Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > First of the Gang to Die
Evening all.
So yes,has anyone else noticed anything weird on Universal Channel recently?Anyone?No?
Matthew Gray Gubler has miraculously disappeared off the face of the planet.
Not even a fucking explanation this time.Last time they were like at the end of the episode,"btw,Reid is in Fiji or summat on vacation he won't be back for another ten episodes sorry"
and me and all the other sexually frustrated fan girls were like
"AAAAAGH SOMEONE GET ME A BLOW TORCH"
Well,after I got my blow torch and burned my TV's face off I took to my desk and got out a pen and wrote a very angry letter to them.Excerpt:
"I mean,um,excuse me,but who died and made you King of Deciding Whether Or Not Reid Makes An Appearance In Criminal Minds?You're like Nazis or something,but instead of Jews you got-okay,scratch that joke,I don't want to open the racist door just yet(Mock the Week,anyone?)Yeah,so I presume that I am not the only person writing to you,but I will certainly be the first because I can write really fast.You should expect some from other sexually frustrated fangirls,from housewives with drinking problems and even the occasional guy who likes to feel manly by ridiculing Reid in front of his girlfriend because Reid is all geeky and thin and lanky but then silently cries himself to sleep because he knows he will never be as hot as Reid.
Yeah,you just wait.
I demand he is back on the goddamned show.I mean,what a stupid storyline.Some chick is brutally raped and murdered,and her friends are being hunted down by the weird psycho stalker,and then the LEAD INVESTIGATOR fucking leaves for Fiji in he middle of it all?I mean,one minute it's like "oh,yes,we have found fragments of partially fractured bone in your living room that belonged to Cindy,we are so sorry" and then the next minute it's like "oh yay I'm in Fiji look at my funny hat."
For the record,my geography isn't very good,and I have no idea if hats are popular or something in Fiji,I just made that up.
I should warn you that I am a writer on a fan fiction site,and there are probably a few people who like Criminal Minds,and we will form like a fucking militia,I swear to God.If you go to Google,and type in "ficwad f" the second suggestion is "ficwad full of holes" and guess what?
I wrote that shit.So come prepared for the court case,Universal Channel.Because I will blindly demolish your million dollar lawyers with gay smut about two guys from a band I like.
Eat your heart out.
Oh,and can you guys stop showing Cold Case all the damn time?I mean,its an okay show,but holy crap,theres like twelve episodes every day.Twelve episodes-each episode is an hour-twelve hours means that only half a day is for the other shows,like House,Law & Order,CRIMINAL MOTHERFUCKING MINDS.
I would like to point out that while Cold freaking Case gets like the whole day of screen time,Criminal Minds gets two hours.You might wanna look into that.
So,I am going to end here because my cat is meowing like fuck because we have no food and Tesco closes in ten minutes.If you receive this letter and someone goes,"OH MY GOD!THAT KID WHO WROTE THAT STORY ABOUT FRERARD ON THE WARPED TOUR IN 2005!" then I think you know who has the upper hand here.
Yours in united fangirlishness,
Lornaigh Ni Ionnrachtaigh
title is from Fall Out Boy.you should really know what it stands for.
oh and this chapter is pretty pointless,I just like to troll homophobes and their petty arguments
First of the Gang to Die
Ventotto
G.I.N.A.S.F.S.
"Mmmm...wha?"
"Baby,it's me,"Gerard answered wearily from the foot of the bed,"it's Gerard,sweetie."
Frank stirred and sat up,rubbing his eyes.The culprit for his wake,the lamp hovering above the bed,had been switched on.Gerard was near the door,undressing himself.Iero yawned and stretched,deep purple bags under his hazel orbs.
"Aw,sugar,I didn't mean to wake you,"Gerard apologized,throwing his clothes into a heap on the floor.
"'Sokay,"Frank croaked,kneading his eyes with his curled up fists."What time is it?"
"Two,"was the definitive answer,before the bearer climbed into bed,pulling the smaller into his hold."How have you been all day?"
if you must know I am actually writing this in the dairy aisle in tesco on my phone.this woman passed by a few minutes ago and musta thought I was texting my boyfriend because I keep saying "sugar" and "sweetie" and stuff and then she saw two male names and scoffed...
...and I threw my arm around my friend's-who is a girl-shoulders and kissed her on the cheek and went,"Baby,you are so fucking hot."
and now I'm being stared at.Whatever.You shouldn't be reading my shit anyway,lady.
and now Aisling and I are holding hands walking through the store.Uh huh.Confusing people with my sexuality=epic win.
see this is why I hate going outside.there are BAD PEOPLE out here.on ficwad everyones so nice and supports gays-well,unless you are against them and you enjoy reading smut about them,idek- and offers cookies to you,out here you just got homophobes shopping for low fat yogurt...
