Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Happiness Comes with a Price
Sorry, it's been awhile and I have been deciding what to do with this story. I think people haven't given this enough of a chance and should just wait and see how it goes before giving it a bad rating. If you are still interested in this story then please keep reading! I would love it to have people tell me how they feel about this story. Thank you.
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I looked behind me and saw him standing there, just looking at me. "Yeah" He sat down beside me and just stared at the ground. "Now is when you say what you were thinking?" I said looking at his sad face, he didn't look back though.
"Hayley, you know I was really hurt when you left. Why didn't you talk to me?" He said continuing to look at his feet.
"Look I don't wanna talk about this right now, we have a show tonight and I don't wanna end up in a bad mood, please could we talk some other time?" I said looking at him but still not having him look at me.
"Well, ain't that a little selfish? I had to deal with you leaving. I was heartbroken. You just fucked off to them, probably back into his arms, while I had to deal with the hurt, the guilt and depression. Look forget I said anything, we both moved on and you are clearly not in the frame of mind to talk to me about what happened" He said looking away over to his brother.
"What? You have to be kidding me? I'm not doing this here, I left because your pathetic ass couldn't believe in yourself enough to work on your problems, I was the only one who cared about you to help you and you push me away. Don't pin this all on me okay" I said as I stood up to walk away, I turned to face him and said "You have got a nerve to come here and make me feel bad, when you were the one who hit me" That comment finally made him look at me.
I just walked away, and sat down next to Josh. I couldn't believe how annoyed I was about this. I always said to myself that if I had to deal with this then I would keep cool and not argue about things. I just cannot believe how he could think that it was all about him, that he was a damaged soul. I just wanted to punch him in the face, well done Gerard, you ruined my good mood! I went and sat down on a swing to be alone.
"Hayley, what's up you looked annoyed?" Josh said breaking my train of thought. I looked over at Gerard who was still sitting looking at the ground. He looked sad also. He looked so cute just staring at the floor looking for something interesting. No stop Hayley, don't start this crap again.
"Nothing, I don't want to argue with you anymore but please stop making this more difficult for me and Gerard" I smiled at Josh, He smiled back and said,
"Okay. Yeah, man I'm excited for this show tonight. This is the biggest crowd we will have played in front of" He said nervously, "But on the bright side of things, we will be having an after party tonight. We don't have to hit the road until morning, so the crew decided to throw a party. You up for it?" He asked me.
Shit, I didn't want to say no, but right now I really needed it. I felt also like I might sound hypocritical towards Gerard. Although, I wont be drinking to drown myself in sorrow, I will be doing it with friends and just to enjoy myself.
"Sure, sounds good. I'm going to head back over the bus, there's something I've been working on for tonights show" I said giving him a quick kiss and we said our goodbyes, I decided to go and say goodbye to everyone else before leaving.
When I got back to the bus I decided that the rest of my day was going to be relaxation time for me. I had to get rid of the bad thoughts and things that would upset me before tonights show. Then it hit me, Hollywood Undead, were on this tour. I seriously was in love with them and thought that maybe, I could ask Charlie to come on stage with me during our set tonight. I had been talking to him a lot and today was his birthday, maybe he'd find it fun to come on out and do a little rap of to one of there songs! Shit's going to be gooooood, the fans wont know what has hit them!
I decided to go and find Charlie. I knew he'd be sitting on his bus because he's a lazy ass and never really leaves the bus unless he's performing or going to a party. I knocked on the door and Charlie answered.
"Hayley, what do I owe you the pleasure?" He smiled while leaning against the door frame of the bus.
"Well, Happy Birthday first off, and I had a little idea for your birthday. If you wanna listen to it and do it with me then let me in" I smiled.
"Do it with you, fuck yeah" He grinned.
"No, Charlie, not do it with me" I rolled my eyes and pushed passed him and walked onto the bus. "Where is everyone?" I asked sitting down on the sofa.
"Oh, they went to some shop for new clothes, it just opened, I wasn't allowed to go" He frowned.
"You wouldn't have gone anyway, your way to lazy" I smiled and threw a pillow at him. He caught it and laughed and threw it back "Maybe I am, but as it is my birthday I thought I'd go and see what they got me, y'know" He smiled and looked at his watch.
