Categories > Celebrities > AFI > One False Move.
Chapter 6
One False Move.
*
I fell onto the bed and took a swing from the bottle of Jack Daniels I was holding. It had been two weeks since I left Jessica. Two weeks for my life to go into total peril. I have been drinking more than I can ever remember drinking in my life. I'm basically broke from all the booze I'm buying, yet I still find myself at a pub or in my hotel room holding onto a bottle of some strong alcoholic drink.
The room I was staying in wasn't by far the best I had stayed in, but it was somewhere to crash after drinking and a good place to recover the next morning from my massive hangovers. When I arrived, I specifically asked the receptionist to give me any room except the one I had shared with Jade when we were on tour here.
As I lowered the bottle from my lips, I heard a soft knock at the door. “Who the fuck would be knocking at this hour?” I thought, looking down at the clock on the bedside table and seeing it was 11:30pm. Being extra cautious, I decided to get my gun from out underneath the bed. I had taken to carrying this thing everywhere with me. I guess I was becoming a little paranoid. I don't think the amount of alcohol in my system these days was helping me to calm down and think logically either.
I slowly walked towards the two doors in front of me, “Ah, bloody double vision.” I said quietly to myself rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand. After a few seconds the two doors became one and I reached towards the handle.
“Davey, are you in there?” asked a woman's voice. I froze. How did she find me? Why did she have to come back? I had been doing so well at keeping Jessica out of my mind. Keeping her safe. Yet, there she stood, just outside my hotel room.
My hand was still frozen an inch away from the door handle when she knocked again. I brought myself back to reality as best as I could, what with being completely intoxicated with alcohol and opened the door.
I must have been a mess. The look on her face proved it. I had not taken much notice of my appearance, nor about my personal hygiene lately. The room wasn't that much better either. Empty liquor bottles covered the table in the small kitchenette and most of the bed side tables. The Jack Daniels that I had not yet finished was lying on the end of the bed. Leaking the remainder of its contents slowly onto the bed spread. The bed had not been made in all the time I had been staying here. I had also refused room service so the room had an off smell about it as well.
“Hi.” She said with a kind smile.
“What are you doing here? How did you find me?” I asked her, turning around and trying to shove the gun that was in my hand down the front of my pants.
“I rang around at a few places and finally found this place.” Jessica answered, looking around the room with the slightest look of disgust. “and the reason I am here is because … I was worried about you.”
“Ha, worried about me? You've never been a good liar, you know that?” I snorted. This seemed to hit a rough spot. She seemed much older, like she had aged about 10 years in the last 14 days. She did seem sincerely worried about me.
“Oh Davey!” Jessica seemed almost close to tears. I could see them brimming on the corner of her eyes. “Why have you been doing this? I know that leaving AFI was tough on you, but I never EVER thought it was this tough on you!” Silent tears started falling onto her coat.
“I'm not doing this because I got kicked out of the band. Yes, it was tough at the start, but I'm getting over it.” I told her. “I'm doing this because of you! I thought I was going to do everything right with you! I never thought that what I did would ever happen, but it did. I'm doing this so I don't go off looking for you and try and hurt you again!” Now I felt like the one that was close to tears. My chest was heaving and I was finding it hard to think.
“Why are you here so late, anyways?” I shot at her.
“Oh, well I … I thought that we could, you know, make up for what happened.” she said pulling the shoulder of her coat down to reveal the top of what looked like lingerie. I was shocked! How could she think that I would want that after what happened!
“No.” I said sternly to her. I was becoming fearful of what she was going to do. Was she going to throw herself at me? What then? What if I hit her again? I don't think I could live with myself if 'that' happened again.
I turned around, refusing to look at her. My head was pounding and I could feel the chill of the gun pressed against my groin. Then I heard the sound of the door closing and the soft click as it shut. Jessica had come into the room.
