Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > We can lose ourselves.

A broken record

by Unicorns-are-real 7 reviews

Another brutal shove and Frank fell to the floor...

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: PG - Genres: Angst,Drama - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Ray Toro - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2011-10-02 - Updated: 2011-10-02 - 1605 words

Frank sat on the end of his bed, barely making a ditch in the spongey mattress as he swung his legs back and forth and he clutched Soot the kitten to his chest. His black fringe drooped across his face, his honey eyes hidden behind the dark veil as he stroked the cuddly toy with delicate fingers in an almost tentative way, as if he feared it might disintergrate in his arms.

I stared out the window silently, watching the leaves tumble off the withering trees outside. It was impossible to think that it had been almost two weeks since I came here and I finally think that this voice has gone, like it dissapeared alongside the foliage that scattered the ground, covering the paths with amber, terracotta, gold and the occasional green colour. Conkers dotted the grass outside, the emerald strands dampened with the morning dew. I finally felt at peace.

Just because I haven't spoken to you, doesn't mean I'm gone Gerard.

I froze. No. No. It can't be back. The grugs were working, I was getting better.

Ha, it takes more than drugs to get rid of me. I can't believe you would even think that a bit of medication could destroy me; I've already told you Gerard, I am you. You can't destroy yourself now can ya? It giggled, echoing around my skull and reverberating off the bone.

"Leave me alone!" I growled and scowled at the window and at the my reflection in the glass. I saw Frank's head bob up behind me, his brow furrowed. He flashed up his board which never seemed to leave his side, Are you okay?

I went to answer but the voice piped back up.

He thinks you're crazy, he doesn't care. He's gonna tell Doctor Ray and Bob, gonna drug you up, gonna put you in a straight jack, lock you up and throw away the key...

"Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!" I cried and grabbed my hair in knotted fistfuls. I pulled and clawed at my scalp but nothing made it go away, it was like it was glued to my brain. Something touched my arm and I spun around; it was Frank. Fear etched his youthful face and he still had that kitten clutched in his free hand, the board discarded on the floor. He was trembling, violent shakes racking his elfin frame. He gripped my wrist, a pleading look in his eyes.
"Frank..." I whispered, my eyes prickling with hot salty tears.

Don't trust him! He thinks you're mad! He wants to lock you up!

Anger suddenly surged through me and I snarled, it burned my bones, coursed my viens and scalded my flesh. I battered Frank's tiny hand aside and pushed him back, away from me.
"Get away from me! You hate me! You only wanna lock me up! I hate you! I hate you, Frank! I hate you!"
Frank's eyes started to flow with tears but not even a whimper escaped those lips.
"I know what you're trying to do, Frank! It won't work! You just pretend to be quiet so I'll tell you my secrets! I bet you go blabbing to Ray and Bob behind my back! Don't you?!"
Another brutal shove and Frank fell to the floor yet he still clutched the toy to his chest as if it were sewn to his body. Still no whimper or sniffle.

I dropped to my knees and clasped his shoulders tightly and he winced, tears streaking his cheeks.
"For crap's sake Frank! Just talk! Just speak!" I bellowed and my voice broke, "Say something.. let me I'm still sane. Let me know, Frank... let me know..."


I looked up. Frank's tiny mouth was moving, his chapped lips attempting to forms words.

"Gerr-Ger-Gerar-d," He croaked. "G-Ger-Ger-ard." And he burst out into tears, his two year silence finally torn in two. He sobbed, sniffled, whimpered and wailed. A fog lifted from my mind and I released his shoulders,
"Frank..." I muttered and gathered him up off the floor and held him in my arms in tight embrace. His tears stained my shirt as he wept, his head tucked into the curve between my neck and collarbone. Red marks blossomed on Frank's olive skin from where I had grabbed him, the scarlet standing out against the whiteness of his clthes.

"I'm sorry, Frank. I'm so so sorry." I soothed, rubbing circles with my palm on the small of his back to hush him. He locked his arms tighter around me as he controlled his breathing. He lifted his head, his eyes puffy and sore, and his eyelashes damp and stuck together. He rubbed the tears off his face with the heel of his hand.