"Okay, well let's just be fair, that's probably why you weren't allowed to go!" I grinned at him.
"Fine, so what's this idea, do I need to do much?" He asked me.
"No, well this is going to be our biggest crowd so far and I just realized that as it is your birthday, you should come on during our set tonight and we could do a little rap of off undead, you know its like my favourite song of all time" I smiled at him, his face kinda went blank, then he smiled.
"That is a brilliant idea" He grinned, "So you wanna work on it now?"
"That would probably be the best idea, I'll write down my part and you write down yours" I said grabbing the nearest notepad.
We got the song down to a t! It sounded really good actually. I was happy with this and it was going to shock the guys when I told them, they all knew the song well as I used to make them warm up with it. I loved singing the song and hopefully they'd love playing it in front of our adoring fans.
I went back to my bus smiling, until I seen him standing by his bus. He was talking to someone but I couldn't see who it was. I quickly made myself hidden and listened in on the conversation.
"Bob, you know what I don't care what you guys say anymore, I'm done with this shit. I don't wanna feel like this anymore, why can't I just get over her?" He said sounding like he was going to cry.
"Dude, you just have to man up, get off the drugs and stop drinking so much. I have done the favor of hiding this from your brother, he seems to believe you don't take drugs but in reality, your on cocaine. Dude, she will never even consider taking you back until you sort yourself out. Leave her be, she doesn't need your ass ruining this tour. I love you as a best friend, but I wont watch you kill yourself over a girl who left because you couldn't handle your life" I never seen Gerard's reaction but man was Bob bitching him into shape!
"I know, I'm a pathetic asshole who never deserved her anyway. I miss her just being around, I'll stop for Mikey, I don't want my brother to hate me" He said sadly.
"Good, now come on, I want you to try and sober a little for tonights show.
They both turned to go on their bus, Bob went first and after he was on Gerard stopped and turned around. He looked in my direction and I hoped to go that he hadn't seen me, but I just knew by the look on his face that he did.
I ran to my bus after I watched to make sure Gerard went on the bus, I had to run the plan for tonight by everyone. Everyone seemed so excited about the plan to play 'Undead' me on the other hand started to get nervous, what if I fucked up the rapping. I'm not Eminem or anything so I could totally fuck it up! The pressure was building and I decided to go and practice a little more.
The time had come for us to go on stage. The sun was just setting and everything looked beautiful. We done our good luck huddle and said our prayers for the night ahead. I loved our little routine because it was always nice to know how we all felt before the shows. I smiled and gave everyone a hug and then saw Charlie standing at the side of the stage, I walked over to say hi but I got dragged towards the stage, I smiled and he just mouthed a good luck.
I tried to be my cheery upbeat self, trying to make this night the best we had ever done. I couldn't help feel nervous as the moment got closer, after the end of 'Whoa' Charlie would jump out from behind Zac and start the shouting undead.
The opening chords of the song begun, i started feeling nervous then I realized the fans loved it. Charlie jumped out and ran to the front of the stage next to me and shouted,
Undead!
Undead!
Undead!
Undead!
Undead!
Then I started,
You better get up out the way,
Tomorrow we'll rise so we fight today,
And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say,
'Cause we are gonna rock this whole place anyway.
(Charlie, Josh and Taylor all scremed, Undead!)
(Undead!)
You better get up out the way,
Tomorrow we'll rise so we fight today,
And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say,
'Cause we are gonna rock this whole place anyway.
Charlie:
[/Now I see that motherfucker writin' on the wall
When you see, J-3-T,
Thirty Deep, He's Down To Brawl
Fuck those haters I see,
Cause I hate that you breathe,
Me:
I see you duck,
You little punk,
You little fucking disease,
I got H.U. tatted on the front of my arm,
Boulevard,
Brass knuckles in the back of the car,
Cause we drunk drive Cadillacs- we never go far,
And when you see us motherfuckers,
better know who we are.
Charlie:
I got one thing to say to punk asses who hate,
Motherfuckers who don't know what,
You better watch what you say.
From these industry fucks,
To these faggot ass punks,
You don't know what it takes,
To get this motherfucking truck.
