Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Babe I'll Be Your Outcast
Gerard woke up to hear whispering in the front of the bus. He rolled over trying to go back to sleep but decided not to when he realized it was Riley and Mikey talking about Alexis.
Riley walked into the front room to find Mikey sitting on the couch drinking coffee by himself. It was still early, around 6:30am so no one else was awake. She knew this would be the best time to talk to him about Gerard and Alexis. She sighed and sat next to him, biting her lip.
“Morning Mikey”
He looked over at her and smiled. “Morning……you look like you have something to say”
She half smiled and nodded. “I do. I wana talk to you about something….promise me you won’t get mad?”
Mikey nodded. “I think I know what this is about but….shoot.”
“Look, I told Gerard I would talk to you about this.”
“This being Alexis”
“Yeah….Gerard really cares about her Mikey.”
“I know. That’s what scares me.”
“He wants to help her. He wants to try to get her clean but he doesn’t want to loose you in the process. Don’t make him choose between you and her”
Mikey looked down at his coffee and growled. “You didn’t see what she did to him. She made him what he was. She made him worse. She made him OD at that concert. She gave him the drugs.”
“You’re right, I didn’t see what she did but he wouldn’t be half the man he is without her. You’re looking at things the wrong way. He wouldn’t be as strong and loving and he wouldn’t know what he was capable of without having to pull himself out of that hole.”
“He shouldn’t have ever been in that hole to begin with! You didn’t hear him scream at night! You never saw the looks in his eyes, the way he would glare at me when I told him to stop! He chose drugs and her over his own brother! You don’t know what that feels like….”
Riley looked at Mikey with a serious look.
“I do know what that feels like Mikey. When I was 16, my brother OD’d in his bedroom. He laid on his bed, shot up and just…..fell asleep. I found him the next morning…..He was so cold. Every day I blame myself for that. Every day I remember trying to get him to stop, telling him it was going to kill him. Every day I replay that fight we had, when I told him it was me or the drugs. I can’t ever forgive myself for letting him walk out that front door to get more shit! He chose the drugs and when he did….I gave up on him and he died because of it. So yes, I do know what it feels like and that’s why I know how Gerard feels too. If he turns his back on her, who will be there to pick her up? If he doesn’t help her, who will? What if he leaves her in the dark, and she dies there? He will blame himself just like I blame myself for my brother’s death……Don’t do that to him Mikey. You’re his brother, If he gets too far in, pull him out but don’t refuse him the chance to try.”
Mikey looked at her with tears in his eyes. He knew she was right. He was so afraid to loose his brother. Gerard was all he had but he knew it would be worse if he didn’t let him try. If Alexis did die, he would blame himself just like he blamed himself when their Gram died.
“I…I’m sorry. I had no idea, about your brother….Do you really think Alexis wants help? I just….I can’t loose him. I can’t.”
Mikey set his coffee down and put his head in his hands. Riley pulled him into a hug, letting him cry on her lap. She stoked his hair, trying to calm him down.
“Shhh. You won’t loose him. I’ll go with him when he visits Alexis. I swear if she tries to pull him in, I’ll cut the chord. He knows that. He knows to tread carefully.”
Mikey nodded and sat up. “If he is going to help, there had to be rules. There has to be boundaries.”
“I think he will agree to that.”
“Ok. We’ll help her. All of us.”
Gerard climbed out of bed, slowly walking in to the front room, not sure what his brother was going to say to him. Mikey heard him walk in and looked up at him. Gerard half smiled, not sure what to say. Riley looked between the two and stood up to let them be alone.
“I’m going to go for a walk. Call me if you need anything.”
They nodded and watched her walk out the door before Gerard sat down next to his brother.
“Hey Mikes…”
Mikey looked at his brother, with a serious face.
“Gerard, Riley told me about Alexis.”
“I know…I asked her to talk to you….”
“I’ll agree to let you help her with some ground rules. I know if you turn your back and something happens to her, you will blame yourself. I don’t want to be the cause of that. I’m your brother and no matter what happens, I will be here.”
Gerard sighed in relief. “Thank you Mikey. I’ll agree to any rules you lay down.”
“For one, you won’t visit her by yourself. I want someone with you incase she decides to try something.”
Gerard nodded “Fair enough.”
“Second, she will not be allowed on the bus alone. She can come and talk to any of us any time she wants, but she has to call first. There will be no surprise visits.”
“of coarse…..all of you? Does that mean the band is getting involved?”
“Yes it does. If you truly believe in her, the band will back you up. You won’t do this alone Gee. We helped you, we will help her too.”
