FicWad

Derek Morgan walked into the bar and was surprised to see Spencer there. He knew the kid had the occasional drink but he was clearly tanked.

"Reid?"

Spencer looked up at the mention of his name. "Yes, I'm okay. Nope, don't need to talk."

"I didn't ask." He gave Spencer the once over. "You're drunk."

Spencer shrugged and gestured towards the seven empty shot glasses that littered his section of the bar. "You think?"

Morgan picked up one of the empty shot glasses and sniffed the inside, a smile appearing on his face. "I never would have picked you for a Jack Daniels type of guy."

Spencer shrugged. "I'll be right back." Morgan watched him go towards the washrooms.

Once inside Reid was grateful that it was a one person bathroom and therefore you had to lock the door. He locked the door and leaned against the wall. He reached inside his bag and pulled out the bottle of Delaudid. He pushed the needle into the top, filling it half-way. He pulled the needle out and put the small rubber plug that he'd made back into the top of the bottle. He'd figured that if he did half doses it didn't make his head spin; it just dulled the ache and made it so that he didn't really care about what happened.

He looked at the needle he was holding between his trembling fingers and licked his lips. He shouldn't and he knew that but he also knew that he would because he needed it. He took a deep breath, tapped out the bubbles and slid the needle into one of his existing track marks. He groaned and let his eyes flutter shut as he took the needle out of his arm, capped it and placed both the needle and the bottle back in his bag. He pulled his shirt sleeve over his arm, unlocked the door and walked back to the bar.

Derek knew right away that something was different. Spencer seemed less on edge and more relaxed. As Morgan watched, he realized that his pupils were slightly dilated; he figured that it was from all the alcohol Reid had consumed. He could tell by the way that Spencer was walking that he clearly had had enough and he needed to be taken home.

"Spencer, let me drive you home."

Reid shook his head. "I don't want to go home right now. I want to drink."

Morgan shook his head. "You're finished. Did you drive here?"

"Yep. But that's, like, a block away. In a parking garage."

"Well, it'll be fine overnight; I'll come back in the morning and pick it up."

Reid shook his head again. "I told you, I don't want to go home."

For a minute, Morgan could have sworn that Spencer looked terrified at the idea of going home. "Come on, Spencer. You should go home." Morgan wasn't surprised when his friend downed his shot of Jack, then leaned over the bar, "May I have my keys?"

The bartender handed Morgan Reid's keys.

The bartender, knowing that Spencer usually didn't drink Jack Daniels and had had more than enough, and was just glad that a friend had come to pick him up. Tom (the bartender) had seen Spencer on the odd occasion, he certainly wasn't a regular. He wasn't a psychiatrist but even he knew that something bad had to have happened to that kid, he looked like he needed a long, hot shower and a good night's sleep. He hoped that this friend of his would take care of him.

"Thanks." Derek gently grabbed his friend's elbow and guided him out of the bar. He was glad that he'd parked relatively close to the entrance of the bar. He got Reid into the car and buckled him in. Once he was buckled in himself, he started the car and left the parking lot. They had been driving for about five minutes before Derek realized that he had no idea where the man lived.

He turned to look at his passenger, and noticed that Spencer had drifted off to sleep. His mouth was slightly open and he mumbled something in his sleep. Morgan sighed, for the first time in weeks Reid didn't look like he was thinking too hard, or like he was dazed or conflicted; he looked peaceful. "Well, looks like you get to spend the night at Chez Morgan."

He took a left on the next turn and drove right into the suburbs. He was glad to be heading home. After the day that he had, he just wanted a shower and then to sleep until doomsday.

Once they were safely in his garage, he shut off the car and walked around to the passenger side and opened the door. He knew that he would have to be careful. He put his hand under Spencer's knees and the other supporting his back as he lifted him out of the car. He pushed the door closed with his hip and carried Spencer inside.

He was surprised at how light the man was. He knew that Spencer was thin but he seemed smaller than he remembered. As Derek carried him to the bedroom he realized that he hadn't seem Reid eat much of anything lately. In the morning, Reid was always the first one at work and in the evenings he was the last one to leave. Morgan just assumed that he'd eaten at some point but now he wasn't so sure. He knew that Spencer usually ate light but there was a big difference between light and not at all or at least not while at work. Which for someone like Spencer, who practically lived at the office this wasn't good.

He carried the kid into the bedroom and laid Spencer on the bed and removed his shoes. As he took Spencer's left shoe off he felt Spencer tense. "Shhh. It's okay." That was when Morgan realized that Reid was talking in his sleep.

