Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > You & I in Unison
Authors Note:
It's been too long, waaaay too long guys. I've missed you! I hope that you all had a great Christmas and that you got the present you wanted and that you all just had an overall lovely day. As you know, I've left this story for a few days because I had to sort it out and I think I know where it's going, I'm still not set in stone but I think I'm getting there. If you were wondering why this was shown earlier, that would be because I edited every fucking previous chapter and I swear to God, I thought I was going to cut my eyes out of my head. Oh, and by the way, I respond to your reviews so read it, ok? YOU BETTER BE READING THIS FUCKING AUTHORS NOTE BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING LONG AND NEEDS TO BE READ. This chapter is long, very long, too fucking long but I've left you guys for so long so I wanted to make up for it, I'm so fucking sorry for leaving for so long too. It makes me look like such a shit person. I was going to break this up into two chapters but I felt that it worked better in just one but you are the readers, tell me what you think. I wrote this as a word document, like on Microsoft Word and altogether it is 3,634 words and 5 and a half A4 pages long. So, I hope you guys enjoy!
Gerard's Perspective
I didn’t go back to Frank’s house that weekend. Come to think of it, I didn’t leave my house at all. After a pretty shit nightmare, one that left me shaking and crying in my hallway for three hours, I was a mess. I had shut down, I wouldn’t speak, I wouldn’t eat and I sure as hell wouldn’t sleep. My stomach churned with nerves and hatred as I was left alone to swim in my mind. I remembered his face, his evil smile and those fucking hands.
I felt dirty, so fucking dirty that I showered four times a day for hours. I scrubbed my skin until it was red raw and then some more. But the dirt was embedded in my skin, it clung and gripped and it wouldn’t leave. When I wasn’t in the shower, I was in the kitchen, staring out the window longing to be free of him and his fucking games.
I wasn’t safe, I could feel him; he was close somewhere and he was coming to get me, coming to break me down even more. His laugh rang in my ears, high pitched and screeching; I tore at my hair and scratched my shoulders. It didn’t end.
He wasn’t just haunting my dreams anymore, he was haunting my thoughts, breaking my soul and scarring my body. He was strong, much stronger than me and he wasn’t going to give up, he would win; he always did.
I had been in my deepest pit of despair for three days, three long fucking dreadful days, and I was breaking at the seams. Nothing was helping, not my mum and not even Mikey. I wanted to be left alone, I wanted to scream and cry and fuck things up but I wanted someone to be there, I wanted someone to hold me tight to their warm body and promise me everything would be fine, that I would get over this, that I was strong enough. I wanted Frank.
I wanted to be with him so much that it hurt me. I wanted to smell his sent, see his face, hear his laugh, and make him smile. I wanted the goose bumps back; I wanted the shivers and the thrills. I wanted him to hug me, I wanted to sit and share coffee with him. I wanted to be his and him to be mine. I just wanted him to be there, to make me feel safe; his hoodie didn’t smell like him anymore.
When Monday rolled around I refused to go to school. I cried and screamed and clung to the kitchen table until my mum finally understood, tears running from her eyes; her heart was broken, she was defeated; I had finally broken her.
She stayed home with me and we were sat huddled together on the sofa in the living room watching old movies and stupid TV programmes when I took her by surprise and hugged her tightly, telling her how sorry I was until tears pricked my eyes. She sighed softly; her chin resting atop of my head as she rubbed my back, she reassured me that it was okay, that she understood. She swore that she’d always be there for me, that no matter what I was still her son and she loved me, despite everything.
A pang of guilt shot through me and I sobbed silently as she held me in her arms, I promised her that I would go to school the following day, mumbling how sorry I was until she finally pulled away, taking my tear stained face in her hands.
“Gerard Way, I want you to stop crying your little heart out. You’re my son, my little baby, you mean everything to me. Do you know how hurt and heartbroken I was when you left? And Mikey, oh God, Mikey! We were both just so heartbroken, honey. We missed you so much and then we found out what happened and I thought you were going to die and just,” she broke off, her voice cracking as she tried to cover a sob with a deep breath, “if anything were to ever happen to you again Gerard then I would die, Mikey would most likely die as well and I can’t let that happen Gerard, okay? You mean everything to me, you, and Mikey, are my life and I would die for you both. If what you need is a day off school then I understand, obviously I don’t want what happened this morning to happen again,” she looked at me with a sad smile, poking my nose, “but just talk to me okay? I’m here, so is Mikey, we want you to be better, to feel safe. We’ve missed you so, so much Gerard and we love you. Always remember that.” She came to the end of her speech, wiping my flowing tears from my cheeks before embracing me in a warm hug. I sobbed out a thank you which she shushed before we went back to watching a movie, my love growing for her ten times more than ever.