"G-Gerard..." He whispered and I smiled broadly. He had spoken, he finally said a word for the first time in two years.

And that first word was my name.

"But he did! Frank spoke; he said my name!" I argued as Ray unravelled the bandages, the red marks from 'Sleeping Tablet' incident two days ago had started to heal, the sores scabbing up gradually. Bob was with Frank and Aimee in the art and activities room watching a DVD.

Ray sighed and ran a hand through his afro, he closed his eyes for a second before opening them again and fixing me with a pitiful gaze. My stomach twisted and I looked at the ground, staring into the abyss of eggshell white.
I knew what he was going to say; all adults do the same thing when they can't explain something that goes against what they're used to. Take Frank, nine years old, a scrawny boy, finds comfort in a stuffed toy, and hasn't spoken, cried, sniffled or hummed in two whole years. Why, after so many years of being mute, would he burst into tears AND begin to talk again all of a sudden?

"Gerard, I know that you and Frank are best friends but why have Bob and I never got him to speak for so long and it only takes you two weeks?" Doctor Ray asked as he smeared sntiseptic onto my arms. I flinched, the cream stung the cuts and prickled my skin, the funny smell making me crinckle my nose in disgust.

No one'll believe you, Gerard; who'd believe a crazy person? I know I wouldn't.

I am you! ...Moron. I spat back mentally and the voice cackled in my head, each giggle pounding against my brain so harshly I was surprised my eyes were not bleeding.

But at least I'm not the one dressed in white, in a mental hospital being looked after by doctors, am I?

"Piss off!" I whispered and Ray looked up, his hands pausing and hovering over the bandage he was tying. He frowned softly,

I gazed into those eyes, nothing but concern and care in the deep brown pools.
"Nothing, I didn't say anything." I lied, attempting to be casual but failed- he saw right through that.
"Gerard, don't lie. Please."

Dammit, this guy was good.

"I'm not lying. I didn't say anythin'." I said, trying to sound stronger than I felt, when inside I was weak, rotting away in my own mind.

"When I passed Medical School, the first thing I was taught was when to know a child is lying. And I know you are lying to me, Gerard."
I pulled away my wrist before he could finish tying the knot and I held it protectively to my chest, fixing him with a cold glare.
"I didn't say anything." I whispered, I wanted to cry but I didn't, I had to look strong. I stood up and turned my back to him, if I held his gaze any longer I'd crack and tell him everything. I didn't want him to think I was crazy. I wanted him to think I was just Gerard Way, a normal boy with a normal family and normal friends. But that was far from the truth. I took the door handle in my hand and opened it, staring down the long, whitewashed corridor ahead of me.

"Gerard, please." Ray said, "Just let me help you, let me in and we can make all this go away. You can go home then, Gerard, go back to your family."
I shook my head,
"Gerard, what're you-?"
"I have to stay here."
"Don't be silly-"
"I'm already a family for someone here!" I blurted and although I wasn't looking at him I could hear the curiosity in his voice.
"And who're you family for, Gerard?"
"I'm family for Frank. I'm all he has and he needs me as much as I need him."

I stormed off down the corridor, slamming the door shut behind me. Tears started to burn my eyes. I didn't want the voice anymore, it wasn't fair! I just wanted to be me again, to be happy.
There was a shout, a cry of my name but I didn't slow down, I sped up, running around the corner when I heard the footsteps following me.

Run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run! The voice screeched, laughing hysterically as I scampered around another bend, almost slipping over on the freshly cleaned tiles, sending the 'Warning! Wet floor!' sign clattering into the wall.
He's gonna get'cha Gerard! You better run!!

"Gerard! Stop! Come back!" Ray called, his voice getting further and further away as I flung myself through the corridors, my bare feet slapping on the floor.

R&R please, I don't think I really like this chapter to be honest :/
- Sara xoxo
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