were laughing so hard. “I bet he makes a really fucked up face when he climaxes. Right?” Milo continued while I proceeded to roll around on the floor.
“No!” I said defensively, trying to manage to talk with a mouthful of snickers. Milo raised his eyebrows as if to say, “tell me then!” “I dunno, he kind of bites his lower lip and shuts his eyes real tight. Its really cute.” I managed to choke out when my frantic giggling had subsided.
“Sounds like it.” he joked. I reached over and smacked his arm.
“You have a girlfriend Milo!” I scolding him. He laughed and shrugged. We continued to giggle about the conversation we had just had. There was a knock on the tour bus door and before I could respond the door flew open. Gerard was standing there, a rather anxious smile on his face.
“Des, can you come here for a second?” he asked hurriedly. I furrowed my brow in confusion and worry.
“Uh, yeah sure. What’s going on baby? Is something wrong? You seem a little jumpy…” I said, standing up. Gerard didn’t say anything, only nodded and left. Milo shot me a concerned glance and I shrugged in response as I got off the floor and walked outside the bus.
“Gerard, tell me what’s going on.” I said a little more firmly than I meant to when I got outside. He was fidgeting around and this made me even more nervous about what was going on.
“Nothing, it’s a surprise. Just come with me. We have to hurry though. Don’t look so worried, everything is fine.” He said, taking my hand and leading me over to the MCR tour bus. I couldn’t help but look worried. What was he talking about? What was going on? And why wouldn’t he tell me?
“Gerard, baby, please. You’re scaring me.” I said, not wanting to take another step until he confirmed with me what was happening. Gerard rolled his eyes and sighed, walking back over so that he was right up against me. I didn’t even care how risky this was. Having him close to me like that was comforting in itself.
“Would I let anything bad happen to you?” he asked, his voice low and raspy. I slumped my shoulder and shook my head. “That’s right. Now come on, this is important.” he said firmly before grabbing me around the waist and leading me inside his tour bus.
Inside, the rest of MCR sat there, seeming to be waiting for something. They all looked rather grim. I immediately separated from Gerard and put on my best act. Gerard however, grabbed me around the waist again and slammed me back into him. I shot him a confused glance. What was he doing? The band was right there!
“Des, its okay. They know now. I just told them about us.” Gerard said calmly. My stomach dropped. Why did he do that? What was he thinking?
“Gerard, don’t you think we should’ve talked about this first? I mean, what if something goes wrong?” I said, trying to fight back the nausea that was gurgling in my stomach. Gerard gave me a squeeze and I turned my attention to the band who were all sitting there with their eyes glued to me.
“We won’t tell anybody.” Frank piped up suddenly. I was still in shock. What he said hadn’t registered. I must’ve been giving him a very confused face because he repeated himself. And though he sounded slightly impatient, I could tell that he meant it. “We won’t tell anybody. And though we may be skittish about this whole thing, we realize that you’re making Gerard the happiest he’s been in a long time. We understand.” Frank explained. I felt my heart warm with a surge of affection.
“Speak for yourself!” Mikey burst out suddenly. He stood up angrily and stormed off the bus. All I could do was stand there, mouth agape and eyebrows raised. Frank sighed and shook his head. Gerard let go of me to try and chase Mikey down.
“So Gerard told you everything?” I asked finally, the realization finally hitting me. I felt a sense of dread and forewarning. Something was going to go wrong. I could feel it in my gut. Nothing good was going to come of this, no matter how much everybody assured me.
“Yeah, he told us. The whole plan and everything…yeah…” Ray said quietly, as if he wasn’t sure what to say.
“Des, Mikey wants to talk to you.” Gerard said, poking his head back into the bus. I sighed to try and repress the nervous energy that was causing my knees to start buckling and my fingers to start trembling. I gave to the boys a little wave goodbye and walked outside. Gerard lit himself a cigarette and leaned against the bus, leaving Mikey and me to our “talk”.
“Hey…” I said awkwardly, rocking back and forth on my heels and my toes.
“You really broke his heart you know.” Mikey said bitterly. I bit my lower lip to keep from pouting. I didn’t say anything. “You really crushed him. He cried pretty much every night for like a month. Did you know that? Did you know how badly you’d hurt him? Or did you just not think about it to keep yourself from feeling guilty?” Mikey continued. Just hearing those words coming from him sent tears rushing to my eyes. I couldn’t bare the thought of Gerard hurting.
“Mikey, wait. I didn’t want to hurt him. You don’t understand. I left because I was lost. I didn’t know what to do. I was only nineteen!” I said, wanting to get on my weak knees and beg for forgiveness. I’d always thought of Mikey as a brother, and I couldn’t stand it if he hated me even thought I deserved it.
“I was young too! But I didn’t run out on him when he needed me! None of us did! And now he’s better and you want him back. That isn’t fair to him, it isn’t fair to me, to Lindsey, to any of us! You’re being selfish.” Mikey spat at me. I was shocked; he was right. I was being selfish.
“Mikey, calm down. You don’t understand. I chose this.” Gerard said, stepping in to defend me. I was crying now and I hadn’t even realized it.
“Get off me!” Mikey said, shoving Gerard aside and going back onto the bus. Gerard sighed haughtily and walked over to comfort me.
“Don’t listen to him. He’s just confused, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” Gerard assured me, trying to put his arm around me. I shook him off.
Mikey was so right about this it hurt me. What he had explained showed me that I was being selfish. I knew from the start that this relationship was wrong in so many ways. I knew it wasn’t fair to people, but I chose to go ahead with it anyway. I had to stop this! I had to make things right.
“Gerard, no. Mikey’s right. We have to end it.” I said, trying to walk away from him. He grabbed my forearms and pulled me back, his expression confused and hurt and only making this all the more harder on me.
“Wh-what?” he stammered. I could see his heart sinking in his eyes.
“Milo knows, everybody knows. Sooner or later the press with find out.” I wept, wanting to wipe my eyes but not being able to because Gerard was griping my wrists for dear life.
“Des, come on. Mikey will come around. He’s just being stubborn. We only have a week left of this. I know this is hard on you, its hard on me too. But just one more week and we’re free from all of it.” Gerard assured me, yanking me into a reluctant embrace.
I couldn’t resist. I buried my face in his greasy, unwashed hair and took a deep breath. Cigarettes and Old Spice, the way he always smelled. I was emotionally exhausted from all of this.
“Shh, shh, just don’t worry about it. I have everything under control. Lindsey has no idea, the press is nowhere near finding out. Just one more week baby. That’s all we have to do is get through one more week.” he cooed in my ear. The slightly nasal sound of his voice was soothing in itself. I shut my eyes and bit my lip. “Don’t every scare me, saying things like that. You don’t know how much I love you.” he said nervously.
“I’m sorry.” Was all I could really say at that point. This relationship was eating apart inside. I could feel myself being hallowed out by it. I had the feeling that after this one week was over, there would be nothing left in me that was able to love…
[*A/N
Sorry for the lack of updates! Things have been really crazy at my apartment complex lately. Thank you so much for all the fabulous reviews! You guys make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside
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