Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Or Would it Be Forever
The months after Frank left were really hard for Gerard. He would spend his days watching the clock, waiting for thee o'clock to come around because he knew that at three, the mailman would come and there would be a possibility of a letter from Frank. So at exactly two forty-five, Gerard would make his way up the stairs from his bedroom and wait in the living room, watching out the window for the man in blue to come walking up the driveway. Then once the man left his property, he would make his way out of his front door, stepping one foot onto his concrete stoop to retrieving the mail. After holding the white envelopes in his hand, he made his way back into the house, sifting through the bills and junk, usually sighing from sadness when there was nothing from his boyfriend. When Gerard's mother was home and she witnessed her son's routine, she would smile sadly at him, for she too was waiting for the small envelope that may contain a letter from the small boy she considered a son.
When Frank and Gerard first started to date, Frank was over the Way house everyday. For Gerard and Frank, there was no awkward first few months of dating. Sure, there were awkward first kisses and not knowing which way to turn their heads so their noses wouldn't hit, but they were comfortable together. And after three years she pretty much considered him one of her sons and was anxiously waiting a letter from him. Even if it was addressed to Gerard. She just needed to know he was safe.
Gerard hadn't gotten a letter in almost 42 days, not that he was counting or anything. The first letters came once a week. They usually consisted of complains from his small boyfriend:
“Gee, they cut my hair. Like buzzed it off. I hate it. I'm sorry. I know you loved my long hair. I promise once I come back I'll let it grow down to my ass or something.
Babe, I'm getting muscles! I'm going to be so sexy when I get home. ;)
Tell Mikey I said hi and that he's a lucky bastard. I'm pretty sure he would've cried if they cut his hair off. And you call me a pansy...Ha. Tell your mom I miss her and her Eggplant Parmesan.
I love and miss you. I'll see you soon.
---Frankie”
Gerard laughed at this letter. Frank was still himself, even when he was being transformed into a fearless solider. His Frankie was still funny and sarcastic and loving. He did admit, however, that he would miss Frank's long hair.
“Gee, it's too fucking hot out here and I'm wearing like seventeen different layers. You know how I take off my shirt if the temperature goes above 75? Well it's like fucking 110 and I'm still wearing ALL my clothes. Oh and I got an angry letter from my mom assuming that I write to you more than her. Even when I'm training, she's still on my ass. Can you tell her that only write you once a week so she gets off my back?
Well I gotta go, I'll send you another letter next week. It's my last before we ship off. I hope I can write when we go over to fight. I'll try to call too, but I usually only have time for one call (Like I'm in fucking prison) and you know my mom would freak if It's not to her.
Love you a lot,
Frankie”
This was Gerard's favorite letter. He couldn't tell anyone why it was his favorite but it was. He could picture Frank sitting on his bunk bed, which Gerard had found out he got the top bunk, much to his boyfriends misfortune, and writing this, getting angrier and angrier with the heat. Then he saw his boyfriend's frustrated face scrunch up with annoyance as he wrote about his mothers' letters. He saw the pissed off eye roll that Frank probably did while writing that he felt like he was in a prison. And finally he saw Frank's wide smile as he wrote that he loved him and signed with his signature 'Frankie'. Yeah, this was definitely Gerard's favorite letter.
Those were just two of the eight letters that Gerard got from Frank while he was training. The last one was heartbreaking for Gerard to read; it took him nearly three days to finish it.
“Gerard,
I'm leaving tomorrow but before I do, there are a few things I need to get off my chest. Being here, training, has been the most eyeopening experience I've ever had. It has made me grow up and realize the things that I have and the things that I need to cherish. And I need to cherish you, baby. I love you. You are the most important thing in my life. And I know I'm young and I shouldn't feel the way I do about you, but I do. I am so lucky to have you in my life. When I read your letters they make my heart swell with happiness and they make me think that everything will be okay, y'know?
I know you don't want to think about this but if I die I want you to know that I loved you. There will not be one minute that I'm over there fighting that I'm not thinking of you. You are such a special person, Gerard, and I know you're going to do great things. You were born to change the world, baby. You're my hero.
And, Gerard, please, please, please, don't get back into drinking if I do die. You'll be okay, I promise you. I'll be watching over you. I will never leave you, baby. I promised you that when I was sixteen, remember? I told you that I would always be there for you and that I would always love you. I'm not going back on my word. Not even mortality can keep me from loving you.
Be strong, baby. I love you.
Frankie.”
