Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Back to the Place
Ryan walked to his car with a smile on his face. He’d hated how close they came to getting caught, but loved every second of it at the same time. He felt so alive, and happy. He hadn’t felt like this since... well the first night with Brendon. He started the car and began to make his way to his apartment. But something hit him.
He had to tell Jon.
Ryan made a sharp left turn and started towards Jon’s apartment. Jon would kill him if he wasn’t the first person to know.
**
Brendon smiled as he watched Ryan walk down the street to his car from the window. He bit his lip and turned away from the door. He walked back towards the bedroom and stopped mid stride.
“Who was that?” Sarah’s voice faltered. She stood in the doorway, still fully clothed. Brendon glanced over at the bathroom. The door was open, the shower still running. He cleared his throat, but didn’t have anything to say. What could he say?
“Who was that?” Sarah repeated herself, obviously trying to hide her emotion. Brendon looked her in the eyes. He didn’t want to hurt her. But he couldn’t not hurt her without hurting himself. He noticed her hands trembling, as her chest moved in and out quickly with every breath.
“Brendon, I fucking heard you talking to someone. Now who’s sexy ass needed to get out of here?” She clenched her fists together, and pushed them to her sides. She kept blinking to keep the tears back. Brendon took in a deep breath.
“Ryan’s.” He said. Sarah’s mouth dropped open. She stopped trembling, and just stared at Brendon with wide eyes.
“Ryan?” She whispered.
“Yes.” Brendon showed no emotion.
“What the fuck?” Sarah tried to mask her pain with disgust, “Are you fucking gay?”
“It’s not that simple.” Brendon shook his head. This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen. He wanted to sit her down, tell her gently, not have her find out herself.
“What the fuck does that mean? Do you like guys now?”
“Sarah, it’s not like-”
“It’s simple! Do you want to fuck guys? Does that get you hard?” Sarah started yelling.
“Just calm down.”
“I’m asking you a question God damn it! Do you like Ryan? You want to fuck him?”
“I love him, and I already have!” Brendon blurted, the frustration bubbling over. Sarah stopped completely. She stared up at Brendon with empty eyes. Finally something snapped inside of her. Tears came pouring down her face, and she stumbled back onto the doorframe. She slid down the wall until she was on the floor. She buried her face in her hands, and started to shake. Brendon knelt beside her, unsure of what to do or say. This happened all wrong. He loved her, and he never wanted to see her like this... but he knew he loved Ryan more.
“Sarah-”
“Don’t.” Sarah didn’t look up at him, “Don’t try to fucking apologize.” Her voice was shaky, and cracking.
“I love you.” Brendon whispered, wanting to reach out and touch her. But he knew he couldn’t. He’d done more damage here than he ever meant to do.
“Shut up. Just fucking leave.” Sarah sobbed into her hands. Brendon bit his lip, hating himself for what he’d done. He stood up and began to walk away, but turned back.
“I do, though. I love you.” He said, looking down on her. She moved her head, and looked up to meet his eyes. He skin was stained with eyeliner.
“No. You don’t. I love you. Sitting here alone, while you’re off touring. Never even dreaming of anyone else but you. Thinking I’m so fucking lucky.” Sarah buried her face in her arms again. She put one hand to the back of her head, holding herself in place. Brendon wiped at the guilty tears on his face. He didn’t want to leave her like this, but he knew she didn’t want him to stay. He inched towards her, but she shook her head.
“Just leave.”
“Sarah-”
“Go! Fucking leave!” She sobbed harder. Brendon ran his hands through his hair and walked away towards the door. “Tell Ryan I say hello.” She spit the words after him. Brendon glanced back at her, but she had buried her face again. He walked out the door and closed it behind him.
He got into his car and threw it in reverse. His eyes were blurry with tears, hating what had happened, but knowing it was inevitable. He wiped at his eyes violently. He hated himself for not appreciating her more. For not being there for her.
He just wanted to get to Ryan’s. He wanted to hold onto him and never let go. He knew he was speeding but didn’t care. He needed to get away and stop thinking about all this.
**
Ryan got to Jon’s apartment, and jumped out of the car, leaving his jacket behind. He trotted up to the door and knocked. Jon opened the door.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“I fixed it.” Ryan beamed from ear to ear. Jon raised an eyebrow.
“With Brendon?”
“Yep.” Ryan rocked back and forth on his heels.
