FicWad

Authors Note:
Thankyou for the reviews, they motivated me so much for this chapter so here you go. I hope you enjoy, please review and tell me what you think.

Gerard's Perspective

I hated this room; utterly loathed it. Sometimes in the lighter hours, I could bear it; it didn't seem as scary then. Not now, not when darkness blankets everything. The darkness is suffocating; it leaves you vulnerable and exposed. The worst things grow from darkness and they lurk within the corners, in the wardrobe and under the bed.

My eyes were wide with fear as I lay in a huddled ball in the bed, my nightmare still hadn't passed and the tears wouldn't stop. I could feel the all too familiar panic rush through my body and before it could release through my mouth in a gut-wrenching scream, I scrambled from the bed and bolted out the door to the kitchen.

This is where I've been spending most of my nights since I moved back in with Mom and Mikey a few days ago. I found safety in the kitchen; it was bright and held good memories. I liked spending time in the kitchen because nothing ever bad had happened there. I've been distracting myself with the kitchen, its better in here than in my dreadful room.

I've made a ritual to spend my nights in the kitchen, surrounded by the warm yellow walls and the constant aroma of coffee. It was my sanctuary and I loved it. It's saved me from sleeping in that horrific, dark bedroom. Mikey and Mom had spent a few weeks decorating the bedroom to my pleasure before I arrived and I felt a swell of guilt as I locked eyes with the pure white door from the small kitchen table.

Mikey thought I was insane, thought that I was ludicrous for depriving myself from sleep and maybe I was. Mom thought it was insomnia; she even bought me sleeping pills after she found me in the brightly lit kitchen drinking my seventh cup of black coffee that first night. She was insanely worried, broke down in tears despite my hurried attempts to reassure her I was fine and that I was only having trouble sleeping. Ha, if only. It's not that I can't sleep, it's just I won't. I will not surrender myself to that wretched room. I will not give myself to those horrific nightmares. I just won't.

Thankfully, Mom and Mikey haven't questioned me further about my ridiculous night time routine and as I flicked the kettle onto boil, I decided I wanted to keep it that way. I didn't want to burden then with all my problems and I would try my best not to. They were all too glad that I was finally home and I was going to spare them my dark moods and isolated personality and make them as happy as I could.

With heavy hands, I spooned coffee beans and sugar into a tall mug before pouring boiled water in and stirring it. Black coffee in hand, I made my way to the small kitchen table beside the window and lowered myself into one of the matching chairs. I rested my back against the back of the wooden chair before bringing my legs up to my chest, resting the heels of my feet against the edge of the seat and placing the hot mug in my lap.

I stared out the small window onto the front porch and the streets that seemed to go on forever. Every house was the same, each one identical to the next. I guess that was just New Jersey for you though, it was small, simple and it rained a lot. Frost covered the grey pavements and the corners of the small window and I wondered if it would snow soon, it certainly looked as though it would. The small moons glow seemed insignificant compared the dark night sky and I shivered at the thought of what could be lurking in the dangerous streets of New Jersey.

Six cups of coffee, two maths papers and a sketch later, Mikey comes bouncing through the door and I grimace at him, his bubbly personality making me feel nauseas and lightheaded, it was just all too much. Despite my problems with the same sex, I trusted Mikey and I knew he would never do me any harm; it's surprised me beyond relief when I let him hug me that first day. There was no panic attacks, no tears, no screaming just a warm, loving hug and that was a huge relief to the whole situation.

I was already ready for school, standing at the sink in my usual oversized hoodie and black skinny jeans, my outgrown black hair falling in my face behind my hood.

"Ready to go Gee?" Mikey asked from the door and I nodded in response, grabbing my backpack from the floor and following him outside to the small Vauxhall Vectra that waited outside in the driveway. Mikey unlocked the doors and I slid into the passenger seat, I was tense and the numerous mugs of coffee had wared off. Despite knowing Mikey would never harm me, the atmosphere in the small car was uncomfortable and awkward, more so for me than him. I slouched in my seat, my hood up and head down like always.

"How are you feeling today, Gee?" He asked as he started up the car. Mikey was seventeen, only a year younger than me and he could drive, something I was extremely jealous of. I looked up at Mikey behind my fringe and nodded in a weak response earning an unconvinced look and a heavy sigh from my younger brother.

That had been Mikey's response to my weak, reassuring nods for the past three days. That's the thing with Mikey, he was overly concerned but he knew when to just leave things be and I loved him for that. Sure he tried to get me to open up but he soon learned that it would take some time and anyway, I wouldn't be able to explain it to him right. I would certainly scare him away if I tried.

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