Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Shadow Of The Day
Song: "Fireflies (Light Messengers)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txjpgi9blOc
She walked back slowly, absorbing everything that had happened in the last 3 days.
The crash.
The call.
Gerard.
Flatlining.
Dying.
Dead.
Death.
Gone.
Forever.
So much pain, yet she wasn’t the one buried 10 feet below.
And as she walked back, through the spluttering and dying rain, she put on a smile. He would like that, she thought.
Soon enough, she passed his soon to be grave on the way to the after ceremony party thing. She really couldn’t care less. She wanted to go home.
I wonder how long it will be until this entire ground is covered in fangirl tears and presents. She noticed the hearse and the caretakers were still there. Laughing about something the pig looking caretaker had said, and the hollow looking hearse driver was tying up his shoes. She really couldn’t care less, and felt kind of happy that they were happy, even after dealing with prying off his sobbing mother and bringing his brother back into consciousness. She managed another dry smile. Best to be cheery at times like these.
Going back to face his family was the last thing she needed. Or get the image of Mikey, dressed in a suit, cold and pale inside a goddamn coffin, stuck in her head again. And when they played ‘their song’ at the funeral, that’s when she began to break down. Everything hit Lacey at that one moment. He was dead. Gone forever. He left you. And he’s never coming back.
~*~
Lacey kept walking to the collation. Located at a banquet room, the venue was inside of a local hotel. I’ll just stop by quickly. Tell Jayde and Romy I’m okay. Comfort Donna. Hug Gerard. Then I can go home.
“Excuse me, miss? You are here for the funeral, correct?”
“Umm….-“
“Judging by your appearance that would be a yes. This way. Food will be served shortly.”
Great. A room full of people. A banquet room for god’s sakes. And an overly cheery manager? This day keeps getting better.
“Just sign in here and the ceremony is down the hall, in the ‘Cherish ballroom’”
Lacey just smiled and nodded.
Oh, a ballroom. Lovely. I don’t do people. They all know that. And the ‘Cherish’ ballroom. I like the creativity. Not.
The manager just smiled that creepy flight attendant like smile, put a hand on Lacey’s shoulder, and walked away.
Thank you Jesus.
She picked up pen.
Name.
Easy peasy pumpkin peasy. [A/N I couldn’t resist xD]
‘Lacey Henderson’
Time of Arrival.
Don’t kill me, Gee.
‘1:42’ An hour and forty-two minutes late?
Relationship to deceased.
I really want to put something really fangirly.
But then Worm would probably get involved.
The last thing I need is him chasing me around again.
What do I put?
Girlfriend? We aren’t dating anymore, I guess.
‘Someone’
“That should do it.”
~*~
She pushed open the heavy wooden door to the ‘Cherish Ballroom’. Oh joy.
The first thing Lacey noticed was how as soon as the door opened, the whole “ballroom” grew silent and turned to face her. She guessed it was either because of how late she was, didn’t come in the limo back here, how she ran off, how she looked, or maybe a mix of everything. She felt her cheeks burning as she tried to get away from the stares.
Look at me. The dead boy’s girlfriend. Ha Ha Ha.
“Lacey…”
She turned around, and faced her friend. Romy Patten-her support and shoulder to cry on was here, and was ready to do both of those things. She pulled her into a tight hug then pulled her toward the small fruit bar towards the side of the banquet, away from all the stares.
“Lacey Anne, where did you go? I was going crazy looking for you. You seemed so calm during the whole, um, funeral and then it was like BAM! You just shot off like a rocket. It was heartbreaking. And then Donna started to sob, then Gerard, then-“
“Romy,”
“So then I wanted to run after you but Jayde wouldn’t let me. He was all, ‘She needs to emotionally repair herself on her own terms’ blah blah blah-“
“Romy, I”
“Like, who does he think he is? Dr. Feelbetter? Hey isn’t that a chocolate?”
“You’re rambling again.”
“Sorry. I guess what I want to know is that you’re okay now. Are you going to come back home with me and Jayde? He misses you like crazy.”
“Thanks Romy. I’m okay, I guess.” Not really. You’re dying inside and just want to go sob in the corner like the immature little girl you are
“That’s great. Well we need to go because Rosie is giving us that scaryget your asses over here look and keeps gesturing at Gerard so come on.” She looked back at a table labeled 12 where she could just make out the tall form of Rosie.
Romy yanked Lacey by the wrist and dragged her towards table 12. People turned their heads around just to look at them. Romy kept kicking the chairs of people who whispered things to eachother like:
“That’s her. His girlfriend.”
“Such a shame, poor girl.”
“What is she wearing? Ew.”
Thank god for Romy because Lacey was about to scream. They soon made it to table 12.
“Lacey…”
Rosie gave her a huge hug. She was wearing her glasses today, probably from crying too much. Her normally bright hazel eyes held a sad look as she smiled at Lacey.
“I think Gerard needs to talk to you.” Her gaze shifted from Lacey to her fiancée.
Gerard was a heartbreaking sight to see. He was staring at the floral centerpiece but his eyes weren’t seeing anything and they glistened with tears. His black hair looked greasy and unwashed and you can tell he had just shaved that morning. His hands were shaking as he held an untouched cup of coffee.
“Gerard,” Rosie put a supportive hand on his shoulder.
“I’m going to find Jayde.” Romy whispered before walking away.
“Baby,” Rosie continued. “Lacey came back. You want to talk to her?”
His mournful gaze glided to Lacey, his eyes piercing her. He held out his hand and grabbed hers. He hesitated for a moment then nodded.
“Okay then. I’ll be right back. I’m going to check on Mom and Dad.”
Gerard never lost his gaze with Lacey. He gestured for her to sit down in Rosie’s vacant chair.
“You came back.”
“Yeah.” She sniffed and looked away.
“Why?”
“Because I’m not just going to leave you alone. No one knows what you’re going through.” She gave his hand a squeeze.
He shook his head and a single tear trickled down his cheek, landing on his lap. He stifled a sob and rested his forehead on her hand, more tears spilling.
Suddenly, his head snapped up. He sniffed and wiped away his tears. “I-I-I have to show you something.” He grabbed her hand and led her outside.
-x-
They were sitting under an awning behind the hotel and the rain poured all around them. They were still holding hands and still crying to each other.
Gerard reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a small box, wrapped up in shiny silver paper with a white lace bow. He twirled it in his fingers and took a deep breath.
“H-He was going to give this to you, Lacey. He was saving up for a while and bought this. I hope you’ll love it b-because h-he worked hard to get it and pay for it.”
Lacey just smiled and took the little box from him and held it loosely in her open hand.
Gerard began to cry again. “He l-left it on his dresser. I found it yesterday, and remembered something he asked me ages ago.”
She shook the box. Something rattled around and it smelled really good, but something in it stayed still.
“Open it when you’re alone at home. Just know that,” his voice cracking “t-that he loved you. Alot.”
“Gerard,” Lacey gave him a smile, her lips trembling. He leaned over and held her and they both sat there like that, crying and mourning a loss in each other’s arms. But time does pass, and each second turned to a minute, which turned into many more minutes, which turned into three hours. Lacey had already fallen asleep.
“C’mon.” He gently shook her awake. “Let’s go back inside”
-x-
“Lacey! Gee!” Frank slammed into them in a huge bear hug only seconds after they entered the ballroom. Even he looked depressed: his hazel eyes were shining like emeralds. “Where were you two?”
“Outside talking.”
“Oh, okay. How are you and Lacey holding up?”
Gerard sighed. “Barely.”
Lacey just glanced at the floor and clutched the little box tighter into her palm; the lace bow imprinting the hard calluses that were her palms.
“Well,” Frank continued, “I’m going to get more potato salad, and go talk to Amy.” He strutted away to his two favorite things: one being his girlfriend and two being his vegetables.
Lacey and Gerard just looked at each other. “I just really want to go home.” She said. Gerard pulled her into a tight hug. They were interrupted by a sad voice.
“Gerard,” the woman said. They both turned to face her. She was sitting at table 12 as well and had her arms outstretched toward them.
“Ma,” Gerard ran over and held her close to him. She began to cry into his chest.
