Categories > Anime/Manga > Gravitation > My Lover, My Darkness
My Lover, My Darkness
Summary: Shuichi was given something Yuki thought he would never ever even know about let alone see and now Yuki has to pick up all the pieces.
Disclaimer: I own no rights to anything Gravitation, though I wish I did. But I just have to live with my ever increasing Gravitation collection.
Rating: R - Content, Language, Adult Themes
A/N: Based on the Gravitation Megamix Panda. I believe I have covered enough in the body of the story for you if you have not read it, but still go and find and read it. It gives a deeper look into Yuki’s past and his trauma.
Hello!!!
Please leave a review at the end of this chapter!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 2
Bad Luck, minus its lead singer, was glad to be home. As relaxing and enjoyable as the tour and well-earned break had been, they were still concerned for Shuichi. For him to detach himself from the group as he had, i.e. without a single word or note, was completely out of character for the young man.
The group stepped off the train, grabbed their personal belongings and started for the car park. They were surprised to find Seguchi Tohma there waiting for them.
Tohma gave them his usual smile, “Welcome back. I am pleased to hear the tour was a success.”
Sakano bowed enthusiastically, “Ah! Thank you Sacho!”
They were even more surprised to find Yuki Eiri standing behind Tohma.
Yuki looked around the group but could not find his pink haired lover. Yuki was surprised, and a little rejected, to find that Shuichi had not taken the next train home the moment he walked off the stage for the final time of the tour. He would never admit it to anyone but he was a little concerned that Shuichi had not arrived home yet and had come to meet him.
“Oi, where is Shuichi?” Yuki asked Hiro.
Hiro looked around the group at Suguru and K, who were equally stunned at the novelist’s question.
“Well?” Yuki asked impatiently.
Hiro looked at Yuki, “We thought he already came home…”
Yuki gave Hiro quite the look, “What?”
Hiro continued, “He checked out of the hotel yesterday afternoon while we were down at the theatre.”
Yuki took a moment to register that no one knew where his Shuichi was and was therefore missing. He pulled his mobile out dialling Shuichi’s number. No answer.
“So he has not come back home?” asked Hiro.
Yuki glared as he redialled Shuichi’s number, “Would I be here looking for him if he had?” he growled. Again no answer, ‘Damn it Shu-chan, where are you?’
Hiro tried to bite his tongue but he could not hold back at the novelist’s outburst, “Look Yuki-san. We are all worried about Shuichi right now considering his behaviour over the last couple of days!”
Yuki raised an eyebrow, ‘Behaviour?’ he though to himself.
Hiro continued, “What I want to know is what the hell you have done to him this time!”
Yuki stood up straight and glowered at Hiro’s accusation, “Excuse me…?”
Hiro pressed on, “Well? I have never seen Shuichi so upset like this, so whatever you did to him it is obviously pretty bad!”
Yuki glared darkly at Hiro, “What the fuck are you talking about!? I have not seen or heard from Shuichi in three days and last time I did speak to him everything was fine, in fact more than fine,” he added, suppressing a blush as he recalled their graphic telephone conversation.
Hiro calmed himself down and stepped to the side of the group with Yuki, “So what has gotten him so upset? I mean he was literally sobbing his heart out.” Hiro stepped further away from the group with Yuki and told him about how Shuichi had been acting, how he had almost stopped eating and how he had found Shuichi drinking on his own and had refused to tell him anything.
Yuki had no idea what had occurred and now his concern was evident in his stance as he again tried Shuichi’s mobile and again there was no answer. Yuki tried his apartment phone wondering if Shuichi had magically arrived home while he was at the train station but he only got his answering machine. Hiro and K were here which cancelled out their residences. Hell, he even tried his sister’s place but she didn’t know anything. Yuki sighed, frustrated, “Damn it! Where the hell is that brat?”
“Have you tried his parents?” Hiro asked.
Yuki looked up, “No, what is their number?”
Hiro pulled out his mobile and read the number to Yuki. Yuki waited impatiently for the phone to be answered, which was by Shuichi’s sister, “It is Eiri, is Shuichi there?”
It took a moment for Maiko to get over her shock that she was speaking to THE Yuki Eiri, despite the fact that he had been with her brother for three years and was practically a brother-in-law, “Uh…hi…oh! Shuichi! Right! Yeah he is here; he came home the other day, but he is hell moody, no idea what is wrong with him; he even yelled at okaa-chan…Hey when is your next book-”
Yuki sighed relieved and hung up on Maiko’s babbling making for his car without a word to anyone. At least he knew where Shuichi was, however what was wrong still had the novelist wracking his brain to figure out.
“Eiri-san,” called Tohma, but he was ignored as Yuki jumped into his car and drove off.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yuki pulled up outside the Shindou residence, stepped out of his car and disposed of his cigarette. He briskly walked up to the door and rang the doorbell.
Shuichi’s mother answered the door and was rather surprised to see the novelist standing on her doorstep. She now treated him like any other member of the family. Shindou-san had, unlike her daughter, gotten over her infatuation with the blond after the third time he had been commandeered into dinner with Shuichi’s family, resulting in them spending the night. He will never forget the look on Maiko’s face when she walked into the quiet bathroom to brush her teeth and found them in a heated embrace.
“Eiri-san! Please come in,” Shindou-san showed him in.
“I am looking for Shuichi; I was told he came back here after the tour finished.”
Shindou-san smiled, “Yes he did! It was nice to see Shuichi again. We did not get to see him after his performance here, which was a shame. He performed wonderfully too. I remember all those times I yelled at him to get off that damn keyboard and study and now look at him-” She was cut off by her daughter bouncing into the room.
“Hi Yuki-san! Hey, why did you hang up on me before?” Maiko asked lively, “I was asking you about your next book.”
Yuki swallowed, “I was driving, had to hang up.” He flashed her one of his brilliant smiles and Maiko accepted the lie without further question. “Is Shuichi around?”
Shindou-san shook her head, “I am sorry Eiri-san, but he went out about three hours ago now. Would you like some tea while you wait for him?”
Yuki nodded and followed her into the kitchen, “Thank you.”
“Are you aware of how Shuichi has been lately?” she asked him.
Yuki looked at her as he took a place at the kitchen table, “Only parts of it. I have no idea what has upset him. It had to have happened on tour a couple of days ago, but even Nakano does not know.”
Shindou-san prepared the tea, “I see…I do have to say I have never seen my son quite like this before.”
Yuki sighed, “I am hearing that a lot.”
Shindou-san placed Yuki’s teacup in front of him, “Oh? Maiko-chan, would you go up to your room please?”
Maiko took her adoring eyes off Yuki, pouted at her mother and took her tea upstairs to her room.
Shindou-san’s pleasant smiled held firm until she heard her daughter close her bedroom door. Her smile faltered and she took a deep sigh, “You did not go with him on this tour, did you?” she asked Yuki.
Yuki shook his head, “No, my deadline was too close to the end of it. By the time I was finished with that and met up with them, they would have been on their way home. We agreed that I would use the extra time Shuichi was away to start my next novel. Now I wish I had gone to him,” he told her honestly. Anxiety was starting to build up in the pit of his stomach when memories of Shuichi’s rape surfaced, ‘I hope nothing bad happened Shu-chan.’