It had been a long day, it was five o’clock in the morning and I was sitting at the kitchen table, coffee in hand with dripping wet hair after my three hour long shower. When Mikey came home after school, I tackled him with a hug before we sat at the kitchen table for hours. We chatted about everything, our friendship and trust growing stronger. I told him that I was always going to be there for him, that he could come to me if he ever needed to and he hugged me in return before drifting off to his room to sleep. It had been about two in the morning when Mikey finally left to his bedroom, leaving me in the silence of the kitchen, the only sound filling the room was the annoying ticking of the clock.
I had left the warmth of the kitchen to shower. There was three hours filled with harsh scrubbing of my skin, some blood, a trail of swear words and tears before I finally drifted back into the kitchen where I was now, sitting at the kitchen table, coffee in hand with dripping wet hair.
The night outside the small window was dark, the trees rustling in the wind as it bashed against the frosted glass. The identical houses stood one by one in the darkness, asleep and vulnerable. Everything was vulnerable in the darkness, nothing and no one was safe; there would always be something lurking in the shadows, picking on the weak and feeble.
I looked out into the streets as I sipped my coffee, my eyes landing on Frank’s house. As soon as my eyes landed upon the small home of Frank Iero, my chest tightened and my stomach exploded with butterflies. Something was tugging at me, tugging at my heart. It was powerful and I wanted to go where it wanted to lead me. I wanted it to pick me up and blow me away into the safety of Frank because really, that’s where I’ve wanted to be ever since I left him three days ago.
Despite my longing to be with Frank, nothing magical swept me off my feet and landed me in Frank’s garden. There wasn’t a puff of smoke and I didn’t find myself standing in Frank’s warm embrace. It just started to rain; small droplets of water that fell from the dark clouds above and crashed against the stone cold pavements. The rain thrashed against the window loudly and I sighed in disappointment, my body slumping in defeat.
Two hours later and it was seven in the morning, I was sipping my fifth cup of coffee and finishing my second sketch in two hours. I was excited to see Frank again, hoping that he would still want to speak to me and it wouldn’t be awkward. I smiled brightly when Mikey came in, looking groggy as he rubbed his eyes, successfully banging his elbow off the door frame causing him to breath out a strand of curse words.
I got up to make him coffee as he sat down at the table in the chair opposite me, letting his head fall the surface as he yawned loudly and groaned. I spooned three sugars and coffee beans into a large mug before stirring in the boiling water and milk, I tasted it for him before placing it down near his head with a quite ‘clunk’ and sitting down in my own chair. He mumbled his thanks and I shrugged, not bothering if he saw or not before I gulped down the remains of my own coffee, letting the bitter taste wash away the sweetness of Mikey’s coffee. I never did understand why he liked his so sweet and milky.
“Are you coming into school today, Gee?” he asked as he lifted his head from the table, grabbing his coffee and gulping it down. I hummed, nodding as I got up to get dressed. I was at my bedroom door before I properly realised that I was have to actually go into the horrid bedroom to get my clothes, why I didn’t leave them all in the kitchen or bathroom or even Mikey’s room was beyond me and I mentally slapped myself as I stood at the putrid white door.
“Is everything okay, Gee?” Mikey called from the kitchen doorway and I grimaced, shuffling from one foot to the other as I debated on what to tell him. Do I tell him I’m scared of the innocent bedroom and get laughed at or tell him everything is fine, walk into the room and die while having a panic attack? Decisions, decisions…
“Gerard? What’s wrong?” my mum asked as she stepped out of her bedroom down the hall, on the right to mine. I turned to look at her, panic written across my face as I silently begged her to understand what was wrong. She looked at me with wide eyes, taking my face in her hands and I ducked my head, ashamed.
“Honey, what’s wrong? I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me sweetie.” She said concerned, lifting my face to meet her eyes. I sighed and closed my eyes, so fucking embarrassing.