“You won’t leave me too, right?” She gave him a small smile. “No Ma, I’d never do that to you. You’ll always have me.” He finished their little saying. Right after Elena died they started it, and did it every chance they got. The only change was that there was no Mikey piping up with, “And me!”
“Good, because I’d miss you if you did. Now, where did I get my car keys? I think it’s time for me to go home. The funeral is ending and I’m tired. I’ll see you soon darling. Tell Rosie I said hello.” She kissed him on the forehead and he passed her her keys.
She got up and stopped right next to Lacey’s ear, the warm breath making her flinch.
“Get a ride home and come back to my house with me. I have something to show you.”
“Okay.”
“Meet me in the parking lot whenever you’re ready.” The woman smiled at her and waved at Gerard. “Tell the boys I said hello!”
When she left, Gerard turned to Lacey. “What was that all about?”
“She’s going to show me something, so I have to go find Jayde and get a ride home. Goodbye Gerard, I’ll see you later.” She kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you, for everything.”
He smiled at her. “Thank Mikey, not me.”
-x-
A few minutes later, she had found her two best friends. They were at a vacant table (the collation was ending). Romy was standing, her arms crossed and an aggravated expression was spread across her face. Jayde, however, was stuffing his face with spaghetti. It was everywhere, coming out of his mouth, on his shirt, just a mess of spaghetti and sauce everywhere.
“Jayde, you’re such a pig!” Romy pressed. “Stop stuffing your face and lets go!”
“No.” He said, his mouth full. The fork kept twisting on the plate with spaghetti and flying into his mouth. “They won’t let me take boxes home, and this spaghetti is so goddamn good, so I’m going to eat as much as I can so that I don’t get hungry for a while and only taste spaghetti.”
“You’re such an IDIOT!” Romy said, shaking her head. “That idea is never going to work! You are going to get hungry, you are human. Jesus, stop stuffing your face! It’s disgusting. Who makes vegan sauce?”
“Too bad for you. It’s delicious.” He smirked at her.
“Whatever man.” She laughed.
“Lacey!” Jayde noticed her, and immediately got up to hug her. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Dear god, you’re still soaked. You came back! I was so worried but I think you needed to be alone so I didn’t follow you. But you’re okay now? Are you coming back home with us?”
“I’m fine Jayde,” She smiled into his chest. He too was her best friend; ever since the 4th grade they had been close.
“Good. Do you want some spaghetti?”
“NO she does not want any of your goddamn spaghetti. Let’s go.” Romy interrupted, emphasizing the “O” in “Go”.
“No thanks Jayde,” Lacey smiled at him, “I need a favor though.”
“Spill. I’ll do anything, just ask.”
“I need a ride home from Donna’s later. Can I call you when I’m ready?”
“You’re coming back?! Home?! To our apartment?!” He grinned. “Sure! Just come quick because I’ve missed you!”
“Thanks a million.” She laughed. “I’m going to head out. I’ll call you. Bye Romy.” One more hug and she was out the door.
-x-
“You’re all set with a ride?” Donna asked as Lacey was putting on her seatbelt.
“Yes. Jayde is going to pick me up.”
“That’s kind of him. I’d do it, but these old eyes don’t see as well as they used to, Gerard already texted me to be safe.”
Lacey just laughed. She had a sad expression though.
An awkward silence filled the car. Donna was focusing on driving and Lacey was trying hard not to start to cry uncontrollably.
“You really miss him, don’t you?” Lacey looked at Donna. She was crying, staring at the road.
She nodded. “Yeah, I do Donna. More than I’d ever imagine I would.”
“That’s because he loved you, as you did to him.”
Lacey nodded and felt her tears break free and her jaw lock. She went to wipe them away but Donna stopped her. “Cry, darling. It’s okay.” She gave her a weak smile, her own tears falling. “Crying shows love, and how much you loved that person and wished they were here. It shows that you’re strong enough to let go.”
She just leaned back in her seat and buried her head in her hands. She sat like that until they arrived at Donna’s house.
When they entered the kitchen, all the comforts of home hit Lacey in a good way. She missed having a place to call home-she was always on a tour bus. Donna gave her coffee and told her to sit down and get comfortable. She went to the basement and Lacey sat at the table.
The whole kitchen was oak-oak table, chairs, cabinets, walls, floor and trim. There were huge windows throughout the whole thing and it led to the living room. Potted plants were arranged nicely and the walls were decorated in family photos of the boys as kids and drawings. Gerard’s kindergarten scribbles were framed and hung up, and Mikey’s little paintings were up there too. Cards reading things like, “Dear Mommy, I love you. Thank you for all the times you’ve given me pasghetti Love Mikey” and “World’s best mom –Gee” were hung up. It was touching to see that she still kept these little things after all these years. She was too engrossed in admiring the decorations that she didn’t even notice Donna coming back up the stairs holding a few articles of clothing.
“That one’s my favorite.” She smiled and Lacey looked up to wear Donna was pointing. It was a big drawing of the whole family: Donna, Donald, Elena, Gerard and Mikey
Drawn by Gerard and Mikey. It was adorable, and dated 1983.
“That’s so sweet.” Lacey said then turned to face Donna.
“Here,” she handed her the pile of clothes. “You can take a shower and then I’ll show you what I have to.”
“Okay. Thanks so much.” She turned and walked upstairs to a guest bathroom. She quickly showered, took off all her makeup, threw her torn dress and got dry. She reached for the pile of clothes, and was pleasantly surprised at what was given to her. Mikey’s favorite Dawn of the Dead tee-shirt and a pair of old pajama pants, and what she was guessing to be a cousin’s lingerie. She eagerly put the shirt on and was relieved. It smelled like him-cologne, laundry, and secondhand smoke. It was warm. He recently wore this shirt, a few days before he passed away.
-x-
“Donna!” Lacey called from the top of the stairs. She was changed and eager to know what Donna was going to show her.
Donna emerged from a bedroom a few doors down and took Lacey’s ruined dress. “Come with me.” She took Lacey by the hand and led her down the hall to the farthest bedroom. Stickers covered the door of all different bands and sayings, comic book covers plastered and drawings hung. She turned the door knob and led her inside.
The familiar scent trickled out. Four dark blue walls were accompanied with a dark hardwood floor and a white rug. It was small, but cozy. Band posters covered the walls, along with photos and more comic books. Mikey’s bedroom.
Lacey’s tear filled eyes followed each wall, observing each crack and bump of paint, reading the posters, and feeling the longing for him yet again. She wanted him to hold her in his strong arms, tell her everything’s going to be okay, just like he always did. But that would never happen ever again.
Donna opened the closet’s sliding doors and pulled out a blue tub from the back of it. She gently removed the lid and began to take items out of it. More childhood drawings from the young artists, baby clothes, shoes, cards, photo albums, and two baby blankets all were placed on the floor. Lacey just stared at Donna’s back and looked at the tiny treasures on the floor. She heard Donna stop searching and cradle something. She turned around, her now tear streaked face matching Lacey’s own.
In her arms was a ragged teddy bear. It was honey brown and had a blue bow wrapped around its neck. Its fur was torn and tangled and it was very old. It hung limply out of her arms, its glassy eyes and sewed on smile was almost a metaphor of Lacey herself.
“This is Chip.” She said, holding out the bear. She smiled and more tears fell. “He was Mikey’s favorite bear, ever since he was three years old.”
“Donna, I don’t know if you shou-“
“He took it everywhere. He slept with it, told it his secrets, held him when he was scared, cried into him, everything. He was like his best friend. And I want you to have him.”
“Donna, you keep him. It’s very-“
“Lacey, please take him. Take care of him. It`s something to remember him by.”
“This, this means so much. Donna, thank you. I can’t believe this. Thank you so much.” She took the bear and gently held it in her arms and gave Donna a warm hug.
“My pleasure dear.” She smiled warmly and held her by the shoulders. “I’m going to get dressed out of this,” She pointed to her black pantsuit and laughed through her tears, “and get ready for bed. Please tell me when you are leaving.”
-x-
After Donna had left, Lacey just stood in Mikey’s room. It’s a bittersweet feeling, standing in a dead person’s bedroom. It was as if they had never left, and you can see their memory. He had slept in this room only a few weeks before.