Gerard gave his brother a hug, knowing that this was a big deal. “Thank you Mikes. This means so much to me”
Mikey hugged him back nodding. “I now Gee. I know you still love her….just please be careful. That’s all I ask”
“I won’t fall down. I promise”
Riley walked into the front room to find Mikey sitting on the couch drinking coffee by himself. It was still early, around 6:30am so no one else was awake. She knew this would be the best time to talk to him about Gerard and Alexis. She sighed and sat next to him, biting her lip.
“Morning Mikey”
He looked over at her and smiled. “Morning……you look like you have something to say”
She half smiled and nodded. “I do. I wana talk to you about something….promise me you won’t get mad?”
Mikey nodded. “I think I know what this is about but….shoot.”
“Look, I told Gerard I would talk to you about this.”
“This being Alexis”
“Yeah….Gerard really cares about her Mikey.”
“I know. That’s what scares me.”
“He wants to help her. He wants to try to get her clean but he doesn’t want to loose you in the process. Don’t make him choose between you and her”
Mikey looked down at his coffee and growled. “You didn’t see what she did to him. She made him what he was. She made him worse. She made him OD at that concert. She gave him the drugs.”
“You’re right, I didn’t see what she did but he wouldn’t be half the man he is without her. You’re looking at things the wrong way. He wouldn’t be as strong and loving and he wouldn’t know what he was capable of without having to pull himself out of that hole.”
“He shouldn’t have ever been in that hole to begin with! You didn’t hear him scream at night! You never saw the looks in his eyes, the way he would glare at me when I told him to stop! He chose drugs and her over his own brother! You don’t know what that feels like….”
Riley looked at Mikey with a serious look.
“I do know what that feels like Mikey. When I was 16, my brother OD’d in his bedroom. He laid on his bed, shot up and just…..fell asleep. I found him the next morning…..He was so cold. Every day I blame myself for that. Every day I remember trying to get him to stop, telling him it was going to kill him. Every day I replay that fight we had, when I told him it was me or the drugs. I can’t ever forgive myself for letting him walk out that front door to get more shit! He chose the drugs and when he did….I gave up on him and he died because of it. So yes, I do know what it feels like and that’s why I know how Gerard feels too. If he turns his back on her, who will be there to pick her up? If he doesn’t help her, who will? What if he leaves her in the dark, and she dies there? He will blame himself just like I blame myself for my brother’s death……Don’t do that to him Mikey. You’re his brother, If he gets too far in, pull him out but don’t refuse him the chance to try.”
Mikey looked at her with tears in his eyes. He knew she was right. He was so afraid to loose his brother. Gerard was all he had but he knew it would be worse if he didn’t let him try. If Alexis did die, he would blame himself just like he blamed himself when their Gram died.
“I…I’m sorry. I had no idea, about your brother….Do you really think Alexis wants help? I just….I can’t loose him. I can’t.”
Mikey set his coffee down and put his head in his hands. Riley pulled him into a hug, letting him cry on her lap. She stoked his hair, trying to calm him down.
“Shhh. You won’t loose him. I’ll go with him when he visits Alexis. I swear if she tries to pull him in, I’ll cut the chord. He knows that. He knows to tread carefully.”
Mikey nodded and sat up. “If he is going to help, there had to be rules. There has to be boundaries.”
“I think he will agree to that.”
“Ok. We’ll help her. All of us.”
Gerard climbed out of bed, slowly walking in to the front room, not sure what his brother was going to say to him. Mikey heard him walk in and looked up at him. Gerard half smiled, not sure what to say. Riley looked between the two and stood up to let them be alone.
“I’m going to go for a walk. Call me if you need anything.”
They nodded and watched her walk out the door before Gerard sat down next to his brother.
“Hey Mikes…”
Mikey looked at his brother, with a serious face.
“Gerard, Riley told me about Alexis.”
“I know…I asked her to talk to you….”
“I’ll agree to let you help her with some ground rules. I know if you turn your back and something happens to her, you will blame yourself. I don’t want to be the cause of that. I’m your brother and no matter what happens, I will be here.”
Gerard sighed in relief. “Thank you Mikey. I’ll agree to any rules you lay down.”
“For one, you won’t visit her by yourself. I want someone with you incase she decides to try something.”
Gerard nodded “Fair enough.”
“Second, she will not be allowed on the bus alone. She can come and talk to any of us any time she wants, but she has to call first. There will be no surprise visits.”
“of coarse…..all of you? Does that mean the band is getting involved?”
“Yes it does. If you truly believe in her, the band will back you up. You won’t do this alone Gee. We helped you, we will help her too.”
Gerard gave his brother a hug, knowing that this was a big deal. “Thank you Mikes. This means so much to me”
Mikey hugged him back nodding. “I now Gee. I know you still love her….just please be careful. That’s all I ask”
“I won’t fall down. I promise”
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