“I-I don’t want to go into that room, I don’t like it. I-I hate it. Please don’t make me, I only need some clothes to wear to school but I really don’t want to go in there, it’s so scary and h-he’s there mum. He’s waiting in there for me and I just, I can’t do it, it’s horrible, please don’t make me, please.” I begged in a rushed voice, my eyes shooting open to stare my mum in the eye, letting her know how truly fucking scary it was, how much fear I was in. Panic started to build up inside, flowing from the tips of my toes to the pit of my stomach and upwards. I grabbed my mums wrists, her hands still holding my face as she stared at me with understanding eyes, I grabbed them tightly, my teeth clamping down on my bottom lip to stop the scream falling from my mouth. My chest was heaving as I breathed deep and fast, tears escaping from the corners of my eyes. I gripped my mum’s wrists tighter, moving my hands in a turning movement, like I was twisting a doorknob or opening a bottle top, as the metallic taste of blood filled my mouth, washing over my tongue and tickling my taste buds.
I heard faint footsteps growing closer over the horrendous pounding in my ears; it was so loud that I was sure I was going to pass out. The footsteps were hurried, only making my fear grow. Who was it? What was happening? My vision was blurred and I couldn’t see well, soft fingers were caressing my cheeks, gripping tightly and rubbing. The pounding grew louder but the footsteps stopped behind me, this was it. My chest heaved and my nose burned; my breathing was fast and loud. Two bony arms wrapped around my waist from behind me, the hands linking together above my belly button. A chest was pressed against my back, a chin rested on my right shoulder and a familiar voice flew into my ear, melting the pounding away. I blinked furiously, the tears receding and I saw my mother’s face; scared, hurt and tear stained. Her lips were dry and pulled into a straight line, her eyes scared and shining brightly with tears. She continued to rub my cheeks, securing eye contact with my as my breathing slowed down into its normal rate. And then I heard Mikey.
“Gerard, Gerard it’s alright. It’s only us; mum and me, Mikey. Please, there’s nothing to be scared of just come back to us Gerard, come on.” He whispered in my ear, scared and pleading. He gripped me to him tighter and I turned my body, staying in his bony arms, as I wrapped him in a hug, holding him to me tightly. I picked him up from the ground, gripping him tighter if possible before placing him down again and pulling away. I looked at him; he was smiling brightly at me and I gripped his shoulders softly.
“Thank you,” I said before hugging him again. “Thank you, so, so much, Mikey.” He hugged me back softly, chuckling in my ear before we both pulled apart. “And you,” I said turning to look at my mum, “Thank you, if it weren’t for you guys then I really don’t know what would have happened there.” I said as I gripped my mum in warm hug, kissing her cheek.
“You mean it could have been worse?!” my mum cried, tears falling from her eyes and she rubbed her wrists softly. I looked at her red raw wrists, my handprints marking her pale white skin, my stomach lurched as I realised what I had done.
“Mum,” I said, my voice cracking, “What have I done…? Your wrists, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it, please believe me, I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry, I can’t even begin to apologies properly. I’m such a horrible fucking son, I’m so sorry.” My words stumbled from my mouth pathetically as I staggered back from the beautiful woman in shock, knocking into Mikey and nearly falling. His long fingers gripped my upper arms, keeping me upright as my mum stuttered, opening and closing her mouth with no words coming out.
I stared at her, expecting her to hit me, to scream at me, to hurt me like anyone else would if I had done that to them but nothing came. She looked at me; hurt etched her features as she breathed in a quick breath, letting it out through a rasped sob.
“G-Gerard, I would never, never believe you would do something like this on purpose. Do you hear me? You scared me so much there Gerard, I thought we had lost you. I was so scared sweetie, for you, for me, for Mikey. Come here,” she said, opening up her arms, an invitation for a hug. I ran at her, colliding into her as I tried my hardest to not cry, she gripped me tightly, so fucking tightly and it was perfect. “Don’t worry honey, it doesn’t even hurt. I understand. Please, please don’t scare me like that again. I know you can’t help it sweetie, but it just hurts your mama so much, so fucking much, and me and Mikey can’t afford to lose you again sweetie. We love you so much.” She whispered into my ear and I smiled up at her, my bottom lip stretching and reopening, a tear of blood dribbled down my lip and my sleeve covered hand shot up to cover it, the wound stinging in disagreement.
“I’m so sorry, ma. For everything, I’m so much trouble, so much hassle. You must be so fed up and tired.” I admitted, looking at her sadly.
“Never Gerard, never. Don’t you ever think that okay sweetie? We love having you back so much, we can’t lose you again. We’re strong, aren’t we Mikey?” she said as she looked to Mikey who nodded furiously in agreement, smiling boldly, “You’re anything but a hassle, we can handle you Gee. Don’t worry. Now, off to school with you two, come on.” She finished and I pulled away, panicked; I still didn’t have clothes.
