FicWad

Authors Note:
TEN FUCKING REVIEWS!! Love you all with a passion, you are all great ok? Here's the next chapter, I don't think it's much longer than any of the others but I tried. It gets really shit at the end and just ugh, tried so hard but it was just not happening. Enjoy anyway.

Gerard's Perspective

"Gerard," he started slowly, "what do you dream about?"

"Uh, just stuff you know? Memories..." I mumbled. I sat back down on the floor, retrieving my sketchbook from under the desk before I continued to sketch.

I could feel Frank's stare burn into me. I could see his frown as he looked down at me, looking straight into my soul. He was reading me, trying to figure out who I was and what my deepest secrets were - it made me uncomfortable. It made me want to hide away from him more than I already was.

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours." He almost whispered, making me wonder if he even said anything at all.

"What?" I asked as I looked up at him confused.

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours." He said again, louder this time as he sunk to the floor, facing me with swirling hazel eyes. They're beautiful and deep but they're empty, hiding almost. So much like mine but so different all the same.

"You don't sleep?" I asked in a shocked whisper and I found myself studying his face for the signs of lack of sleep but I found nothing but a perfectly beautiful face.

"Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't." He answered with a shrug.

"What do you mean?" I asked, growing more and more confused.

"Nope! You tell me yours and I'll tell you mine." He said as he winked at me, my brain turned to mush and the goose bumps came back again and I mentally cursed this beautiful boy for having such a strong hold on me.

"Is this some sort of joke?" I asked my stomach dropping as the panic and paranoia settled in again. The little voice in my head was laughing at me, telling me how stupid I was and it was fucking horrible. I had been dreading the day this would happen since I moved here. The day that someone would befriend me only to get my story out of me. It fucking hurt.

"What? No! Gerard, listen please." Frank pleaded as I started to get up, "Gerard, wait. Please just listen." But it was no use, tears were stinging my eyes and I was shaking before I even reached the door. Fuck him. Fuck him for being so pretty and nice.

"Gerard!" He almost shouted as he grabbed my right wrist, my knees weakening at his touch. The tormenting voices in my head started to fade and all I could hear was my rapid heartbeat ringing in my ears; all because of Frank.

Frank had turned me around to look at him, pressing me up against the door with his small body. Still holding my wrist, he laid his head on my shoulder as he breathed deeply.

"I'm so sorry Gerard, really. I didn't mean to make you feel like I was only being nice to you to get your story out of you because I really wasn't." his quiet voice shook and he enveloped me in a warm hug after squeezing my hand with his. I went limp against his body, just managing to hesitantly wrap my arms around his back.

I felt safe in the warmth of Franks arms, the voices and panic went away when he touched me and it was such a rare feeling that my chest tightened and I struggled to breathe properly. I was still worried that somehow, this was all a joke and that Frank was one of the popular guys who did stuff like this to make themselves feel better but I couldn't ignore the feelings that ran through me and being in Frank’s arms or just with Frank in general, seemed to smooth out all my worries and fears. And that shit scared me.

It took me a lot of trust not to just turn and run away from Frank, never looking back and never talking to him again and I just hoped that I was putting my trust into the right person.

"Do you want to go to my favourite place in the world?" Frank asked as he pulled away from me but not moving his arms from my waist.

"Sure." I said shrugging and he gave me another hug before kissing my cheek quickly as he pulled away properly this time. I smiled shyly and ducked my head, letting my hair fall from behind my hood to hide my burning face.

I looked up to see Frank pull on a third hoodie before throwing an extra thick black one at me smiling widely. I caught the warm bundle of fabric before it fell to the floor and looked at it quizzically before pulling it on over the one I was already wearing before zipping it up. I pulled the hood up over my head and smiled at Frank as I caught him watching me, he smiled again and his eyes twinkled. My heart nearly stopped at how beautiful he looked.

"C'mon." He said grinning and I dug my hands deep into my pockets as I followed him out of his bedroom, along the corridor, down the stairs, through the living room and kitchen and out the back door to his backyard.

As soon as I stepped out into the dark night a gust of bitter cold wind crashed against my body, I shivered as I sank down to sit on the step. My teeth crashed against each other as I watched Frank lean against an old oak tree and light up a cigarette, the leaves rustled in the cold wind and I saw Frank shiver as he took a drag from the cancer stick. I watched, baffled, as he managed to make something as disgusting as smoking look attractive. Jealousy burned in me as I watched him smoke and look so effortlessly good looking at the same time.

"You smoke, Gerard?" He asked my knees grew weak as my named rolled off his tongue and I thanked God that I was already sitting down.

"Um, no. No, I don't." I said awkwardly as I shivered in the cold air. He merely nodded as a response before looking up at the night sky, enveloping the cigarette with his lips and taking another drag. He kept the smoke in for a while before he blew out into the air and licking his lips. I cursed under my breath and started to fidget on the step, my tight jeans becoming uncomfortable.

