Categories > Books > Cirque du Freak > Mulan: Vampire Style
(Mr. Tiny cuts the top off a tree. The hawk flies overhead and drops a small
doll. Mr. Tiny jumps down from the tree and throws the doll to one of the Vampenze.)
Mr. Tiny:
What do you see?
Steven:
Black pine ... from the high mountains!
Vampenze 2:
White horse hair ... Samuri stallions.
Vampenze 1:
Sulphur ... from cannons.
Mr. Tiny:
This doll came from a village in the Tung Show Pass, where the Vampire Army is waiting.
Steven:
We can avoid them easily.
Mr. Tiny:
No. The quickest way to the Princes is through that pass. Besides, the little girl will be missing her doll. We should return it to her.
(Blane Camp, at night. At the showers)
Ric:
Hey, this is not a good idea. What if somebody sees you?
Mickey:
Just because I look like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one.
Ric:
So a couple guys don't rinse out their socks. Picky, picky, picky. Myself, I kinda like that corn-chip smell.
Mickey:
[Jumps in the water] Ah.
Ric:
Okay, all right, alright, that's enough, now c'mon, get out before you get all pruney and stuff.
Mickey:
Ricitoshi, if you're so worried, go stand watch!
Ric:
Yeah, yeah. Stand watch, Ricitoshi, while I blow our secret with my stupid girly habits. Hygiene.
(Three -naked- men flash by, laughing.)
Ric:
We're doomed! There're a couple of things I KNOW they're bound to notice!
(Mickey ducks into the water as Darren, Vancha and Kurda jump into the water. She tries to hide herself with a lilypad.)
Vancha:
Hey, Kori!
Mickey: Oh, hi, guys, I didn't know you were HERE. I was just washing so now I'm clean and I'm gonna go. Bye-bye.
Darren:
Come back here! I know we were jerks to you before, so let's start over. Hi, I'm Darren.
Kurda:
And I'm Kurda.
Mickey:
Hello, Kurda.
Vancha:
And I am Vancha [he climbs on a rock, Mickey looks away], King of the Rock! And there's nothing you girls can do about it.
Darren:
Oh yeah? Well, I think Kori and I can take you!
Mickey:
I really don't want to take him anywhere.
Darren:
But, Kori! We have to fight!
Mickey:
No, we don't. We could just close our eyes, and ... swim around!
Darren:
C'mon! Don't' be such a ... OW! Something bit me!
Ric:
What a nasty flavor.
Darren:
[sees Ric]
VAMPIRE EATING FISH!!!
(While Vancha, Kurda and Darren are shrieking, Mickey whistles for Khan and sneaks away.)
Darren:
[huddled on the rock with Kurda and Vancha] Some King of the Rock.
Mickey:
Boy, that was close.
Ric:
No, that was vile. You owe me big!
Mickey:
I never want to see a naked man again.
(A herd of naked men flash by.)
Ric:
Don't look at me, I ain't biting no more arses.
doll. Mr. Tiny jumps down from the tree and throws the doll to one of the Vampenze.)
Mr. Tiny:
What do you see?
Steven:
Black pine ... from the high mountains!
Vampenze 2:
White horse hair ... Samuri stallions.
Vampenze 1:
Sulphur ... from cannons.
Mr. Tiny:
This doll came from a village in the Tung Show Pass, where the Vampire Army is waiting.
Steven:
We can avoid them easily.
Mr. Tiny:
No. The quickest way to the Princes is through that pass. Besides, the little girl will be missing her doll. We should return it to her.
(Blane Camp, at night. At the showers)
Ric:
Hey, this is not a good idea. What if somebody sees you?
Mickey:
Just because I look like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one.
Ric:
So a couple guys don't rinse out their socks. Picky, picky, picky. Myself, I kinda like that corn-chip smell.
Mickey:
[Jumps in the water] Ah.
Ric:
Okay, all right, alright, that's enough, now c'mon, get out before you get all pruney and stuff.
Mickey:
Ricitoshi, if you're so worried, go stand watch!
Ric:
Yeah, yeah. Stand watch, Ricitoshi, while I blow our secret with my stupid girly habits. Hygiene.
(Three -naked- men flash by, laughing.)
Ric:
We're doomed! There're a couple of things I KNOW they're bound to notice!
(Mickey ducks into the water as Darren, Vancha and Kurda jump into the water. She tries to hide herself with a lilypad.)
Vancha:
Hey, Kori!
Mickey: Oh, hi, guys, I didn't know you were HERE. I was just washing so now I'm clean and I'm gonna go. Bye-bye.
Darren:
Come back here! I know we were jerks to you before, so let's start over. Hi, I'm Darren.
Kurda:
And I'm Kurda.
Mickey:
Hello, Kurda.
Vancha:
And I am Vancha [he climbs on a rock, Mickey looks away], King of the Rock! And there's nothing you girls can do about it.
Darren:
Oh yeah? Well, I think Kori and I can take you!
Mickey:
I really don't want to take him anywhere.
Darren:
But, Kori! We have to fight!
Mickey:
No, we don't. We could just close our eyes, and ... swim around!
Darren:
C'mon! Don't' be such a ... OW! Something bit me!
Ric:
What a nasty flavor.
Darren:
[sees Ric]
VAMPIRE EATING FISH!!!
(While Vancha, Kurda and Darren are shrieking, Mickey whistles for Khan and sneaks away.)
Darren:
[huddled on the rock with Kurda and Vancha] Some King of the Rock.
Mickey:
Boy, that was close.
Ric:
No, that was vile. You owe me big!
Mickey:
I never want to see a naked man again.
(A herd of naked men flash by.)
Ric:
Don't look at me, I ain't biting no more arses.
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