Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > For the Last Night I Lie, Could I Lie with You?
The Morning
3 reviewsPaige is getting ready to finish up her senior year and reaady to start summer with her friends. But What happens when Paige and Gerard reveal their true feelings? (I suck at summaries, also this ...
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Reviews
For the Last Night I Lie, Could I Lie with You?
(#) PartyPooperX 2011-05-01
A good start, but there are a few problems. Firstly, paragraphs and line spacing. When you write dialogue, you always LEAVE A LINE WHEN THE NEXT PERSON IS SPEAKING. This will make your work a hell of a lot more neater and proffesional to look at, let alone easier to read.
I like your characters, but maybe you need to step up a bit with your descriptions of them. This'll help the reader get to know them better. And lastly, your sentences are a tad robotic, i.e. "I woke up. I got out of bed. I got ready. I went to Starbucks." Ya see?
I'm sorry, I really do think your story has potential, but they did make editing for a reason.Author's response
Thanks a lot, this is my first story. So I am still trying to get the hang off it. I appreciate your criticism and I am going to try and improve on these things.For the Last Night I Lie, Could I Lie with You?
(#) MyNameOkay 2011-06-02
I don't know if you edited this after the last person reviewed, 'cause I don't think it's all that bad. For a first story it's pretty decent. Better than my first MCR story xD
MNOAuthor's response
Ha no I didn't. But thank you so much!For the Last Night I Lie, Could I Lie with You?
(#) XxPerfectTomorrowxX 2011-12-18
I liked the beginning. I like that it started out with the conflict of him taking another girl to prom, very interesting.
O.o glow in the dark shoelaces? Awesome!Author's response
Ah thanks!
Ah thanks!
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