When Gerard finally finished the letter, he was close to having a hysterical breakdown. He remembered the day that Frank told him that he would always be there for him. It was the first time they made love and it was beautiful. The two of them laid in Gerard's childhood bedroom and Gerard remembers looking at Frank, in his euphoric state, and seeing how beautiful he truly was.
After Frank was shipped out the letters came less and less frequently. And they were always relatively short.
“Hey, Gee. It's even hotter here. I don't have much time to write. Just want to let you know I'm thinking of you. I'll try to call soon. I love you.
-Frankie.”
Gerard was usually very frustrated when he got letters like this. He wanted to know how is boyfriend was doing. Where he was living, if he was eating enough, because Frank had the habit of just forgetting to eat. How does someone forget to eat? So these letters did the bare minimum for Gerard. They just let him know Frank was alive.
“Gee, I hate to make these letters upsetting, but it's horrible here. My friend died today.
I miss you.
Ps, don't tell my mom. She worries too much.
-Frankie.”
After reading this letter Gerard cried. The thought of death had obviously occurred to Gerard but he had never heard Frank mention it. Then when Frank told him a friend of his died, it worried Gerard. That meant that Frank was close with this person. That meant that he probably fought with this deceased solider. And that meant that the possibility that the deceased solider could have been Frank was high. That did not sit well with Gerard at all.
“Gee, I miss you so much. I think I may get to come home in a few months. I don't know how long I'll be home though. I love you.
-Frankie”
Gerard really wanted Frank home. He needed him home. It wasn't the same without him here.
That was the last letter Gerard received from Frank and that was 41 days ago. So today, Gerard sat on the couch that was in front of the window, watching for the familiar man to walk up his driveway and deposit the mail into the small box attached to the house. But he never came. Gerard watched as the clock turned from two forty-five to three then to four and at five, Gerard's mother walked over to the couch, placing a hand gently on Gerard's shoulder, speaking softly into his ear,
“It's Veteran's day, sweetheart. There's no mail today. I'm sorry.” Gerard turned his head once the news left his mothers lips and he sighed.
“I had a good feeling about today, mom. I really thought we'd get one.” He tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, turning back to the window. “I hope he's okay, mom. It's been a long time.”
“I know it has, honey, but you have to remember, we don't know how his days are. He's probably really busy.” She moved to sit on the arm of the couch, rubbing Gerard's back.
Nodding, Gerard rests his chin on the back of the couch, “Did his mom get a letter?” He asked, knowing that since Frankie shipped out they were in constant communication. Frank's mom, Linda, called the Way house to let the family know she had gotten a letter or a call from Frank. She knew that they were worrying just as much as she was. But Frank wasn't the only son that the two mothers were worried about. Whenever Linda would call the Way house she would ask Donna how Gerard was doing. And the answer was always the same... 'He sits around here like a lost puppy. I don't know what to do with him.'
“No, she hasn't gotten one either.” She ran her finger's through Gerard's messy hair, “That doesn't mean anything though. It might be really hard to get mail out.”
“I know but I don't know how his birthday was.” He swallowed. “I don't know if he made it to his birthday.”
To that, Donna stood up. “Okay, Gerard, you need to stop this. I want you to get up, take a shower and you and Mikey are going out. Go to the movies or to the comic book store or go hang out with Ray but get your mind off of Frank for a few hours. You sitting here worrying about him is not helping anything.”
Gerard turned his head and stared at him mom. He wanted to yell at her. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, saying that he couldn't go out and have a good time without Frank. But he didn't. He just shrugged and turned back to the window, watching as the fall leaves swirled on the ground.
“Gerard. Get up and shower. Please, honey. This isn't good for you.” She let her hand run up and down Gerard's back once more. “Do it for me?” She asked as the last resort.
Gerard couldn't deny his mother anything so he slowly made his way off the couch and into the bathroom on the second floor of the house. He showered quickly, not wanting too much time to be alone with his thoughts. After he was clean, he stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist and made his way out of the bathroom, down to his bedroom, getting dressed. Just as he was pulling on his sneakers, Mikey came to the door of his bedroom and smiled widely at his big brother.
“You're in luck, Gee Man. Ray's roommate is out for the night so that means horror movie marathon!” He said trying to lighten the mood. Gerard just nodded to his brother, grabbing his sweatshirt and pulling it over his head.
“Alright. Let's go.” Soon the two brothers were out of their home and on route to Ray's apartment. The threesome spent the night watching horror movies, eating everything that Ray had in his apartment, and surprisingly for Gerard, not thinking about Frank.