“Thank you for caring about Shuichi. I am very concerned about him; he has hardly eaten, he has barely said a word since he came home, he has kept to himself in his bedroom, which he has completely trashed!” She said with a scowl towards the mess, “He snapped at me and ran out of the house yesterday evening when I pressed him into talking to me. I did not think I pushed him that hard…and he did not come back until 3am this morning,” Shindou-san said, “He used to tell me everything, whether I wanted to know or not, and now I cannot get a word out of him.”
The more Yuki heard about Shuichi’s behaviour, the more worried he became, and having to wait around for Shuichi to come back before he could find out what was going on, was frustrating the hell out of him, “Do you have any idea when he will get home?”
Shindou-san shook her head, “None what so ever.”
Yuki silently drank his tea while asking Buddha to bring Shuichi back sooner rather than later; he was more than itching to speak with his pink haired lover.
The silence was broken five minutes later with the swinging open of the front door, the slamming of the front door, a cry of ‘Ahh! Oni-chan look out’ followed by a smash, stomping footsteps and the slamming of an upstairs door.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shuichi was hurting and he was hurting bad.
He was walking along his family street coming back from a long run. He had not known where he was running to, but he just ran and ran and ran and when he finally stopped, he had found himself three districts away. He slapped himself on his forehead when he realised he had not brought his wallet and therefore, didn’t have any money for a bus fare back home.
Shuichi glanced at his watch and started walking back towards his parent’s house. His old room had been changed to a tearoom, to a library, a sewing room, back to a tea room, a storage room, a second study and back to a spare bedroom in order to accommodate all of Shuichi’s memorabilia as there was no room to store it at his and Yuki’s apartment.
Shuichi refused to touch his phone, much less look at it, and had left it in his room. He knew Yuki had been calling him repeatedly for some hours, which was why he started running in the first place. Shuichi could not bring himself to speak to his lover; the pain was just too much.
On the final day of Bad Luck’s tour, a small package had arrived at the hotel for Shuichi while he was rehearsing and completing a sound check for the final concert held later that night.
After the concert, Shuichi was high on life and the adrenaline buzz of his performance. He loved wowing his crowd…that and he could now go home to Yuki. He had spoken to Yuki earlier that day and had enjoyed quite the ‘conversation’ with his lover over the phone, another reason he had been so high on life. However, what he would not have given to be with Yuki right then and there. The anticipation of walking in their apartment door and directly into Yuki’s arms sent tingles all over his skin. That small, hour long episode of phone sex sure as hell was not enough to sate his need for Yuki after being away from him for over a month now; in fact it only increased it.
When he finally made it back to the hotel to begin packing, Shuichi investigated the package that had been waiting for him. Before getting his suitcases out, he collapsed on the bed and opened it. A video tape fell out on to his lap that had the title ‘Cool Beauty’. Shuichi put the tape in the VCR hitting play.
Shuichi couldn’t move as he sat crumpled on the floor of his hotel room as footage was displayed on the screen of Seguchi Tohma and Uesugi Tatsuha using Yuki’s, Shuichi gasped, willing body over and over and over again until Yuki kept passing out. Like a train wreck, he could not turn away and every moan and every cry stabbed at Shuichi’s heart like a red-hot knife, but nothing else in that video made his heart completely shatter when he heard Yuki use the title ‘Sensei’. Yuki only referred to one person with that title and he was dead - Kitazawa Yuki.
Shuichi cried as his mutinous eyes refused to look away from the images of Tohma and Tatsuha taking his…his lover’s body again and again, drawing out cries and moans and reactions that only Shuichi was supposed to elicit from Yuki. He continued to cry through the film as he realised Yuki was sleeping with Tohma and Tatsuha blindly; all he was seeing was his dead Sensei.
Shuichi felt sick and could feel his stomach churning, but the shock at the look of exhausted satisfaction on Yuki’s face as he fell into oblivion was what had Shuichi shakily running for the bathroom. Spluttering and coughing, Shuichi violently heaved up the contents of his stomach until he could taste the foul bitterness of bile, but his body would not stop. The sickening images of that tape played repeatedly in his mind. Shuichi could not stop crying adding to his inability to stop his body throwing up bile. He continued to throw up until he collapsed on the floor, feeling as if he would choke on his own breath as his throat and chest were burning.
Shuichi just laid there, tears silently falling from his eyes until they were blood shot and stinging. Weakly dragging himself to his hands and knees Shuichi reached up to flush the toilet and crawled to the shower. He didn’t even remember undressing himself as he sat curled into a ball in the corner of the shower with the water constantly beating down on him.
His mind was blank and his head was pounding when he got out of the shower. He left his hair to drip onto his shoulders and pulled a towel around his waist as he slowly brushed his teeth. The hit of the mint flavour was strong against his abused throat and it almost made him gag. By the time Shuichi had finished brushing his teeth, the foul taste of bile was gone, but the burning down his throat had not. He took a small drink of cold water before stumbling to the bed and passing out, his body too exhausted to do anything else.
When Shuichi woke, it was to find K nudging him awake, “Yo! Shuichi, wake up.”
Shuichi groaned groggily and almost cried out when his headache returned full force. Quietly he responded, “What is it K?”
“I thought you were heading back to Tokyo last night?”
Shuichi nearly growled at the thought of going back there. He could not go back. Not yet. He was not ready to face Yuki after what he had done. Shuichi thought for a moment, “I was too tired to go back last night,” he lied. Shuichi’s tongue felt heavy as he forced out Yuki’s name cheerfully, “And besides, Yuki’s working at the moment, I might as well stay here for the next couple of days.”
K seemed to accept that, “Sounds good Shuichi! I will book another seat on this afternoon’s mini-tour-”
Shuichi impatiently cut him off, “Do whatever…just let me go back to sleep now.”
Hiro was also standing in the room behind K, but Shuichi had not seen him. Hiro raised his eyebrows at Shuichi’s tone of voice with their manager, but still dragged K out of the room so Shuichi could go back to sleep.
Before their mini-bus was due to depart the hotel, Shuichi grumpily got himself ready and threw down a couple of headache tablets hoping to calm his headache, and therefore himself, down just a little. All he wanted to do was go back upstairs and crawl back into the bed; socialising was not on the top of his ‘to do’ list today. However, tearing apart the entire building in a fit of rage with his bare hands was not far from the top of that list. He had stopped crying about that tape and now he was downright pissed.
Shuichi sat staring out the window of his passenger seat as the bus headed down to the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Park, half listening to K babble on. K had decided that it would be nice for the band to take the mini-tour to Hiroshima’s ground zero. He believed that while it was nice for them to do ‘Band Stuff’ together, it would also be beneficial for the all-Japanese band with the American manager to publicly promote that they are interested in their histories. The fact that one Claude ‘K’ Winchester was obsessively interested in guns and warfare and engaged in his own warfare for the ‘protection’ of the band had absolutely nothing to do with it. Never mind that all three of the band members had been to the Memorial Park during one school year or another. It was safer to one’s health to just let K go and have his fun.
Hiro was sitting behind Shuichi and sat forward to lean on the back of his seat, “Hey Shuichi,” he muttered quietly, “What’s up? You do not seem yourself today.”