Me:
I'm already loud maybe,
It's a little too late,
Johny's taking hands up, with all the faggots who hate,
Cause I am good motherfucker and there's a price to pay,
Yeah, I am a good motherfucker and its judgment day
We both sang, (Josh and Taylor sang the undead part):
(Undead!)
You better get up out the way,
Tomorrow we'll rise so we fight today,
And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say,
'Cause we are gonna rock this whole place anyway.
(Undead!)
(Undead!)
You better get up out the way,
Tomorrow we'll rise so we fight today,
And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say,
'Cause we are gonna rock this whole place anyway
Charlie:
I'm getting used to this nuisance,
And all the fags who bad mouth this music,
It's fuckin stupid and foolish of you to think you can do this,
You cowards can't, never will, don't even try to pursue it.
I took the chance, I played the pill, I nearly died for this music.
Me:
You make me wanna run around, pulling my guns out and shit,
Your tempting me to run my mouth, and call you out on this bitch,
I heard the reason you got to beater to believe any of this,
You need to slit your wrist, get pissed and go jump off a bridge
Charlie:
What? You can't see the sarcasm in the verses I spit?
What? You think I just got lucky and didn't work for this shit?
Bitch. I've been working at this ever since I was a kid,
I played a million empty shows to only family and friends
Me:
What? You can't see the sarcasm in the verses I spit?
What? You think I just got lucky and didn't work for this shit?
Bitch. I've been working at this ever since I was a kid,
I played a million empty shows to only family and friends
Charlie:
What kind of person would diss a band who deserves to get big?
I hate to be that person when my verse comes out of the kid's lips.
That shits as worse as it gets.
This verse is over, I quit.
Signed Charlie Scene on your girlfriend's tits
As he said that last line he went over and like acted it he was saying it to Josh, which made me and Josh both laugh.
Both of us:
(Undead!)
You better get up out the way,
Tomorrow we'll rise so we fight today,
And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say,
'Cause we are gonna rock this whole place anyway.
(Undead!)
(Undead!)
You better get up out the way,
Tomorrow we'll rise so we fight today,
And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say,
'Cause we are gonna rock this whole place anyway.
Charlie:
White boys with tattoos,
We are pointing right at you,
We are breaking everything, r-rowdy like a classroom,
Pack of wolves,
'Cause we don't follow the rules,
And when you're running your mouth,
Our razor blades come out,
Because its nothing in my life except my dick and what I spit,
So my dick is in my hand when I respond to faggots talking shit,
Speaking of fags, already wrap with the drag,
We killed him and then we stuffed his body in the Cadillac
Me:
Why you always pressin?
You know I'm never stressing,
With fucking DMS,
J-Johny to my left,
Got Phantom and the rest,
Who are down there at the west,
A grew up by drive-by's and L.A gangsta's
Charlie:
So what the fuck do you know about being a gangsta?
What the fuck do you know about being in danger?
You ain't doing this, so you know you're just talking shit.
Mad at all the boys because every song is a fucking hit
Both:
(Undead!)
You better get up out the way,
Tomorrow we'll rise so we fight today,
And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say,
'Cause we are gonna rock this whole place anyway.
(Undead!)
(Undead!)
You better get up out the way,
Tomorrow we'll rise so we fight today,
And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say,
'Cause we are gonna rock this whole place anyway
Charlie:
Motherfucking time to ride, (ride,) (Undead!)
Me:
See you drop when we drive by, (by) (Undead!)
Charlie:
Motherfucking time to ride, (ride,) (Undead!)
Me:
Watch you fucker's just die, (die) (Undead!)
The song ended but we got a lot of cheers and clapping and kids screaming for more. I loved the feed back we were getting and it made me smile like a crazy person!
"Did you guys like that? Well Hayley, came up with the idea and we couldn't be happier with how it went, thanks for listening to us and I hope you enjoy the rest of Paramore's show because they are amazing people! See ya all!" He said and left stage.
The rest of the show was amazing, I was on a high! I felt amazing and I couldn't wait to hear what the fans thought. I was also so happy I didn't fuck it up! I wanted to dance around forever and ever singing the lyrics and shouting about how great it went.
But suddenly my mood changed.