“Don’t worry, Gee, I’ll get you clothes.” Mikey giggled as he disappeared into the dark bedroom. I stepped back startled as I hear the all too familiar high screeched laugh echoing from inside the bedroom, only silencing when Mikey came back out, a bundle of clothes in hand as he pulled the door closed. Sighing in relief, I took the clothes from Mikey, kissing my mum on the cheek as I walked to the bathroom to get changed.
The car ride to school with my younger sibling was peaceful, Blink 182 oozed from the speakers of the car and Mikey sang along in an annoying voice as I bopped my head to the beat. It was a pretty good song actually. We pulled up in the school parking lot five minutes early despite the trouble this morning and I stepped out from the car, managing to bang my head off the roof hard enough to soon leave a bruise. I heard Mikey chuckle as my left hand flew to my face to caress my throbbing eyebrow.
“Fucker,” I mumbled as I trudged to the school, my hood up and head down like always. “Hey, Gerard?!” Mikey called from the car and I turned back to look at him, my hand still rubbing my forehead. “Yeah?” I called as he started to walk towards me.
“Want to meet me for lunch?” he asked as we walked side by side to the school entrance.
“Okay, sure.” I said and we stepped through the door, I ducked my head once we were in the building, my eyes darting about ridiculously fast as I cowered away in the wall. I could feel the peacefulness melt away, only to be replaced with defeat and paranoia. My stomach was flying with nerves, my thoughts running into the dreadful day that was to come. I hated this place; I wanted to be back in my kitchen, in my sanctuary. Or even with Frank. Anything would be better than here.
“Just meet me outside, next to the poles out front.” Mikey called as he wandered off to his registration and I whimpered as I was left to walk the narrow, fully filled hallways alone. I pulled my hood up around my face more securely, letting my hair fall in front of my face and shoving my hands in my hoodie pockets, ducking my head impossibly lower. I walked slowly, my body stiff as I held my arms tight close to my body; my eyes pinned to the floor, watching my feet move one in front of the other slowly. I dodged bodies and any contact with another human successfully, apparently, none of these fuckers like walking to the walls all that much. Maybe I owed them something after all.
I was left to walk against the cold wall of the corridor, my ears drumming with the ridiculous noise, I wanted this day to be over already and I hadn’t even been in the hell hole for ten minutes. I turned right at the corner after walking up five steps and I came face to face with a heard of people crammed tightly into the remains of the corridor. I stopped as I looked up at them through my eyelashes and hair, there was about thirty of them; loud, large and jammed together like sardines in a jar. Some were making out, some were sitting on the dust covered floor as the rest of them chatted loudly and sharing iPods filled with ridiculous, shitty music. No one had noticed me yet and I shuffled from one foot to another, debating whether to try and get through them or go another way.
A bell nearby shrilled loudly, I winced at the sudden overwhelming noise that echoed in my ears. The large group departed, the majority of them coming my way but still not noticing me. I moved forward, stumbling on my feet as I attempted to walk through them.
I winced and hissed and tensed up as my body collided with other bodies; males and females brushing up against me and pushing past and burning my skin and shouting down at me to get out of their way. Some laughed, some tried to trip me up the majority of them burned holes into me and I thought I was going to burst into flames right then and there. I breathed slowly and deeply, trying to keep the panic attack underway as I broke through the last of the bodies, crashing through the double doors at the end. It was horrific, terrifying; one of the reasons I utterly loathe coming to this place. Thousands of people crammed into a tiny building with narrow corridors and even tinier classrooms. It should be illegal but apparently, the Government doesn't think about situations like these so it goes unnoticed. It was not acceptable.
I composed myself as I walked up the two flights of stairs; securing my hood, pulling my shirt down and my skinny jeans up, pulling my sleeves over my hands and shoving them into my hoodie pockets. I was fucking pissed, so fucking pissed and I knew that nothing good would come out of this fucking shitty. I hated this place and everyone and everything in it.
Review
I just reread it there and it isn't even that long, it seriously isn't. Plus, nothing exciting happens in this chapter so it's pretty pointless, but it needed to be here as a filler so yeah. Review, tell me what you think. I may have fallen in love with this story and I am so excited to continue writing it. I'm weird like that. Oh, and I felt so awkward writing the Gerard/Mikey bit, the bit where Mikey hugs him from behind because it felt so intimate and I was just like "WAYCEST! WAYCEST! WAYCEST!" and all they were doing were hugging, so fucking disturbed. God, I talk so much. Please review; I NEED to know what you guys think. Oh dear Lord, this chapter is so shit, why do I continue to write? Idk, it baffles me too guys. P.s ~the authors notes stretch it to 8 pages long with 4,028 words. But yeah, review my lovely readers and I will give you candy muahaha. I'm seriously leaving now, BYE.