'Davey. Don't be scared, you won't hurt me. I know you won't. We can take it slow this time, if you want.” she said into my ear. She was so close that I could feel her warm breath on my neck. I was tempted to embrace her, but held my ground and looked sternly at one of the many empty liquor bottles that occupied the room.
“Jessica, if you know what's good for you, then I suggest you turn around and leave me alone. Nothing good can come out of this.” I said still looking anywhere except behind me, where she was standing. It must have been a few seconds before I felt her arms wrap around me. Warmth shot through my body that had nothing to do with alcohol. She started to pull me towards the bed. All of my senses seemed to have heightened. I could smell her perfume, hear her breathing in anticipation, feel the gun against my groin. The gun! I had almost forgotten about it. When I thought Jessica wasn't looking, I slid it out from the front of my pants.
“What’s that?!” she asked looking at the gun in my hands.
“Shit” I swore softly to myself. “It's nothing, nothing. Just being careful is all.” I said. But Jessica didn't seem to think that it was nothing.
“Davey … what were you going to do with that?” She asked cautiously.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“What I mean is you've been in a hotel room all by yourself for 2 weeks, surrounded by empty liquor bottles and you head is definitely not in the right place. You know what that sounds like?” Jessica was eyeing the gun the whole time.
“What! You thought I was going to … kill myself!” My mouth hanged open in shock. How could she think that? I was upset after I had left Jessica, but I wasn't THAT upset! I have too much to live for.
“Davey, can you just put it away please?” I heard Jessica ask me. I wasn't looking at her now, but looking down at my hands. The light from the room was hitting the metal of the gun at just the right angle. It looked … magical. So pretty.
“Oh, the things I could do with you.” I whispered more to the gun than to myself. I slid the gun into my right hand. My index finger resting on the trigger.
“Davey. Come on, put the gun away.” Jessica was starting to sound frightened.
“There's no need to be scared, Jessica.” I said calmly to her, a smile playing on my lips. It felt like an animal was roaring inside my chest. Like it had been waiting, hoping to escape and now it can. I felt powerful.
“Come on Davey. Come back to bed.” Jessica said seductively to me, pulling at my shirt to try and get me on the bed. The animal in me growled. “Why would I want to get into bed with you?” I thought caressing the gun. “Why would I, when I have this?” I looked down at Jessica who had taken off her coat and was lying on the bed in only her lingerie. I felt repulsed by the sight.
“Davey, come on! I came all this way for you! Don't you want me?” she said sounding annoyed.
“No. I don't want you anymore.”
“WHAT?! But … I … I thought you loved me?” Jessica was trying to sound innocent, seductive again, but I could hear the anger in her voice. I could tell she was mad.
“Jessica,” I started getting up off the bed and standing near the door. “I really do think it's time you went home.”
This time Jessica got off the bed and wrapped her coat around herself. “You're a dick, you know that?” She came right up to my face and slapped my face with as much force as she could muster. “HOW DARE YOU! I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT ME! I THOUGHT YOU WANTED THIS!” Jessica shouted into my face.
She started punching every part of me that she could reach, but I didn't feel it. The animal inside was waiting, waiting for her to go over the edge.
She kept on punching and then started kicking at my legs and shins. I grab onto her wrists, the gun still in my hand, and we fought each other over to one of the walls. Again, I was restraining Jessica by her wrists, but this time she fought back even harder. I put my hand around her throat, applying just enough pressure to make her stop but not kill her. I brought my right hand up to the light; the gun again was glistening at just the right angle again. Jessica still squirmed. The animal inside of me was growing angrier and angrier.
She released herself from my grip and ducked underneath my arm. I spun around and caught her around the middle, laughing to myself.
She kicked, punched, poked, pinched it was like some strange dance. Jessica wouldn't stop trying to hurt me. Although I kept laughing. Our bodies were again entwined but not for sexual desire.