Shuichi kept his arms folded and slightly turned his head to look at his best friend, “Nothing Hiro, I am just still wrecked from last night’s show…and I have a mean headache…and the headache tablets I took are not helping.”
“Oh. Really? I have got some on me if you want some more?”
Shuichi nodded and Hiro got out two tablets for him. Shuichi gratefully took them and downed them with some water, “Thanks Hiro.”
Hiro held up a peace sign to Shuichi and leaned back in his seat again. Yes, he had seen straight through Shuichi’s lie and the lie this morning. He was not best friends with the singer for no reason now.
Shuichi was not sure if Hiro had picked his effort to brush him off, but would not put it passed him and when Hiro remained closer than usual to the singer, he knew Hiro was concerned for him. As they stood by the memorial, Shuichi zoned out for a moment thanking the heavens for a friend who cared and looked out for him like Hiro did, but at the same time wondering if he could confide in Hiro this time. He doubted he could. Hiro and Yuki never really got along and Shuichi could not imagine what would happen to either of them if Hiro found out Yuki had cheated on him with Tohma. He had lied to himself; he could imagine it. Hiro would go after Yuki and end up hospitalised by Yuki in self-defence. Tohma would step in and it would be the end of Bad Luck and certainly a situation that Shuichi did not want to happen. No, he could not confide in Hiro, at least not until he had spoken to Yuki himself, but who knew when he would be ready to do that.
Shuichi was brought out of his thoughts by Suguru who was pointing at the memorial, “Hey Shindou-san…did you have relatives killed in the bombing?”
K stopped and looked at Shuichi and then to where Suguru was pointing before back at Shuichi.
Shuichi nodded, “Yep, my grandfather’s brother’s family actually, but they still shared our family name. My grandparents had moved to the outskirts of Tokyo before my father was born, so they did not see much of that side of the family. My grandfather died when I was really young, so I do not remember him and according to the stories my father used to tell, his father took it pretty badly that his brother had been killed.”
Suguru looked back at the memorial, “Wow…it is humbling to think of how people’s families were affected by the bombing. Our family completely avoided any illness being no where near the blast areas and radiation zones.”
K had a subdued look on his face as if he were sorry for what had happened.
Shuichi raised his eyebrow, “Oi, K! There is no need to look sorry for what happened. Neither of us was alive when this happened. It is nice to remember the past for what it was but it is not nice to dwell on it.”
Suguru looked at Shuichi with new eyes. Just when he had the hyperactive and sometimes ‘blonde’ singer figured out, he came out with something so philosophical. K flashed a smile at Shuichi and carried on with the band following him.
Shuichi could not eat his dinner. He was not hungry. True he had completely emptied his stomach the night before and had not eaten all day, but he still was not hungry. He forced half his pasta dish down his throat to keep face, before the conversation made him lose his appetite completely. He could now manage to hear his lover’s name, although it saddened him to do so and speak it when asked about him, except when Tohma’s name was brought up in the conversation. Shuichi listed to the conversation about NG and after the second time that name was spoken, Shuichi could not take any more. He excused himself from the table and left quickly, not stopping when Hiro called after him.
Shuichi stormed into his hotel room and threw his key card on the table. He stood in the middle of the room for a moment and then snapped, “FUCK! Shit! DAMN IT!” he screamed and kicked at the bed until it had shifted from its grooves in the carpet. After his exertion, his stomach reminded him that he did not have enough food in his body for the energy he was using.
“Shut the fuck up!” Shuichi yelled down at his stomach, “Damn it!” He stormed over to the mini-bar and ripped out the chocolate bar. As he was about to slam the fridge door closed, the chinking of glass interrupted him. Shuichi stopped and looked at what had caused the noise. He found the bottles of alcohol being a number of differing beers, a mini champagne bottle and several tiny bottles of popular spirits. He spent not five seconds looking at them when he reached in and began pulling them out. Shuichi was not a regular drinker and needless to say, he never drank alone. This was partially because he could not really handle too much drink.
When Shuichi went out clubbing, Hiro would go with him and while his best friend did get to enjoy a couple of drinks, he was mainly there to keep an eye on Shuichi, probably the one thing Yuki ever liked Hiro for. Every now and again, Yuki would show up with his pink haired lover mainly to keep an eye on everyone else. It was an interesting cycle and one that Hiro enjoyed very much. Shuichi often went out clubbing and after a while, his outfits would get skimpier and a little more revealing. By the time Shuichi was down to short shorts and a mesh top, Yuki would appear at Shuichi’s side effectively keeping any wondering hands from his lover’s body and Shuichi would turn up for work on the Monday morning with an obvious limp in his step. The next time Shuichi had gone clubbing, it was clear that Yuki had had some say about his outfit, as Shuichi was back to leather pants and an undone shirt over a fancy new singlet top, and the cycle would repeat itself.
One time Shuichi had tried to break the cycle and much to Hiro’s amusement, it backfired. Shuichi had caught onto the fact that the only time he could drag Yuki out clubbing with him was when he was dressed in, well, not much at all. So after Yuki had possessively accompanied him one weekend, Shuichi tried it the following weekend, which consequently was a weekend before Yuki had a deadline. Well Yuki came to the club…about half an hour after Shuichi and Hiro had arrived. He did not look too happy either. Shuichi had the short shorts going with just an undone small white shirt on his upper half. Yuki came storming into the club, fitted Shuichi’s neck with a spiked collar, attached a chain and led the embarrassed Shuichi back out of the club. He had been banished to the couch for three nights for dressing like he was out to get laid twice in a row and also for disturbing Yuki’s writing.
Shuichi had sat himself on the floor leaning against the bed and was quickly going through the beer bottles through his fond memories of his times out with Yuki. The television was entirely unappealing mostly because that was still in the VCR. Shuichi cringed, “How the fuck does Eiri drink this shit all the time?” he asked to no one as the bitter taste of the beer hit the back of his throat.
Shuichi finally reacknowledged his grumbling stomach and started on the chocolate bar after he had finished the last beer bottle. Shuichi cracked open the mini champagne bottle and just drank it like a soft drink, washing the chocolate down with it. After he had finished blindly drinking the champagne, a familiar warm feeling made Shuichi burst into tears as more memories came through his alcohol-induced haze.
On a particularly cold winter’s evening, the building’s heating broke down on the top three floors. Yuki and Shuichi had an apartment on the third floor down. After loudly yelling down the phone at the building’s owner, Yuki was finally told that some rats had chewed through the electrical wiring that connected the three top floors with the heating system mainframe. Yuki was also told that the system could not be rewired until the next morning. He had also run out of cigarettes, as he used them as a heating replacement, forgetting he was on his last packet until morning. There had been a road weather alert for ice and it was too cold to go to the convenience store by foot.
Shuichi had thrown another jumper on and had wrapped himself in a blanket on the couch. He held a cup of hot chocolate in his hands as Yuki paced angrily in front of him grumbling about the heating system, the rats, the owner, the repair workers and their company, running out of cigarettes and finally the cold weather itself. This time Yuki was not nearing a deadline but had been on a roll of chapters, until the cold had finally seeped into his hands and began to make typing uncomfortable, and if you have ever tried typing while wearing gloves, you would know the task to be quite tedious.
