FicWad

I havn't updated either of my stories in a long time. Sorry for keeping you all waiting. I'm still thinking about Saviour of the Broken, but then found that I had a real need to update this one instead(: Please let me know what you think.
To everyone who auditioned to be in this story I've got some bad news. I'm not sure that I'll be needing you:/ But don't worry, I won't forget about you, I can use your audition for the next story I write(: But unfortunately that could be in quite a while. I'll let you know though.
That isn't 100%, I might need you for this story, I'll have to see where the story goes. Don't be disappointed, I will use you because you all are great characters for any kind of story. Thank you for reading and sorry if this note has bored you to death, I'll stop now and get on with the story. Love you all.
Rxx

I watched the sun rise from my bedroom window. The sky was a dull pink and gradually grew lighter and lighter untill the sun beamed though, enlighting the entire room. The whole night I lay awake. I feel so tired but I cannot sleep.I've lost something that I can't replace. All my love seems to go to waste.. Nothing but darkness ran through my mind that night. Why her? Out of everyone it had to be her. Why couldn't it have been me?
You can't feel anything when you're dead, it takes it all away..

i sit up and lean my back against the headboard. I brong my legs up to my chest and can't help but feel afraid. NOthing can fix this. It is like a never ending circle, a black cloud that will forever follow me around, trapping me. I feel myself become dreanched in my pain again.. Drowning inside my own mind. I'm an orphan. No one left to steady my hands. I rest my head on my knees before slipping out from the scratchy blankets. The floor boards greeted my feet with an icy sensation and I walked towards the door. It was early morning, no later than seven judging by the sky. Knowing Gerard like I used to, he would sleep in untill nine. Two hours by myself in an unknown house.
I walked down the short hallway and entered the kitchen. It wasn't big, it only contained the esentials but it was still beyond what the Gerard I used to know could afford..
I had to keep reminding myself that he wasn't the Gerard I used to know. Like it or not.
I took a seat at the bench on a stool. The house was silent. Only the sound of my breathing broke the chilling stillness.
"Hungry Mikey?"
I lept out of the stool and looked around. Gerard stood in the kitchen wearing black skinny jeans, simple black button down shirt and a teasing grin.
"Er- N-No."
He nodded and sat on the stool beside me. "Coffee?"
"No thanks."
"I remember the times we used to sit up drinking countless amounts of coffee, not a lot like you to turn it down, Mikey." He said calmly.
"Then again," He locked his eyes onto mine "A lot has changed over these years."
I broke our eye contact and focused on the beanchtop.
I felt his eye boaring into me.
"Do you.. Do you want to talk?" He asked, unsure if it was the right thing to say.
I shrugged.
"What's the point of talking when you don't even know what to say."
"It's a lot more to it than you think, Mikey." He said, his voice suddenly rising.
"What's that supposed to mean? Mom's dead and you couldn't care less!"
"I don't expect you to understand." He kept his voice lifeless and blank, but it still sliced through me like a knife.
"What are you talking about, Gerard? Who would understand more than your own brother?"
He shook his head.
"It isn't as easy as you think."
"She was my mom too, we are going through the same pain. I know how it feels Gerard."
"No you don't know how it feels!"
I closed my mouth and stared into his bright honey hazel eyes and I watched as sadness enfested them. His eyes changed. They resembled different shades of self pity, anger sadness and shame. But it also included emotions that I couldn't read. His unnaturally pale skin seemed to glow in the early morning sunlight as his eyes erupted with mystery. He keeped looking into my eye. He really looked into them, hollowing me out from the inside. He blinked and stood up from his stool, then he broke the contact and marched to his basement door.
I closed my eyes as I heard it slam. He was gone.
I stayed in the kitchen for some time before I decided to look around.
I walked past the lounge where the fire had now died out, leaving tiny embers. I entered the bathroom, it was small like the rest of the house. I looked into the mirror and saw myself staring back with no emotion. I ran my fingers through my hair and steadied my breathing. With one last look at my ashened face I left. I walked down the hall, not really knowing what to do.

I decided that I would have to make up with Gerard. He was my brother after all, he was all I had left and I would be spending a lot of my time with him now after all that has happened..
I walked to the room which he had pointed out to be his own and quietly creaked it open.
A short stairway lead me down to the cold hard ground of his room. The room was a lot like mine, but it looked a lot more looked after.
It was also plastered with different kinds of art, it also had a desk holding different artworks and art supplies. Gerard was sitting at his desk holding a small pile of art. He was shuffling through them. He didn't look when I walked in quietly.
"Hello Mikey." He said quietly, not looking up from his art.
"Hey Gee."
He turned to face me, placing the art on the desk.
I stood infront of him, not really knowing what to do or say. Gerard seemed to understand that.
"I know that this is difficult Mikes. More than we could really think. No one likes a change."
I nodded and looked around the room, gazing over each artwork.
Gerard followed my gaze and looked at them all too.
"You're um, really good."
He smiled, "Thanks. I find that I have.. A lot of time to waste." He looked into my eyes again and that chill of the feeling that he is staring at my soul greeted me agian.
"How do you not run out of things to draw and paint?" I said, still keeping my eyes looking around the room, not feeling too keen on looking into his.
I could feel him watching me though.
"I have a lot to think about. I very rarely have nothing on my mind.."
I nodded.
"Well they're really good."
He smiled his small smirk.
"Do you want to take a seat?" he looked at a couch that was pressed against the side of the wall. I sat down and looked around.
Then I reaslised that the room was empty of one vital object.
"Gee?"
"Mm?" He had turned back to flick through his sketches.
"W-Where is your bed?"
"What?"
"Do you sleep on this couch?"
"Oh. No, you see i have quite a bit of trouble sleeping."
"Insomnia? I used to have that."
"You could say that." He kept his eyes attatched to his art and spoke very calmly.
I frowned and watched him work.
The room was silent, only the sound of sheets of paper ruffling against each other filled the room.
Gerard sighed and turned to face me.
"How are you today, Mikey?"
I played with the tuff of thread escapin the couch and shrugged.
"The same as yesterday I guess."
He nodded and watched me again.
"You?"
"I don't feel much anymore." He said grimly.
I nodded. silence fell.

We were different now, there was no denying that. It just seems like gerard isn't even mildly Gerard anymore. It's like i'm talking to a complete stranger.

Maybe that's for the best. It means we can start over. We can start over freash..
As a start, getting to know each other. Digging into his life and finding th secrets that I know he's avoiding telling me.
One thing that still remains is that spark. That spark might be the light to lead us out of this darkness. The spark is the bond that we once shared. I thought it had died out years ago but i was wrong, it's still there, only its weak and fading. But the comfort of knowing that it still exists is enough to light up my empty, dark life. It give me hope.