"I have a father and a mother just like you. Please, you don't have to do this. Just let me recite the bible." He screamed and started to cry. "Please. I have nothing to confess. I haven't done anything." He screamed again, the tears rolling down his face.

Morgan felt his heart breaking as Reid's whole body stiffened and his breathing became more erratic. He was clearly in pain (or at least believed that he was). Morgan rubbed small circles on his stomach. He didn't bother talking; speaking only seemed to make it worse. When Spencer seemed to calm down Morgan took off Reid's tie, pulled the blankets over him and turned off the light.

He knew that he should try to sleep but he needed a shower; badly. He walked into the bathroom and closed the door. As he let the hot water from the shower soothe his aching muscles he tried to figure out what he was going to do. It was obvious that the kid was still suffering, but he refused to let anyone help him, that was frustrating. Morgan already told him that he would listen if he wanted to talk; as far as he knew that's what everyone had said in one way or another. He also guessed that Reid was getting pretty tired of being treated like he was breakable. But the fact was, the whole team felt responsible for what had happened to him. They never taught him how to deal with torture, mental or physical; what he did know was whatever they taught in FBI training.

Gideon thought that they should've done more to prepare him. The truth was, they never thought that anything like that would happen to Spencer. They figured that there would always be someone there to cover him.

Morgan shook his head. Spencer's road to recovery would be long and difficult. The sad thing was that his recovery had barely begun. He got out of the shower, pulled on a pair of jogging pants and lay down on the couch.

It was 6 am when Spencer began to cry. It was heartbreaking to wake up to the sounds of that young man sobbing. Derek stood in the doorway to see if Spencer would quiet on his own, this had happened eight times now, Morgan understood why the kid looked like shit all the time, especially if this was what his average night was like. He was crying and had turned his head to the side. "Please. I don't want it. Please, no." And then there was nothing. He just lay there, on his side, in the fetal position; rocking.

As he watched him, Morgan noted the thin sheen of sweat on Spencer's skin. He was starting to shake and his teeth were beginning to chatter. Morgan cocked an eyebrow; if he didn't know any better he would have thought that Spencer was having withdraws.

He moved across the room to sit in the chair. If Reid woke up, he wanted to make sure that he could be seen. The last thing that he wanted was Spencer to have a panic attack because he woke up in a strange room. When he moved Spencer's bag off the chair, he accidentally tilted it and a small bottle rolled on to the floor. After picking it up and reading the label he opened the bag and was shocked by what he found: another bottle of the same narcotic and two needles. He knew that he should call Gideon but he also knew that Spencer would feel betrayed and wonder why he hadn't just talked to him about it.

So he waited for Spencer to wake up. And he was pretty sure that it wouldn't be long. Spencer put his wrists together; almost as if they were handcuffed. "You don't have to do this." There were tears rolling down his face again. Then he screamed and sat up.

Reid was still shaking but he managed to stop his teeth from chattering. Derek was still pissed about the drugs but at the same time he was saddened by the look of terror in his friend's eyes until he saw Derek. "Where am I?"

"My house."

Reid shrugged, like he hadn't been scared shitless. He acted like he didn't care. He didn't like the way that Derek was looking at him. "What?"

Derek knew right away that Spencer was suspicious and he figured that he had every right to be but it wasn't as if he had found the Delaudid and needles on purpose. And now all he wanted to do was help his friend. He wasn't exactly sure how he was going to pull that off but he knew that he had to try. If he couldn't reason with his friend then he'd have to bring in reinforcements. But if he could avoid getting the team involved; for Spencer's own dignity he would.

Morgan held up a needle and one of the bottles. "What's this?"

You're pitiful. Just like my son.

Spencer looked at the ground as images flooded his brain. Tobias, in the personality of his father, beating him. Him feeling weak and vulnerable as Tobias, in the personality of himself, tied the belt around his arm, despite his cries that he didn't want it. He could feel the sting as the needle was pushed into his vein and then there was nothing.

"Spencer, what is it?"

I'm not going to ask you again, boy.

"Spencer?"

Spencer looked up at his friend. "It's nothing. He folded his hands in his lap. Derek shook his head. He was used to Spencer being so confident. He wasn't sure how to respond to this new version of Spencer that was sitting there, this one was quiet, withdrawn and unsure of his own abilities. He was a broken man, a shell of what he used to be.

Spencer began tapping behind his left ear with his left index finger. "It's…uh, it's nothing."

Derek put both the needle and bottle on the table and sat on the side of the bed. "If it's nothing, why are you shaking?"

Spencer pulled his knees to his chest. "I need it."

"Come on, man. You're better than that shit."

Spencer shook his head. "It makes it better."

"Makes what better?"