“No fucking way. Get in here.” Jon pulled Ryan inside.
**
Brendon had been knocking for a while. He sighed and looked around the parking lot.
No shitty old sedan.
He got out his cell phone and impatiently dialed Ryan’s number. The phone rang once... twice... three times... four times... voice mail.
“Ry, it’s me. Sarah heard us talking and uh... yeah, she knows. And she and I are over... Look, I really need to see you, so please call me back.” Brendon hung up. He called again. Voice mail.
“And I forgot to say that I love you.... so yeah, I do. Call me.” He hung up again. With a huff, he sat down on Ryan’s doorstep. He wiped at his eyes again, angry at himself for still crying. Where was Ryan?
He didn’t want to wait anymore. He got back into his car and brainstormed. Maybe he was at Jon’s place. Brendon pulled out of the parking lot, pressing harder on the accelerator. He needed to find Ryan as soon as physically possible. He couldn’t be alone right now.
Brendon navigated the streets to Jon’s masterfully. He used to be over there all the time. It was about 2 am and no one was on the road. He turned onto the street where the complex was located. He was almost home.
**
“It was horrible, and completely thrilling all at once.” Ryan explained the nights events to Jon. Jon shook his head.
“That’s hilarious... Do you know how he’s going to break it to her?”
“I’m not sure. However he feels is right, I wouldn’t want to make him do anything he didn’t want to.” Ryan shrugged. Jon opened the fridge and offered Ryan a beer. Ryan took it, popping off the cap.
“You’re a lucky bitch.” Jon laughed. Ryan took a swig.
“That I am.”
A loud screeching, and then a crash boomed from outside Jon’s door.
“Holy shit.” Jon said, walking over to the window to look outside.
“What is it?”
“Dude, call 911. Someone totally got side swiped out there, trying to turn into the complex.”
Ryan joined Jon by the window. They both looked outside at the wreck. Ryan reached for his cell phone, but realized he’d left it in the car. He made his way to the door and walked outside. Half way to his car, he stopped and stared at the crash.
“That’s Brendon’s car.” He whispered to himself, looking at the car turned upside down. His heart rate skyrocketed. Jon was outside now, looking at Ryan with confusion. Ryan’s entire body began to shake.
“That’s Brendon’s car!” He yelled this time, before taking off towards the crash.
He had to tell Jon.
Ryan made a sharp left turn and started towards Jon’s apartment. Jon would kill him if he wasn’t the first person to know.
**
Brendon smiled as he watched Ryan walk down the street to his car from the window. He bit his lip and turned away from the door. He walked back towards the bedroom and stopped mid stride.
“Who was that?” Sarah’s voice faltered. She stood in the doorway, still fully clothed. Brendon glanced over at the bathroom. The door was open, the shower still running. He cleared his throat, but didn’t have anything to say. What could he say?
“Who was that?” Sarah repeated herself, obviously trying to hide her emotion. Brendon looked her in the eyes. He didn’t want to hurt her. But he couldn’t not hurt her without hurting himself. He noticed her hands trembling, as her chest moved in and out quickly with every breath.
“Brendon, I fucking heard you talking to someone. Now who’s sexy ass needed to get out of here?” She clenched her fists together, and pushed them to her sides. She kept blinking to keep the tears back. Brendon took in a deep breath.
“Ryan’s.” He said. Sarah’s mouth dropped open. She stopped trembling, and just stared at Brendon with wide eyes.
“Ryan?” She whispered.
“Yes.” Brendon showed no emotion.
“What the fuck?” Sarah tried to mask her pain with disgust, “Are you fucking gay?”
“It’s not that simple.” Brendon shook his head. This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen. He wanted to sit her down, tell her gently, not have her find out herself.
“What the fuck does that mean? Do you like guys now?”
“Sarah, it’s not like-”
“It’s simple! Do you want to fuck guys? Does that get you hard?” Sarah started yelling.
“Just calm down.”
“I’m asking you a question God damn it! Do you like Ryan? You want to fuck him?”
“I love him, and I already have!” Brendon blurted, the frustration bubbling over. Sarah stopped completely. She stared up at Brendon with empty eyes. Finally something snapped inside of her. Tears came pouring down her face, and she stumbled back onto the doorframe. She slid down the wall until she was on the floor. She buried her face in her hands, and started to shake. Brendon knelt beside her, unsure of what to do or say. This happened all wrong. He loved her, and he never wanted to see her like this... but he knew he loved Ryan more.
