Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Perfection


by AnotherKnifeInMyHand 6 reviews

distorted views and desperate pleading, you can't stop someone from bleeding.

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst,Romance - Characters: Bob Bryar,Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way,Ray Toro - Published: 2011-08-09 - Updated: 2011-08-09 - 1792 words

yet again i have been neglecting to update this story. i had some problems getting this chapter up and had to rewrite it multiple times so... sorry for the delay

Afraid The air could not have been more tense. After what happened in the bathroom Gerard decided he didn't need a shower and left his brother shocked standing in the doorway, trying to fight away the tears that threatened to overflow. Gerard then disappeared for the remaining 20 minutes before they had to be up on stage, sending the entire band and crew into a frenzy searching for him. Mikey made it his responsibility to check all the bathrooms in the venue and on the buses for Gerard to make sure he wasn't purging, for what wouldn't be the first time today. Its not that it wasn't unusual for Gerard to wander off mere minutes prior to show time, but this time was different...for obvious reasons.

Eventually Gerard did reappear literally 5 seconds before Brian called security. He was fully dressed in stage wear, make-up finished and bones hidden under his baggy clothes.

"You" Brian seethed (though obviously grateful the lead singer had chosen to show up) "are one lucky son of a bitch." Gerard shrugged him off and followed his band mates onto the stage.

"yeah i'm lucky all right" Gerard mumbled under his breath, as he stole a glance at Frank lugging his guitar over his shoulder. As if sarcasm was going to make him feel better.


The show went well. Non of the audience could tell of the troubles that went on behind closed curtains. No one noticed that Gerard didn't appear to have as much energy as the previous shows on this tour. All he had to do was keep singing and bear it. Mouth along to those familiar words and just keep going. Ignoring the concerned looks from his peer's Gerard went for one final head bang on the last line of Famous Last Words before belting off stage. The others trailed quickly behind hoping to catch Gerard before signing, but by the time they got backstage he was already gone.

"Damn" Ray muttered.


It was late by the time Gerard got back to the bus. He had gone straight from the show to signing and then stayed to do extra. It was dark and he was in desperate need of a shower after the draining task of performing. He dragged himself from the small group of fans left and made his way back to the bus. He knew that the guys would all still be up at this time and he wouldn't have to bother about being quiet, he had never been good at that anyway. Gerard stood outside the huge metal door of the bus for a good minute before sighing slightly and running his hands through his sweaty white hair. It had become unnaturally thin these past few weeks, but Gerard decided it wasn't worth worrying about. He knew they would be waiting for him inside. It felt the same as it did before. Gerard would come back from the used tour bus late, contemplate drunkenly about whether to go in or not, upon entering he would be faced with the solemn expressions of his friends wanting to talk to him about his 'problem'. But this was different, he thought. That had all been a depression fueled addiction. His actions now were harmless, he was taking control. The control felt good.

The bus was deathly quiet when Gerard entered. Normally it was a noisy haven of shouting from one room to the other and video games being played creating background noise. The silence was eerily unnatural, making Gerard shudder.


Gerard spun around to face the voice, which he realized now had come from Brian. Gerard locked his gaze with his grim faced manager and took in everyone sitting around the table. All with the same tight lipped, pitying expression. Gerard felt a pang of guilt when he saw how red Mikey's eyes were. 'Crap'

"We need to talk, sit down."

Brian's voice was firm yet almost welcoming, but Gerard didn't disobey and sat down slightly further away than the rest of them.

Gerard kept his eyes firmly on his lap, unwilling to look any of his friends in the eye. His hands were fidgeting desperate to do something, something that wasn't sticking them down his own throat. Brian seemed to notice the singer's jittery actions and reckoned be better get this over with fast.

"Gerard..." Brian began unsurely "Look we know what you've been doing to yourself and we want to help you we really do"

"But you have to let us" Bob finished. Bob never said much, so when he did speak it was always something that mattered, he just hoped that applied now.

Gerard still refused to avert his eyes from their downcast gaze "I'm fine" he mumbled weakly sounding unconvinced by his own words, as though they hadn't even come out of his mouth.

"Gerard for fucks sake, i saw you." Mikey shouted. Rays hand immediately flung onto his arm dreading what would happen with raised voices. Not what they had planned not 2 minutes into their little chat with Gerard.