In fact the next few days Gerard was as close to normal as he was gonna get without his other half around. Deciding to stop moping and listen to his mother's advice, Gerard stopped worrying about Frank. Okay, well that was a lie, he worried about Frank constantly, but he didn't let it take over his life. Gerard had gotten a job, working at Barnes and Noble with Mikey, and he, Mikey and Ray were together almost every night.
Yeah things started to get back to normal for these boys of Belleville. For a little while, anyway.
[/Thanks for everyone who read and commented.
When Frank and Gerard first started to date, Frank was over the Way house everyday. For Gerard and Frank, there was no awkward first few months of dating. Sure, there were awkward first kisses and not knowing which way to turn their heads so their noses wouldn't hit, but they were comfortable together. And after three years she pretty much considered him one of her sons and was anxiously waiting a letter from him. Even if it was addressed to Gerard. She just needed to know he was safe.
Gerard hadn't gotten a letter in almost 42 days, not that he was counting or anything. The first letters came once a week. They usually consisted of complains from his small boyfriend:
“Gee, they cut my hair. Like buzzed it off. I hate it. I'm sorry. I know you loved my long hair. I promise once I come back I'll let it grow down to my ass or something.
Babe, I'm getting muscles! I'm going to be so sexy when I get home. ;)
Tell Mikey I said hi and that he's a lucky bastard. I'm pretty sure he would've cried if they cut his hair off. And you call me a pansy...Ha. Tell your mom I miss her and her Eggplant Parmesan.
I love and miss you. I'll see you soon.
---Frankie”
Gerard laughed at this letter. Frank was still himself, even when he was being transformed into a fearless solider. His Frankie was still funny and sarcastic and loving. He did admit, however, that he would miss Frank's long hair.
“Gee, it's too fucking hot out here and I'm wearing like seventeen different layers. You know how I take off my shirt if the temperature goes above 75? Well it's like fucking 110 and I'm still wearing ALL my clothes. Oh and I got an angry letter from my mom assuming that I write to you more than her. Even when I'm training, she's still on my ass. Can you tell her that only write you once a week so she gets off my back?
Well I gotta go, I'll send you another letter next week. It's my last before we ship off. I hope I can write when we go over to fight. I'll try to call too, but I usually only have time for one call (Like I'm in fucking prison) and you know my mom would freak if It's not to her.
Love you a lot,
Frankie”
This was Gerard's favorite letter. He couldn't tell anyone why it was his favorite but it was. He could picture Frank sitting on his bunk bed, which Gerard had found out he got the top bunk, much to his boyfriends misfortune, and writing this, getting angrier and angrier with the heat. Then he saw his boyfriend's frustrated face scrunch up with annoyance as he wrote about his mothers' letters. He saw the pissed off eye roll that Frank probably did while writing that he felt like he was in a prison. And finally he saw Frank's wide smile as he wrote that he loved him and signed with his signature 'Frankie'. Yeah, this was definitely Gerard's favorite letter.
Those were just two of the eight letters that Gerard got from Frank while he was training. The last one was heartbreaking for Gerard to read; it took him nearly three days to finish it.
“Gerard,
I'm leaving tomorrow but before I do, there are a few things I need to get off my chest. Being here, training, has been the most eyeopening experience I've ever had. It has made me grow up and realize the things that I have and the things that I need to cherish. And I need to cherish you, baby. I love you. You are the most important thing in my life. And I know I'm young and I shouldn't feel the way I do about you, but I do. I am so lucky to have you in my life. When I read your letters they make my heart swell with happiness and they make me think that everything will be okay, y'know?
I know you don't want to think about this but if I die I want you to know that I loved you. There will not be one minute that I'm over there fighting that I'm not thinking of you. You are such a special person, Gerard, and I know you're going to do great things. You were born to change the world, baby. You're my hero.
And, Gerard, please, please, please, don't get back into drinking if I do die. You'll be okay, I promise you. I'll be watching over you. I will never leave you, baby. I promised you that when I was sixteen, remember? I told you that I would always be there for you and that I would always love you. I'm not going back on my word. Not even mortality can keep me from loving you.
Be strong, baby. I love you.
Frankie.”
When Gerard finally finished the letter, he was close to having a hysterical breakdown. He remembered the day that Frank told him that he would always be there for him. It was the first time they made love and it was beautiful. The two of them laid in Gerard's childhood bedroom and Gerard remembers looking at Frank, in his euphoric state, and seeing how beautiful he truly was.
After Frank was shipped out the letters came less and less frequently. And they were always relatively short.
“Hey, Gee. It's even hotter here. I don't have much time to write. Just want to let you know I'm thinking of you. I'll try to call soon. I love you.
