Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Perfection


by AnotherKnifeInMyHand 6 reviews

If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see...

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst,Drama,Romance - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2011-07-12 - Updated: 2011-07-12 - 1165 words

Worthless Gerard could feel all their eyes on him. Judging him. 'They think i'm pathetic' he thought to himself, biting his lip. He looked down at his coffee cup uncertainly, he could still feel Frank's gaze on him waiting for his next move. He clearly hadn't told the rest of the band, they were still acting as usual but Gerard was almost one hundred percent sure Bob had figured out something was up. He kept stealing looks at Gerard, eyes filled with concern and worry. After about a while Gerard was starting to get paranoid.

'Does Bob know?'

'Does he still think i'm sick?'

'Did Frank tell him?'

'He thinks i'm fat, that's what he's thinking'

Gerard inhaled sharply, once again looking down at his coffee. His eyes followed the dark brown liquid as it swirled round getting slower and slower. 'How many calories does this have?' He wondered nervously. Frank was still watching him suspiciously, he knew what was going through his best friends head.

''I'm gonna pass on the coffee today'' Gerard said pouring his cold coffee into the sink. All heads turned to face the sullen faced singer in astonishment. Gerard NEVER missed out on coffee even when he was ill, neither of the Ways did.

''Gee, you alright'' Ray asked in a somewhat mocking tone. ''promise i haven't spiked it''

''I'm fine just not in the mood for coffee'' Gerard said gripping the edge of the counter. For the past few days he hadn't eaten, the feeling of dizziness and nausea would wash over him causing him to almost collapse to the floor on more than one occasion.

''But its coffee...COFFEE'' Mikey said making wild hand gestures.

Gerard saw Frank out of the corner of his eye, he was looking down blinking back tears. Gerard felt as if his heart was being pulled down into a abysm, all his hopes felt crushed and scattered. The guilt was eating away at him like nothing before, Frankie never cried and now it was Gerard to make him do so, for the first time in ages.

''I...just don't feel like it'' Gerard said a little quieter, letting his smile falter as he focused all his energy on staying upright. His stomach was slowly killing him with sharp stabbing pains that were getting harder to conceal with every passing minute.

''Okay'' Mikey said skeptically, realizing his older brother wasn't in the mood for talking. He knew to steer clear of Gerard when he was like this.

Bob was still staring at Gerard as appose to the flickering television. To him the singer looked like he was in unbearable agony but slapping on a lopsided grimace. He was sure he'd heard shouting yesterday after he and the guys had left the room, the majority coming from Frank who had stormed out of the room in tears. Bob had been the only one around to notice but knew better than to ask. Bob needed to talk to one of them, he figured Gerard would tell him he and Frank had some silly argument about Gerard preforming the upcoming show while he was still a little under the weather.

'Yeah that's all it is' Bob thought trying to ease his worries.


Gerard didn't mean to look. All he wanted was a shower. Fuck i mean he hadn't had one in god knows how long, he never meant to even glance at his reflection. Just one look at his gaunt features and pale skin, to know that those lifeless dull eyes belonged to him made him want to slit his own throat. But all he could do at this point was continue to stare at the mirror image until his vision blurred with unshed tears. The first thing he saw were huge rolls of fat, just like when he was a kid. Tormented and abused by his peers because he was overweight. In his eyes he still was. Despite all the fame, the hundreds of fans and 3 albums under his belt Gerard was still the same shy introverted chubby kid who never had any friends, who never made his parents proud, who could never have the one he loved.

''Because who would ever love this'' he mumbled to himself.

He had already thrown up until he was coughing blood, but the image of Frank sobbing his heart out, desperately trying to stifle his cries wouldn't leave Gerard's head. He could still visualize those crystal like tears pouring from Franks perfect eyes. He had gotten up in the dead of night so he could shower in peace without anyone barging in, he wouldn't want to subject their eyes to his hideous body. While on route to the bathroom, he had heard sniffling coming from Frank's bunk. Gerard wanted so badly to comfort his younger friend but knew he would only get a lecture on how he was 'perfect' and 'beautiful just the way he was'. Gerard didn't want to hear anymore lies like that, they just made him feel worse. So he stood outside Franks bunk watching his silhouette breath shakily until the tears subsided. After the occasional hiccup or two Frank fell back onto his bunk trying to hold back anymore tears. He whispered quietly before closing his swollen red eyes.
''I will fix you Gee''

Now as those words echoed round Gerard's head, all he wanted to do was forget. He knew how to do that of course but it would sever what little trust he and Frank had between them. Gerard had been clean and sober for a little over three years now, he had never been happier...until now.

''It's not like things can get any worse'' He muttered tearing his gaze from his reflection and towards the bathroom cabinet that hung above the sink. He shakily stumbled over to the other side of the tour bus bathroom and grasped onto its wooden handles, flinging them open. Inside were a various array of colored bottles and pill containers. Gerard smiled at the familiar sight. He just needed one, just to get Frank's tear stained face out of his mind. It was then Gerard spotted a small orange pill bottle on the bottom shelf.

Michael James Way
Take one when needed

'Mikey's bipolar meds' Gerard thought. Without thinking he unpopped the cap and swallowed a fistful of the small capsule's dry. After years of addiction, swallowing pills dry was no amazing feat. Gerard sighed in content as the feeling of euphoria crept up on him, making him feel weightless. No guilt. No self hate. No rejection.

Just weightlessness....

For those of you who haven't noticed yet this story doesn't flow like a normal one would, it picks out the key events of Gerard's downward spiral for example: drug use, Frank confronting Gerard and so on and so forth...

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