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thank you to:
xParamoremeetsMCRx, midnightblackparade, and kiraluvsu. You guys have given me a reason to keep this story going, thank you for the support! If you wanna find out what happens next keep reaaaaading!
r&r please
________________________________________________________________________________________________
I looked behind me and saw him standing there, just looking at me. "Yeah" He sat down beside me and just stared at the ground. "Now is when you say what you were thinking?" I said looking at his sad face, he didn't look back though.
"Hayley, you know I was really hurt when you left. Why didn't you talk to me?" He said continuing to look at his feet.
"Look I don't wanna talk about this right now, we have a show tonight and I don't wanna end up in a bad mood, please could we talk some other time?" I said looking at him but still not having him look at me.
"Well, ain't that a little selfish? I had to deal with you leaving. I was heartbroken. You just fucked off to them, probably back into his arms, while I had to deal with the hurt, the guilt and depression. Look forget I said anything, we both moved on and you are clearly not in the frame of mind to talk to me about what happened" He said looking away over to his brother.
"What? You have to be kidding me? I'm not doing this here, I left because your pathetic ass couldn't believe in yourself enough to work on your problems, I was the only one who cared about you to help you and you push me away. Don't pin this all on me okay" I said as I stood up to walk away, I turned to face him and said "You have got a nerve to come here and make me feel bad, when you were the one who hit me" That comment finally made him look at me.
I just walked away, and sat down next to Josh. I couldn't believe how annoyed I was about this. I always said to myself that if I had to deal with this then I would keep cool and not argue about things. I just cannot believe how he could think that it was all about him, that he was a damaged soul. I just wanted to punch him in the face, well done Gerard, you ruined my good mood! I went and sat down on a swing to be alone.
"Hayley, what's up you looked annoyed?" Josh said breaking my train of thought. I looked over at Gerard who was still sitting looking at the ground. He looked sad also. He looked so cute just staring at the floor looking for something interesting. No stop Hayley, don't start this crap again.
"Nothing, I don't want to argue with you anymore but please stop making this more difficult for me and Gerard" I smiled at Josh, He smiled back and said,
"Okay. Yeah, man I'm excited for this show tonight. This is the biggest crowd we will have played in front of" He said nervously, "But on the bright side of things, we will be having an after party tonight. We don't have to hit the road until morning, so the crew decided to throw a party. You up for it?" He asked me.
Shit, I didn't want to say no, but right now I really needed it. I felt also like I might sound hypocritical towards Gerard. Although, I wont be drinking to drown myself in sorrow, I will be doing it with friends and just to enjoy myself.
"Sure, sounds good. I'm going to head back over the bus, there's something I've been working on for tonights show" I said giving him a quick kiss and we said our goodbyes, I decided to go and say goodbye to everyone else before leaving.
When I got back to the bus I decided that the rest of my day was going to be relaxation time for me. I had to get rid of the bad thoughts and things that would upset me before tonights show. Then it hit me, Hollywood Undead, were on this tour. I seriously was in love with them and thought that maybe, I could ask Charlie to come on stage with me during our set tonight. I had been talking to him a lot and today was his birthday, maybe he'd find it fun to come on out and do a little rap of to one of there songs! Shit's going to be gooooood, the fans wont know what has hit them!
I decided to go and find Charlie. I knew he'd be sitting on his bus because he's a lazy ass and never really leaves the bus unless he's performing or going to a party. I knocked on the door and Charlie answered.
"Hayley, what do I owe you the pleasure?" He smiled while leaning against the door frame of the bus.
"Well, Happy Birthday first off, and I had a little idea for your birthday. If you wanna listen to it and do it with me then let me in" I smiled.
"Do it with you, fuck yeah" He grinned.
"No, Charlie, not do it with me" I rolled my eyes and pushed passed him and walked onto the bus. "Where is everyone?" I asked sitting down on the sofa.
"Oh, they went to some shop for new clothes, it just opened, I wasn't allowed to go" He frowned.
"You wouldn't have gone anyway, your way to lazy" I smiled and threw a pillow at him. He caught it and laughed and threw it back "Maybe I am, but as it is my birthday I thought I'd go and see what they got me, y'know" He smiled and looked at his watch.
"Okay, well let's just be fair, that's probably why you weren't allowed to go!" I grinned at him.
"Fine, so what's this idea, do I need to do much?" He asked me.