She had been in there before, but had never really looked at it-she was too busy with him. Now that she was in there alone, she got to fully look at it. A boxspring, queen sized bed was resting in the far right corner against the wall. Blue and red plaid sheets were visible underneath the big blue quilt covering the bed. Many pillows were scattered on it. There were cd’s, comics, and old action figures scattered throughout the floor, and there was a huge shelf with hundreds of dvd’s-many of which they had watched together. She turned on another lamp, and many more objects were displayed in the yellow light.
She turned to the other direction and looked at that side of the room, and began to cry again at what she saw. On the closet door that Donna had shut was a collage. Not just any old collage, but a collage of /them/. Together. Laughing. Hugging. Kissing. Sleeping. Smiling. Everything. She reached out and touched the glass.
He actually made this she thought. For us
She turned to his desk and ran her finger along the edge. Notebooks, sheet music, tabs, picks, comics, drawing, childhood pictures and action figures all were strewn, covering the desk completely. Lacey moved a figure of Jabba the Hut and laughed until she actually moved it and found something.
A key.
She picked it up and scanned the desk for the lock. The bottom drawer was locked. Bingo.
She felt bad, like she was invading his personal privacy by going to open it. It was locked for a reason she thought. But she didn’t care. She wanted to know what was in there and why.
Jamming the key in, her heart skipped a beat when she realized what was in there.
A picture of herself stared back at her. She picked it up and saw her own cursive scribble on the back of it. “For you,” it read “Always and forever. xoxo” and was dated 6 months ago.
All the love letters she had written him were neatly stacked up.
A journal.
A sketchbook.
And lastly, a list. A list of things to buy.
It was touching to see that he kept all of this. It wasn’t in a creepy or stalkerish way, it was in a loving way.
“Things to buy,” She read aloud, smiling at the list of new CD’s, movies, clothes, and food. She flipped to the next one, displaying a list of options for mother’s day. Her heart nearly stopped beating when she read the next list. Her hands started to shake, the list still in her hands. More tears fell.
“M-M-Money for E-E-Engagement Ring.”
“2,764.00 out of $37,000”
She dropped the list.
Engagement?she thought. He wanted to marry me? Her whole world was spinning. She would have said yes in the blink of an eye, but just the thought of this startled her. It was heartwarming and depressing. She wanted to go home. She wanted to cry. She wanted Mikey back.
She quickly pulled out her cell phone.
“Hello?” A groggy voice answered.
“Jay,” She cried out, her voice shaking. “Please come get me.”
His voice didn’t seem so sleepy anymore, and it sounded as if he shot out of bed.
”Okay, I’m coming. Why? Are you okay? What happened?” He threw on his vans and a sweatshirt, car keys already jingling in his pajama pants’ pocket.
“Just please pick me up. I want to go home.”
“Be there in a flash.” He hung up.
Lacey sat down on his room floor and began to sob. She spotted a drawstring Nike bag and quickly grabbed it, shoving the bear, list, and journal into it. The little silver box suddenly felt heavier in her pocket and she took it out and held it, eager to open his gift to her.
She grabbed the backpack, relocked the drawer, put the key back, looked at the collage then walked downstairs to the kitchen. “Donna,” she called, “I’m leaving. Jayde’s coming to get me.”
Donna emerged from the kitchen, in her nightclothes and clutching a cup of coffee.
“Okay dear. Gerard will be here shortly with Rosie, would you care to stay?”
“I’m sorry.” She smiled. “I’m just really tired. Thanks for the offer.”
“Okay. Please be safe and call if you need anything.” She hugged her and Lacey waited on their porch. Soon enough, a familiar blue ford pickup truck pulled into the driveway and Jayde came bolting out of the driver’s seat, leaving the keys in the ignition.
“Lacey…” He ran over and pulled her in a tight hug. She burrowed her head into his chest. His platinum blonde and black hair was dripping the rain water onto her head. He held her close to him as she cried. She felt him plant a kiss on her head and then pull away. “Get in the car, and we’ll go home. Romy fixed up your room.”
-x-
His blue eyes filled with concern behind his thick framed glasses. “Are you okay?” He asked, his eyes leaving the highway to meet hers.
She shook her head and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, holding back a sob.
“Do, do you want to talk about it?”
“Later,” she whispered. “At home.”
He nodded, sighed then looked back at the road. The car remained silent for the rest of the drive back. Soon enough, they got to their apartment. Lacey missed this place. She moved out and in with Mikey, and hasn’t been back since. The familiar scent of febreeze and air conditioning welcomed her in. Jayde flicked on a light switch, and the familiar living room and kitchen was illuminated. “Romy’s asleep.” He whispered.
Lacey nodded. “I’m going to go back to my room for a little while.”
“Call me if you need me, I won’t go to bed until I know you’re okay.”
For the first time since the actual funeral, she smiled a full, complete, and natural smile at her best friend. He always knew how to make her feel better. “Thanks Jay.”
She entered her room and smiled again. Romy had made a “Welcome Home” sign and put it on the bed. She even plugged in her iHome and it was playing. Her sheets were changed and everything looked so clean. She was in the middle of feeling thankful for her friends when a familiar weight tugged in her pocket. The box.
Sitting on her bed, she felt her hands began to shake again as she held the silver little box. She slowly untied the white lace bow and placed it on the bed. The silver wrapping paper was wrapped so delicately and perfectly underneath it and she could see her reflection in it. Slowly unwrapping it, a light blue box was unraveled. ‘Tiffany and Co’ it read. A few more tears fell as her fingers moved to open the box.
She pulled off the lid and lifted up the blue pouch inside of it, placing it and a piece of notebook paper on her lap. She decided to open the pouch first. Reaching in, something cold and silver was soon latched in her hand. A silver chord was attached to a little silver heart. Tiny diamonds lied along each edge of the heart, and the back was encrusted in them. It was something so tiny and simple yet so beautiful and complex. Very Mikey.
She put it on herself and it fell to the middle of her chest. It was gorgeous.
Next came the notebook paper. Already knowing what it would say, Lacey began to cry. Unfolding it until it was a full sized piece of paper, she began to read his messy handwriting,.
29th November
Dear Lacey,
I love you
You already know that, and I know I sound like a broken record, but I can’t stop saying it. I love you, I love you, I love you, I’m in love with you.
I want you to know that you’ll be mine forever, I promise to put a ring on your finger. You mean so much to me, you’ve saved me, and I can’t lose you. I’ll do whatever it takes to make that promise come true. I got you this locket because I want you to know that you have my heart, Lacey. It’s true. And now I can give you something to show for it.
If you ever miss me for any reason-I’m on tour, going to the gas station or dead at 99-please put it on and think of me. I love you.
I hope you like it and the ‘Lace’ bow, China doll. Gee said the pun would make you laugh. I doubt it did. I know I’m going on tour next week and I’ll miss you like crazy. Hell, I miss you know.
Ray is yelling at me to get back to recording so I got to go. I hope you liked it. x
As if that alone wasn’t enough, her iHome began to play the song that she hoped she’d never ever have to hear again. It was too painful to even think about. She started to sob, burying her head in her hands. Jayde bolted in and ran over to her.
I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away
Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
“Lace,” He comforted her, wrapping his arms around her, “Calm down. It’s okay. Please,”
“No.” She said. “It’s not o fucking kay.”
Jayde laughed, but quickly stopped and began to cough when she glared at him.
“Why? Why did he have to die? And leave me?”
He sighed. Course she would ask that. “Look, I’m not going to give you that ‘all the best die young’ or ‘Heaven needed another angel’ crap, I’m just going to give you the truth. Lacey, you and I both believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe something great could-“
“How can you say ‘something great could come of this’ Jay? Are saying it’s going to be better now that he’s dead?” She spat.
“No, that’s not what I meant.” He hugged her tighter. “I meant that maybe you’ll finally see something greater about Mikey now that he’s gone. How much you loved him, and how you’ll never find anyone else.” He said the last part a little angrier than intended.
“I guess you’re right, Jay. Thanks.”
“Anytime.”
“Sleep with me?” She asked.