Shuichi had finished his hot chocolate and placed his mug on the coffee table. Yuki was still pacing and grumbling and Shuichi leaned back against the couch listening to his lover’s ranting. Yuki had finished his tirade with a declaration that they were going to find another apartment. Yuki stood in the middle of the floor, his arms folded with the foulest scowl he could come up with, and Shuichi watched as Yuki’s hands subconsciously rubbed his forearms, indicating that he was feeling the chill on the air.
Shuichi smirked and unwrapped the blanket from tight around him. “Eiri,” he called out softly.
Yuki sharply looked down at Shuichi, “What?” he barked. He desperately needed a cigarette.
Shuichi held open the blanket and beckoned Yuki over to him with a finger.
Yuki waited for a moment before plopping himself down next to Shuichi, keeping his arms folded while Shuichi curled up against him with his head on the fold of his arm and pulled the blanket over them. After a few silent minutes, Yuki’s frustration subsided and he shifted his arms around Shuichi pulling him into his lap.
Shuichi was much like a happy feline curled up on her owner’s lap getting the pat of her life, except Shuichi didn’t purr like a cat…unless on certain private occasions.
“I love you Eiri.”
Yuki, although his heart absolutely sang every time Shuichi told him that he loved him, stuck to his general demeanour and grumbled, “I want your body heat…it is keeping me warm.”
Shuichi gasped, “Yuki!”
“What? It is cold if you have not noticed,” Yuki remarked.
Shuichi scoffed, “Yes I have noticed Yuki, and not just the weather either!”
Yuki smirked inwardly, ‘Ooh, clever comeback.’ Perhaps he was finally starting to learn Shuichi something.
Shuichi poked him in the chest, “You are supposed to say ‘I love you’ back!”
Yuki smirked a little, “Alright…I love your back.”
Shuichi started to smile joyously before Yuki’s sentence registered, “What?” Then it dawned on him, “Yuki!”
Yuki loved it when he had Shuichi bristled enough to slip into calling him ‘Yuki’, made the kid just that much cuter. Yuki shrugged, “Well it is the truth. Could you really ask for any more than that?”
Shuichi huffed and folded his arms against Yuki’s chest, looking in any direction other than at Yuki.
Yuki gave Shuichi a wicked smile as he leaned into kiss Shuichi’s cheek, and then moved to kiss under Shuichi’s ear, “You know,” he whispered huskily, “I really love that hole that is at the very end of that back…”
Shuichi blushed violently as Yuki’s hand moved to demonstrate the exact spot Yuki was talking about, moaning as Yuki slowly massaged his rear leaving his middle finger rubbing against Shuichi’s entrance through his clothes.
That night, Yuki found a better way of keeping warm than artificial heating, this method involving chocolate and champagne in very intimate ways. Shuichi thought he had died and gone to heaven when Yuki did nothing more than sensuously make love to him. When Yuki came to his climax, Shuichi had shed a few happy tears as Yuki, in his most raw and open form, told him that he loved him.
Now those tears were raining down Shuichi’s cheeks in torrents. THAT was when Yuki was supposed to be exhausted and satisfied - after he had made love with Shuichi! NOT after he had let his brother and his brother-in-law use his body over and over again. In another fit of rage, Shuichi kicked out at one of the empty bottles and sent it skidding along the carpet until it broke against the doorframe of the balcony.
Shuichi downed the tiny bottles of spirits in no more than three minutes, not caring that his stomach was trying to reject it. He dropped the last little bottle and let it roll along the floor to click against a different bottle and he cried.
His tears had dried up when he heard Hiro at his door. He wondered how long it would be before Hiro would try to enter. Shuichi continued to stare out the window as Hiro entered the unlocked room and lectured him about leaving his door unlocked.
“Shuichi! What do you think you are doing leaving the door unlocked! Any one could have walked in here; crazed fans, blackmailers, axe-wielding murderers…K would blow your brains out if he knew you left the door unlocked…”
Shuichi sighed and quietly remarked, “It would be a relief at this point.” It was true too. With all the turmoil, emotions, thoughts, and images whirling around his head, a bullet to his brain would bring silent relief.
Shuichi heard Hiro come around the bed from the door, “Huh? Shuichi? What…Shuichi…” He knew Hiro was looking at the mess.
Shuichi continued to stare out the window as Hiro took in the mess around him and sat next to him, “Shuichi, what is wrong? Please tell me.”
Shuichi had already resolved not to confide in Hiro and tears began to fall down Shuichi’s face, “I do not want to tell you what is wrong, Hiro.”
“I um…okay. Do you want me to do something…anything?”
“Will you hold me Hiro?” Shuichi asked quietly as he continued to stare out the window. He could not hold back the onset of more tears as Hiro did as he had asked him. Shuichi was so grateful of Hiro just comforting him without pushing him for reasons and answers, and it made him cry even harder. Simple comfort; the one thing Shuichi desperately needed right now.
When Shuichi had woken up, he found he was only in his shorts and singlet top and was in bed. He could not remember getting there. Shuichi slowly sat up in the bed and looked around the room. Hiro had cleaned up his mess, even the broken bottle, and had placed headache tablets and a glass of water on the bedside table for him. Shuichi could feel his headache waking up and took three tablets in order to stem it from growing too painful too quickly. The mix of the number of tablets and alcohol still in his stomach sent him stumbling to the bathroom to throw up again and this time, it hurt his body more than just the burn of actually being sick.
Shuichi lay back down and rested for a few long moments, before getting himself out of bed and into a soothing shower. After Shuichi had gotten himself dressed, he suddenly became extremely restless and panicky. Shuichi could not tolerate being around here any more, and began frantically packing his suitcases, not forgetting to viciously shove that in his suitcases somewhere. Shuichi was not quite so out of sorts as to leave that there for anyone to find.
The moment Shuichi was completely packed, he heaved his cases down to the reception desk and checked out, paying for his mini-bar and expenses costs. The accommodation came out of the tour budget. One of the porters helped Shuichi carry his heavy luggage out to the hotel lobby and into a waiting taxi that Shuichi had asked the receptionist to book to take him to the train station. Once at the train station Shuichi boarded a train to his hometown where his family lived.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As the very tired Shuichi finally rounded the last corner to the house, he stopped and just stared at the car parked out the front. That was Yuki’s car. That meant Yuki was here and meant Shuichi would have to face his lover.
Shuichi considered running off again, but knew the idiocy of such an act. Everything that he needed was in the house and was the reason he decided to come back in the first place; his wallet, his cards, his money and his keys. All of that and he felt like he was about to collapse from exhaustion. Shuichi still did not regard his mobile phone as a necessity yet. Shuichi put his head in his hand and groaned, “Aw fuck!”
Shuichi continued his approach to the house and stopped as he looked into Yuki’s car, more specifically at the steering wheel and he was reminded of Yuki’s hands. Shuichi’s heart clenched at how much he missed Yuki, how much he yearned to be with him, but then he was flooded with why he was not with Yuki right now. The anger continued to build up to boiling point until he was seething.
Shuichi angrily flew into the house, slamming the front door and barging up the stairs, not stopping to apologise to Maiko for knocking into her. When he got to his room, Shuichi slammed the door loud enough to make the window shudder.
--------
Oh dear…Poor Shu-chan!
Will he ever cut a break from his yoyo relationship?
Until next time!