"You're nothing but skin and bones, i could see all your ribs and fucking hell Gee it scared me! How in Gods name do you think this is healthy Gerard huh? Fuck you're wasting away"

There was a long pause, where nothing could be heard except the slightly heavier breathing of the younger Way. Anger still flooding through his veins as he clenched his fists and stared desperately at his brother praying for a rational answer.

"It's not"

Gerard said finally, still keeping his eyes down. His voice was shaking, as he almost struggled to get the words out.

"It's not what?" Mikey said now matching Gerard's whispering.

"Its not a problem its a choice, its MY choice" Gerard leapt up screaming. "Its not a disorder or something i can't control because i can, i can control it" he yelled, tears streaming down his face.

Mikey stood up so they were face to face and looked his brother straight in the eye.

"For fuck sake Gee get a grip, look at yourself, your shaking, you can barley stand and god knows you put your all into that performance but just were hardly hanging on! you need help"


"Gerard" Gerard turned to see Brian putting a hand on his shoulder, before things got out of proportion too quickly. "you need help, you need to be healthy to be part of this band"

"So that's what you're saying" Gerard gasped through clenched teeth. "I'm too unhealthy, i have too many flaw's and imperfections! I'm fucking fat Brian so just say it too my fucking face!"

There was a audible intake of breath from everyone in the room.

"Fuck Gee that's not what we're saying at all" Ray said, clearly shocked and saddened by Gerard's distorted vision of beauty and perfection.

"I am so why don't you all stop lying to me" Gerard yelled, as the angry tears were replaced by full blown wracking sob's.

" could you think that" Bob said sternly, gripping the table like he was trying to restrain himself from shaking the older man in frustration. "your anything but fat"

Gerard just looked at his blue eyed friend and shook his head, unable to speak without choking on his own sobbing.

"Y-Your l-lying" he cried. His body was trembling with the amount of energy it was taking to stand and have an emotional breakdown at the same time. Brian considered waiting to finish this argument in the morning when they were all well rested, but it didn't look like Mikey was backing down.

"See Gerard look what you're doing to yourself" Mikey snarled "this quest for being skinny look where its left you. Your not thinking straight"

"I-I h-ave t-to be p-perfect" Gerard whispered through his tears.

It was then that Frank finally looked up from where he had been sitting all evening, tracing the ink of his tattoo's praying that Mikey or Brian would be able to get through to Gerard. As soon as his eyes were lifted from their fixed spot they locked onto Gerard's tearful gaze. Frank felt his eyes well up but refused to cry. He loved this man with all his heart, and look what he was doing to himself. 'I'm selfish for loving him' Frank thought miserably, still looking into Gerard's hazel eyes.

No one said anything, everyone still in the grip of shock from what Gerard had said. Mikey's expression softened to a almost sympathetic one, but was reeling from this sudden revelation. Gerard's views of himself were warped and twisted, so the only option that seemed plausible to him was a form of destruction. Mikey could barely grasp it.

Gerard couldn't hold back any longer. With everyone else still stunned in shock, Gerard dashed to the bathroom locking the door behind him. The sound of running water started, echoing from the other side of the wooden door. The water was loud enough to muffle the noise of Gerard's cries and the obvious self destructive act he was doing in there. They could hardly hear the sound of him choking.

Mikey just stared after him, unwilling to stop his brother. Because there was no way he could change his mind now. He was in too deep. Time just seemed to stop for a moment or two where the band looked fragile enough to crack. Their friend was falling apart in pit of self hate and depression. The worst part was they were powerless to stop the inevitable.

The silence was broken by words so quiet, no one bothered to listen.

"But you are perfect"

Frank knew somewhere deep down it was his fault, but he couldn't convince Gerard he was wrong. He would have to find that out himself. For now, all that they could do was wait for him to hit rock bottom....again.

i might try to write more later, because of all the riots going on across the UK (Leeds, Birmigham, Croydon, London etc) i'm not allowed to leave the house since there was looting and shit near where i live and everyone is scared they might start attacking residential area's. So i'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. I've also spent this time mapping out a new Fic, its really full of angst and horrible stuff like all my stories. so look out for that at some point. R&R would be helpful :) thank you, i hope this wasn't too suckish.
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