FicWad

The months after Frank departed again were hard on everyone. For Linda, she felt this empty, lonely feeling whenever she walked past her son's vacant room. She used to keep the door closed, for Frank's privacy, but now she keeps it open, with the light on. Her reasoning? She wants to feel like her son is home. Like maybe he's downstairs eating a grilled cheese in the middle of the night. Or maybe her small son is downstairs on the couch with his boyfriend, watching some scary movie. And no matter how many times she told her son to shut off his light before he went downstairs, she would always get the same response. 'But Maaaaa, me and Gerard are watching a movie. And I need to have the light on upstairs so I don't fall and break my neck on the way to my room later' Of course, Linda knew the real reason her son needed to have the bedroom light on; he and Gerard were watching a scary movie. And no matter how old Frankie got, he'd still be that little boy with the fear of the monsters under his bed. So she obliged, leaving the bedroom light on for her son, so he didn't have to fear the monsters of the movie getting him as he walked into his room. Linda just hoped that the monsters of the war weren't scaring her son too badly.

For Gerard...he was having a hard time adjusting. The way that he left things with his boyfriend, were...not the best. In fact the letters that Frank sent him were upsetting. In the beginning the letters were just like they used to be, Frank being upbeat and happy, telling Gerard only the best of things that happened. Like how there was a dog on base that had quickly become Frank's best friend. Or how Frank got a whole three days off...in a row and how he had slept for the entire time. Gerard was happy for his boyfriend, he knew that the war had been wearing his boyfriend thin, but he just had to ask about how his lover slept. If those nightmares infested his mind. And Frank's response when Gerard asked about those dreams? 'What nightmares, babe? I don't remember any. I did dream about you, though. I miss you so much. I can't wait for our web cam chat. Love you—Frank.” That letter broke Gerard. No he wasn't upset, he was pissed. Why couldn't Frank just tell him the truth. Hadn't they been through enough already as a couple? Why did Frank insist on lying about his nightmares? So when it came time for their scheduled web cam chat, one Thursday morning, Gerard had made sure he was scheduled to work. He didn't want to see his boyfriend.

When Frank had come online, seeing the face of his mother, Donna, and Mikey all smiling back at him he just had to ask where Gerard was. Not that he wasn't grateful to see these three people he called his family, but he wanted to see his boyfriend. He hadn't even heard from him since his last letter and usually Gerard's letters came regularly, but not this last one. Donna and Mikey looked at each other before Donna turned to the screen, smiling at her son's boyfriend, as she lied for her eldest son.

“I'm sorry, sweetie. He had work today, he tried to get off but his manager wouldn't let him.”

Frank just nodded, looking down at the keyboard for a moment, he knew that she was lying. He'd seen that look before, many times. “Oh, alright. Well will you tell him that I miss him? I haven't gotten his latest letter yet.”

Donna nodded and looked at Mikey as the skinny man quickly changed the subject, “So, come on, man, tell us about this dog you have on base. Do you like attract them or something?”

And the conversation went back to normal, Mikey updating Frank on the recent show he went to, Linda telling Frank about the latest drama with his cousin Tony, and Donna was explaining to Frank that she had perfected a new vegetarian dish that neither Mikey or Gerard would touch and she needed someone's opinion. Of course Frank agreed that the second he came home he'd try it. He'd always loved Donna's meals.

That conversation was about four months ago, though. And Gerard still hadn't seen Frank on web cam, each of the two other times Frank found time to get online, Gerard made an excuse. But, in Gerard's defense, there really was no way that he could have known that Frank was going to be online on those specific time, seeing that Gerard no longer lived in his mothers house. Yeah, that's right, Gerard and Ray got an apartment about an hour away from Belleville. He transferred stores, working at one closer to his apartment, and basically shut off communication with his family in Belleville. Of course he called his mother, and of course he had his brother over once and a while, but he hadn't been back. Gerard couldn't go back. There was this feeling of anger and pain in every inch of that house; every inch held memories of Frank.

You see, Gerard hadn't told Frank that he switched stores, he hadn't told Frank his new address, in fact, he hadn't even told Frank that he moved. Actually Gerard hadn't corresponded with Frank since the letter that destroyed the relationship, at least in Gerard's eyes. Gerard felt that Frank was hiding something from him, no longer keeping the one rule that they had with each other. No lies. They were young, but they wanted to make it work. They loved each other, they wanted to be together for ever. So when they first knew that they were the 'ones' they made the rule that there were no lies. Ever. And Frank broke that rule. It may be stupid, and people, specifically Mikey, told Gerard that he was being childish. That he had no idea what Frank was going through while fighting. That maybe he wasn't telling him about his nightmares because he didn't want to tell him, or because the young soldier really didn't remember. Sometimes people that face trauma block it out from their mind. But Gerard didn't accept any of those excuses. His boyfriend had lied to him. And Gerard wasn't sure if he could be in a relationship with a liar. Soldier or not soldier.


So Gerard chose to cut Frank out of his life. For now. It was easy enough. The boy was thousands of miles away with minimal communication equipment. And to be honest, Gerard was happy. He liked being out on his own. He was 23, he should be able to fend for himself. He was living, going out to shows with Ray, and drawing comics. He had even applied for a job at an illustration firm in Manhattan. His life was moving in the right direction and he liked it. He did wish that he had Frank by his side, cheering him on, but he couldn't handle a liar. No matter how small the lie.

And Gerard thought he could live without Frank for a while. He was forced to anyway. It was easier to just take this break; let the two men see life without being attached to each other. It was only a break on Gerard's side though. For Frank was very much working, fighting to stay alive, fighting for freedom, fighting for his country and unknowingly fighting for his relationship. And at this moment, Frank was failing at all of those things, at least for the past month. Unbeknownst to Gerard..

Gerard wouldn't find out until today, while he sat in his bedroom of his apartment, sketching away an idea that flooded his dreams, the ringing of his cell phone pulling him out of the fictional world. Reaching for the phone, he pushed the pad to the side of his bed, checking the caller ID, reading 'Mom' before picking up.

“'Ello?” He mumbled, eyes scanning over the sketch beside him.

“Gerard, honey?” He heard his mothers hoarse, sad voice echoing through the phone, the same voice he heard when his grandmother died.

“Mom? What's wrong?” He immediately sat up, listening intently to the sobs on the other end of the line. Oh God, something horrible had happened. Was Mikey okay? What about his grandfather? Gerard's mind wandering to all of his family members, thinking when he last saw them. His mind never wandering to his fighting boyfriend.

“Gerard, I have bad news, sweetheart.” Gerard just made a noise of encouragement, waiting for his mother to go on. “Frankie's troop went missing. They lost contact a few weeks ago. Sweetheart, he was captured.” Donna went on to explain how Frank was going in with his troop for a raid and there were more men than anticipated. The enemy had overpowered his team and captured them, keeping them in the caves of a city that was unknown to the American soldiers. But Gerard didn't hear any of it. He dropped the phone to the bed, leaning forward resting his head in his hands, processing the news.

Frank was gone. The man that he loved, the man that he childishly separated himself from, was gone and he wasn't going to see him again.