-Frankie.”
Gerard was usually very frustrated when he got letters like this. He wanted to know how is boyfriend was doing. Where he was living, if he was eating enough, because Frank had the habit of just forgetting to eat. How does someone forget to eat? So these letters did the bare minimum for Gerard. They just let him know Frank was alive.
“Gee, I hate to make these letters upsetting, but it's horrible here. My friend died today.
I miss you.
Ps, don't tell my mom. She worries too much.
-Frankie.”
After reading this letter Gerard cried. The thought of death had obviously occurred to Gerard but he had never heard Frank mention it. Then when Frank told him a friend of his died, it worried Gerard. That meant that Frank was close with this person. That meant that he probably fought with this deceased solider. And that meant that the possibility that the deceased solider could have been Frank was high. That did not sit well with Gerard at all.
“Gee, I miss you so much. I think I may get to come home in a few months. I don't know how long I'll be home though. I love you.
-Frankie”
Gerard really wanted Frank home. He needed him home. It wasn't the same without him here.
That was the last letter Gerard received from Frank and that was 41 days ago. So today, Gerard sat on the couch that was in front of the window, watching for the familiar man to walk up his driveway and deposit the mail into the small box attached to the house. But he never came. Gerard watched as the clock turned from two forty-five to three then to four and at five, Gerard's mother walked over to the couch, placing a hand gently on Gerard's shoulder, speaking softly into his ear,
“It's Veteran's day, sweetheart. There's no mail today. I'm sorry.” Gerard turned his head once the news left his mothers lips and he sighed.
“I had a good feeling about today, mom. I really thought we'd get one.” He tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, turning back to the window. “I hope he's okay, mom. It's been a long time.”
“I know it has, honey, but you have to remember, we don't know how his days are. He's probably really busy.” She moved to sit on the arm of the couch, rubbing Gerard's back.
Nodding, Gerard rests his chin on the back of the couch, “Did his mom get a letter?” He asked, knowing that since Frankie shipped out they were in constant communication. Frank's mom, Linda, called the Way house to let the family know she had gotten a letter or a call from Frank. She knew that they were worrying just as much as she was. But Frank wasn't the only son that the two mothers were worried about. Whenever Linda would call the Way house she would ask Donna how Gerard was doing. And the answer was always the same... 'He sits around here like a lost puppy. I don't know what to do with him.'
“No, she hasn't gotten one either.” She ran her finger's through Gerard's messy hair, “That doesn't mean anything though. It might be really hard to get mail out.”
“I know but I don't know how his birthday was.” He swallowed. “I don't know if he made it to his birthday.”
To that, Donna stood up. “Okay, Gerard, you need to stop this. I want you to get up, take a shower and you and Mikey are going out. Go to the movies or to the comic book store or go hang out with Ray but get your mind off of Frank for a few hours. You sitting here worrying about him is not helping anything.”
Gerard turned his head and stared at him mom. He wanted to yell at her. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, saying that he couldn't go out and have a good time without Frank. But he didn't. He just shrugged and turned back to the window, watching as the fall leaves swirled on the ground.
“Gerard. Get up and shower. Please, honey. This isn't good for you.” She let her hand run up and down Gerard's back once more. “Do it for me?” She asked as the last resort.
Gerard couldn't deny his mother anything so he slowly made his way off the couch and into the bathroom on the second floor of the house. He showered quickly, not wanting too much time to be alone with his thoughts. After he was clean, he stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist and made his way out of the bathroom, down to his bedroom, getting dressed. Just as he was pulling on his sneakers, Mikey came to the door of his bedroom and smiled widely at his big brother.
“You're in luck, Gee Man. Ray's roommate is out for the night so that means horror movie marathon!” He said trying to lighten the mood. Gerard just nodded to his brother, grabbing his sweatshirt and pulling it over his head.
“Alright. Let's go.” Soon the two brothers were out of their home and on route to Ray's apartment. The threesome spent the night watching horror movies, eating everything that Ray had in his apartment, and surprisingly for Gerard, not thinking about Frank.
In fact the next few days Gerard was as close to normal as he was gonna get without his other half around. Deciding to stop moping and listen to his mother's advice, Gerard stopped worrying about Frank. Okay, well that was a lie, he worried about Frank constantly, but he didn't let it take over his life. Gerard had gotten a job, working at Barnes and Noble with Mikey, and he, Mikey and Ray were together almost every night.
Yeah things started to get back to normal for these boys of Belleville. For a little while, anyway.
[/Thanks for everyone who read and commented.
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