He smiled at her. “Of course.” He left the room to get a glass of water before coming back. The thing was, even though he was bi, he always had feelings for Lacey. Romy too, just, he’d always liked Lacey and had never done anything about it. But she was happy with Mikey, and since she was happy, he was happy. Mikey was a great guy and was perfect for her, they’d even become friends, Mikey and him. He just wished that someday…Stop he told himself. Her fucking boyfriend just died and you’re already trying to get with her. He soon felt very guilty and almost spilled his water on the carpet. He was lost in his thoughts until her voice interrupted him.
“You coming Jay? I’m about to fall asleep.”
“Y-Yeah. I’m coming.”
He pushed open the door and set his glass down on her dresser. He took off his glasses and folded them neatly next to the water and shut off the iHome that was playing “This War Is Ours” and lied down next to her. She was facing the wall, away from him, fingering Mikey’s locket. She missed him.
“Lacey, I hope you’re okay.”
She turned to face him, still twirling the locket in her fingers. “I guess so. I don’t know what I feel.”
“Explain.”
“Well, it`s something along the lines of utter despair, depression, longing, missing, contemplating living or not, sorrow, heartbreak and fear.”
“That’s a lot of feelings.”
“I just don’t know what I fear. That he’s gone? ”
“I guess it`s not the fear of how he's gone, it's the fear of knowing he loved you, much as you did, and has left you. Forever.”
“Maybe it is.”
“Please, go to sleep. You haven’t slept since the accident.”
She nodded and ended up lying there. Soon enough, Jayde fell asleep next to her, his breathing even and peaceful.
All she knew was that she needed Mikey back. He was her everything. He made her laugh, feel special, and she could be herself around him. He was her other half. It sounds sappy, but it`s true.
She remembered the beginning of this tale, the beginning of love, happiness, and the best period of her life.
Well, it didn’t start at the best period of her life, but it turned out to be. She remembered the first time she met him. The day that he saved her.
-x-
Running. She was running. Her leg muscles cried out from under her black shorts and she rested her hand on a cramp on her side. She took off her Escape The Fate shirt and ran in her tanktop. Her vans slammed onto the pavement, splashing into puddles and creating a rhythmic beat. Her lungs ached for oxygen, but she didn’t care. Tears obscured her vision as she continued her sprint towards the skyscraper. She whipped them away, her face already raw from the early morning cold and her hands wiping tears away again and again. She felt hopeless, depressed even. But this wasn’t new. Every day she felt this way, every day was hopeless. She lost all feelings of happiness a long time ago. She couldn’t turn to anybody, not even Romy or Jade. Her life was destroyed and there was no way to put it back together. Nothing made her feel better. Every day she was shattered across the floor with no one to pick up the pieces. They’d try, but Lacey Henderson wasn’t even herself anymore. She was just a twisted shell; the only emotions were anger and sadness. Today, however, was the day she did something about it. Ended it all.
She stopped running as she faced the entrance to the grey building. Everything was grey today-the sky, the buildings, everything. She took out her keycard and swiped it, access granted to the radio station’s building. She pounded up the stairs, and relief washed over her when she opened the grey door at the top. A cool breeze whipped her hair and her face, making her cheeks pink. This was it.
She walked toward the edge of the roof. She planned it out, make it quick and fall. The wind started to pick up as she made her way, dangerously close to the edge. One misstep and she would unintentionally plummet 18 stories down. It was quite a fall-she could barely see anybody walking and only just hear the sounds of early morning traffic.
Almost there. One foot in front of the other.
Excitement, fear, relief and disappointment all swirled around her head like a carousel. Her parents wouldn’t care, Jayde and Romy had eachother, and guitar techs weren’t hard to find. It would be as if she never existed.
Her foot tingled as she lifted it up. The final step. The ending to this drama called ‘life’. The end of the ride. She took a deep breath, smiled, and prepared to end it.
Something warm wrapped around her arm. “Don’t.”
She jumped back, startled. If only you jumped forwards
“I know what you’re about to do. Don’t.”
She didn`t respond, and instinctly took one more step foreword.
"Stop."
“Look,” She said, not turning around, “If you’re going to give me ‘life is a gift’ crap, save your breath. You don’t understand what the fuck I go through. No one does. Do yourself a favor and walk away.”
"I want to help."
"Leave. I`m going to do this. I`ve planned on this for a long time. Walk away."
“How can I just walk away and let you become a part of the sidewalk down there? C’mon. Move away from the edge.”
“Why not?” she snapped. “Just, leave me alone. I don’t even know you.”
“I know what you’re doing, trust me, I’ve been in the same spot before. Don’t do it.”
A hand rested on her shoulder.
“No-“
“Just listen to me. Talk to me.”
“I don’t want to talk.” She sighed. “I don’t want to think. Just leave.”
“You have two options. One, you step away, or two, I pull you away. Your choice.”
“Do you understand English? Leave. This is my life and I’m going to do what I want.”
“You plan on this to be your last morning?” He asked gently. “Please, don’t.”
“Please leave me alone.”
“I’m going to go with option number two.”
“Stop!”
A pair of thin but strong arms wrapped around her chest and torso, lifting her up and pulling her back. So close.
She turned around to face her soon to be savior and prepared to shoot daggers at him. Her frown, however, turned into a tiny smile.
Her eyes met with a gorgeous pair of hazel ones. They held the gaze for a few seconds and then the boy looked down. Is that a blush?
She followed all his features with her eyes. She traced his nose, his jaw line, and his eyelashes. He had dark brown hair that was tousled from the wind, yet still managed to look good. Styled in some sort of fauxhawk and messy, she instantly loved it.
Lacey was speechless. This guy was gorgeous.
He suddenly looked up, looking a little shy. He scratched the back of his neck and then smirked at her.
She suddenly remembered why she was here, why she was looking at him, and why she was suddenly so mad. “Great. So now I have to deal with another day.”
“Promise me something,” he said, leaning a little closer to her, “Don’t ever do anything like that again. Okay? Don’t throw your life away on something as stupid as suicide.”
She shook her head. “I can’t. I don't even know you”
“Please.”
She shook her head again.
“At least tell me your name.”
“I-It’s Lacey.”
“I’m Mikey, Mikey Way.” He extended his hand. She shook it. It was cold and calloused.
“Well, Mikey Mikey Way, you just royally pissed me off.”
“That’s what I do.” He shrugged and his smirk grew even wider. “Can I at least take you home, Lacey?”
She sighed. She wanted to make him leave and then jump, but she guessed he was smarter than she gave him credit for.
“Please?” He whispered.
“Fine.”
“Great.”
-x-
He insisted on taking her back in his car, and insisted that she tell him the correct address so she didn’t ‘run off and do it again’
His eyes kept glancing from the road to her, and she was trying not to stare at him or blush, so she put on her best pissed off look and turned away.
“Do you mind if I play some music?”
No response.
“I just saved your life. Answer my question.”
“My life didn’t want saving.”
“Music! Yes or no?”
“Yes. I don’t care.”
“I have like, a zillion CD’s here, dude. Any bands in particular?”
“Whatcha got?”
“Hmm. Misfits, Iron Maiden, All that classic stuff, 30stm, BVB, Metallica, Escape the Fate-“ He continued to list the artists. He was like her dream guy. She found herself staring at him.
“So?”
“So what?”
“Did you decide?”
“On…? Oh. Um, Escape the Fate.”
He put the CD in.
“This is my apartment.” She stopped him and peered out of the window, grimacing at a worried looking Jayde.
“Alright.”
She just nodded and smiled.
“Please,” he whispered, “Don’t. Don’t ever, ever again.”
She seemed to just stare at his eyes. “I won’t.”
She got out of the car and waved at Jayde.
“Oh and Mikey?” Lacey leaned into the car again.
“Yeah?”
“Thanks. Thanks for saving my life.” She smiled at him then walked away.
He couldn’t help but smile back.
=
thanks for reading, and special thanks if you rated the last chapter. when i saw it was green, it really made my day. i never thought people would read it, let alone like it, so thanks. i can't express that enough.
A/N 7/29: they`re both green. holy shit, they`re both green. thank you so much, you have no idea how happy this made me. working on chapter 3 right now. I edited a few things on this and changed the song if you`ve already read the chapter.
