FicWad

Hi guys! This chapter aint gonna be so good…it’s kinda like a filler :L soweeeeeeee, but I’ll hopefully make it up for you in the next chapter ;) and I didn’t check over this, I will tomorrow though, so if there’s some next fucked up shit in there, just stop reading and read it tomorrow, or read it now if you’re feeling anxious, might change little bits though, so check it again tomorrow ;) Soz I’m jus so fucking tired, all I’m fucking doing it swearing atm. I had a nap yestaday at like….5 or 6 and woke up at 9, then went back to sleep an hour later. I then woke up at 7 in the morning, told my mother I was ill, stayed at home, slept for almost the whole fucking 6 hours of school, and now it’s only fucking 12 and I’m fucking shattered. Soz you really didn’t have to read all this, I jus thought you’d all like ta know my life story XD anyways I’ll see you down below ;)

I stared at my reflection in my smashed up mirror. My smudged eyeliner made the bags under my eyes look worse than they actually were. I wiped away the smudged black from my bottom and top eyelids. I was lacking coffee; it was too early in the morning for me. I applied concealer and foundation to my face, hiding my bruises from yesterday, then applied black eyeliner.
I straightened my hair and teased the top to add volume, but only a little bit, only enough to make my hair not look flat. I straightened my fringe so that it falls in front of my left eye and almost my whole cheek, where there was a bruise, even though it was covered in makeup and shit, I was still worried someone would see.
I looked at what I could see of my figure in the refection, my AC/DC t-shirt way too big for me, my skinny jeans were loose on my legs and my converses matched everything I wore.
I lifted my t-shirt up, revealing my stomach. The light scratches on them, all done by myself, were still just starting to heal. David called me fat, which I agreed to. My stomach was slightly bulging out on the sides. I felt fat, worse than what I usually feel. I thought I was just ugly with a shit personality, but no, I'm fat, ugly and have a shit personality. So I stayed in my room all night and hurt myself, didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, didn’t think about anything other than the life I lived. I had everything to complain about, but I deserved every last bit of it. I made my mother kill herself. I was a burden on her life, always expecting too much from her, even though I knew she was hurting herself, I couldn’t understand why, I couldn’t understand what I’d done wrong. David told me she was angry with me because I’d been a bad girl. I didn’t do what my mother wanted; but I wasn’t what my mother wanted, she still loved me, but everything I did wrong made her take it out on herself. I always made David angry, I deserved my punishments. If I didn’t make my mother kill herself, I would still be in her custody, then David wouldn’t have to struggle with handling me on his own. I was the reason for Matthew leaving. I didn’t stick up for him when a drunken David would shout at him for no reason. I was the reason for me being unhappy, I was being punished.
I pulled my hoodie over my arms, covering my new cuts and zipped it up half way. I pulled my sleeves up though, checking over my arms. I didn’t even notice what I’d done last night. I had cut ‘MOTHER’ and ‘MATT’ into my arms. I took in a deep breath, controlling my anger as I pulled my sleeves back down. Why did I do this to myself!? I was already being punished! I didn’t have to punish myself on top of everything else! But that’s why I do it…I hate myself.