While I was trying to restrain Jessica, she was covering my entire body in bruises. She managed to turn her body around so that she was facing me. The animal roared. The moment was coming, but what moment? I did not know. Again and again she would attack me. My left arm still around her waist, while my right arm, still holding the gun, tried to make her stay still. My index finger still positioned on the trigger. Jessica still squirming and thrashing about …
BANG! The sound of a gun shot reverberated off the walls around us. Jessica's body became frozen. Once again my senses were heightened. I looked at my hand, holding the gun just inches away from her chest. My finger pushed down onto the trigger. Silent tears escaped my eyes. My mouth opening and closing but no sound came out. The animal inside me slinking back into the shadows.
I laid her down gently onto the carpet at my feet. I could hear her breathing, rasping for more air, using up what little she had left in her lungs. Blood was pouring onto the carpet from the wound that the bullet had made in her chest. The wound that I had made.
I could smell the metallic odor that her blood was giving off. It filled my nostrils, leaving me breathless. I was sure that it would seep into my clothes and never wash out. I could see the life leaving her as she looked at me. I could see the colour leaving Jessica's cheeks and lips, see the brightness of her eyes becoming dim. I could also feel the coolness of the gun. I had not let it go. My index finger still pressed down onto the trigger.
With one last breath I saw Jessica's lips part and heard her last whisper, “I love you.” Then her body went limp and her eyes grew blank. Jessica was gone.
I opened my mouth and screamed to the world. I let my tears run over my face, into my open mouth, down the front of my clothes. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't form words; the only sound coming out of my mouth was the wails I was making. Unable to think. Unable to act.
I could still feel the gun in my hand. I had released the trigger. I popped open the magazine and saw that it was empty. “Must have used the last one on … on … on” I couldn't think her name. I was using all I had left in me to try and stop looking down at her broken body. Then … it hit me.
I lunged over to the bed and stuck my hand underneath it, looking for the black box. “Found it!” I thought excitedly. I pulled the box from under the bed and opened it. The imprint of where the gun had rested was still there, and next to it was my last bullet …
One False Move.
*
I fell onto the bed and took a swing from the bottle of Jack Daniels I was holding. It had been two weeks since I left Jessica. Two weeks for my life to go into total peril. I have been drinking more than I can ever remember drinking in my life. I'm basically broke from all the booze I'm buying, yet I still find myself at a pub or in my hotel room holding onto a bottle of some strong alcoholic drink.
The room I was staying in wasn't by far the best I had stayed in, but it was somewhere to crash after drinking and a good place to recover the next morning from my massive hangovers. When I arrived, I specifically asked the receptionist to give me any room except the one I had shared with Jade when we were on tour here.
As I lowered the bottle from my lips, I heard a soft knock at the door. “Who the fuck would be knocking at this hour?” I thought, looking down at the clock on the bedside table and seeing it was 11:30pm. Being extra cautious, I decided to get my gun from out underneath the bed. I had taken to carrying this thing everywhere with me. I guess I was becoming a little paranoid. I don't think the amount of alcohol in my system these days was helping me to calm down and think logically either.
I slowly walked towards the two doors in front of me, “Ah, bloody double vision.” I said quietly to myself rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand. After a few seconds the two doors became one and I reached towards the handle.
“Davey, are you in there?” asked a woman's voice. I froze. How did she find me? Why did she have to come back? I had been doing so well at keeping Jessica out of my mind. Keeping her safe. Yet, there she stood, just outside my hotel room.
My hand was still frozen an inch away from the door handle when she knocked again. I brought myself back to reality as best as I could, what with being completely intoxicated with alcohol and opened the door.
I must have been a mess. The look on her face proved it. I had not taken much notice of my appearance, nor about my personal hygiene lately. The room wasn't that much better either. Empty liquor bottles covered the table in the small kitchenette and most of the bed side tables. The Jack Daniels that I had not yet finished was lying on the end of the bed. Leaking the remainder of its contents slowly onto the bed spread. The bed had not been made in all the time I had been staying here. I had also refused room service so the room had an off smell about it as well.