Tehe, i`m going to warped tour tomorrow ^-^ xoxo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txjpgi9blOc
She walked back slowly, absorbing everything that had happened in the last 3 days.
The crash.
The call.
Gerard.
Flatlining.
Dying.
Dead.
Death.
Gone.
Forever.
So much pain, yet she wasn’t the one buried 10 feet below.
And as she walked back, through the spluttering and dying rain, she put on a smile. He would like that, she thought.
Soon enough, she passed his soon to be grave on the way to the after ceremony party thing. She really couldn’t care less. She wanted to go home.
I wonder how long it will be until this entire ground is covered in fangirl tears and presents. She noticed the hearse and the caretakers were still there. Laughing about something the pig looking caretaker had said, and the hollow looking hearse driver was tying up his shoes. She really couldn’t care less, and felt kind of happy that they were happy, even after dealing with prying off his sobbing mother and bringing his brother back into consciousness. She managed another dry smile. Best to be cheery at times like these.
Going back to face his family was the last thing she needed. Or get the image of Mikey, dressed in a suit, cold and pale inside a goddamn coffin, stuck in her head again. And when they played ‘their song’ at the funeral, that’s when she began to break down. Everything hit Lacey at that one moment. He was dead. Gone forever. He left you. And he’s never coming back.
~*~
Lacey kept walking to the collation. Located at a banquet room, the venue was inside of a local hotel. I’ll just stop by quickly. Tell Jayde and Romy I’m okay. Comfort Donna. Hug Gerard. Then I can go home.
“Excuse me, miss? You are here for the funeral, correct?”
“Umm….-“
“Judging by your appearance that would be a yes. This way. Food will be served shortly.”
Great. A room full of people. A banquet room for god’s sakes. And an overly cheery manager? This day keeps getting better.
“Just sign in here and the ceremony is down the hall, in the ‘Cherish ballroom’”
Lacey just smiled and nodded.
Oh, a ballroom. Lovely. I don’t do people. They all know that. And the ‘Cherish’ ballroom. I like the creativity. Not.
The manager just smiled that creepy flight attendant like smile, put a hand on Lacey’s shoulder, and walked away.
Thank you Jesus.
She picked up pen.
Name.
Easy peasy pumpkin peasy. [A/N I couldn’t resist xD]
‘Lacey Henderson’
Time of Arrival.
Don’t kill me, Gee.
‘1:42’ An hour and forty-two minutes late?
Relationship to deceased.
I really want to put something really fangirly.
But then Worm would probably get involved.
The last thing I need is him chasing me around again.
What do I put?
Girlfriend? We aren’t dating anymore, I guess.
‘Someone’
“That should do it.”
~*~
She pushed open the heavy wooden door to the ‘Cherish Ballroom’. Oh joy.
The first thing Lacey noticed was how as soon as the door opened, the whole “ballroom” grew silent and turned to face her. She guessed it was either because of how late she was, didn’t come in the limo back here, how she ran off, how she looked, or maybe a mix of everything. She felt her cheeks burning as she tried to get away from the stares.
Look at me. The dead boy’s girlfriend. Ha Ha Ha.
“Lacey…”
She turned around, and faced her friend. Romy Patten-her support and shoulder to cry on was here, and was ready to do both of those things. She pulled her into a tight hug then pulled her toward the small fruit bar towards the side of the banquet, away from all the stares.
“Lacey Anne, where did you go? I was going crazy looking for you. You seemed so calm during the whole, um, funeral and then it was like BAM! You just shot off like a rocket. It was heartbreaking. And then Donna started to sob, then Gerard, then-“
“Romy,”
“So then I wanted to run after you but Jayde wouldn’t let me. He was all, ‘She needs to emotionally repair herself on her own terms’ blah blah blah-“
“Romy, I”
“Like, who does he think he is? Dr. Feelbetter? Hey isn’t that a chocolate?”
“You’re rambling again.”
“Sorry. I guess what I want to know is that you’re okay now. Are you going to come back home with me and Jayde? He misses you like crazy.”
“Thanks Romy. I’m okay, I guess.” Not really. You’re dying inside and just want to go sob in the corner like the immature little girl you are
“That’s great. Well we need to go because Rosie is giving us that scaryget your asses over here look and keeps gesturing at Gerard so come on.” She looked back at a table labeled 12 where she could just make out the tall form of Rosie.
Romy yanked Lacey by the wrist and dragged her towards table 12. People turned their heads around just to look at them. Romy kept kicking the chairs of people who whispered things to eachother like:
“That’s her. His girlfriend.”
“Such a shame, poor girl.”
“What is she wearing? Ew.”
Thank god for Romy because Lacey was about to scream. They soon made it to table 12.
“Lacey…”
Rosie gave her a huge hug. She was wearing her glasses today, probably from crying too much. Her normally bright hazel eyes held a sad look as she smiled at Lacey.
“I think Gerard needs to talk to you.” Her gaze shifted from Lacey to her fiancée.
Gerard was a heartbreaking sight to see. He was staring at the floral centerpiece but his eyes weren’t seeing anything and they glistened with tears. His black hair looked greasy and unwashed and you can tell he had just shaved that morning. His hands were shaking as he held an untouched cup of coffee.
“Gerard,” Rosie put a supportive hand on his shoulder.
“I’m going to find Jayde.” Romy whispered before walking away.
“Baby,” Rosie continued. “Lacey came back. You want to talk to her?”
His mournful gaze glided to Lacey, his eyes piercing her. He held out his hand and grabbed hers. He hesitated for a moment then nodded.
“Okay then. I’ll be right back. I’m going to check on Mom and Dad.”
Gerard never lost his gaze with Lacey. He gestured for her to sit down in Rosie’s vacant chair.
“You came back.”
“Yeah.” She sniffed and looked away.
“Why?”
“Because I’m not just going to leave you alone. No one knows what you’re going through.” She gave his hand a squeeze.
He shook his head and a single tear trickled down his cheek, landing on his lap. He stifled a sob and rested his forehead on her hand, more tears spilling.
Suddenly, his head snapped up. He sniffed and wiped away his tears. “I-I-I have to show you something.” He grabbed her hand and led her outside.
-x-
They were sitting under an awning behind the hotel and the rain poured all around them. They were still holding hands and still crying to each other.
Gerard reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a small box, wrapped up in shiny silver paper with a white lace bow. He twirled it in his fingers and took a deep breath.
“H-He was going to give this to you, Lacey. He was saving up for a while and bought this. I hope you’ll love it b-because h-he worked hard to get it and pay for it.”
Lacey just smiled and took the little box from him and held it loosely in her open hand.
Gerard began to cry again. “He l-left it on his dresser. I found it yesterday, and remembered something he asked me ages ago.”
She shook the box. Something rattled around and it smelled really good, but something in it stayed still.
“Open it when you’re alone at home. Just know that,” his voice cracking “t-that he loved you. Alot.”
“Gerard,” Lacey gave him a smile, her lips trembling. He leaned over and held her and they both sat there like that, crying and mourning a loss in each other’s arms. But time does pass, and each second turned to a minute, which turned into many more minutes, which turned into three hours. Lacey had already fallen asleep.
“C’mon.” He gently shook her awake. “Let’s go back inside”
-x-
“Lacey! Gee!” Frank slammed into them in a huge bear hug only seconds after they entered the ballroom. Even he looked depressed: his hazel eyes were shining like emeralds. “Where were you two?”
“Outside talking.”
“Oh, okay. How are you and Lacey holding up?”
Gerard sighed. “Barely.”
Lacey just glanced at the floor and clutched the little box tighter into her palm; the lace bow imprinting the hard calluses that were her palms.
“Well,” Frank continued, “I’m going to get more potato salad, and go talk to Amy.” He strutted away to his two favorite things: one being his girlfriend and two being his vegetables.
Lacey and Gerard just looked at each other. “I just really want to go home.” She said. Gerard pulled her into a tight hug. They were interrupted by a sad voice.
“Gerard,” the woman said. They both turned to face her. She was sitting at table 12 as well and had her arms outstretched toward them.
“Ma,” Gerard ran over and held her close to him. She began to cry into his chest.