I made myself a cup of coffee before leaving out the front door. I walked to school in my usual pace, listening to my iPod, hood up and hands in pockets.
As I walked into the school, towards my locker, something pulled my arm, pulling me into a corner in the gap from the rows full of lockers. I tried to pull my arm away, but the grip was too strong. I looked up to see Gerard, looking at me with a stern look on his face. He was frowning.
“What happened yesterday?” he asked, his words firm.
My eyes widened, not knowing how to answer. I shook my head. “Nofink.” I said, trying to look confused.
He slammed the locker behind me with his palm, making me let out a light shriek and jump. “Don’t lie to me. I'm not fucking stupid. Why were you screaming?” he asked, his hand still on the locker, not letting me escape.
My mouth opened and closed, but no words came out, I didn’t know what to say.
Gerard’s hand slid down the locker as it fell down to his side. “Stacie, what happened?” he asked, his voice softer with no aggression. He stared intently at my eyes, trying to find any answers which weren’t showing.
I swallowed. “I…” I didn’t know what I was doing or thinking, but I thought I was about to tell him everything in one simple sentence. “…I was-”
My speech was cut off by the bell.
I suddenly realized what I was doing; I was just about to tell Gerard about David. Thank God I didn’t.
“I fell.” I said plainly, making an obvious fake smile, acting like a total bitch. I shoved past Gerard as I walked to my locker to collect my books. He didn’t follow, he stayed there, but I don’t know how long for, I didn’t bother paying attention, I just wanted to get as far away from him as possible so I didn’t have to answer his question properly.
I didn’t speak to Gerard during lessons. At lunch time, I was walking towards the toilets, to sit and hide away from everyone, especially Gerard. But on my travels, with my head low, hood up, hands in pockets, I bumped into Ray and fell backwards, landing on my back. I heard laughter from the passersby, but it soon ended when they found interest in their own conversations.
“Ah fuck.” I said, half in pain and half in annoyance.
“Shit, sorry Stacie.” Ray said, pulling my forearms to help me up. He obviously thought I was heavier than I looked, because he literally lifted me ten feet off the ground.
I scrunched my face up with the pain of his hands squeezing my wrists. I pulled them away quickly, stuffing my hands in my pockets. “Sorry, obviously wasn’t looking where I was going.” I said, breathing out a false laugh, hoping to rid of the raise eyebrow on Ray’s face, which it did.
“No, you were looking down at the ground. Avoiding someone, are we?” Ray asked, a smirk prying on his lips.
I rolled my eyes. “Now, what gave you that idea?” I said sarcastically.
“Well, Gerard seems to be looking for you.” He said, crossing his arms.
I was about to open my mouth to speak, but a familiar face came into my view from behind Ray’s afro. Damn that masterpiece, if it wasn’t so big I would’ve seen Gerard from miles off.
“I heard my name being mentioned.” Gerard said, staring at me and not Ray.
Ray slowly backed away. “I’ll leave you alone…” Ray trailed off, turning around and walking away.
Gerard pulled on my upper arms, walking my to the wall beside the lockers.
“What happened yesterday?” he asked, his voice stern again, just like this morning.
I sighed. “I told you before, I fell.”
“And that made you scream?” he asked, his hand moving down from my upper arm and resting on my closed fists.
I looked down, trying to think of something, fast. “I got sent to my room, but fell down the stairs and hurt myself.”
Gerard stared at me, his hands fiddling with mine to get me to hold his. “Where did you hurt yourself? Sounded like a pretty bad fall.” He asked, frowning.
I raised my eyebrow at him. “Erm, on my leg, my stomach, my back.” I started to take up a sarcastic tone. “My right arm and oh yeah the back of my neck.” I said, showing Gerard how pissed off I was. It wasn’t his fault, I just get easily annoyed.
Gerard looked hurt, his eyebrows were slightly furrowed.
I sighed. “Sorry.” I mumbled. “Did you go when I told you to?” I asked, crossing my arms.
Gerard shook his head. “No.” he said plainly, before pulling my sleeve lightly as he walked away from me, gesturing me to follow him.
We sat in the cafeteria. I was rushing through my English essay which was due next lesson; pen in hand and an apple in the other, while Gerard, Bob and Ray were eating their lunch.
“Gerard, we’re all still on for tanight, yeah?” Bob asked.
Gerard nodded. “Yeah.” He said, swallowing his food. “You can come as well, Stacie.” Gerard said.
I looked up at him, taking a bite from my apple. “Where?” I asked, chewing on the apple in my mouth.
“My house after school.” He said, taking my essay and handing it to Ray to check it. “It’s pretty sad, really. We all just sit around in my room and amuse ourselves. It can get quite boring.”
Ray passed my sheet back to me. He pointed at a word and told me to correct the spelling.
“I’m sure you two will keep each other from getting bored, though.” Bob mumbled, smirking at Ray.
My head slowly raised from looking down at my paper. “Make a comment like that again and I’ll shove this apple up your arse.” I stared at Bob dead in the eyes; he was giving me a serious concerned look. My eyes widened. What the fuck did I just say!? “Shit.” I gasped, slapping my hand over my mouth. “Fuck, Bob I’m sorry.” My speech was muffled from behind my hand. I removed my hand. “Sorry Bob. Please don’t hate me, I can’t fight you off, or shove an apple up your arse.”
Bob laughed at my panic. “Stacie, its fine, don’t make a big deal out of it.”
“Yeah, he likes things up his ass.” Ray said, bursting into fits of laughter along with Gerard. I soon joined in, leaning back in my seat. Bob sat there, trying not to laugh and at least make it look like the comment didn’t bother him; it didn’t work however, because an embarrassed smile was planted on his lips.
“It’s fine Bob, Ray wouldn’t mind helping you out in those situations.” Gerard managed to choke out, high fiving me. Me and Gerard were both in fits of laughter, while bob and Ray sat there rather awkwardly.
“Not so funny when it’s you two, is it?” I said, sticking my tongue out at them.
“Yeah, but me and Ray don’t actually wanna fuck each other.” Bob said, smirking and high fiving Ray.
I sat in my seat shaking my head. “That was a shit comeback because it isn’t even true. So suck on my dick.” I stated, I smiled an obvious fake smile, trying to piss Bob off.
“Wait, you have a dick?” Gerard asked, mocking a shocked gasp.
Ray dropped my paper to dramatically move his hands around. “And Gerard is stunned!” Ray said, laughing. He then handed me back my essay. “You have…” he checked his watch. “…about three minutes to write out a conclusion.”
I sighed and started to write, with Ray’s help I finished my essay just in time.

I know this chapter is bullshit, but please review anyway with some form of feedback and rate ;) and if there is any mistakes its cus I didn’t read over this, it explains it all on the top ;) anyways, I’m off ta sleep. Good niiiggghhhttt xx