Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Falling.
“[Mama’s] meant to feel like a letter from the trenches — which can very much describe how you’re feeling in a band, that alienation. There’s been these moments when I’ve felt like I wanted my mother, you know, I’m in this big, crazy world now, people are trying to fuck me or kill me, I don’t know who my friends are, and it’s like, ‘Mom, I’m not ready for this.’” — Gerard Way.
Part 3: Blood Brothers
Guilt. It plagued everyone's mind. Mikey doubted either Ray nor Frank was doing worse than him. He couldn't bring himself to look Gerard in the face. Two missed calls. Two missed fucking calls on his phone that he intentionally did not answer. And now his brother was struggling to breathe.
What could he possibly say to Gerard at this point? He was sorry? Sorry he ignored his cries for help and shoved him to the ground? Sorry he allowed him to be attacked and beaten, when all it would have taken was answering one fucking phone call?
The physician kept saying he was in critical condition. They didn’t want to promise anything.God, what if he didn't make it? Mikey would consider it all his fault. The idea of losing Gerard alone was devastating enough.
Frank had been keeping watch on Gerard, faithful as ever. Yet Gerard seemed afraid of Frank. Did he just dislike the idea of being touched because of what happened? Or was there more to it than that?Mikey knew the only way this would ever get solved is if he found out the truth.
“Please talk to me.” he sighed as he stood by Gerard’s bedside. Gerard only looked at him, almost suspiciously. “Gerard, please.” Mikey begged and he sat down and reached out to grab Gerard’s IV-attached hand. Gerard snatched it away as though Mikey had burned him. Mikey wasn’t too surprised, although he became alarmed at what he saw when he looked up.
Tears. Tears were rolling quietly down Gerard’s face. It was the first reaction they had gotten out of Gerard sine he was admitted. While Mikey usually hated to see Gerard cry, he hoped that this might be the start of Gerard opening up to him. He stayed silent, waiting with baited breath.
“Why?” Gerard said so softly, Mikey would have missed it had their environment not been completely silent.
“Why, what sweetie?” Mikey tried to match Gerard’s tone as to not frighten him back into silence. It was a very delicate situation.
“Why did you do this to me? I know I haven’t been the best brother, or friend. I know I haven’t been the best person. I know I’ve fucked up before. But did I really deserve this?” Mikey tried to talk and express his confusion, but Gerard wouldn’t let him. Gerard rambled on. His soft, hurt tone became increasingly louder and angrier. “Dammit, Mikey! I thought you loved me! I fucking loved you more than anything in the world! I loved all of you!” Gerard began to sob heavily “How could you do this to me? H-how could you?”
“Gerard, I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Mikey finally yelled at him, feeling it was the only way he was going to get through.
“Stop trying to fucking deny it! Bert already told me last night was your idea!”
“What? What was my idea?”
“Th --- they --- “
Mikey could tell Gerard was having a difficult time saying it. His hands gripped his sheets and he looked down at his lap. Mikey knew this to be Gerard’s “embarrassed” expression. Whatever had happened, he was ashamed of it.
It was only then that the idea of rape occurred to Mikey. He remembered the text messages Frank had gotten hours ago. He frowned and debated asking. He tried touching Gerard’s leg, and Gerard recoiled it quickly. His monitor showed an increase in heart rate.
“Gerard, I’m still not sure what you’re talking about. But you must know --- you have to know, I would NEVER do anything to hurt you.” Mikey pleaded with him. “I can’t even fathom the idea….”
“I don’t know…” Gerard moaned, cradling his head in his hands. “I don’t know if I can trust you… I don’t know who to trust right now… I’m so sorry, Mikey….”
Mikey was getting teary eyed himself, his heart in his throat. “GERARD, PLEASE! How can I make this right if you won’t even fucking talk to me?!? God, isn’t it enough that this is going to haunt me for the rest of my life? Is that what you want to hear?!? Because I know it’s going to Gee. Because I’ve tried so hard to protect you all these years! And the one second I turn my back, and you end up in the hospital…. FUCK!” Mikey was now bawling, while Gerard sat and watched his brother break down in silence.
Gerard wanted to believe Mikey. He wanted to believe him so god damn badly. He wanted to hug him and tell him everything was okay. He wanted everything to be okay again. Yet it felt as though the night before had damaged him irreversibly. It wasn’t even about the rape, or the violation he felt. It was about who raped him. People he thought had been friends. People he trusted. Then hearing the idea that Frank or Mikey might have been behind it? Having them ignore his calls? Pushing him to the ground when he only sought comfort? These were all blows that had been dealt while he was still recovering from the blows of his and Lindsey’s divorce. It was just one fucking betrayal after another. And he wasn’t ready for this. He wasn’t ready.