“You won’t leave me too, right?” She gave him a small smile. “No Ma, I’d never do that to you. You’ll always have me.” He finished their little saying. Right after Elena died they started it, and did it every chance they got. The only change was that there was no Mikey piping up with, “And me!”
“Good, because I’d miss you if you did. Now, where did I get my car keys? I think it’s time for me to go home. The funeral is ending and I’m tired. I’ll see you soon darling. Tell Rosie I said hello.” She kissed him on the forehead and he passed her her keys.
She got up and stopped right next to Lacey’s ear, the warm breath making her flinch.
“Get a ride home and come back to my house with me. I have something to show you.”
“Okay.”
“Meet me in the parking lot whenever you’re ready.” The woman smiled at her and waved at Gerard. “Tell the boys I said hello!”
When she left, Gerard turned to Lacey. “What was that all about?”
“She’s going to show me something, so I have to go find Jayde and get a ride home. Goodbye Gerard, I’ll see you later.” She kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you, for everything.”
He smiled at her. “Thank Mikey, not me.”
-x-
A few minutes later, she had found her two best friends. They were at a vacant table (the collation was ending). Romy was standing, her arms crossed and an aggravated expression was spread across her face. Jayde, however, was stuffing his face with spaghetti. It was everywhere, coming out of his mouth, on his shirt, just a mess of spaghetti and sauce everywhere.
“Jayde, you’re such a pig!” Romy pressed. “Stop stuffing your face and lets go!”
“No.” He said, his mouth full. The fork kept twisting on the plate with spaghetti and flying into his mouth. “They won’t let me take boxes home, and this spaghetti is so goddamn good, so I’m going to eat as much as I can so that I don’t get hungry for a while and only taste spaghetti.”
“You’re such an IDIOT!” Romy said, shaking her head. “That idea is never going to work! You are going to get hungry, you are human. Jesus, stop stuffing your face! It’s disgusting. Who makes vegan sauce?”
“Too bad for you. It’s delicious.” He smirked at her.
“Whatever man.” She laughed.
“Lacey!” Jayde noticed her, and immediately got up to hug her. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Dear god, you’re still soaked. You came back! I was so worried but I think you needed to be alone so I didn’t follow you. But you’re okay now? Are you coming back home with us?”
“I’m fine Jayde,” She smiled into his chest. He too was her best friend; ever since the 4th grade they had been close.
“Good. Do you want some spaghetti?”
“NO she does not want any of your goddamn spaghetti. Let’s go.” Romy interrupted, emphasizing the “O” in “Go”.
“No thanks Jayde,” Lacey smiled at him, “I need a favor though.”
“Spill. I’ll do anything, just ask.”
“I need a ride home from Donna’s later. Can I call you when I’m ready?”
“You’re coming back?! Home?! To our apartment?!” He grinned. “Sure! Just come quick because I’ve missed you!”
“Thanks a million.” She laughed. “I’m going to head out. I’ll call you. Bye Romy.” One more hug and she was out the door.
-x-
“You’re all set with a ride?” Donna asked as Lacey was putting on her seatbelt.
“Yes. Jayde is going to pick me up.”
“That’s kind of him. I’d do it, but these old eyes don’t see as well as they used to, Gerard already texted me to be safe.”
Lacey just laughed. She had a sad expression though.
An awkward silence filled the car. Donna was focusing on driving and Lacey was trying hard not to start to cry uncontrollably.
“You really miss him, don’t you?” Lacey looked at Donna. She was crying, staring at the road.
She nodded. “Yeah, I do Donna. More than I’d ever imagine I would.”
“That’s because he loved you, as you did to him.”
Lacey nodded and felt her tears break free and her jaw lock. She went to wipe them away but Donna stopped her. “Cry, darling. It’s okay.” She gave her a weak smile, her own tears falling. “Crying shows love, and how much you loved that person and wished they were here. It shows that you’re strong enough to let go.”
She just leaned back in her seat and buried her head in her hands. She sat like that until they arrived at Donna’s house.
When they entered the kitchen, all the comforts of home hit Lacey in a good way. She missed having a place to call home-she was always on a tour bus. Donna gave her coffee and told her to sit down and get comfortable. She went to the basement and Lacey sat at the table.
The whole kitchen was oak-oak table, chairs, cabinets, walls, floor and trim. There were huge windows throughout the whole thing and it led to the living room. Potted plants were arranged nicely and the walls were decorated in family photos of the boys as kids and drawings. Gerard’s kindergarten scribbles were framed and hung up, and Mikey’s little paintings were up there too. Cards reading things like, “Dear Mommy, I love you. Thank you for all the times you’ve given me pasghetti Love Mikey” and “World’s best mom –Gee” were hung up. It was touching to see that she still kept these little things after all these years. She was too engrossed in admiring the decorations that she didn’t even notice Donna coming back up the stairs holding a few articles of clothing.
“That one’s my favorite.” She smiled and Lacey looked up to wear Donna was pointing. It was a big drawing of the whole family: Donna, Donald, Elena, Gerard and Mikey
Drawn by Gerard and Mikey. It was adorable, and dated 1983.
“That’s so sweet.” Lacey said then turned to face Donna.
“Here,” she handed her the pile of clothes. “You can take a shower and then I’ll show you what I have to.”
“Okay. Thanks so much.” She turned and walked upstairs to a guest bathroom. She quickly showered, took off all her makeup, threw her torn dress and got dry. She reached for the pile of clothes, and was pleasantly surprised at what was given to her. Mikey’s favorite Dawn of the Dead tee-shirt and a pair of old pajama pants, and what she was guessing to be a cousin’s lingerie. She eagerly put the shirt on and was relieved. It smelled like him-cologne, laundry, and secondhand smoke. It was warm. He recently wore this shirt, a few days before he passed away.
-x-
“Donna!” Lacey called from the top of the stairs. She was changed and eager to know what Donna was going to show her.
Donna emerged from a bedroom a few doors down and took Lacey’s ruined dress. “Come with me.” She took Lacey by the hand and led her down the hall to the farthest bedroom. Stickers covered the door of all different bands and sayings, comic book covers plastered and drawings hung. She turned the door knob and led her inside.
The familiar scent trickled out. Four dark blue walls were accompanied with a dark hardwood floor and a white rug. It was small, but cozy. Band posters covered the walls, along with photos and more comic books. Mikey’s bedroom.
Lacey’s tear filled eyes followed each wall, observing each crack and bump of paint, reading the posters, and feeling the longing for him yet again. She wanted him to hold her in his strong arms, tell her everything’s going to be okay, just like he always did. But that would never happen ever again.
Donna opened the closet’s sliding doors and pulled out a blue tub from the back of it. She gently removed the lid and began to take items out of it. More childhood drawings from the young artists, baby clothes, shoes, cards, photo albums, and two baby blankets all were placed on the floor. Lacey just stared at Donna’s back and looked at the tiny treasures on the floor. She heard Donna stop searching and cradle something. She turned around, her now tear streaked face matching Lacey’s own.
In her arms was a ragged teddy bear. It was honey brown and had a blue bow wrapped around its neck. Its fur was torn and tangled and it was very old. It hung limply out of her arms, its glassy eyes and sewed on smile was almost a metaphor of Lacey herself.
“This is Chip.” She said, holding out the bear. She smiled and more tears fell. “He was Mikey’s favorite bear, ever since he was three years old.”
“Donna, I don’t know if you shou-“
“He took it everywhere. He slept with it, told it his secrets, held him when he was scared, cried into him, everything. He was like his best friend. And I want you to have him.”
“Donna, you keep him. It’s very-“
“Lacey, please take him. Take care of him. It`s something to remember him by.”
“This, this means so much. Donna, thank you. I can’t believe this. Thank you so much.” She took the bear and gently held it in her arms and gave Donna a warm hug.
“My pleasure dear.” She smiled warmly and held her by the shoulders. “I’m going to get dressed out of this,” She pointed to her black pantsuit and laughed through her tears, “and get ready for bed. Please tell me when you are leaving.”
-x-
After Donna had left, Lacey just stood in Mikey’s room. It’s a bittersweet feeling, standing in a dead person’s bedroom. It was as if they had never left, and you can see their memory. He had slept in this room only a few weeks before.