It's been too long, waaaay too long guys. I've missed you! I hope that you all had a great Christmas and that you got the present you wanted and that you all just had an overall lovely day. As you know, I've left this story for a few days because I had to sort it out and I think I know where it's going, I'm still not set in stone but I think I'm getting there. If you were wondering why this was shown earlier, that would be because I edited every fucking previous chapter and I swear to God, I thought I was going to cut my eyes out of my head. Oh, and by the way, I respond to your reviews so read it, ok? YOU BETTER BE READING THIS FUCKING AUTHORS NOTE BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING LONG AND NEEDS TO BE READ. This chapter is long, very long, too fucking long but I've left you guys for so long so I wanted to make up for it, I'm so fucking sorry for leaving for so long too. It makes me look like such a shit person. I was going to break this up into two chapters but I felt that it worked better in just one but you are the readers, tell me what you think. I wrote this as a word document, like on Microsoft Word and altogether it is 3,634 words and 5 and a half A4 pages long. So, I hope you guys enjoy!
Gerard's Perspective
I didn’t go back to Frank’s house that weekend. Come to think of it, I didn’t leave my house at all. After a pretty shit nightmare, one that left me shaking and crying in my hallway for three hours, I was a mess. I had shut down, I wouldn’t speak, I wouldn’t eat and I sure as hell wouldn’t sleep. My stomach churned with nerves and hatred as I was left alone to swim in my mind. I remembered his face, his evil smile and those fucking hands.
I felt dirty, so fucking dirty that I showered four times a day for hours. I scrubbed my skin until it was red raw and then some more. But the dirt was embedded in my skin, it clung and gripped and it wouldn’t leave. When I wasn’t in the shower, I was in the kitchen, staring out the window longing to be free of him and his fucking games.
I wasn’t safe, I could feel him; he was close somewhere and he was coming to get me, coming to break me down even more. His laugh rang in my ears, high pitched and screeching; I tore at my hair and scratched my shoulders. It didn’t end.
He wasn’t just haunting my dreams anymore, he was haunting my thoughts, breaking my soul and scarring my body. He was strong, much stronger than me and he wasn’t going to give up, he would win; he always did.
I had been in my deepest pit of despair for three days, three long fucking dreadful days, and I was breaking at the seams. Nothing was helping, not my mum and not even Mikey. I wanted to be left alone, I wanted to scream and cry and fuck things up but I wanted someone to be there, I wanted someone to hold me tight to their warm body and promise me everything would be fine, that I would get over this, that I was strong enough. I wanted Frank.
I wanted to be with him so much that it hurt me. I wanted to smell his sent, see his face, hear his laugh, and make him smile. I wanted the goose bumps back; I wanted the shivers and the thrills. I wanted him to hug me, I wanted to sit and share coffee with him. I wanted to be his and him to be mine. I just wanted him to be there, to make me feel safe; his hoodie didn’t smell like him anymore.
When Monday rolled around I refused to go to school. I cried and screamed and clung to the kitchen table until my mum finally understood, tears running from her eyes; her heart was broken, she was defeated; I had finally broken her.
She stayed home with me and we were sat huddled together on the sofa in the living room watching old movies and stupid TV programmes when I took her by surprise and hugged her tightly, telling her how sorry I was until tears pricked my eyes. She sighed softly; her chin resting atop of my head as she rubbed my back, she reassured me that it was okay, that she understood. She swore that she’d always be there for me, that no matter what I was still her son and she loved me, despite everything.
A pang of guilt shot through me and I sobbed silently as she held me in her arms, I promised her that I would go to school the following day, mumbling how sorry I was until she finally pulled away, taking my tear stained face in her hands.
“Gerard Way, I want you to stop crying your little heart out. You’re my son, my little baby, you mean everything to me. Do you know how hurt and heartbroken I was when you left? And Mikey, oh God, Mikey! We were both just so heartbroken, honey. We missed you so much and then we found out what happened and I thought you were going to die and just,” she broke off, her voice cracking as she tried to cover a sob with a deep breath, “if anything were to ever happen to you again Gerard then I would die, Mikey would most likely die as well and I can’t let that happen Gerard, okay? You mean everything to me, you, and Mikey, are my life and I would die for you both. If what you need is a day off school then I understand, obviously I don’t want what happened this morning to happen again,” she looked at me with a sad smile, poking my nose, “but just talk to me okay? I’m here, so is Mikey, we want you to be better, to feel safe. We’ve missed you so, so much Gerard and we love you. Always remember that.” She came to the end of her speech, wiping my flowing tears from my cheeks before embracing me in a warm hug. I sobbed out a thank you which she shushed before we went back to watching a movie, my love growing for her ten times more than ever.