"Good,"Frank answered,running his fingers through his hair,"Bob and I played poker today."
"You win?"
"No.Bob is really good.He beat this guy and he got really pissed off,started yelling and screaming at Bob-"
"That Pellissier?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah,I'm thinking he's gonna leave soon.I don't like him being here."
see what I did thur ^^
"Why?"Gerard had completely stripped of his clothes and was now in the bathroom,the door leaking puffs of hot air from the bath,the running water filling up the ceramic with plink's and plonk's.
"C'mere,sugar,I can't hear ya from out there."
Frank straightened up,his eyes growing wide.
can I just say I love how innocent Frank is in loads of fics but then in real life he kicks people in the balls and bites condoms...
...if you don't know what I'm talking about/think I have gone insane,Youtube that shit,man.
"But you're...in the bath."
Gerard laughed."Very good,Frank,you have twenty twenty hearing."
"But you're...y'know.You have no clothes on."
I love people who are like really nervous like this.Not prudes,but just really awkward.my little sister is and when I sat her down to read smut she went the same colour as a Skittle I swear
"You've seen me without clothing before,Frank,this is not a new experience for you."
Frank made his way to the bathroom,legs numb from being idle for the last few hours,and knocked on the door.
"Can I come in?"
"Oh my God,sugar,you are too precious."
Frank sat down on the seat of the toilet.Gerard was emerged in the bath,his hands covering his face,elbows resting on the edges.Bubbles were floating lightly on top of the water,shielding anything that Frank would blush furiously at,whether by accident or on purpose he didn't know.He saw some new bruises on his chest,his arms,his neck.They were hideous,brazen colors of swirled purple,jaundiced yellow,cataract orange.He also noticed one hand,was now a bandaged mess,so big and bulky that the shape of fingers and palm were lost in soaking red.
"Hey baby,"Gerard greeted,grasping one of Frank's hands with a plain palm.
"Gee,what-what happened to your hand?"Frank asked,scared of the answer.
"Oh yeah,"he frowned slightly,"I was hoping you could help me with that."
Iero took the sopping wet bandaged limb in his hand and began to slowly unwind them,until the red covering fell to the ground in a heap of crumpled plaster.When the full extent of the damage was displayed,Frank pulled back and gasped.Gerard just scowled.
The entire thing that had been Gerard Way's left ring finger was gone.Only a short stub was left,a stump of the member that had resided there before.The root was clean cut and bloody,and the bone shrunk inside the tail end.His wedding ring was also absent.
oh did I not mention there was gonna be gore here?my bad
oh cmon you're reading a gang fic lets be realistic now
"Oh my God,"Frank whimpered,"they cut off your finger?"
"Apparently so,"was the reluctant but acceptant response."I didn't know it was that bad at the time."
I know that it comes off like Gerard is really posh or something-thats what my sister said anyway,but she has a pretty low IQ,we're safe-but I'm just trying to make him seem scary/smart or whatever?maybe it doesn't come off like that,I dunno.What I basically do is take what someone would say normally and then Gerard-ify it.E.g.-
Normal
"Fo shizzle mah nizzle"
Slightly more advanced
"For sure mah nigger"
Gerard
"I agree whole-heartedly with you my African American brother"
There ya go,wit and wisdom of Lornaigh Ni Ionnrachtaigh,which I did not make up
Whiney Younger Sister/Jane:Lorna!I do NOT have a low IQ!
Lorna:lower than me
Jane:You're six years older than me,of course I don't!
Lorna:ah,the six years before you were born.those were the days
and also since we have different dads I feel I should just point out my dad's sperm pwns your dad's sperm
Jane:That is absolutely disgusting.You have manage to mock the fact that we are not blood relations for some stupid joke.
Lorna: trollin LIKE A BOSS
whoa sorry about that lads on with the tale
"Does it...hurt?"
The minute he said it Frank regretted it.Oh yeah,my finger got cut off,nah it doesn't hurt at all,Frank.
"In sorts.When my leg was amputated,I experienced something called phantom pain.It's just like normal pain in a limb,except that the said limb is gone."He flexed his arm and found it strange and tingling when his second finger did not even wiggle."It feels more weird than anything."
"Do you want me to re-wrap it?"He offered timidly,looking warily at the wound.
"In a while,"Gerard replied vaguely."But first I have a question for you.Or a request,if you will."