KittenCeez!
xxx
Summary: Shuichi was given something Yuki thought he would never ever even know about let alone see and now Yuki has to pick up all the pieces.
Disclaimer: I own no rights to anything Gravitation, though I wish I did. But I just have to live with my ever increasing Gravitation collection.
Rating: R - Content, Language, Adult Themes
A/N: Based on the Gravitation Megamix Panda. I believe I have covered enough in the body of the story for you if you have not read it, but still go and find and read it. It gives a deeper look into Yuki’s past and his trauma.
Hello!!!
Please leave a review at the end of this chapter!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 2
Bad Luck, minus its lead singer, was glad to be home. As relaxing and enjoyable as the tour and well-earned break had been, they were still concerned for Shuichi. For him to detach himself from the group as he had, i.e. without a single word or note, was completely out of character for the young man.
The group stepped off the train, grabbed their personal belongings and started for the car park. They were surprised to find Seguchi Tohma there waiting for them.
Tohma gave them his usual smile, “Welcome back. I am pleased to hear the tour was a success.”
Sakano bowed enthusiastically, “Ah! Thank you Sacho!”
They were even more surprised to find Yuki Eiri standing behind Tohma.
Yuki looked around the group but could not find his pink haired lover. Yuki was surprised, and a little rejected, to find that Shuichi had not taken the next train home the moment he walked off the stage for the final time of the tour. He would never admit it to anyone but he was a little concerned that Shuichi had not arrived home yet and had come to meet him.
“Oi, where is Shuichi?” Yuki asked Hiro.
Hiro looked around the group at Suguru and K, who were equally stunned at the novelist’s question.
“Well?” Yuki asked impatiently.
Hiro looked at Yuki, “We thought he already came home…”
Yuki gave Hiro quite the look, “What?”
Hiro continued, “He checked out of the hotel yesterday afternoon while we were down at the theatre.”
Yuki took a moment to register that no one knew where his Shuichi was and was therefore missing. He pulled his mobile out dialling Shuichi’s number. No answer.
“So he has not come back home?” asked Hiro.
Yuki glared as he redialled Shuichi’s number, “Would I be here looking for him if he had?” he growled. Again no answer, ‘Damn it Shu-chan, where are you?’
Hiro tried to bite his tongue but he could not hold back at the novelist’s outburst, “Look Yuki-san. We are all worried about Shuichi right now considering his behaviour over the last couple of days!”
Yuki raised an eyebrow, ‘Behaviour?’ he though to himself.
Hiro continued, “What I want to know is what the hell you have done to him this time!”
Yuki stood up straight and glowered at Hiro’s accusation, “Excuse me…?”
Hiro pressed on, “Well? I have never seen Shuichi so upset like this, so whatever you did to him it is obviously pretty bad!”
Yuki glared darkly at Hiro, “What the fuck are you talking about!? I have not seen or heard from Shuichi in three days and last time I did speak to him everything was fine, in fact more than fine,” he added, suppressing a blush as he recalled their graphic telephone conversation.
Hiro calmed himself down and stepped to the side of the group with Yuki, “So what has gotten him so upset? I mean he was literally sobbing his heart out.” Hiro stepped further away from the group with Yuki and told him about how Shuichi had been acting, how he had almost stopped eating and how he had found Shuichi drinking on his own and had refused to tell him anything.
Yuki had no idea what had occurred and now his concern was evident in his stance as he again tried Shuichi’s mobile and again there was no answer. Yuki tried his apartment phone wondering if Shuichi had magically arrived home while he was at the train station but he only got his answering machine. Hiro and K were here which cancelled out their residences. Hell, he even tried his sister’s place but she didn’t know anything. Yuki sighed, frustrated, “Damn it! Where the hell is that brat?”
“Have you tried his parents?” Hiro asked.
Yuki looked up, “No, what is their number?”
Hiro pulled out his mobile and read the number to Yuki. Yuki waited impatiently for the phone to be answered, which was by Shuichi’s sister, “It is Eiri, is Shuichi there?”
It took a moment for Maiko to get over her shock that she was speaking to THE Yuki Eiri, despite the fact that he had been with her brother for three years and was practically a brother-in-law, “Uh…hi…oh! Shuichi! Right! Yeah he is here; he came home the other day, but he is hell moody, no idea what is wrong with him; he even yelled at okaa-chan…Hey when is your next book-”
Yuki sighed relieved and hung up on Maiko’s babbling making for his car without a word to anyone. At least he knew where Shuichi was, however what was wrong still had the novelist wracking his brain to figure out.
“Eiri-san,” called Tohma, but he was ignored as Yuki jumped into his car and drove off.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yuki pulled up outside the Shindou residence, stepped out of his car and disposed of his cigarette. He briskly walked up to the door and rang the doorbell.
Shuichi’s mother answered the door and was rather surprised to see the novelist standing on her doorstep. She now treated him like any other member of the family. Shindou-san had, unlike her daughter, gotten over her infatuation with the blond after the third time he had been commandeered into dinner with Shuichi’s family, resulting in them spending the night. He will never forget the look on Maiko’s face when she walked into the quiet bathroom to brush her teeth and found them in a heated embrace.
“Eiri-san! Please come in,” Shindou-san showed him in.
“I am looking for Shuichi; I was told he came back here after the tour finished.”
Shindou-san smiled, “Yes he did! It was nice to see Shuichi again. We did not get to see him after his performance here, which was a shame. He performed wonderfully too. I remember all those times I yelled at him to get off that damn keyboard and study and now look at him-” She was cut off by her daughter bouncing into the room.
“Hi Yuki-san! Hey, why did you hang up on me before?” Maiko asked lively, “I was asking you about your next book.”
Yuki swallowed, “I was driving, had to hang up.” He flashed her one of his brilliant smiles and Maiko accepted the lie without further question. “Is Shuichi around?”
Shindou-san shook her head, “I am sorry Eiri-san, but he went out about three hours ago now. Would you like some tea while you wait for him?”
Yuki nodded and followed her into the kitchen, “Thank you.”
“Are you aware of how Shuichi has been lately?” she asked him.
Yuki looked at her as he took a place at the kitchen table, “Only parts of it. I have no idea what has upset him. It had to have happened on tour a couple of days ago, but even Nakano does not know.”
Shindou-san prepared the tea, “I see…I do have to say I have never seen my son quite like this before.”
Yuki sighed, “I am hearing that a lot.”
Shindou-san placed Yuki’s teacup in front of him, “Oh? Maiko-chan, would you go up to your room please?”
Maiko took her adoring eyes off Yuki, pouted at her mother and took her tea upstairs to her room.
Shindou-san’s pleasant smiled held firm until she heard her daughter close her bedroom door. Her smile faltered and she took a deep sigh, “You did not go with him on this tour, did you?” she asked Yuki.
Yuki shook his head, “No, my deadline was too close to the end of it. By the time I was finished with that and met up with them, they would have been on their way home. We agreed that I would use the extra time Shuichi was away to start my next novel. Now I wish I had gone to him,” he told her honestly. Anxiety was starting to build up in the pit of his stomach when memories of Shuichi’s rape surfaced, ‘I hope nothing bad happened Shu-chan.’
