FicWad

As I'm about to knock on the front door of Gerard's house, I'm overcome with a cocktail of emotions: Fear, guilt, anger, embarrassment. I decide to knock on the door anyway, after about five seconds Mikey answers it.
"Oh...Hey frank." He says in an almost toneless voice.
"Uh, hey Mikey. Is Gerard here?" I ask nervously.
Mikey seems to think about this for a few moments before saying "He told me to tell you he was out with some guy named Tom. But he's actually just moping in his room. I'm pretty worried about him Frank. I've never seen him like this."
"Like what?" I ask.
"Whenever I try to talk to him, he just snaps at me. Which scares me 'cause we're usually like best friends. I don't know what happened between you and him, but he's not taking it well." Mikey replies.
"Mikey you have to let me see him" I almost beg.
I hope he's alright. He could be in any state and because of me and my stupidity.
Mikey opens the door and ushers me inside. "Tell him you pushed through me or something" Mikey says.
I smile at him then bolt upstairs and pause in front of Gerard's door. My hands are shaking like crazy. I'm so scared and nervous to see him. I don't knock, because then he'll just ask who it is and he obviously doesn't want to see me.
Then why am I even here if he doesn't want to see me?
I push the thought to the very back of my mind. I open the door, walk inside Gerard's room and close the door behind me all in one swift movement.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Gerard asks me in the scariest, angriest voice I've heard him use.
My eyes wander around the room. Gerard is sitting on the floor, there's an almost empty bottle of vodka next to him and he's holding a bong. I nearly burst into tears. His hair is even more unbrushed and unwashed than usual and he has a black eye. He's wearing pajama pants and just a plain blue t-shirt. His eyes are red from being stoned.
"Gee, what's happened to you?"
"Don't call me Gee, Frank." He replies. "What's happened to me? What's happened to me, Frank, is you."
"Gee I'm so sorry, okay? I shouldn't have walked off yesterday. I should have asked you what's wrong. I shouldn't have taken you for granted." I say, pleadingly.
"Seems like you should have done a lot of things." Gerard begins "Why are you so sorry anyway? You look fucking fine. Our little argument hasn't seemed to affect you at all." he glares at me evilly.
Maybe I should leave, maybe I should let Gerard forget about me. But I'm done with running, it's time I stood up for myself.
I nervously pull up the sleeve of my jacket, exposing the deep, fresh cut, and close my eyes.
I hear Gerard gasp, but I let my eyes remain closed. I stand there a few more moments before I feel lips on mine. I open my eyes and pull away quickly in shock at the same time. I open my eyes to find Gerard standing incredibly close to me. Did he just kiss me, or did I just imagine it because I want it so badly?

I move towards Gerard, so we're even closer, our stomachs touch and I can feel him breathing. I rip off my jacket and throw my arms around his neck, pulling him into a deep, passionate kiss. An overwhelming wave of relief washes over me when he doesn't pull away, but instead puts his hands around my waste and pulls me closer to him. I pull away suddenly, tears striking my eyes.
"I'm so sorry Gee." I say.
"No," Gerard says "I'm sorry Frankie."
Tears stream down both of our cheeks and we kiss again. I was only away from him for a night, but it felt like a lifetime.
Gerard and I hold hands as we walk over to his bed and lie down. We don't do anything sexual. We just lay together intertwined and enjoying each other's company.
"Gee" I say "Whatvhave you been through?"
He looks away from me momentarily and then explains. "Uh. depression, alcoholism, usual shit...It's more than that though Frank. I do know what you're been through and I do know hy you harm yourself."
He pulls up his sleeve and when I see the massive scar on his wrist I can't help but put my hand over my mouth and gasp.
"Suicide attempt." he whispers. "obviously didn't work."
"Gee" I say quietly. "I...I"
I'm lost for words. He does know why I do the things I do. I begin to cry. I have cried more in the last three days than I think i have in the last three years.
Gerard grabs my hand and interlocks our fingers together.
"Mum is the only one who knows about it. You can't tell Mikey, hes break down." Gerard says.
"I won't." I promise.
I'm so very glad to be back in Gerard's arms and I tell him this. I'm nearly asleep when Gee begins to talk.
"Frankie baby...i think i may be in love with you." He whispers so quietly I can only just hear it. I can hear him smiling. Who knew that was possible. I'm fairly sure he thinks I'm asleep, so I don't reply. I just hold him closer, and smile myself to sleep.