Frank nodded nervously,wondering if it was anything to do with guns,or killing,or security watch.
"Will you wash my hair for me?I'm fucking exhausted.And my finger just got chopped off.Is that a good enough excuse?"
Frank nodded and positioned himself behind Gerard,whose arm dangled over the side of the tub,his fingers brushing the floor.Gerard sighed and relaxed into the bath,his shoulder blades slumped against the back.He crossed one leg over the other,his right leg.The stump that had been his leg five years ago stuck out from the water.Frank regarded it with involuntary fascination as he massaged shampoo into his husband's scalp.
"You don't wear it in the bath?"
"Wear what?Clothes?"
"No.Your...leg."
"Wood rots in water,honey.If I got out I'd fall flat on my face."
this next bit was inspired by this great Australian comedian called Adam Hills.He has a prosthetic foot and he does routines about it,it's fucking hilarious.
"Do you have to like...take it off?"
"I can't swim,I can't dance,I can't do karate."("Face it,you're never gonna make it..."])I can't run very fast or very far,and I have to take it off when we have sex."
"Ew!"Frank playfully slapped him on the shoulder."Don't say that!"
"Fine,what should I say?Fornicate?Make love?Fu-"
"Okay,okay,"Frank conceded."I didn't see you do it."
"It's not a particularly attractive act,Frank,it's not meant to turn you on."
"Oh,Gerard,please,you make shooting someone in the face look sexy."
"Thank you,"Gerard purred,lifting a hand up to his head,knowing Frank would kiss his knuckles-which he did.
"Did the other guys cut off your finger?"
"Yes.They have a new leader,Marcus Romano."Frank stopped."Do you know him?"
"He's James' older brother,"he whispered."Oh my God,he knows me."
"He mentioned you several times.As well as James.Seems he didn't like James that much."
"James hated him."
"Can't say I'm too fond of him myself.He's a homophobe."
"I know,"Frank worked some more of the shampoo into the raven locks,jolting when Gerard moaned deeply from his throat."He always called James horrible names."
"He's a religious freak,a complete psychopath.Kept saying I was going to go to Hell,that I was some dirty faggot who sodomizes under the eyes of our Lord,all that bullshit.Good God Frank,your hands are heavenly."Gerard tiled his head back and kissed Frank lightly on the lips,who squeaked in pleasant surprise.
"Thank you,"Frank muffled,before Gerard chuckled and straightened up again."He took your wedding ring as well."
I only know two people who have done this,my aunt and Carla from Scrubs, and they're both girls but hey when your finger gets cut off you gotta think on your feet man
...
I wonder what my English teacher would think if she saw my fics.
"No he didn't."Gerard held up something that gleamed in the light."I know it's looks dickheadish or whatever but I didn't want it taken so I wear it around my neck."Frank smiled at the commitment."Romano thought cutting off my ring finger would make me hate you or something,I don't know.Maybe someone was dropped on their head as a child a lot,I have no idea."
Frank giggled."Do you want me to condition?"
"Do you think my hair looks this amazing on it's own?"Gerard asked in a "bitch please" tone."Use the expensive shit over there,I don't want no Herbal Essences shit."
should I delete that line?because last time I checked Gerard wasn't a teenage ghetto girl...
screw it its staying.
"What,the red one?"
"No,black bottle,over by the sink."
"Do you own anything that isn't?"
"Well,I own you,and you do not happen to be African-American,no,"smiled Gerard.
I hope no one thought that was racist,it wasn't meant to be.If you really are uptight about that sorta thing,you have my permission to be racist towards me.
*pauses and stops typing,narrowing eyes*
Shit,I'm Northern Irish.I don't know whether to make a joke about English people or Irish people.
Fuck it.
English people like tea,the Queen is ugly and they have shit teeth.
Irish people are rude,is full of pedophile priests and the majority of people over fourteen have alcohol problems.
...
...
...
I effectively was just racist to myself.
(And don't worry,none of that is true.If you are English/Irish,don't be offendedp please.I already have the Universal Channel on my ass,I don't need another 8623486 ficwad readers suing me.
Why do I always get so off topic.I bet you've forgotten what the goddamned thing was about now.
I have,and I wrote the damn thing.
Just a sec,let me scroll up and check.
Oh yeah,ownership thing.Got it.
"You 'own' me?"Frank laughed."You own me?"
"Yes,"Gerard answered in a even tone."Is there a fucking problem with that?"
Frank bit his lip and froze,holding the bottle in a shaking grip.