“Thank you for caring about Shuichi. I am very concerned about him; he has hardly eaten, he has barely said a word since he came home, he has kept to himself in his bedroom, which he has completely trashed!” She said with a scowl towards the mess, “He snapped at me and ran out of the house yesterday evening when I pressed him into talking to me. I did not think I pushed him that hard…and he did not come back until 3am this morning,” Shindou-san said, “He used to tell me everything, whether I wanted to know or not, and now I cannot get a word out of him.”
The more Yuki heard about Shuichi’s behaviour, the more worried he became, and having to wait around for Shuichi to come back before he could find out what was going on, was frustrating the hell out of him, “Do you have any idea when he will get home?”
Shindou-san shook her head, “None what so ever.”
Yuki silently drank his tea while asking Buddha to bring Shuichi back sooner rather than later; he was more than itching to speak with his pink haired lover.
The silence was broken five minutes later with the swinging open of the front door, the slamming of the front door, a cry of ‘Ahh! Oni-chan look out’ followed by a smash, stomping footsteps and the slamming of an upstairs door.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shuichi was hurting and he was hurting bad.
He was walking along his family street coming back from a long run. He had not known where he was running to, but he just ran and ran and ran and when he finally stopped, he had found himself three districts away. He slapped himself on his forehead when he realised he had not brought his wallet and therefore, didn’t have any money for a bus fare back home.
Shuichi glanced at his watch and started walking back towards his parent’s house. His old room had been changed to a tearoom, to a library, a sewing room, back to a tea room, a storage room, a second study and back to a spare bedroom in order to accommodate all of Shuichi’s memorabilia as there was no room to store it at his and Yuki’s apartment.
Shuichi refused to touch his phone, much less look at it, and had left it in his room. He knew Yuki had been calling him repeatedly for some hours, which was why he started running in the first place. Shuichi could not bring himself to speak to his lover; the pain was just too much.
On the final day of Bad Luck’s tour, a small package had arrived at the hotel for Shuichi while he was rehearsing and completing a sound check for the final concert held later that night.
After the concert, Shuichi was high on life and the adrenaline buzz of his performance. He loved wowing his crowd…that and he could now go home to Yuki. He had spoken to Yuki earlier that day and had enjoyed quite the ‘conversation’ with his lover over the phone, another reason he had been so high on life. However, what he would not have given to be with Yuki right then and there. The anticipation of walking in their apartment door and directly into Yuki’s arms sent tingles all over his skin. That small, hour long episode of phone sex sure as hell was not enough to sate his need for Yuki after being away from him for over a month now; in fact it only increased it.
When he finally made it back to the hotel to begin packing, Shuichi investigated the package that had been waiting for him. Before getting his suitcases out, he collapsed on the bed and opened it. A video tape fell out on to his lap that had the title ‘Cool Beauty’. Shuichi put the tape in the VCR hitting play.
Shuichi couldn’t move as he sat crumpled on the floor of his hotel room as footage was displayed on the screen of Seguchi Tohma and Uesugi Tatsuha using Yuki’s, Shuichi gasped, willing body over and over and over again until Yuki kept passing out. Like a train wreck, he could not turn away and every moan and every cry stabbed at Shuichi’s heart like a red-hot knife, but nothing else in that video made his heart completely shatter when he heard Yuki use the title ‘Sensei’. Yuki only referred to one person with that title and he was dead - Kitazawa Yuki.
Shuichi cried as his mutinous eyes refused to look away from the images of Tohma and Tatsuha taking his…his lover’s body again and again, drawing out cries and moans and reactions that only Shuichi was supposed to elicit from Yuki. He continued to cry through the film as he realised Yuki was sleeping with Tohma and Tatsuha blindly; all he was seeing was his dead Sensei.
Shuichi felt sick and could feel his stomach churning, but the shock at the look of exhausted satisfaction on Yuki’s face as he fell into oblivion was what had Shuichi shakily running for the bathroom. Spluttering and coughing, Shuichi violently heaved up the contents of his stomach until he could taste the foul bitterness of bile, but his body would not stop. The sickening images of that tape played repeatedly in his mind. Shuichi could not stop crying adding to his inability to stop his body throwing up bile. He continued to throw up until he collapsed on the floor, feeling as if he would choke on his own breath as his throat and chest were burning.
Shuichi just laid there, tears silently falling from his eyes until they were blood shot and stinging. Weakly dragging himself to his hands and knees Shuichi reached up to flush the toilet and crawled to the shower. He didn’t even remember undressing himself as he sat curled into a ball in the corner of the shower with the water constantly beating down on him.
His mind was blank and his head was pounding when he got out of the shower. He left his hair to drip onto his shoulders and pulled a towel around his waist as he slowly brushed his teeth. The hit of the mint flavour was strong against his abused throat and it almost made him gag. By the time Shuichi had finished brushing his teeth, the foul taste of bile was gone, but the burning down his throat had not. He took a small drink of cold water before stumbling to the bed and passing out, his body too exhausted to do anything else.
When Shuichi woke, it was to find K nudging him awake, “Yo! Shuichi, wake up.”
Shuichi groaned groggily and almost cried out when his headache returned full force. Quietly he responded, “What is it K?”
“I thought you were heading back to Tokyo last night?”
Shuichi nearly growled at the thought of going back there. He could not go back. Not yet. He was not ready to face Yuki after what he had done. Shuichi thought for a moment, “I was too tired to go back last night,” he lied. Shuichi’s tongue felt heavy as he forced out Yuki’s name cheerfully, “And besides, Yuki’s working at the moment, I might as well stay here for the next couple of days.”
K seemed to accept that, “Sounds good Shuichi! I will book another seat on this afternoon’s mini-tour-”
Shuichi impatiently cut him off, “Do whatever…just let me go back to sleep now.”
Hiro was also standing in the room behind K, but Shuichi had not seen him. Hiro raised his eyebrows at Shuichi’s tone of voice with their manager, but still dragged K out of the room so Shuichi could go back to sleep.
Before their mini-bus was due to depart the hotel, Shuichi grumpily got himself ready and threw down a couple of headache tablets hoping to calm his headache, and therefore himself, down just a little. All he wanted to do was go back upstairs and crawl back into the bed; socialising was not on the top of his ‘to do’ list today. However, tearing apart the entire building in a fit of rage with his bare hands was not far from the top of that list. He had stopped crying about that tape and now he was downright pissed.
Shuichi sat staring out the window of his passenger seat as the bus headed down to the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Park, half listening to K babble on. K had decided that it would be nice for the band to take the mini-tour to Hiroshima’s ground zero. He believed that while it was nice for them to do ‘Band Stuff’ together, it would also be beneficial for the all-Japanese band with the American manager to publicly promote that they are interested in their histories. The fact that one Claude ‘K’ Winchester was obsessively interested in guns and warfare and engaged in his own warfare for the ‘protection’ of the band had absolutely nothing to do with it. Never mind that all three of the band members had been to the Memorial Park during one school year or another. It was safer to one’s health to just let K go and have his fun.
Hiro was sitting behind Shuichi and sat forward to lean on the back of his seat, “Hey Shuichi,” he muttered quietly, “What’s up? You do not seem yourself today.”
Shuichi kept his arms folded and slightly turned his head to look at his best friend, “Nothing Hiro, I am just still wrecked from last night’s show…and I have a mean headache…and the headache tablets I took are not helping.”
