Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Saviour of the Broken

Chapter twentyeight-It's Gonna Knock You Down

by xxKilljoysxx 5 reviews

'I feel like I'm locked inside a world that's been planned out for me and I'm worried what will come next.'

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama,Romance - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way - Published: 2011-04-26 - Updated: 2011-04-26 - 1838 words - Complete


It's two am when I heard the door creak open. Gee walked in slowly.
I watched him walk past the lounge where I was standing, still right next to the window, as I have been this whole night.. Just waiting.

All the lights were off in the house, I didn't want Mom to wake up.

I walked towards the hall where Gee was making his way cautiously towards his room.
"Gee?" I switched the lights on, the hallway brightened. Gee paused, his back still towards me.
"I told you not to wait up."
"You would have done the same."
His head bowed.
"Where have you been."
He stayed quiet.
"Gee? Where did you go?" I moved closer to him and touched his arm. He pulled back and turned to me. I saw his eyes, they were bloodshot, glassy and vacant. He was biting his lower lip nervously.
"Gee." I whispered.
"No, Mikey. Leave me alone." He spat.
"Gee, how many times do I have to tell you how sorry I am?! Do you get that I'm so full of regret and guilt!?"
"I don't think you're one to be standing here, giving me reasons to feel sorry for you."
He said, still walking towards his door. When he got there he turned back to me, his lip quivering.
"And it's too late to apologise."
He closer the door behind him.
I took in a deep, long breath. I swallowed my pride. He was right. Sorry wasn't good enough. I wish I could go back and make everything right but I can't. If only I'd seen what I know now earlier.
I cursed under my breath. I've really done it this time.. I've ruined it.
Everything was easier when I was young.. Before Gee ever left. Life was perfect.
We believed in everything, and everybody believed in us.
Life was innocent then.
Running wild untill we would fall asleep.
But time turns flames to embers, and lives change like the weather.
Once upon a time I didn't give a damn, but now i'm afraid. I'm afraid to think of the future, I'm afraid to remember the past, and I'm stuck inside these bourdaries of now.

When Gee left those years ago, it was a time where i was oblivous. I let him slip away. I watched him leave. I didn't try hard enough. That won't happen again, I am not losing him again.
But he didn't want me. He made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to see me.. It's perfectly understandable, if I was him I wouldn't want me either. A dead feeling haunted me deep inside. My body feels numb.. I know this feeling, i've had it for a long time.. There's only one thing i can think of that helps me regain emotion. The only thing that makes me feel, even if that only feeling is pain.. It's better than nothing. It only proves that I'm weak. But no one is here to care enough.


It's like I've been torn, shreaded to thousands of tiny pieces and kicked to the dirt. It's times like these where i have to restrain myself, remind myself the promise I made. No matter how low I may fall, I'll never go to my old solutions which consist of a large amount of booze and drugs.. These times are hard, they're making me crazy.

I thought I could trust Frank. I thought I could trust Mikey. I've been wrong before, but this was just wrong. Is there no one left in this world who I can trust? Ever since Travis every person that i've trusted just reminded me why I shouldn't.

I walked down the stairs to my room. It was colder now.

I sat on the floor. My back against the wall and facing my bed. I let out shaky breaths.

Slowly, I reached my hand into my pocket and slipped out the letter. I held it in my unsteady hands, and slowly unfolded it. I studied it, every little aspect. His handwriting, his way with words. Hot tears spilled down my icy face. His words echoed around my mind. Everytime something would happen, everytime all started crumbling when it seemed like there was no one there but eachother, he would always say, 'its me and you against the world, Gee'. I replayed through my mind. Jittery breaths left my throat. My whole body was shivering. I put the letter back into my pocket.

I rested my head against the wall,looking up at the celing and let my arms rest on my knees. The tears fell along with everything else.
"Just me against this world now.." I whispered. "You made it sound so easy.." I sighed before standing up slowly and walked to my bed, I could still hear Mikey walking around above me.
I lay down above all the covers and fully clothed.. I remembered tonight.. It sent chills down my spine. One thing can ruin it all. I feel like I'm locked inside a world that's been planned out for me and I'm worried what will come next.