"No,"he squeaked."Of course I belong to you,I mean-"
"Gotcha,didn't I?"Gerard chortled."I bet you froze up and everything."
"I did not,"Frank lied smoothly,squirting the liquid into his palm."I just-"
"Belong to me,right?"He was laughing so hard his shoulders shrugged against the edge of the bath."You are one of my possessions,according to yourself?"
"I-er-oh-no!"Then he considered the question."Wha-am I?"
"I don't know.Now suck my fingers.."
Without questioning it,the boy took Gerard's hand-the one that wasn't partially maimed-in his and inserted the filthy,bloody digits into his mouth.He didn't know why he was doing it,but he just wanted to.He licked his fingers clean,pressing and pouting his soft lips against the skin,before giving Gerard back his hand.
"Yeah,you definitely belong to me."
"What?!How can you-"
"I can easily determine your submissive nature to me by the fact you just sucked my fingers clean without even asking.Jesus,sugar,you know where my hands have been all day?Punching people,eye gouging-"
"Eye gouging?!"
"Hell yes.That probably asn't even my blood.You just licked up some random gangster's blood,right there."
"Gerard!Eurrrrgh,that's fucking gross."
"I'm just fucking with you,baby,it's my blood,it's my blood."Frank sighed."See,it's creepy.You like drinking my blood."
"I did not drink,I just licked it!"
"I hope someone's outside the door so they can hear this,that sentence sounded unbelievably dirty."
"Gerard!"
"You said it,I didn't."He smiled smugly and artfully dodged the slap coming toward him."Now be quiet and condition my hair,slave."
I didn't mean for this chapter to be funny,but I think thats kinda how its coming out.is it?fuck me I dunno I'm gonna get some food
you must all think I am just the most elegant person ever
"Slave?"It sounded oddly erotic and fulfilling as Gerard said it.
"Mmm,"Gerard hummed."I figured since we're going with an authoritive theme here..."
"I think I should fix your hand now,"Frank said quickly,"your blood is dripping on the ground."
"You'd know,wouldn't you,you blood pervert,you."
"Gerard,shut up!"Frank squealed,then realizing what he said."Oh my God I am so sorry I didn't even realize what I said please forgive me Gee I didn't mean it-"
"Oh,definitely my slave,"Gerard laughed."I guess I'll forgive you this time,sugar,"he rolled his eyes.
"Oh thank you,I'm sorry,Gerard,I didn't mean it,I'm so sorry,"Frank whimpered,showering kisses on Gerard's neck and shoulders.
"Y'know what,baby,I would really love to continue to molest you in this bath tub,but right now I'm beginning to feel a little faint,so if you would..."
Frank scampered to his side and began to wrap his hand up in soft bandage,one patch darkening considerably.The boy patted his limb carefully and fetched a towel,when he heard someone at the door.
"Sir?I'm sorry to interrupt you but-"
"What is it,Ray?"
"May I come in,sir?"
"I wouldn't if I were you.Frank is currently going down on me and he's tied me to the wall,you might want to inform the authorities-"
"Gerard!I am not-I just-how can-"
Ray smiled to himself at the boy's desperate cries of protest and his bosses chuckles of delight.He had been banging on the door for ten minutes and had heard most of their conversation.
"Frank,go to the door-"
"I'm in my boxers!"
"I'm sure Ray has seen them before.Not necessarily on you,but..."
"But I-"
"Look,if he tries to make a move on you,just hit him with your purse and walk away."
"Ger-"
"Don't 'Gerard' me,just go out there and talk to dear Raymond.The longer you stay,the more sexual it seems."
The door eventually opened,Frank,in his underwear,blushing furiously,staring at the floor.
"Yes."
"We just got informed that Romano's wife was killed this evening.He's very upset and is blaming us."
"We didn't do it,"Gerard shouted from the bath."He knows that,right?"
"Apparently not.Wants to see you tomorrow,sir."
"Shit."He had miraculously appeared now,in shirt and trousers.Frank gaped at him as an arm slid around his waist."When did this come out?"
"About an hour ago.He sent a guy around here to tell us."
"And where is he now?"
"Downstairs,sir,in the chambers.We didn't scare him,we just wanted to scare him a little."
"Fine.Fuck,three o' clock in the morning,shit must be serious.I'll be down in five minutes."
"Of course,sir.And...sorry again,sir."
He left.
"Sorry,sugar,I have to check this out,"Gerard apologized,hooking his hands around the small of Frank's back."It won't take too long."
"Really?"
"Mmm,maybe half an hour or so."Then he smiled."When I come back you can lick some more of my blood,if you like."
"Oh,you know it."