Gerard suddenly felt violently ill. His heart fluttered and twitched in his chest. His airway became very tight, making difficult to breathe. He found himself panting, gasping desperately for air. Sweat poured down his face. The machines around him were going off. Mikey immediately ran from where he sat, going on the door and screaming for help.
People came swarming in like a horde of bees. Mikey was ushered out of the room, although he greatly resisted. Gerard could hear him yelling something at the nurses. He could hear the nurses yelling things to each other. Although he could catch a few words, such as “hypovolemic”, and “BP” everything sounded distant. As though he was hearing it all from the end of a tunnel.
Suddenly, a sensation he had only just escaped came over him.Violation.Hands, touching him everywhere. While at first he knew it was only medical personnel trying to stabilize him, somehow the clarity of the situation became confused and blurred. A hand grabbed at his throat. His jaw was being pried open. Something was being shoved in his mouth. People were holding him down. No, this couldn’t be happening again. Gerard struggled against the hold they had on him. He wanted to scream for help, but it was no use. If no one was going to save him the first time, he doubted anyone was going to come for him now.
~
Frank watched Mikey and the physician talk about the situation with Gerard. Frank felt terrible for both the Way brothers at the moment. Gerard had obviously been through some horrible ordeal, and Mikey was dying of worry. He was extremely worried himself, especially after seeing Gerard crash like that. They couldn’t lose Gee. They just couldn’t. He couldn’t.
“Your brother went into hypovolemic shock.” The physician explained to Mikey, “It’s what happens when you’ve lost a massive amount of blood. His internal bleeding is causing an increasing amount of blood loss. We’ve stabilized him for now, and he’s under heavy sedation. We need to find a lot of blood, and get it in him. Fast. This means blood transfusions. He needs them before we can do any surgeries. You’re listed as his medical power of attorney on his advance directive. So while he’s knocked out, it’s your call kid.”
Suddenly, Mikey’s eyes lit up. “Gerard and I are the same blood type! You can use mine!”
The physician frowned. “This is a lot of blood we’re talking about kid, almost 2,000 mL. I’m not sure….”
In a slightly silly looking gesture, Mikey thrust his extended arms in the physician’s face. “I don’t care! Take it! Take it all!”
Suddenly, Frank approached them. He said “I believe I too am the same blood type. Is it possible to mix our blood so Mikey wouldn’t have to give so much?”
The physician looked taken aback by the proposal. He gave a nod and muttered something about getting the consent forms. Frank looked at Mikey and they smiled at each other. Together, they were going to make this right again. No matter what it took.
Part 3: Blood Brothers
Guilt. It plagued everyone's mind. Mikey doubted either Ray nor Frank was doing worse than him. He couldn't bring himself to look Gerard in the face. Two missed calls. Two missed fucking calls on his phone that he intentionally did not answer. And now his brother was struggling to breathe.
What could he possibly say to Gerard at this point? He was sorry? Sorry he ignored his cries for help and shoved him to the ground? Sorry he allowed him to be attacked and beaten, when all it would have taken was answering one fucking phone call?
The physician kept saying he was in critical condition. They didn’t want to promise anything.God, what if he didn't make it? Mikey would consider it all his fault. The idea of losing Gerard alone was devastating enough.
Frank had been keeping watch on Gerard, faithful as ever. Yet Gerard seemed afraid of Frank. Did he just dislike the idea of being touched because of what happened? Or was there more to it than that?Mikey knew the only way this would ever get solved is if he found out the truth.
“Please talk to me.” he sighed as he stood by Gerard’s bedside. Gerard only looked at him, almost suspiciously. “Gerard, please.” Mikey begged and he sat down and reached out to grab Gerard’s IV-attached hand. Gerard snatched it away as though Mikey had burned him. Mikey wasn’t too surprised, although he became alarmed at what he saw when he looked up.
Tears. Tears were rolling quietly down Gerard’s face. It was the first reaction they had gotten out of Gerard sine he was admitted. While Mikey usually hated to see Gerard cry, he hoped that this might be the start of Gerard opening up to him. He stayed silent, waiting with baited breath.
“Why?” Gerard said so softly, Mikey would have missed it had their environment not been completely silent.
“Why, what sweetie?” Mikey tried to match Gerard’s tone as to not frighten him back into silence. It was a very delicate situation.
“Why did you do this to me? I know I haven’t been the best brother, or friend. I know I haven’t been the best person. I know I’ve fucked up before. But did I really deserve this?” Mikey tried to talk and express his confusion, but Gerard wouldn’t let him. Gerard rambled on. His soft, hurt tone became increasingly louder and angrier. “Dammit, Mikey! I thought you loved me! I fucking loved you more than anything in the world! I loved all of you!” Gerard began to sob heavily “How could you do this to me? H-how could you?”
