Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Perfection


by AnotherKnifeInMyHand 6 reviews

Will the truth come out or will we be stuck in our own vicious cycles?

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst,Romance - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2011-08-01 - Updated: 2011-08-02 - 1153 words

Is it weird that I've seen the new Harry Potter film 3 times?? i don't think its that strange. I think its perfectly normal. okay rambling nonsense over. new chapter for my lovely readers.

hopeless Gerard had always been a little chubbier as a kid. He grew out of it eventually around the time he was 16, but the torment of being known as 'the fat art geek' stayed with him. Pulling on his self esteem like an anchor. The booze and the pills had helped for a little while, but had only brought on a list of whole new problems. He tried to convince himself he wasn't that person anymore. That he'd gotten clean for a reason. That still didn't stop him from slipping up now and then. He could practically hear their obnoxious laughing in his mind, taunting him for being weak, pathetic, hopeless, a lost cause.

The relentless bullying got so bad, Gerard considered telling his parents or Mikey or someone. Anyone. But in the end he learnt asking for help just made it worse. They would beat him to a bloody pulp if he tried to reach out to anyone. So with no one to turn to, all that was left was alcohol and cutting. Two things that worked quite well together, booze to numb him and pain to remind him of how worthless he really was. Gerard had continued this vicious cycle until his late twenties, when his band, his therapy, his best friends had pulled him out from the deep end.

But that never stopped his conscience getting the better of him. Because deep down Gerard knew he was still the same overweight introverted kid who sat alone at lunch popping pills or drowning his sorrows. He knew he was still as fat and disgusting now as he was back then. Why hadn't he been kicked out of the band already? He had always been told he had no looks, no talent...nothing. So it must be true.

Gerard knew that the rest of the band had been told by Brian about his 'disorder'. He heard them talking late at night, quietly in hushed tones. Bob must of told Brian, it had to be Bob. Whenever something was going down on tour, guess who always took the responsibility of telling their manager? Gerard guessed it was because he hadn't been in the band as long. The late night conversation was short and to the point, there was a lot of shocked gasps and questions. He remembered Mikey crying. It broke his heart really, but he didn't understand why his baby brother was upset. He knew about the abuse he went through to some extent. Shouldn't he be happy that fat older brother was getting some control on his life. It wasn't a disorder, it was a life choice.

Gerard kept telling himself that until he passed out in his bunk, listening to the tired and distressed voices of his friends all trying think of ways to save Gerard from himself. But Gerard didn't need saving. Right?


''Your on in 30 My Chem, you gotta start getting ready''

''We're on it'' Ray called back to the stage hand, ever the responsible one. The band was sitting in a comfortable silence backstage, everyone either tuning their instruments or destroying one another on the xbox.

Apart from a few worried looks from his band mates, Gerard had gotten no indication from anyone whatsoever that they wanted to talk to him. Gerard was relieved that no one was badgering him about why he wasn't eating, but he still felt nervous. Almost paranoid. He was always being quietly observed by one of his band mates while they thought he wasn't looking. Even now Ray was eyeing him warily as he jogged back from the side stage.

''We gotta start moving, we're playing in half an hour'' Ray said, averting his gaze from Gerard. ''Who needs showers?''

Mikey and Gerard both raised their hands innocently.

Frank cracked a smile ''Well of course the Way brother's need a wash''

''I call first'' Gerard smirked, sticking his tongue out at Mikey and dashing to the bathroom ignoring the string of curses coming from his brother's mouth.

Once on the other side of the door Gerard sighed deeply. He hated himself for doing this, but he had no self control. He had to be punished. He couldn't believe he had eaten a whole slice of toast. A whole slice. He might as well have just injected himself with lard. Clutching his almost non existent stomach, Gerard dropped to his knee's shaking.

''Gotta be perfect like Frankie'' he mumbled before shoving his fingers down his throat in a violent fashion. Before long he was gagging and dry heaving so much it was getting hard to breath. Gerard eventually retched into the porcelain bowl, filled with self loathing as he did so.

After the painful task of emptying his insides Gerard stripped and got in the shower, turning the temperature up to boiling. He enjoyed the water scorching his skin, in a weird way it was relaxing. Pain relaxed him. He felt like the burning water was washing away the filth he felt all over him after enduring his self serving mutilation.

As soon as he was out of the shower, the cold air hit him fast. Not wanting to look at his bare figure any longer Gerard immediately began to pull on his stage gear.

He was half done, his lower half nicely covered wearing some skin tight jeans that matched the rest of the Black Parade attire when he heard some angry and almost frantic knocking at the door.

''Gee open up, we have 10 minutes and Brian sa-'' the door opened and there stood Mikey. A face once impatient and frustrated was now alarmed and filled with shock. Gerard was confused for a moment, before he realized it. Mikey was staring at his body.

Gerard was sure he saw disgust travel across his brothers stunned face. Because in Gerard's view, what could be more disgusting than his pale flabby gut. His pasty flesh was hardly an appealing sight.

What Mikey was seeing was quite different to what his brother saw. He was scared. How could he have let this go unnoticed? Gerard was thin. Way too thin. His rib cage jutted out more than slightly, making his whole abdominal area an odd shape. His hips had no meat on them at all, it was just skin stretched over bones. What terrified Mikey the most though was the way whenever Gerard breathed in or out, you could practically see his lungs working. He was a skeleton.

Tear's rushed to Mikey's eyes. Brian said it was bad but this...?

''G-Gee...this isn't good''

how was that. i'm not as confident with this chappy, so may i have some feedback? R&R? pretty pretty please, i really don't wanna loose hope.
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