I am just fucked up
So yes,has anyone else noticed anything weird on Universal Channel recently?Anyone?No?
Matthew Gray Gubler has miraculously disappeared off the face of the planet.
Not even a fucking explanation this time.Last time they were like at the end of the episode,"btw,Reid is in Fiji or summat on vacation he won't be back for another ten episodes sorry"
and me and all the other sexually frustrated fan girls were like
"AAAAAGH SOMEONE GET ME A BLOW TORCH"
Well,after I got my blow torch and burned my TV's face off I took to my desk and got out a pen and wrote a very angry letter to them.Excerpt:
"I mean,um,excuse me,but who died and made you King of Deciding Whether Or Not Reid Makes An Appearance In Criminal Minds?You're like Nazis or something,but instead of Jews you got-okay,scratch that joke,I don't want to open the racist door just yet(Mock the Week,anyone?)Yeah,so I presume that I am not the only person writing to you,but I will certainly be the first because I can write really fast.You should expect some from other sexually frustrated fangirls,from housewives with drinking problems and even the occasional guy who likes to feel manly by ridiculing Reid in front of his girlfriend because Reid is all geeky and thin and lanky but then silently cries himself to sleep because he knows he will never be as hot as Reid.
Yeah,you just wait.
I demand he is back on the goddamned show.I mean,what a stupid storyline.Some chick is brutally raped and murdered,and her friends are being hunted down by the weird psycho stalker,and then the LEAD INVESTIGATOR fucking leaves for Fiji in he middle of it all?I mean,one minute it's like "oh,yes,we have found fragments of partially fractured bone in your living room that belonged to Cindy,we are so sorry" and then the next minute it's like "oh yay I'm in Fiji look at my funny hat."
For the record,my geography isn't very good,and I have no idea if hats are popular or something in Fiji,I just made that up.
I should warn you that I am a writer on a fan fiction site,and there are probably a few people who like Criminal Minds,and we will form like a fucking militia,I swear to God.If you go to Google,and type in "ficwad f" the second suggestion is "ficwad full of holes" and guess what?
I wrote that shit.So come prepared for the court case,Universal Channel.Because I will blindly demolish your million dollar lawyers with gay smut about two guys from a band I like.
Eat your heart out.
Oh,and can you guys stop showing Cold Case all the damn time?I mean,its an okay show,but holy crap,theres like twelve episodes every day.Twelve episodes-each episode is an hour-twelve hours means that only half a day is for the other shows,like House,Law & Order,CRIMINAL MOTHERFUCKING MINDS.
I would like to point out that while Cold freaking Case gets like the whole day of screen time,Criminal Minds gets two hours.You might wanna look into that.
So,I am going to end here because my cat is meowing like fuck because we have no food and Tesco closes in ten minutes.If you receive this letter and someone goes,"OH MY GOD!THAT KID WHO WROTE THAT STORY ABOUT FRERARD ON THE WARPED TOUR IN 2005!" then I think you know who has the upper hand here.
Yours in united fangirlishness,
Lornaigh Ni Ionnrachtaigh
title is from Fall Out Boy.you should really know what it stands for.
oh and this chapter is pretty pointless,I just like to troll homophobes and their petty arguments
First of the Gang to Die
Ventotto
G.I.N.A.S.F.S.
"Mmmm...wha?"
"Baby,it's me,"Gerard answered wearily from the foot of the bed,"it's Gerard,sweetie."
Frank stirred and sat up,rubbing his eyes.The culprit for his wake,the lamp hovering above the bed,had been switched on.Gerard was near the door,undressing himself.Iero yawned and stretched,deep purple bags under his hazel orbs.
"Aw,sugar,I didn't mean to wake you,"Gerard apologized,throwing his clothes into a heap on the floor.
"'Sokay,"Frank croaked,kneading his eyes with his curled up fists."What time is it?"
"Two,"was the definitive answer,before the bearer climbed into bed,pulling the smaller into his hold."How have you been all day?"
if you must know I am actually writing this in the dairy aisle in tesco on my phone.this woman passed by a few minutes ago and musta thought I was texting my boyfriend because I keep saying "sugar" and "sweetie" and stuff and then she saw two male names and scoffed...
...and I threw my arm around my friend's-who is a girl-shoulders and kissed her on the cheek and went,"Baby,you are so fucking hot."
and now I'm being stared at.Whatever.You shouldn't be reading my shit anyway,lady.
and now Aisling and I are holding hands walking through the store.Uh huh.Confusing people with my sexuality=epic win.
see this is why I hate going outside.there are BAD PEOPLE out here.on ficwad everyones so nice and supports gays-well,unless you are against them and you enjoy reading smut about them,idek- and offers cookies to you,out here you just got homophobes shopping for low fat yogurt...