She had been in there before, but had never really looked at it-she was too busy with him. Now that she was in there alone, she got to fully look at it. A boxspring, queen sized bed was resting in the far right corner against the wall. Blue and red plaid sheets were visible underneath the big blue quilt covering the bed. Many pillows were scattered on it. There were cd’s, comics, and old action figures scattered throughout the floor, and there was a huge shelf with hundreds of dvd’s-many of which they had watched together. She turned on another lamp, and many more objects were displayed in the yellow light.
She turned to the other direction and looked at that side of the room, and began to cry again at what she saw. On the closet door that Donna had shut was a collage. Not just any old collage, but a collage of /them/. Together. Laughing. Hugging. Kissing. Sleeping. Smiling. Everything. She reached out and touched the glass.
He actually made this she thought. For us
She turned to his desk and ran her finger along the edge. Notebooks, sheet music, tabs, picks, comics, drawing, childhood pictures and action figures all were strewn, covering the desk completely. Lacey moved a figure of Jabba the Hut and laughed until she actually moved it and found something.
A key.
She picked it up and scanned the desk for the lock. The bottom drawer was locked. Bingo.
She felt bad, like she was invading his personal privacy by going to open it. It was locked for a reason she thought. But she didn’t care. She wanted to know what was in there and why.
Jamming the key in, her heart skipped a beat when she realized what was in there.
A picture of herself stared back at her. She picked it up and saw her own cursive scribble on the back of it. “For you,” it read “Always and forever. xoxo” and was dated 6 months ago.
All the love letters she had written him were neatly stacked up.
A journal.
A sketchbook.
And lastly, a list. A list of things to buy.
It was touching to see that he kept all of this. It wasn’t in a creepy or stalkerish way, it was in a loving way.
“Things to buy,” She read aloud, smiling at the list of new CD’s, movies, clothes, and food. She flipped to the next one, displaying a list of options for mother’s day. Her heart nearly stopped beating when she read the next list. Her hands started to shake, the list still in her hands. More tears fell.
“M-M-Money for E-E-Engagement Ring.”
“2,764.00 out of $37,000”
She dropped the list.
Engagement?she thought. He wanted to marry me? Her whole world was spinning. She would have said yes in the blink of an eye, but just the thought of this startled her. It was heartwarming and depressing. She wanted to go home. She wanted to cry. She wanted Mikey back.
She quickly pulled out her cell phone.
“Hello?” A groggy voice answered.
“Jay,” She cried out, her voice shaking. “Please come get me.”
His voice didn’t seem so sleepy anymore, and it sounded as if he shot out of bed.
”Okay, I’m coming. Why? Are you okay? What happened?” He threw on his vans and a sweatshirt, car keys already jingling in his pajama pants’ pocket.
“Just please pick me up. I want to go home.”
“Be there in a flash.” He hung up.
Lacey sat down on his room floor and began to sob. She spotted a drawstring Nike bag and quickly grabbed it, shoving the bear, list, and journal into it. The little silver box suddenly felt heavier in her pocket and she took it out and held it, eager to open his gift to her.
She grabbed the backpack, relocked the drawer, put the key back, looked at the collage then walked downstairs to the kitchen. “Donna,” she called, “I’m leaving. Jayde’s coming to get me.”
Donna emerged from the kitchen, in her nightclothes and clutching a cup of coffee.
“Okay dear. Gerard will be here shortly with Rosie, would you care to stay?”
“I’m sorry.” She smiled. “I’m just really tired. Thanks for the offer.”
“Okay. Please be safe and call if you need anything.” She hugged her and Lacey waited on their porch. Soon enough, a familiar blue ford pickup truck pulled into the driveway and Jayde came bolting out of the driver’s seat, leaving the keys in the ignition.
“Lacey…” He ran over and pulled her in a tight hug. She burrowed her head into his chest. His platinum blonde and black hair was dripping the rain water onto her head. He held her close to him as she cried. She felt him plant a kiss on her head and then pull away. “Get in the car, and we’ll go home. Romy fixed up your room.”
-x-
His blue eyes filled with concern behind his thick framed glasses. “Are you okay?” He asked, his eyes leaving the highway to meet hers.
She shook her head and closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, holding back a sob.
“Do, do you want to talk about it?”
“Later,” she whispered. “At home.”
He nodded, sighed then looked back at the road. The car remained silent for the rest of the drive back. Soon enough, they got to their apartment. Lacey missed this place. She moved out and in with Mikey, and hasn’t been back since. The familiar scent of febreeze and air conditioning welcomed her in. Jayde flicked on a light switch, and the familiar living room and kitchen was illuminated. “Romy’s asleep.” He whispered.
Lacey nodded. “I’m going to go back to my room for a little while.”
“Call me if you need me, I won’t go to bed until I know you’re okay.”
For the first time since the actual funeral, she smiled a full, complete, and natural smile at her best friend. He always knew how to make her feel better. “Thanks Jay.”
She entered her room and smiled again. Romy had made a “Welcome Home” sign and put it on the bed. She even plugged in her iHome and it was playing. Her sheets were changed and everything looked so clean. She was in the middle of feeling thankful for her friends when a familiar weight tugged in her pocket. The box.
Sitting on her bed, she felt her hands began to shake again as she held the silver little box. She slowly untied the white lace bow and placed it on the bed. The silver wrapping paper was wrapped so delicately and perfectly underneath it and she could see her reflection in it. Slowly unwrapping it, a light blue box was unraveled. ‘Tiffany and Co’ it read. A few more tears fell as her fingers moved to open the box.
She pulled off the lid and lifted up the blue pouch inside of it, placing it and a piece of notebook paper on her lap. She decided to open the pouch first. Reaching in, something cold and silver was soon latched in her hand. A silver chord was attached to a little silver heart. Tiny diamonds lied along each edge of the heart, and the back was encrusted in them. It was something so tiny and simple yet so beautiful and complex. Very Mikey.
She put it on herself and it fell to the middle of her chest. It was gorgeous.
Next came the notebook paper. Already knowing what it would say, Lacey began to cry. Unfolding it until it was a full sized piece of paper, she began to read his messy handwriting,.
29th November
Dear Lacey,
I love you
You already know that, and I know I sound like a broken record, but I can’t stop saying it. I love you, I love you, I love you, I’m in love with you.
I want you to know that you’ll be mine forever, I promise to put a ring on your finger. You mean so much to me, you’ve saved me, and I can’t lose you. I’ll do whatever it takes to make that promise come true. I got you this locket because I want you to know that you have my heart, Lacey. It’s true. And now I can give you something to show for it.
If you ever miss me for any reason-I’m on tour, going to the gas station or dead at 99-please put it on and think of me. I love you.
I hope you like it and the ‘Lace’ bow, China doll. Gee said the pun would make you laugh. I doubt it did. I know I’m going on tour next week and I’ll miss you like crazy. Hell, I miss you know.
Ray is yelling at me to get back to recording so I got to go. I hope you liked it. x
As if that alone wasn’t enough, her iHome began to play the song that she hoped she’d never ever have to hear again. It was too painful to even think about. She started to sob, burying her head in her hands. Jayde bolted in and ran over to her.
I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away
Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
“Lace,” He comforted her, wrapping his arms around her, “Calm down. It’s okay. Please,”
“No.” She said. “It’s not o fucking kay.”
Jayde laughed, but quickly stopped and began to cough when she glared at him.
“Why? Why did he have to die? And leave me?”
He sighed. Course she would ask that. “Look, I’m not going to give you that ‘all the best die young’ or ‘Heaven needed another angel’ crap, I’m just going to give you the truth. Lacey, you and I both believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe something great could-“
“How can you say ‘something great could come of this’ Jay? Are saying it’s going to be better now that he’s dead?” She spat.
“No, that’s not what I meant.” He hugged her tighter. “I meant that maybe you’ll finally see something greater about Mikey now that he’s gone. How much you loved him, and how you’ll never find anyone else.” He said the last part a little angrier than intended.
“I guess you’re right, Jay. Thanks.”
“Anytime.”
“Sleep with me?” She asked.