“Oh. Really? I have got some on me if you want some more?”
Shuichi nodded and Hiro got out two tablets for him. Shuichi gratefully took them and downed them with some water, “Thanks Hiro.”
Hiro held up a peace sign to Shuichi and leaned back in his seat again. Yes, he had seen straight through Shuichi’s lie and the lie this morning. He was not best friends with the singer for no reason now.
Shuichi was not sure if Hiro had picked his effort to brush him off, but would not put it passed him and when Hiro remained closer than usual to the singer, he knew Hiro was concerned for him. As they stood by the memorial, Shuichi zoned out for a moment thanking the heavens for a friend who cared and looked out for him like Hiro did, but at the same time wondering if he could confide in Hiro this time. He doubted he could. Hiro and Yuki never really got along and Shuichi could not imagine what would happen to either of them if Hiro found out Yuki had cheated on him with Tohma. He had lied to himself; he could imagine it. Hiro would go after Yuki and end up hospitalised by Yuki in self-defence. Tohma would step in and it would be the end of Bad Luck and certainly a situation that Shuichi did not want to happen. No, he could not confide in Hiro, at least not until he had spoken to Yuki himself, but who knew when he would be ready to do that.
Shuichi was brought out of his thoughts by Suguru who was pointing at the memorial, “Hey Shindou-san…did you have relatives killed in the bombing?”
K stopped and looked at Shuichi and then to where Suguru was pointing before back at Shuichi.
Shuichi nodded, “Yep, my grandfather’s brother’s family actually, but they still shared our family name. My grandparents had moved to the outskirts of Tokyo before my father was born, so they did not see much of that side of the family. My grandfather died when I was really young, so I do not remember him and according to the stories my father used to tell, his father took it pretty badly that his brother had been killed.”
Suguru looked back at the memorial, “Wow…it is humbling to think of how people’s families were affected by the bombing. Our family completely avoided any illness being no where near the blast areas and radiation zones.”
K had a subdued look on his face as if he were sorry for what had happened.
Shuichi raised his eyebrow, “Oi, K! There is no need to look sorry for what happened. Neither of us was alive when this happened. It is nice to remember the past for what it was but it is not nice to dwell on it.”
Suguru looked at Shuichi with new eyes. Just when he had the hyperactive and sometimes ‘blonde’ singer figured out, he came out with something so philosophical. K flashed a smile at Shuichi and carried on with the band following him.
Shuichi could not eat his dinner. He was not hungry. True he had completely emptied his stomach the night before and had not eaten all day, but he still was not hungry. He forced half his pasta dish down his throat to keep face, before the conversation made him lose his appetite completely. He could now manage to hear his lover’s name, although it saddened him to do so and speak it when asked about him, except when Tohma’s name was brought up in the conversation. Shuichi listed to the conversation about NG and after the second time that name was spoken, Shuichi could not take any more. He excused himself from the table and left quickly, not stopping when Hiro called after him.
Shuichi stormed into his hotel room and threw his key card on the table. He stood in the middle of the room for a moment and then snapped, “FUCK! Shit! DAMN IT!” he screamed and kicked at the bed until it had shifted from its grooves in the carpet. After his exertion, his stomach reminded him that he did not have enough food in his body for the energy he was using.
“Shut the fuck up!” Shuichi yelled down at his stomach, “Damn it!” He stormed over to the mini-bar and ripped out the chocolate bar. As he was about to slam the fridge door closed, the chinking of glass interrupted him. Shuichi stopped and looked at what had caused the noise. He found the bottles of alcohol being a number of differing beers, a mini champagne bottle and several tiny bottles of popular spirits. He spent not five seconds looking at them when he reached in and began pulling them out. Shuichi was not a regular drinker and needless to say, he never drank alone. This was partially because he could not really handle too much drink.
When Shuichi went out clubbing, Hiro would go with him and while his best friend did get to enjoy a couple of drinks, he was mainly there to keep an eye on Shuichi, probably the one thing Yuki ever liked Hiro for. Every now and again, Yuki would show up with his pink haired lover mainly to keep an eye on everyone else. It was an interesting cycle and one that Hiro enjoyed very much. Shuichi often went out clubbing and after a while, his outfits would get skimpier and a little more revealing. By the time Shuichi was down to short shorts and a mesh top, Yuki would appear at Shuichi’s side effectively keeping any wondering hands from his lover’s body and Shuichi would turn up for work on the Monday morning with an obvious limp in his step. The next time Shuichi had gone clubbing, it was clear that Yuki had had some say about his outfit, as Shuichi was back to leather pants and an undone shirt over a fancy new singlet top, and the cycle would repeat itself.
One time Shuichi had tried to break the cycle and much to Hiro’s amusement, it backfired. Shuichi had caught onto the fact that the only time he could drag Yuki out clubbing with him was when he was dressed in, well, not much at all. So after Yuki had possessively accompanied him one weekend, Shuichi tried it the following weekend, which consequently was a weekend before Yuki had a deadline. Well Yuki came to the club…about half an hour after Shuichi and Hiro had arrived. He did not look too happy either. Shuichi had the short shorts going with just an undone small white shirt on his upper half. Yuki came storming into the club, fitted Shuichi’s neck with a spiked collar, attached a chain and led the embarrassed Shuichi back out of the club. He had been banished to the couch for three nights for dressing like he was out to get laid twice in a row and also for disturbing Yuki’s writing.
Shuichi had sat himself on the floor leaning against the bed and was quickly going through the beer bottles through his fond memories of his times out with Yuki. The television was entirely unappealing mostly because that was still in the VCR. Shuichi cringed, “How the fuck does Eiri drink this shit all the time?” he asked to no one as the bitter taste of the beer hit the back of his throat.
Shuichi finally reacknowledged his grumbling stomach and started on the chocolate bar after he had finished the last beer bottle. Shuichi cracked open the mini champagne bottle and just drank it like a soft drink, washing the chocolate down with it. After he had finished blindly drinking the champagne, a familiar warm feeling made Shuichi burst into tears as more memories came through his alcohol-induced haze.
On a particularly cold winter’s evening, the building’s heating broke down on the top three floors. Yuki and Shuichi had an apartment on the third floor down. After loudly yelling down the phone at the building’s owner, Yuki was finally told that some rats had chewed through the electrical wiring that connected the three top floors with the heating system mainframe. Yuki was also told that the system could not be rewired until the next morning. He had also run out of cigarettes, as he used them as a heating replacement, forgetting he was on his last packet until morning. There had been a road weather alert for ice and it was too cold to go to the convenience store by foot.
Shuichi had thrown another jumper on and had wrapped himself in a blanket on the couch. He held a cup of hot chocolate in his hands as Yuki paced angrily in front of him grumbling about the heating system, the rats, the owner, the repair workers and their company, running out of cigarettes and finally the cold weather itself. This time Yuki was not nearing a deadline but had been on a roll of chapters, until the cold had finally seeped into his hands and began to make typing uncomfortable, and if you have ever tried typing while wearing gloves, you would know the task to be quite tedious.