"Good,"Frank answered,running his fingers through his hair,"Bob and I played poker today."
"You win?"
"No.Bob is really good.He beat this guy and he got really pissed off,started yelling and screaming at Bob-"
"That Pellissier?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah,I'm thinking he's gonna leave soon.I don't like him being here."
see what I did thur ^^
"Why?"Gerard had completely stripped of his clothes and was now in the bathroom,the door leaking puffs of hot air from the bath,the running water filling up the ceramic with plink's and plonk's.
"C'mere,sugar,I can't hear ya from out there."
Frank straightened up,his eyes growing wide.
can I just say I love how innocent Frank is in loads of fics but then in real life he kicks people in the balls and bites condoms...
...if you don't know what I'm talking about/think I have gone insane,Youtube that shit,man.
"But you're...in the bath."
Gerard laughed."Very good,Frank,you have twenty twenty hearing."
"But you're...y'know.You have no clothes on."
I love people who are like really nervous like this.Not prudes,but just really awkward.my little sister is and when I sat her down to read smut she went the same colour as a Skittle I swear
"You've seen me without clothing before,Frank,this is not a new experience for you."
Frank made his way to the bathroom,legs numb from being idle for the last few hours,and knocked on the door.
"Can I come in?"
"Oh my God,sugar,you are too precious."
Frank sat down on the seat of the toilet.Gerard was emerged in the bath,his hands covering his face,elbows resting on the edges.Bubbles were floating lightly on top of the water,shielding anything that Frank would blush furiously at,whether by accident or on purpose he didn't know.He saw some new bruises on his chest,his arms,his neck.They were hideous,brazen colors of swirled purple,jaundiced yellow,cataract orange.He also noticed one hand,was now a bandaged mess,so big and bulky that the shape of fingers and palm were lost in soaking red.
"Hey baby,"Gerard greeted,grasping one of Frank's hands with a plain palm.
"Gee,what-what happened to your hand?"Frank asked,scared of the answer.
"Oh yeah,"he frowned slightly,"I was hoping you could help me with that."
Iero took the sopping wet bandaged limb in his hand and began to slowly unwind them,until the red covering fell to the ground in a heap of crumpled plaster.When the full extent of the damage was displayed,Frank pulled back and gasped.Gerard just scowled.
The entire thing that had been Gerard Way's left ring finger was gone.Only a short stub was left,a stump of the member that had resided there before.The root was clean cut and bloody,and the bone shrunk inside the tail end.His wedding ring was also absent.
oh did I not mention there was gonna be gore here?my bad
oh cmon you're reading a gang fic lets be realistic now
"Oh my God,"Frank whimpered,"they cut off your finger?"
"Apparently so,"was the reluctant but acceptant response."I didn't know it was that bad at the time."
I know that it comes off like Gerard is really posh or something-thats what my sister said anyway,but she has a pretty low IQ,we're safe-but I'm just trying to make him seem scary/smart or whatever?maybe it doesn't come off like that,I dunno.What I basically do is take what someone would say normally and then Gerard-ify it.E.g.-
Normal
"Fo shizzle mah nizzle"
Slightly more advanced
"For sure mah nigger"
Gerard
"I agree whole-heartedly with you my African American brother"
There ya go,wit and wisdom of Lornaigh Ni Ionnrachtaigh,which I did not make up
Whiney Younger Sister/Jane:Lorna!I do NOT have a low IQ!
Lorna:lower than me
Jane:You're six years older than me,of course I don't!
Lorna:ah,the six years before you were born.those were the days
and also since we have different dads I feel I should just point out my dad's sperm pwns your dad's sperm
Jane:That is absolutely disgusting.You have manage to mock the fact that we are not blood relations for some stupid joke.
Lorna: trollin LIKE A BOSS
whoa sorry about that lads on with the tale
"Does it...hurt?"
The minute he said it Frank regretted it.Oh yeah,my finger got cut off,nah it doesn't hurt at all,Frank.
"In sorts.When my leg was amputated,I experienced something called phantom pain.It's just like normal pain in a limb,except that the said limb is gone."He flexed his arm and found it strange and tingling when his second finger did not even wiggle."It feels more weird than anything."
"Do you want me to re-wrap it?"He offered timidly,looking warily at the wound.
"In a while,"Gerard replied vaguely."But first I have a question for you.Or a request,if you will."