"No, well this is going to be our biggest crowd so far and I just realized that as it is your birthday, you should come on during our set tonight and we could do a little rap of off undead, you know its like my favourite song of all time" I smiled at him, his face kinda went blank, then he smiled.
"That is a brilliant idea" He grinned, "So you wanna work on it now?"
"That would probably be the best idea, I'll write down my part and you write down yours" I said grabbing the nearest notepad.
We got the song down to a t! It sounded really good actually. I was happy with this and it was going to shock the guys when I told them, they all knew the song well as I used to make them warm up with it. I loved singing the song and hopefully they'd love playing it in front of our adoring fans.
I went back to my bus smiling, until I seen him standing by his bus. He was talking to someone but I couldn't see who it was. I quickly made myself hidden and listened in on the conversation.
"Bob, you know what I don't care what you guys say anymore, I'm done with this shit. I don't wanna feel like this anymore, why can't I just get over her?" He said sounding like he was going to cry.
"Dude, you just have to man up, get off the drugs and stop drinking so much. I have done the favor of hiding this from your brother, he seems to believe you don't take drugs but in reality, your on cocaine. Dude, she will never even consider taking you back until you sort yourself out. Leave her be, she doesn't need your ass ruining this tour. I love you as a best friend, but I wont watch you kill yourself over a girl who left because you couldn't handle your life" I never seen Gerard's reaction but man was Bob bitching him into shape!
"I know, I'm a pathetic asshole who never deserved her anyway. I miss her just being around, I'll stop for Mikey, I don't want my brother to hate me" He said sadly.
"Good, now come on, I want you to try and sober a little for tonights show.
They both turned to go on their bus, Bob went first and after he was on Gerard stopped and turned around. He looked in my direction and I hoped to go that he hadn't seen me, but I just knew by the look on his face that he did.
I ran to my bus after I watched to make sure Gerard went on the bus, I had to run the plan for tonight by everyone. Everyone seemed so excited about the plan to play 'Undead' me on the other hand started to get nervous, what if I fucked up the rapping. I'm not Eminem or anything so I could totally fuck it up! The pressure was building and I decided to go and practice a little more.
The time had come for us to go on stage. The sun was just setting and everything looked beautiful. We done our good luck huddle and said our prayers for the night ahead. I loved our little routine because it was always nice to know how we all felt before the shows. I smiled and gave everyone a hug and then saw Charlie standing at the side of the stage, I walked over to say hi but I got dragged towards the stage, I smiled and he just mouthed a good luck.
I tried to be my cheery upbeat self, trying to make this night the best we had ever done. I couldn't help feel nervous as the moment got closer, after the end of 'Whoa' Charlie would jump out from behind Zac and start the shouting undead.
The opening chords of the song begun, i started feeling nervous then I realized the fans loved it. Charlie jumped out and ran to the front of the stage next to me and shouted,
Undead!
Undead!
Undead!
Undead!
Undead!
Then I started,
You better get up out the way,
Tomorrow we'll rise so we fight today,
And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say,
'Cause we are gonna rock this whole place anyway.
(Charlie, Josh and Taylor all scremed, Undead!)
(Undead!)
You better get up out the way,
Tomorrow we'll rise so we fight today,
And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say,
'Cause we are gonna rock this whole place anyway.
Charlie:
[/Now I see that motherfucker writin' on the wall
When you see, J-3-T,
Thirty Deep, He's Down To Brawl
Fuck those haters I see,
Cause I hate that you breathe,
Me:
I see you duck,
You little punk,
You little fucking disease,
I got H.U. tatted on the front of my arm,
Boulevard,
Brass knuckles in the back of the car,
Cause we drunk drive Cadillacs- we never go far,
And when you see us motherfuckers,
better know who we are.
Charlie:
I got one thing to say to punk asses who hate,
Motherfuckers who don't know what,
You better watch what you say.
From these industry fucks,
To these faggot ass punks,
You don't know what it takes,
To get this motherfucking truck.
Me:
I'm already loud maybe,
It's a little too late,
Johny's taking hands up, with all the faggots who hate,
Cause I am good motherfucker and there's a price to pay,
Yeah, I am a good motherfucker and its judgment day
We both sang, (Josh and Taylor sang the undead part):
(Undead!)