“Hi.” She said with a kind smile.
“What are you doing here? How did you find me?” I asked her, turning around and trying to shove the gun that was in my hand down the front of my pants.
“I rang around at a few places and finally found this place.” Jessica answered, looking around the room with the slightest look of disgust. “and the reason I am here is because … I was worried about you.”
“Ha, worried about me? You've never been a good liar, you know that?” I snorted. This seemed to hit a rough spot. She seemed much older, like she had aged about 10 years in the last 14 days. She did seem sincerely worried about me.
“Oh Davey!” Jessica seemed almost close to tears. I could see them brimming on the corner of her eyes. “Why have you been doing this? I know that leaving AFI was tough on you, but I never EVER thought it was this tough on you!” Silent tears started falling onto her coat.
“I'm not doing this because I got kicked out of the band. Yes, it was tough at the start, but I'm getting over it.” I told her. “I'm doing this because of you! I thought I was going to do everything right with you! I never thought that what I did would ever happen, but it did. I'm doing this so I don't go off looking for you and try and hurt you again!” Now I felt like the one that was close to tears. My chest was heaving and I was finding it hard to think.
“Why are you here so late, anyways?” I shot at her.
“Oh, well I … I thought that we could, you know, make up for what happened.” she said pulling the shoulder of her coat down to reveal the top of what looked like lingerie. I was shocked! How could she think that I would want that after what happened!
“No.” I said sternly to her. I was becoming fearful of what she was going to do. Was she going to throw herself at me? What then? What if I hit her again? I don't think I could live with myself if 'that' happened again.
I turned around, refusing to look at her. My head was pounding and I could feel the chill of the gun pressed against my groin. Then I heard the sound of the door closing and the soft click as it shut. Jessica had come into the room.
'Davey. Don't be scared, you won't hurt me. I know you won't. We can take it slow this time, if you want.” she said into my ear. She was so close that I could feel her warm breath on my neck. I was tempted to embrace her, but held my ground and looked sternly at one of the many empty liquor bottles that occupied the room.
“Jessica, if you know what's good for you, then I suggest you turn around and leave me alone. Nothing good can come out of this.” I said still looking anywhere except behind me, where she was standing. It must have been a few seconds before I felt her arms wrap around me. Warmth shot through my body that had nothing to do with alcohol. She started to pull me towards the bed. All of my senses seemed to have heightened. I could smell her perfume, hear her breathing in anticipation, feel the gun against my groin. The gun! I had almost forgotten about it. When I thought Jessica wasn't looking, I slid it out from the front of my pants.
“What’s that?!” she asked looking at the gun in my hands.
“Shit” I swore softly to myself. “It's nothing, nothing. Just being careful is all.” I said. But Jessica didn't seem to think that it was nothing.
“Davey … what were you going to do with that?” She asked cautiously.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“What I mean is you've been in a hotel room all by yourself for 2 weeks, surrounded by empty liquor bottles and you head is definitely not in the right place. You know what that sounds like?” Jessica was eyeing the gun the whole time.
“What! You thought I was going to … kill myself!” My mouth hanged open in shock. How could she think that? I was upset after I had left Jessica, but I wasn't THAT upset! I have too much to live for.
“Davey, can you just put it away please?” I heard Jessica ask me. I wasn't looking at her now, but looking down at my hands. The light from the room was hitting the metal of the gun at just the right angle. It looked … magical. So pretty.
“Oh, the things I could do with you.” I whispered more to the gun than to myself. I slid the gun into my right hand. My index finger resting on the trigger.
“Davey. Come on, put the gun away.” Jessica was starting to sound frightened.
“There's no need to be scared, Jessica.” I said calmly to her, a smile playing on my lips. It felt like an animal was roaring inside my chest. Like it had been waiting, hoping to escape and now it can. I felt powerful.