A few hours later
Mom and Dad left for work early that morning, I only got to see them walk out the door.
I ate breakfast alone and in silence. I can't have anymore days off school and I can't hide forever, sooner or later i'll have to see Mikey and Gee again. I wonder what Mikey's feeling right now.. Surely Gee is mad at him too. I woke up this morning praying that last night was a dream, but the cold emptiness inside told me it wasn't.
I didn't wait for Mikey to come around so we could walk together, I doubt that he would come anyway.
I left the house alone, locking the door on the way. The cold air welcomed me. Gee starts school next week, I have no choice of avoiding him. I want to see him, explain properly so this can be sorted out. But he didn't want to see me. He didn't want to even look at me again..

I dragged my feet towards the dreaded school gates. Pulling my hoodie over my head to try and hide myself from the looks and whispers.
I remebered what class was first, Science. With Mikey.
There's no telling what today will hold, but it can't get any worse than this right?!
I took my seat in the back of the classroom. The one next to me was empty. What if he doesn't come today? If he doesn't then something is definatly wrong. I hope that Mikey was strong enough to fight past his depression for the night, I know it wouldn't be easy.
To my relief, Mikey stumbled through the door right on the bell. He kept his eyes firmly on his converse and he made his way to the back of the class room.
He sat next to me, not looking up. This time studying the drawings that were etched into the desk.
I watched him, i knew he was trying not to look back.
"Mikey." I said quietly, barely denting the silence.
I saw him take a deep breath in like he was finding the courage necessary to face me.
He turned his head, his eyes were glassy and wide.
"Frank.. I-I'm sorry."
I frowned at him.
"I shouldn't have told him.. I skrewed everything up."
"No, no mikey, he had to find out someday."
He nodded. "He hates me now."
I looked down.
"Last night... At about 11.30 he left the house, i don't know where he went but he came back at 2.."
My lip quivered, "He came to my house.."
Mikey locked his eyes on mine. "W-What happened?"
"H-He just told me that he found out.. and.. Well, he doesn't want me anymore..."
"Oh, god, Frank I'm so sorry. I tell you, I never wanted this to happen i swear."
I nodded. Feeling tears brim my eyes.
"How are you holding up."
He bites his lip. "Been better."
I watch him, he squirms uncomfortably.
"Mikey." I say slowly.
I look at him but he looks through me, avoiding eye contact.
"Please.. T-Tell me you didn't.. You know"
He looked down.
My world fell.
"Mikey, no."
"You don't get it, Frank. You don't know what it's like. It's not something I can just ignore."
"You don't know what it's like watching it happen." I said as loud as i dared, class had started now."Show me your wrists." I whispered.
"Mikey, I'm only trying to help."
Mikey looked around and reluctantly pushed his sleves up, examining them himself as well. "I didn't do it too bad" He whispered.
Cuts were sketched into his arm, they looked like they bled quite a bit, but like he said, not too deep.
"I feel so useless. I want to help you Mikey, I don't know what to do." I gently rubbed his cuts with my thumb
"What do you want me to do, Frank? Everything is wrong now."
"I want you to not give up, okay? I'm working it out. I won't let you down. Just take a second to breath and come around."
"How are you going to fix this, Frank?"
"I havn't gotten that far yet. But I will, It'll work out soon, just wait and see. This has messed me up too. Just promise me you won't do this again." I let go of his wrist.
"I'll try. You know, I can't just drop it like that."
I nodded. "Just please try."
Now inst the time to bring up him kissing me, it never seems to be the time for that.
I'm going to have to be stern. Today at Lunch, we'll talk. It feels like we've broken the barrier of awkwardness, but really it's just the beginning, we've only just started chipping away at this wall. There is still a lot more we need to talk about..

"Mr Way, how many times do I have to ask you to pay attention in this class?" Mr McKee said.
I looked at Mikey, he had a dazed stare into nothingness. He broke his vacant look and snapped back to reality. "S-Sorry" He mumbled.

The whole lesson Mikey fazed in and out. Never really paying attention to anything. His hands were shanking and he fiddled with them nervously. Every now and then he would rub his arm selfconciously. I wanted to tell him that everything will be okay, that I can work it out. I told him that I could.. I don't know how to, but I have to. I can't lie to Mikey.

The whole day leading up to Lunch i was running over possible solution, each more unlikely than the last. I hadn't even began thinking what I was going to tell mikey, but i had to talk to him. I had to sort everything out before it was too late and more darkness catches up to us.
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