You better get up out the way,
Tomorrow we'll rise so we fight today,
And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say,
'Cause we are gonna rock this whole place anyway.
(Undead!)
(Undead!)
You better get up out the way,
Tomorrow we'll rise so we fight today,
And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say,
'Cause we are gonna rock this whole place anyway
Charlie:
I'm getting used to this nuisance,
And all the fags who bad mouth this music,
It's fuckin stupid and foolish of you to think you can do this,
You cowards can't, never will, don't even try to pursue it.
I took the chance, I played the pill, I nearly died for this music.
Me:
You make me wanna run around, pulling my guns out and shit,
Your tempting me to run my mouth, and call you out on this bitch,
I heard the reason you got to beater to believe any of this,
You need to slit your wrist, get pissed and go jump off a bridge
Charlie:
What? You can't see the sarcasm in the verses I spit?
What? You think I just got lucky and didn't work for this shit?
Bitch. I've been working at this ever since I was a kid,
I played a million empty shows to only family and friends
Me:
What? You can't see the sarcasm in the verses I spit?
What? You think I just got lucky and didn't work for this shit?
Bitch. I've been working at this ever since I was a kid,
I played a million empty shows to only family and friends
Charlie:
What kind of person would diss a band who deserves to get big?
I hate to be that person when my verse comes out of the kid's lips.
That shits as worse as it gets.
This verse is over, I quit.
Signed Charlie Scene on your girlfriend's tits
As he said that last line he went over and like acted it he was saying it to Josh, which made me and Josh both laugh.
Both of us:
(Undead!)
You better get up out the way,
Tomorrow we'll rise so we fight today,
And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say,
'Cause we are gonna rock this whole place anyway.
(Undead!)
(Undead!)
You better get up out the way,
Tomorrow we'll rise so we fight today,
And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say,
'Cause we are gonna rock this whole place anyway.
Charlie:
White boys with tattoos,
We are pointing right at you,
We are breaking everything, r-rowdy like a classroom,
Pack of wolves,
'Cause we don't follow the rules,
And when you're running your mouth,
Our razor blades come out,
Because its nothing in my life except my dick and what I spit,
So my dick is in my hand when I respond to faggots talking shit,
Speaking of fags, already wrap with the drag,
We killed him and then we stuffed his body in the Cadillac
Me:
Why you always pressin?
You know I'm never stressing,
With fucking DMS,
J-Johny to my left,
Got Phantom and the rest,
Who are down there at the west,
A grew up by drive-by's and L.A gangsta's
Charlie:
So what the fuck do you know about being a gangsta?
What the fuck do you know about being in danger?
You ain't doing this, so you know you're just talking shit.
Mad at all the boys because every song is a fucking hit
Both:
(Undead!)
You better get up out the way,
Tomorrow we'll rise so we fight today,
And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say,
'Cause we are gonna rock this whole place anyway.
(Undead!)
(Undead!)
You better get up out the way,
Tomorrow we'll rise so we fight today,
And no, I don't give a fuck what you think and say,
'Cause we are gonna rock this whole place anyway
Charlie:
Motherfucking time to ride, (ride,) (Undead!)
Me:
See you drop when we drive by, (by) (Undead!)
Charlie:
Motherfucking time to ride, (ride,) (Undead!)
Me:
Watch you fucker's just die, (die) (Undead!)
The song ended but we got a lot of cheers and clapping and kids screaming for more. I loved the feed back we were getting and it made me smile like a crazy person!
"Did you guys like that? Well Hayley, came up with the idea and we couldn't be happier with how it went, thanks for listening to us and I hope you enjoy the rest of Paramore's show because they are amazing people! See ya all!" He said and left stage.
The rest of the show was amazing, I was on a high! I felt amazing and I couldn't wait to hear what the fans thought. I was also so happy I didn't fuck it up! I wanted to dance around forever and ever singing the lyrics and shouting about how great it went.
But suddenly my mood changed.
______________________________________________________________________________________________
thank you to:
xParamoremeetsMCRx, midnightblackparade, and kiraluvsu. You guys have given me a reason to keep this story going, thank you for the support! If you wanna find out what happens next keep reaaaaading!
r&r please
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