"The pain."

Derek shook his head. All the pain that Spencer thought he was feeling was in his head. He was addicted; so subconsciously his mind would try to trick the body into believing that there was a need for it, when in actuality there wasn't. "You really aren't in pain. That's just your body playing tricks on you. You're smart think that you already knew that. Didn't you?"

Reid could feel his unshed tears burn his eyes. This wasn't fair. He was supposed to be smarter than that. He wasn't supposed to get caught up in doing drugs. He was supposed to help get the druggies off the streets, not become one of them. He tried to blink the tears away and the only thing that ended up happening was that he started to cry.

Derek took a deep breath. He hadn't expected Spencer to sound so helpless and broken. He had intended to stay mad and yell at him. He expected his friend to try to defend his need for the drug not practically fold in on himself. His thin, frail body shook with the force of his sobs and Derek actually thought that he might rupture something if he wasn't careful.

He gathered Reid in his arms. He wasn't sure how the young man was going to react but he knew that he had to offer some sort of comfort. Spencer needed to know that even though it felt like everything was going to hell in a hand basket and even though he had failed; he'd done what he'd needed to. He knew that if anyone could talk to Reid it would be him. That wasn't completely true, the only one that he'd ever opened up to was Garcia but he knew that he couldn't blow this.

Spencer went rigid at the initial contact. What Derek hadn't expected was for Spencer to practically melt in his arms. All Spencer wanted was to forget what had happened and to feel safe. He laid his head on Derek's chest as he felt his friend wrap his strong arms around him. He cried into Derek's shirt. He turned his head so that he could talk but still be in the comfort of his friend's embrace.

"I knew that I'd be found, I just had to try and stay alive until then, but in between the beatings and the drugs that he'd pumped into me, things got blurry and all because he wanted a confession. I was terrified when he had me in the cemetery digging that hole; I thought for sure that I hit the end. And why not? I deserved it, didn't I? "

"No, you wouldn't have deserved that. He was deranged, he knew that if he hurt you eventually you'd say or do anything that he wanted you to."

"No." Reid shook his head, hair falling into his face making him look even younger. "I sent her away. I said that it was because I couldn't help her but I know that the real reason was that at 18 I was selfish. Her illness didn't fit into what I was pursuing. That's why I write to her everyday. I write so that I won't feel guilty or as guilty that I don't call her or visit. I had her committed so that I could do what I felt that I needed to. Part of me believes that's why my father never stuck around. Maybe if I had been good enough…he w-would have."

By the time Reid finished talking he was crying, there didn't seem to be an end to his tears. All Derek could do was rub his back.

"Spencer, nothing you did could have made your father stay. If he'd been any kind of man at all, he would've had your mother committed and he would've stayed and taken care of you. He didn't because he's a coward. He's not even worthy of being called a man. As for Tobias Hankel, he was a very sick man. And like everyone has told you, no one expects you to be at one hundred percent, it'll take time. But I think that the best thing that you can do is tell Gideon. The team already knows that Hankel was addicted to Delaudid, so it won't be surprising to them and it's not surprising to me, that that's what he pumped you full of. If you tell Gideon then he can probably pull some strings, get you a temporary leave of absence. We can give you a chance to get cleaned up and then we'll deal with everything else."

Reid shook his head. Sure, what Derek said sounded logical but he knew that if he told Gideon then his career at the BAU would be over.

Derek could hear and feel Reid start to calm down. His breathing settled and he wasn't so tense in his embrace. He realized then just how little he knew about Spencer. He hadn't known that the kid had his own mother institutionalized and that his father had walked out on them. That sick fuck, Tobias, had twisted what Reid had needed to do into some form of sin. He really did a number on Spencer's head. The kid was going to need some pretty extensive therapy. But he knew that they had to handle one thing at a time.

Spencer took a deep breath. "No. If I tell Gideon then he'll want to know everything. I can't do that right now…or ever."

"Spencer. Nothing bad is going to happen to you but you need help. It's like I've been saying from the beginning ever since we rescued you, let us help."

"I don't know that you can."

Now, more than ever Derek wished that Tobias was still alive just so that he could kill him all over again. Multiple Personality Disorder or not, being shot was way too quick for the son of a bitch. "Look, we'll tell him together. I want my friend back."

Reid nodded. He relaxed against Morgan's chest. Derek just held him, he knew that Reid would want to be put back on the bed but Derek couldn't let him go. Spencer never asked so Derek never let him go. Somewhere between too long and yet not long enough, he could hear Spencer snoring. As he looked down on his friend, he realized that the sleeve on his shirt had ridden up and that was where he noticed the track marks.