Shuichi had finished his hot chocolate and placed his mug on the coffee table. Yuki was still pacing and grumbling and Shuichi leaned back against the couch listening to his lover’s ranting. Yuki had finished his tirade with a declaration that they were going to find another apartment. Yuki stood in the middle of the floor, his arms folded with the foulest scowl he could come up with, and Shuichi watched as Yuki’s hands subconsciously rubbed his forearms, indicating that he was feeling the chill on the air.
Shuichi smirked and unwrapped the blanket from tight around him. “Eiri,” he called out softly.
Yuki sharply looked down at Shuichi, “What?” he barked. He desperately needed a cigarette.
Shuichi held open the blanket and beckoned Yuki over to him with a finger.
Yuki waited for a moment before plopping himself down next to Shuichi, keeping his arms folded while Shuichi curled up against him with his head on the fold of his arm and pulled the blanket over them. After a few silent minutes, Yuki’s frustration subsided and he shifted his arms around Shuichi pulling him into his lap.
Shuichi was much like a happy feline curled up on her owner’s lap getting the pat of her life, except Shuichi didn’t purr like a cat…unless on certain private occasions.
“I love you Eiri.”
Yuki, although his heart absolutely sang every time Shuichi told him that he loved him, stuck to his general demeanour and grumbled, “I want your body heat…it is keeping me warm.”
Shuichi gasped, “Yuki!”
“What? It is cold if you have not noticed,” Yuki remarked.
Shuichi scoffed, “Yes I have noticed Yuki, and not just the weather either!”
Yuki smirked inwardly, ‘Ooh, clever comeback.’ Perhaps he was finally starting to learn Shuichi something.
Shuichi poked him in the chest, “You are supposed to say ‘I love you’ back!”
Yuki smirked a little, “Alright…I love your back.”
Shuichi started to smile joyously before Yuki’s sentence registered, “What?” Then it dawned on him, “Yuki!”
Yuki loved it when he had Shuichi bristled enough to slip into calling him ‘Yuki’, made the kid just that much cuter. Yuki shrugged, “Well it is the truth. Could you really ask for any more than that?”
Shuichi huffed and folded his arms against Yuki’s chest, looking in any direction other than at Yuki.
Yuki gave Shuichi a wicked smile as he leaned into kiss Shuichi’s cheek, and then moved to kiss under Shuichi’s ear, “You know,” he whispered huskily, “I really love that hole that is at the very end of that back…”
Shuichi blushed violently as Yuki’s hand moved to demonstrate the exact spot Yuki was talking about, moaning as Yuki slowly massaged his rear leaving his middle finger rubbing against Shuichi’s entrance through his clothes.
That night, Yuki found a better way of keeping warm than artificial heating, this method involving chocolate and champagne in very intimate ways. Shuichi thought he had died and gone to heaven when Yuki did nothing more than sensuously make love to him. When Yuki came to his climax, Shuichi had shed a few happy tears as Yuki, in his most raw and open form, told him that he loved him.
Now those tears were raining down Shuichi’s cheeks in torrents. THAT was when Yuki was supposed to be exhausted and satisfied - after he had made love with Shuichi! NOT after he had let his brother and his brother-in-law use his body over and over again. In another fit of rage, Shuichi kicked out at one of the empty bottles and sent it skidding along the carpet until it broke against the doorframe of the balcony.
Shuichi downed the tiny bottles of spirits in no more than three minutes, not caring that his stomach was trying to reject it. He dropped the last little bottle and let it roll along the floor to click against a different bottle and he cried.
His tears had dried up when he heard Hiro at his door. He wondered how long it would be before Hiro would try to enter. Shuichi continued to stare out the window as Hiro entered the unlocked room and lectured him about leaving his door unlocked.
“Shuichi! What do you think you are doing leaving the door unlocked! Any one could have walked in here; crazed fans, blackmailers, axe-wielding murderers…K would blow your brains out if he knew you left the door unlocked…”
Shuichi sighed and quietly remarked, “It would be a relief at this point.” It was true too. With all the turmoil, emotions, thoughts, and images whirling around his head, a bullet to his brain would bring silent relief.
Shuichi heard Hiro come around the bed from the door, “Huh? Shuichi? What…Shuichi…” He knew Hiro was looking at the mess.
Shuichi continued to stare out the window as Hiro took in the mess around him and sat next to him, “Shuichi, what is wrong? Please tell me.”
Shuichi had already resolved not to confide in Hiro and tears began to fall down Shuichi’s face, “I do not want to tell you what is wrong, Hiro.”
“I um…okay. Do you want me to do something…anything?”
“Will you hold me Hiro?” Shuichi asked quietly as he continued to stare out the window. He could not hold back the onset of more tears as Hiro did as he had asked him. Shuichi was so grateful of Hiro just comforting him without pushing him for reasons and answers, and it made him cry even harder. Simple comfort; the one thing Shuichi desperately needed right now.
When Shuichi had woken up, he found he was only in his shorts and singlet top and was in bed. He could not remember getting there. Shuichi slowly sat up in the bed and looked around the room. Hiro had cleaned up his mess, even the broken bottle, and had placed headache tablets and a glass of water on the bedside table for him. Shuichi could feel his headache waking up and took three tablets in order to stem it from growing too painful too quickly. The mix of the number of tablets and alcohol still in his stomach sent him stumbling to the bathroom to throw up again and this time, it hurt his body more than just the burn of actually being sick.
Shuichi lay back down and rested for a few long moments, before getting himself out of bed and into a soothing shower. After Shuichi had gotten himself dressed, he suddenly became extremely restless and panicky. Shuichi could not tolerate being around here any more, and began frantically packing his suitcases, not forgetting to viciously shove that in his suitcases somewhere. Shuichi was not quite so out of sorts as to leave that there for anyone to find.
The moment Shuichi was completely packed, he heaved his cases down to the reception desk and checked out, paying for his mini-bar and expenses costs. The accommodation came out of the tour budget. One of the porters helped Shuichi carry his heavy luggage out to the hotel lobby and into a waiting taxi that Shuichi had asked the receptionist to book to take him to the train station. Once at the train station Shuichi boarded a train to his hometown where his family lived.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As the very tired Shuichi finally rounded the last corner to the house, he stopped and just stared at the car parked out the front. That was Yuki’s car. That meant Yuki was here and meant Shuichi would have to face his lover.
Shuichi considered running off again, but knew the idiocy of such an act. Everything that he needed was in the house and was the reason he decided to come back in the first place; his wallet, his cards, his money and his keys. All of that and he felt like he was about to collapse from exhaustion. Shuichi still did not regard his mobile phone as a necessity yet. Shuichi put his head in his hand and groaned, “Aw fuck!”
Shuichi continued his approach to the house and stopped as he looked into Yuki’s car, more specifically at the steering wheel and he was reminded of Yuki’s hands. Shuichi’s heart clenched at how much he missed Yuki, how much he yearned to be with him, but then he was flooded with why he was not with Yuki right now. The anger continued to build up to boiling point until he was seething.
Shuichi angrily flew into the house, slamming the front door and barging up the stairs, not stopping to apologise to Maiko for knocking into her. When he got to his room, Shuichi slammed the door loud enough to make the window shudder.
--------
Oh dear…Poor Shu-chan!
Will he ever cut a break from his yoyo relationship?
Until next time!
KittenCeez!
xxx
Sign up to rate and review this story