He smiled at her. “Of course.” He left the room to get a glass of water before coming back. The thing was, even though he was bi, he always had feelings for Lacey. Romy too, just, he’d always liked Lacey and had never done anything about it. But she was happy with Mikey, and since she was happy, he was happy. Mikey was a great guy and was perfect for her, they’d even become friends, Mikey and him. He just wished that someday…Stop he told himself. Her fucking boyfriend just died and you’re already trying to get with her. He soon felt very guilty and almost spilled his water on the carpet. He was lost in his thoughts until her voice interrupted him.
“You coming Jay? I’m about to fall asleep.”
“Y-Yeah. I’m coming.”
He pushed open the door and set his glass down on her dresser. He took off his glasses and folded them neatly next to the water and shut off the iHome that was playing “This War Is Ours” and lied down next to her. She was facing the wall, away from him, fingering Mikey’s locket. She missed him.
“Lacey, I hope you’re okay.”
She turned to face him, still twirling the locket in her fingers. “I guess so. I don’t know what I feel.”
“Explain.”
“Well, it`s something along the lines of utter despair, depression, longing, missing, contemplating living or not, sorrow, heartbreak and fear.”
“That’s a lot of feelings.”
“I just don’t know what I fear. That he’s gone? ”
“I guess it`s not the fear of how he's gone, it's the fear of knowing he loved you, much as you did, and has left you. Forever.”
“Maybe it is.”
“Please, go to sleep. You haven’t slept since the accident.”
She nodded and ended up lying there. Soon enough, Jayde fell asleep next to her, his breathing even and peaceful.
All she knew was that she needed Mikey back. He was her everything. He made her laugh, feel special, and she could be herself around him. He was her other half. It sounds sappy, but it`s true.
She remembered the beginning of this tale, the beginning of love, happiness, and the best period of her life.
Well, it didn’t start at the best period of her life, but it turned out to be. She remembered the first time she met him. The day that he saved her.
-x-
Running. She was running. Her leg muscles cried out from under her black shorts and she rested her hand on a cramp on her side. She took off her Escape The Fate shirt and ran in her tanktop. Her vans slammed onto the pavement, splashing into puddles and creating a rhythmic beat. Her lungs ached for oxygen, but she didn’t care. Tears obscured her vision as she continued her sprint towards the skyscraper. She whipped them away, her face already raw from the early morning cold and her hands wiping tears away again and again. She felt hopeless, depressed even. But this wasn’t new. Every day she felt this way, every day was hopeless. She lost all feelings of happiness a long time ago. She couldn’t turn to anybody, not even Romy or Jade. Her life was destroyed and there was no way to put it back together. Nothing made her feel better. Every day she was shattered across the floor with no one to pick up the pieces. They’d try, but Lacey Henderson wasn’t even herself anymore. She was just a twisted shell; the only emotions were anger and sadness. Today, however, was the day she did something about it. Ended it all.
She stopped running as she faced the entrance to the grey building. Everything was grey today-the sky, the buildings, everything. She took out her keycard and swiped it, access granted to the radio station’s building. She pounded up the stairs, and relief washed over her when she opened the grey door at the top. A cool breeze whipped her hair and her face, making her cheeks pink. This was it.
She walked toward the edge of the roof. She planned it out, make it quick and fall. The wind started to pick up as she made her way, dangerously close to the edge. One misstep and she would unintentionally plummet 18 stories down. It was quite a fall-she could barely see anybody walking and only just hear the sounds of early morning traffic.
Almost there. One foot in front of the other.
Excitement, fear, relief and disappointment all swirled around her head like a carousel. Her parents wouldn’t care, Jayde and Romy had eachother, and guitar techs weren’t hard to find. It would be as if she never existed.
Her foot tingled as she lifted it up. The final step. The ending to this drama called ‘life’. The end of the ride. She took a deep breath, smiled, and prepared to end it.
Something warm wrapped around her arm. “Don’t.”
She jumped back, startled. If only you jumped forwards
“I know what you’re about to do. Don’t.”
She didn`t respond, and instinctly took one more step foreword.
"Stop."
“Look,” She said, not turning around, “If you’re going to give me ‘life is a gift’ crap, save your breath. You don’t understand what the fuck I go through. No one does. Do yourself a favor and walk away.”
"I want to help."
"Leave. I`m going to do this. I`ve planned on this for a long time. Walk away."
“How can I just walk away and let you become a part of the sidewalk down there? C’mon. Move away from the edge.”
“Why not?” she snapped. “Just, leave me alone. I don’t even know you.”
“I know what you’re doing, trust me, I’ve been in the same spot before. Don’t do it.”
A hand rested on her shoulder.
“No-“
“Just listen to me. Talk to me.”
“I don’t want to talk.” She sighed. “I don’t want to think. Just leave.”
“You have two options. One, you step away, or two, I pull you away. Your choice.”
“Do you understand English? Leave. This is my life and I’m going to do what I want.”
“You plan on this to be your last morning?” He asked gently. “Please, don’t.”
“Please leave me alone.”
“I’m going to go with option number two.”
“Stop!”
A pair of thin but strong arms wrapped around her chest and torso, lifting her up and pulling her back. So close.
She turned around to face her soon to be savior and prepared to shoot daggers at him. Her frown, however, turned into a tiny smile.
Her eyes met with a gorgeous pair of hazel ones. They held the gaze for a few seconds and then the boy looked down. Is that a blush?
She followed all his features with her eyes. She traced his nose, his jaw line, and his eyelashes. He had dark brown hair that was tousled from the wind, yet still managed to look good. Styled in some sort of fauxhawk and messy, she instantly loved it.
Lacey was speechless. This guy was gorgeous.
He suddenly looked up, looking a little shy. He scratched the back of his neck and then smirked at her.
She suddenly remembered why she was here, why she was looking at him, and why she was suddenly so mad. “Great. So now I have to deal with another day.”
“Promise me something,” he said, leaning a little closer to her, “Don’t ever do anything like that again. Okay? Don’t throw your life away on something as stupid as suicide.”
She shook her head. “I can’t. I don't even know you”
“Please.”
She shook her head again.
“At least tell me your name.”
“I-It’s Lacey.”
“I’m Mikey, Mikey Way.” He extended his hand. She shook it. It was cold and calloused.
“Well, Mikey Mikey Way, you just royally pissed me off.”
“That’s what I do.” He shrugged and his smirk grew even wider. “Can I at least take you home, Lacey?”
She sighed. She wanted to make him leave and then jump, but she guessed he was smarter than she gave him credit for.
“Please?” He whispered.
“Fine.”
“Great.”
-x-
He insisted on taking her back in his car, and insisted that she tell him the correct address so she didn’t ‘run off and do it again’
His eyes kept glancing from the road to her, and she was trying not to stare at him or blush, so she put on her best pissed off look and turned away.
“Do you mind if I play some music?”
No response.
“I just saved your life. Answer my question.”
“My life didn’t want saving.”
“Music! Yes or no?”
“Yes. I don’t care.”
“I have like, a zillion CD’s here, dude. Any bands in particular?”
“Whatcha got?”
“Hmm. Misfits, Iron Maiden, All that classic stuff, 30stm, BVB, Metallica, Escape the Fate-“ He continued to list the artists. He was like her dream guy. She found herself staring at him.
“So?”
“So what?”
“Did you decide?”
“On…? Oh. Um, Escape the Fate.”
He put the CD in.
“This is my apartment.” She stopped him and peered out of the window, grimacing at a worried looking Jayde.
“Alright.”
She just nodded and smiled.
“Please,” he whispered, “Don’t. Don’t ever, ever again.”
She seemed to just stare at his eyes. “I won’t.”
She got out of the car and waved at Jayde.
“Oh and Mikey?” Lacey leaned into the car again.
“Yeah?”
“Thanks. Thanks for saving my life.” She smiled at him then walked away.
He couldn’t help but smile back.
=
thanks for reading, and special thanks if you rated the last chapter. when i saw it was green, it really made my day. i never thought people would read it, let alone like it, so thanks. i can't express that enough.
A/N 7/29: they`re both green. holy shit, they`re both green. thank you so much, you have no idea how happy this made me. working on chapter 3 right now. I edited a few things on this and changed the song if you`ve already read the chapter.
Tehe, i`m going to warped tour tomorrow ^-^ xoxo
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