“Sarah-”
“Don’t.” Sarah didn’t look up at him, “Don’t try to fucking apologize.” Her voice was shaky, and cracking.
“I love you.” Brendon whispered, wanting to reach out and touch her. But he knew he couldn’t. He’d done more damage here than he ever meant to do.
“Shut up. Just fucking leave.” Sarah sobbed into her hands. Brendon bit his lip, hating himself for what he’d done. He stood up and began to walk away, but turned back.
“I do, though. I love you.” He said, looking down on her. She moved her head, and looked up to meet his eyes. He skin was stained with eyeliner.
“No. You don’t. I love you. Sitting here alone, while you’re off touring. Never even dreaming of anyone else but you. Thinking I’m so fucking lucky.” Sarah buried her face in her arms again. She put one hand to the back of her head, holding herself in place. Brendon wiped at the guilty tears on his face. He didn’t want to leave her like this, but he knew she didn’t want him to stay. He inched towards her, but she shook her head.
“Just leave.”
“Sarah-”
“Go! Fucking leave!” She sobbed harder. Brendon ran his hands through his hair and walked away towards the door. “Tell Ryan I say hello.” She spit the words after him. Brendon glanced back at her, but she had buried her face again. He walked out the door and closed it behind him.
He got into his car and threw it in reverse. His eyes were blurry with tears, hating what had happened, but knowing it was inevitable. He wiped at his eyes violently. He hated himself for not appreciating her more. For not being there for her.
He just wanted to get to Ryan’s. He wanted to hold onto him and never let go. He knew he was speeding but didn’t care. He needed to get away and stop thinking about all this.
**
Ryan got to Jon’s apartment, and jumped out of the car, leaving his jacket behind. He trotted up to the door and knocked. Jon opened the door.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“I fixed it.” Ryan beamed from ear to ear. Jon raised an eyebrow.
“With Brendon?”
“Yep.” Ryan rocked back and forth on his heels.
“No fucking way. Get in here.” Jon pulled Ryan inside.
**
Brendon had been knocking for a while. He sighed and looked around the parking lot.
No shitty old sedan.
He got out his cell phone and impatiently dialed Ryan’s number. The phone rang once... twice... three times... four times... voice mail.
“Ry, it’s me. Sarah heard us talking and uh... yeah, she knows. And she and I are over... Look, I really need to see you, so please call me back.” Brendon hung up. He called again. Voice mail.
“And I forgot to say that I love you.... so yeah, I do. Call me.” He hung up again. With a huff, he sat down on Ryan’s doorstep. He wiped at his eyes again, angry at himself for still crying. Where was Ryan?
He didn’t want to wait anymore. He got back into his car and brainstormed. Maybe he was at Jon’s place. Brendon pulled out of the parking lot, pressing harder on the accelerator. He needed to find Ryan as soon as physically possible. He couldn’t be alone right now.
Brendon navigated the streets to Jon’s masterfully. He used to be over there all the time. It was about 2 am and no one was on the road. He turned onto the street where the complex was located. He was almost home.
**
“It was horrible, and completely thrilling all at once.” Ryan explained the nights events to Jon. Jon shook his head.
“That’s hilarious... Do you know how he’s going to break it to her?”
“I’m not sure. However he feels is right, I wouldn’t want to make him do anything he didn’t want to.” Ryan shrugged. Jon opened the fridge and offered Ryan a beer. Ryan took it, popping off the cap.
“You’re a lucky bitch.” Jon laughed. Ryan took a swig.
“That I am.”
A loud screeching, and then a crash boomed from outside Jon’s door.
“Holy shit.” Jon said, walking over to the window to look outside.
“What is it?”
“Dude, call 911. Someone totally got side swiped out there, trying to turn into the complex.”
Ryan joined Jon by the window. They both looked outside at the wreck. Ryan reached for his cell phone, but realized he’d left it in the car. He made his way to the door and walked outside. Half way to his car, he stopped and stared at the crash.
“That’s Brendon’s car.” He whispered to himself, looking at the car turned upside down. His heart rate skyrocketed. Jon was outside now, looking at Ryan with confusion. Ryan’s entire body began to shake.
“That’s Brendon’s car!” He yelled this time, before taking off towards the crash.
Sign up to rate and review this story