“Gerard, I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Mikey finally yelled at him, feeling it was the only way he was going to get through.
“Stop trying to fucking deny it! Bert already told me last night was your idea!”
“What? What was my idea?”
“Th --- they --- “
Mikey could tell Gerard was having a difficult time saying it. His hands gripped his sheets and he looked down at his lap. Mikey knew this to be Gerard’s “embarrassed” expression. Whatever had happened, he was ashamed of it.
It was only then that the idea of rape occurred to Mikey. He remembered the text messages Frank had gotten hours ago. He frowned and debated asking. He tried touching Gerard’s leg, and Gerard recoiled it quickly. His monitor showed an increase in heart rate.
“Gerard, I’m still not sure what you’re talking about. But you must know --- you have to know, I would NEVER do anything to hurt you.” Mikey pleaded with him. “I can’t even fathom the idea….”
“I don’t know…” Gerard moaned, cradling his head in his hands. “I don’t know if I can trust you… I don’t know who to trust right now… I’m so sorry, Mikey….”
Mikey was getting teary eyed himself, his heart in his throat. “GERARD, PLEASE! How can I make this right if you won’t even fucking talk to me?!? God, isn’t it enough that this is going to haunt me for the rest of my life? Is that what you want to hear?!? Because I know it’s going to Gee. Because I’ve tried so hard to protect you all these years! And the one second I turn my back, and you end up in the hospital…. FUCK!” Mikey was now bawling, while Gerard sat and watched his brother break down in silence.
Gerard wanted to believe Mikey. He wanted to believe him so god damn badly. He wanted to hug him and tell him everything was okay. He wanted everything to be okay again. Yet it felt as though the night before had damaged him irreversibly. It wasn’t even about the rape, or the violation he felt. It was about who raped him. People he thought had been friends. People he trusted. Then hearing the idea that Frank or Mikey might have been behind it? Having them ignore his calls? Pushing him to the ground when he only sought comfort? These were all blows that had been dealt while he was still recovering from the blows of his and Lindsey’s divorce. It was just one fucking betrayal after another. And he wasn’t ready for this. He wasn’t ready.
Gerard suddenly felt violently ill. His heart fluttered and twitched in his chest. His airway became very tight, making difficult to breathe. He found himself panting, gasping desperately for air. Sweat poured down his face. The machines around him were going off. Mikey immediately ran from where he sat, going on the door and screaming for help.
People came swarming in like a horde of bees. Mikey was ushered out of the room, although he greatly resisted. Gerard could hear him yelling something at the nurses. He could hear the nurses yelling things to each other. Although he could catch a few words, such as “hypovolemic”, and “BP” everything sounded distant. As though he was hearing it all from the end of a tunnel.
Suddenly, a sensation he had only just escaped came over him.Violation.Hands, touching him everywhere. While at first he knew it was only medical personnel trying to stabilize him, somehow the clarity of the situation became confused and blurred. A hand grabbed at his throat. His jaw was being pried open. Something was being shoved in his mouth. People were holding him down. No, this couldn’t be happening again. Gerard struggled against the hold they had on him. He wanted to scream for help, but it was no use. If no one was going to save him the first time, he doubted anyone was going to come for him now.
~
Frank watched Mikey and the physician talk about the situation with Gerard. Frank felt terrible for both the Way brothers at the moment. Gerard had obviously been through some horrible ordeal, and Mikey was dying of worry. He was extremely worried himself, especially after seeing Gerard crash like that. They couldn’t lose Gee. They just couldn’t. He couldn’t.
“Your brother went into hypovolemic shock.” The physician explained to Mikey, “It’s what happens when you’ve lost a massive amount of blood. His internal bleeding is causing an increasing amount of blood loss. We’ve stabilized him for now, and he’s under heavy sedation. We need to find a lot of blood, and get it in him. Fast. This means blood transfusions. He needs them before we can do any surgeries. You’re listed as his medical power of attorney on his advance directive. So while he’s knocked out, it’s your call kid.”
Suddenly, Mikey’s eyes lit up. “Gerard and I are the same blood type! You can use mine!”
The physician frowned. “This is a lot of blood we’re talking about kid, almost 2,000 mL. I’m not sure….”
In a slightly silly looking gesture, Mikey thrust his extended arms in the physician’s face. “I don’t care! Take it! Take it all!”
Suddenly, Frank approached them. He said “I believe I too am the same blood type. Is it possible to mix our blood so Mikey wouldn’t have to give so much?”
The physician looked taken aback by the proposal. He gave a nod and muttered something about getting the consent forms. Frank looked at Mikey and they smiled at each other. Together, they were going to make this right again. No matter what it took.
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