“Come on Davey. Come back to bed.” Jessica said seductively to me, pulling at my shirt to try and get me on the bed. The animal in me growled. “Why would I want to get into bed with you?” I thought caressing the gun. “Why would I, when I have this?” I looked down at Jessica who had taken off her coat and was lying on the bed in only her lingerie. I felt repulsed by the sight.
“Davey, come on! I came all this way for you! Don't you want me?” she said sounding annoyed.
“No. I don't want you anymore.”
“WHAT?! But … I … I thought you loved me?” Jessica was trying to sound innocent, seductive again, but I could hear the anger in her voice. I could tell she was mad.
“Jessica,” I started getting up off the bed and standing near the door. “I really do think it's time you went home.”
This time Jessica got off the bed and wrapped her coat around herself. “You're a dick, you know that?” She came right up to my face and slapped my face with as much force as she could muster. “HOW DARE YOU! I THOUGHT YOU CARED ABOUT ME! I THOUGHT YOU WANTED THIS!” Jessica shouted into my face.
She started punching every part of me that she could reach, but I didn't feel it. The animal inside was waiting, waiting for her to go over the edge.
She kept on punching and then started kicking at my legs and shins. I grab onto her wrists, the gun still in my hand, and we fought each other over to one of the walls. Again, I was restraining Jessica by her wrists, but this time she fought back even harder. I put my hand around her throat, applying just enough pressure to make her stop but not kill her. I brought my right hand up to the light; the gun again was glistening at just the right angle again. Jessica still squirmed. The animal inside of me was growing angrier and angrier.
She released herself from my grip and ducked underneath my arm. I spun around and caught her around the middle, laughing to myself.
She kicked, punched, poked, pinched it was like some strange dance. Jessica wouldn't stop trying to hurt me. Although I kept laughing. Our bodies were again entwined but not for sexual desire.
While I was trying to restrain Jessica, she was covering my entire body in bruises. She managed to turn her body around so that she was facing me. The animal roared. The moment was coming, but what moment? I did not know. Again and again she would attack me. My left arm still around her waist, while my right arm, still holding the gun, tried to make her stay still. My index finger still positioned on the trigger. Jessica still squirming and thrashing about …
BANG! The sound of a gun shot reverberated off the walls around us. Jessica's body became frozen. Once again my senses were heightened. I looked at my hand, holding the gun just inches away from her chest. My finger pushed down onto the trigger. Silent tears escaped my eyes. My mouth opening and closing but no sound came out. The animal inside me slinking back into the shadows.
I laid her down gently onto the carpet at my feet. I could hear her breathing, rasping for more air, using up what little she had left in her lungs. Blood was pouring onto the carpet from the wound that the bullet had made in her chest. The wound that I had made.
I could smell the metallic odor that her blood was giving off. It filled my nostrils, leaving me breathless. I was sure that it would seep into my clothes and never wash out. I could see the life leaving her as she looked at me. I could see the colour leaving Jessica's cheeks and lips, see the brightness of her eyes becoming dim. I could also feel the coolness of the gun. I had not let it go. My index finger still pressed down onto the trigger.
With one last breath I saw Jessica's lips part and heard her last whisper, “I love you.” Then her body went limp and her eyes grew blank. Jessica was gone.
I opened my mouth and screamed to the world. I let my tears run over my face, into my open mouth, down the front of my clothes. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't form words; the only sound coming out of my mouth was the wails I was making. Unable to think. Unable to act.
I could still feel the gun in my hand. I had released the trigger. I popped open the magazine and saw that it was empty. “Must have used the last one on … on … on” I couldn't think her name. I was using all I had left in me to try and stop looking down at her broken body. Then … it hit me.
I lunged over to the bed and stuck my hand underneath it, looking for the black box. “Found it!” I thought excitedly. I pulled the box from under the bed and opened it. The imprint of where the gun had rested was still there, and next to it was my last bullet …
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