Frank nodded nervously,wondering if it was anything to do with guns,or killing,or security watch.
"Will you wash my hair for me?I'm fucking exhausted.And my finger just got chopped off.Is that a good enough excuse?"
Frank nodded and positioned himself behind Gerard,whose arm dangled over the side of the tub,his fingers brushing the floor.Gerard sighed and relaxed into the bath,his shoulder blades slumped against the back.He crossed one leg over the other,his right leg.The stump that had been his leg five years ago stuck out from the water.Frank regarded it with involuntary fascination as he massaged shampoo into his husband's scalp.
"You don't wear it in the bath?"
"Wear what?Clothes?"
"No.Your...leg."
"Wood rots in water,honey.If I got out I'd fall flat on my face."
this next bit was inspired by this great Australian comedian called Adam Hills.He has a prosthetic foot and he does routines about it,it's fucking hilarious.
"Do you have to like...take it off?"
"I can't swim,I can't dance,I can't do karate."("Face it,you're never gonna make it..."])I can't run very fast or very far,and I have to take it off when we have sex."
"Ew!"Frank playfully slapped him on the shoulder."Don't say that!"
"Fine,what should I say?Fornicate?Make love?Fu-"
"Okay,okay,"Frank conceded."I didn't see you do it."
"It's not a particularly attractive act,Frank,it's not meant to turn you on."
"Oh,Gerard,please,you make shooting someone in the face look sexy."
"Thank you,"Gerard purred,lifting a hand up to his head,knowing Frank would kiss his knuckles-which he did.
"Did the other guys cut off your finger?"
"Yes.They have a new leader,Marcus Romano."Frank stopped."Do you know him?"
"He's James' older brother,"he whispered."Oh my God,he knows me."
"He mentioned you several times.As well as James.Seems he didn't like James that much."
"James hated him."
"Can't say I'm too fond of him myself.He's a homophobe."
"I know,"Frank worked some more of the shampoo into the raven locks,jolting when Gerard moaned deeply from his throat."He always called James horrible names."
"He's a religious freak,a complete psychopath.Kept saying I was going to go to Hell,that I was some dirty faggot who sodomizes under the eyes of our Lord,all that bullshit.Good God Frank,your hands are heavenly."Gerard tiled his head back and kissed Frank lightly on the lips,who squeaked in pleasant surprise.
"Thank you,"Frank muffled,before Gerard chuckled and straightened up again."He took your wedding ring as well."
I only know two people who have done this,my aunt and Carla from Scrubs, and they're both girls but hey when your finger gets cut off you gotta think on your feet man
...
I wonder what my English teacher would think if she saw my fics.
"No he didn't."Gerard held up something that gleamed in the light."I know it's looks dickheadish or whatever but I didn't want it taken so I wear it around my neck."Frank smiled at the commitment."Romano thought cutting off my ring finger would make me hate you or something,I don't know.Maybe someone was dropped on their head as a child a lot,I have no idea."
Frank giggled."Do you want me to condition?"
"Do you think my hair looks this amazing on it's own?"Gerard asked in a "bitch please" tone."Use the expensive shit over there,I don't want no Herbal Essences shit."
should I delete that line?because last time I checked Gerard wasn't a teenage ghetto girl...
screw it its staying.
"What,the red one?"
"No,black bottle,over by the sink."
"Do you own anything that isn't?"
"Well,I own you,and you do not happen to be African-American,no,"smiled Gerard.
I hope no one thought that was racist,it wasn't meant to be.If you really are uptight about that sorta thing,you have my permission to be racist towards me.
*pauses and stops typing,narrowing eyes*
Shit,I'm Northern Irish.I don't know whether to make a joke about English people or Irish people.
Fuck it.
English people like tea,the Queen is ugly and they have shit teeth.
Irish people are rude,is full of pedophile priests and the majority of people over fourteen have alcohol problems.
...
...
...
I effectively was just racist to myself.
(And don't worry,none of that is true.If you are English/Irish,don't be offendedp please.I already have the Universal Channel on my ass,I don't need another 8623486 ficwad readers suing me.
Why do I always get so off topic.I bet you've forgotten what the goddamned thing was about now.
I have,and I wrote the damn thing.
Just a sec,let me scroll up and check.
Oh yeah,ownership thing.Got it.
"You 'own' me?"Frank laughed."You own me?"
"Yes,"Gerard answered in a even tone."Is there a fucking problem with that?"
Frank bit his lip and froze,holding the bottle in a shaking grip.
"No,"he squeaked."Of course I belong to you,I mean-"
"Gotcha,didn't I?"Gerard chortled."I bet you froze up and everything."