"So, um, how come this is your favourite place in the world?" I asked as I looked around. It was pretty fucking dark out here, the only light glowing from the small kitchen window, the shabby street lamps and the large moon hidden behind thick black clouds.

"I come out here when I can't sleep; the cold keeps me awake you know. I've spent more nights out here for the past year that I've lived in New Jersey than in my own room," he said looking at me as he blew out another puff of smoke. "Insomnia." He said with a shrug, flicking his cancer stick to the ground and crushing it with his converse clad foot.

I replied with a simple, "Oh." as I looked out at the dark streets. My house wasn't too far away, only a few houses down on the opposite street. All the lights were off but I could see my Mums car in the drive so I guessed she was home. I realised that I would need to go find Mikey and leave pretty soon and I found myself reluctant to do so, wanting to spend all the time I could with Frank.

"You know, I'm out here pretty much every night so if you ever can't sleep and want some company you can just come over. You can use that gate," he said, gesturing to the gate behind the old oak tree, "that's probably the safest option. I always have a shit load of coffee and food so yeah, it's up to you." He finished with a shrug, shoving his hands in his pockets as he shivered.

"Sure, I'd like that." I said honestly, we shared a smile and Frank walked over and sat down next to me. He leaned his body into mine, laying his head on my shoulder with his hands still in his pockets. His warm little body was pressed so close to mine and I could smell the faint scent of coffee, cigarettes and vanilla of him. I sighed as he huddled closer to me, but still not close enough.

"It's so fucking cold out here." he said as he shivered violently, his three hoodies weren't doing him any justice.

"I know, you're gonna die out here one night, Frankie." I froze as I realised what I had called him and I felt his head leave my shoulder.

"Frankie? Hmmm. I like that, Gee." he said as he bent his head to kiss my cheek, his soft lips leaving a tingle and burn when they left my skin. I ducked my head and smiled to myself, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"I like 'Gee' too." I said quietly as I started to pick the skin of my hands.

"I thought you might." he says smugly as he rests his head gently on my shoulder again, his soft hair tickling my neck and jawline faintly.

"Um, do you know the time?" I asked shyly.

"Uh, no. Give me a minute." He said before he stood up and went back inside. I stayed content on the step, the cold air nipped my skin and I yawned silently for the first time in what felt like days.

Then panic settled in as I realised that I would probably fall asleep as soon as I got home, my mind rushed with fear and my hands started to shake. The night grew colder in a matter of seconds and I buried my head in my hands, rubbing my eyes with cold fingertips as I groaned

In the few minutes I spent alone, I had managed to fall in a deep pit of despair. I was sobbing and shaking as panic rushed through me, tormenting my vulnerable state; the vicious voice proving I wasn't strong enough, that I couldn't handle it. So when Frank finally emerged from the house with two coffee mugs in each hand, I thought my chest was sure to explode.

I felt the panic and fear float away as Frank took his seat next to me, his small body pressed up against mine and the vicious voice had melted away into a mild headache. Frank held a hot mug of coffee under my nose as he looked out across his backyard and sipped his own mug. I took the mug gratefully, my hands brushing against his and I nearly dropped the cup as tingles shot through my arms. I muttered a quiet "Thanks," as I held the mug in two hands, holding it close to my face.

"Hey, is everything okay?" He asked in a concerned tone, looking at me with those big, pretty eyes. I nodded hastily, brushing my worries off as I ducked my head, hiding behind my hood.

A peaceful silence fell over us as we sat drinking from our mugs, the night was silent and still, cold and dark. I had finished my coffee quickly, thanking Frank again which he just shook of, saying it wasn't a problem. I sighed as I stood up, shoving my hands in my pockets before turning to Frank who was looking up at me confused.

"I need to go, I told my Mum I'd be home after midnight so I better get back." I said regretfully. I tucked my hair behind my ear as Frank stood up on the step, making us the same height; he looked at me before embracing me in his warm arms, squeezing me gently before letting go.

"Do you want me to walk you?" He asked frowning.

"Um, no I think I'll manage." I said nodding.

"Okay. Well urm, remember that I'm always out here at night if you ever need company." He said before I nodded and turned away. "Bye Gee!" He called as I closed the creaking gate behind me and I waved back at him with a sad smile; I didn't want to leave so soon.

I turned away, ducking my head and sinking in my hoodies. A gust of wind flew past, my hair danced around my face and a familiar scent brushed my nostrils. I stopped dead on the sidewalk, bringing my forearm to my nose and breathing deeply, coffee, cigarettes and vanilla filled my senses. I smelled of Frank. I had Frank’s hoodie and I fucking smelled of him.

I continued to walk again, staggering as I took my first few steps. I walked through the cold air of the dark night in complete bliss, my chest swelled and I smiled to myself behind my two hoods. I was wearing Franks fucking hoodie and nothing else made me feel safer.

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