"I did not,"Frank lied smoothly,squirting the liquid into his palm."I just-"
"Belong to me,right?"He was laughing so hard his shoulders shrugged against the edge of the bath."You are one of my possessions,according to yourself?"
"I-er-oh-no!"Then he considered the question."Wha-am I?"
"I don't know.Now suck my fingers.."
Without questioning it,the boy took Gerard's hand-the one that wasn't partially maimed-in his and inserted the filthy,bloody digits into his mouth.He didn't know why he was doing it,but he just wanted to.He licked his fingers clean,pressing and pouting his soft lips against the skin,before giving Gerard back his hand.
"Yeah,you definitely belong to me."
"What?!How can you-"
"I can easily determine your submissive nature to me by the fact you just sucked my fingers clean without even asking.Jesus,sugar,you know where my hands have been all day?Punching people,eye gouging-"
"Eye gouging?!"
"Hell yes.That probably asn't even my blood.You just licked up some random gangster's blood,right there."
"Gerard!Eurrrrgh,that's fucking gross."
"I'm just fucking with you,baby,it's my blood,it's my blood."Frank sighed."See,it's creepy.You like drinking my blood."
"I did not drink,I just licked it!"
"I hope someone's outside the door so they can hear this,that sentence sounded unbelievably dirty."
"Gerard!"
"You said it,I didn't."He smiled smugly and artfully dodged the slap coming toward him."Now be quiet and condition my hair,slave."
I didn't mean for this chapter to be funny,but I think thats kinda how its coming out.is it?fuck me I dunno I'm gonna get some food
you must all think I am just the most elegant person ever
"Slave?"It sounded oddly erotic and fulfilling as Gerard said it.
"Mmm,"Gerard hummed."I figured since we're going with an authoritive theme here..."
"I think I should fix your hand now,"Frank said quickly,"your blood is dripping on the ground."
"You'd know,wouldn't you,you blood pervert,you."
"Gerard,shut up!"Frank squealed,then realizing what he said."Oh my God I am so sorry I didn't even realize what I said please forgive me Gee I didn't mean it-"
"Oh,definitely my slave,"Gerard laughed."I guess I'll forgive you this time,sugar,"he rolled his eyes.
"Oh thank you,I'm sorry,Gerard,I didn't mean it,I'm so sorry,"Frank whimpered,showering kisses on Gerard's neck and shoulders.
"Y'know what,baby,I would really love to continue to molest you in this bath tub,but right now I'm beginning to feel a little faint,so if you would..."
Frank scampered to his side and began to wrap his hand up in soft bandage,one patch darkening considerably.The boy patted his limb carefully and fetched a towel,when he heard someone at the door.
"Sir?I'm sorry to interrupt you but-"
"What is it,Ray?"
"May I come in,sir?"
"I wouldn't if I were you.Frank is currently going down on me and he's tied me to the wall,you might want to inform the authorities-"
"Gerard!I am not-I just-how can-"
Ray smiled to himself at the boy's desperate cries of protest and his bosses chuckles of delight.He had been banging on the door for ten minutes and had heard most of their conversation.
"Frank,go to the door-"
"I'm in my boxers!"
"I'm sure Ray has seen them before.Not necessarily on you,but..."
"But I-"
"Look,if he tries to make a move on you,just hit him with your purse and walk away."
"Ger-"
"Don't 'Gerard' me,just go out there and talk to dear Raymond.The longer you stay,the more sexual it seems."
The door eventually opened,Frank,in his underwear,blushing furiously,staring at the floor.
"Yes."
"We just got informed that Romano's wife was killed this evening.He's very upset and is blaming us."
"We didn't do it,"Gerard shouted from the bath."He knows that,right?"
"Apparently not.Wants to see you tomorrow,sir."
"Shit."He had miraculously appeared now,in shirt and trousers.Frank gaped at him as an arm slid around his waist."When did this come out?"
"About an hour ago.He sent a guy around here to tell us."
"And where is he now?"
"Downstairs,sir,in the chambers.We didn't scare him,we just wanted to scare him a little."
"Fine.Fuck,three o' clock in the morning,shit must be serious.I'll be down in five minutes."
"Of course,sir.And...sorry again,sir."
He left.
"Sorry,sugar,I have to check this out,"Gerard apologized,hooking his hands around the small of Frank's back."It won't take too long."
"Really?"
"Mmm,maybe half an hour or so."Then he smiled."When I come back you can lick some more of my blood,if you like."
"Oh,you know it."
I am just fucked up
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