It had been a long day, it was five o’clock in the morning and I was sitting at the kitchen table, coffee in hand with dripping wet hair after my three hour long shower. When Mikey came home after school, I tackled him with a hug before we sat at the kitchen table for hours. We chatted about everything, our friendship and trust growing stronger. I told him that I was always going to be there for him, that he could come to me if he ever needed to and he hugged me in return before drifting off to his room to sleep. It had been about two in the morning when Mikey finally left to his bedroom, leaving me in the silence of the kitchen, the only sound filling the room was the annoying ticking of the clock.
I had left the warmth of the kitchen to shower. There was three hours filled with harsh scrubbing of my skin, some blood, a trail of swear words and tears before I finally drifted back into the kitchen where I was now, sitting at the kitchen table, coffee in hand with dripping wet hair.
The night outside the small window was dark, the trees rustling in the wind as it bashed against the frosted glass. The identical houses stood one by one in the darkness, asleep and vulnerable. Everything was vulnerable in the darkness, nothing and no one was safe; there would always be something lurking in the shadows, picking on the weak and feeble.
I looked out into the streets as I sipped my coffee, my eyes landing on Frank’s house. As soon as my eyes landed upon the small home of Frank Iero, my chest tightened and my stomach exploded with butterflies. Something was tugging at me, tugging at my heart. It was powerful and I wanted to go where it wanted to lead me. I wanted it to pick me up and blow me away into the safety of Frank because really, that’s where I’ve wanted to be ever since I left him three days ago.
Despite my longing to be with Frank, nothing magical swept me off my feet and landed me in Frank’s garden. There wasn’t a puff of smoke and I didn’t find myself standing in Frank’s warm embrace. It just started to rain; small droplets of water that fell from the dark clouds above and crashed against the stone cold pavements. The rain thrashed against the window loudly and I sighed in disappointment, my body slumping in defeat.
Two hours later and it was seven in the morning, I was sipping my fifth cup of coffee and finishing my second sketch in two hours. I was excited to see Frank again, hoping that he would still want to speak to me and it wouldn’t be awkward. I smiled brightly when Mikey came in, looking groggy as he rubbed his eyes, successfully banging his elbow off the door frame causing him to breath out a strand of curse words.
I got up to make him coffee as he sat down at the table in the chair opposite me, letting his head fall the surface as he yawned loudly and groaned. I spooned three sugars and coffee beans into a large mug before stirring in the boiling water and milk, I tasted it for him before placing it down near his head with a quite ‘clunk’ and sitting down in my own chair. He mumbled his thanks and I shrugged, not bothering if he saw or not before I gulped down the remains of my own coffee, letting the bitter taste wash away the sweetness of Mikey’s coffee. I never did understand why he liked his so sweet and milky.
“Are you coming into school today, Gee?” he asked as he lifted his head from the table, grabbing his coffee and gulping it down. I hummed, nodding as I got up to get dressed. I was at my bedroom door before I properly realised that I was have to actually go into the horrid bedroom to get my clothes, why I didn’t leave them all in the kitchen or bathroom or even Mikey’s room was beyond me and I mentally slapped myself as I stood at the putrid white door.
“Is everything okay, Gee?” Mikey called from the kitchen doorway and I grimaced, shuffling from one foot to the other as I debated on what to tell him. Do I tell him I’m scared of the innocent bedroom and get laughed at or tell him everything is fine, walk into the room and die while having a panic attack? Decisions, decisions…
“Gerard? What’s wrong?” my mum asked as she stepped out of her bedroom down the hall, on the right to mine. I turned to look at her, panic written across my face as I silently begged her to understand what was wrong. She looked at me with wide eyes, taking my face in her hands and I ducked my head, ashamed.
“Honey, what’s wrong? I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me sweetie.” She said concerned, lifting my face to meet her eyes. I sighed and closed my eyes, so fucking embarrassing.
“I-I don’t want to go into that room, I don’t like it. I-I hate it. Please don’t make me, I only need some clothes to wear to school but I really don’t want to go in there, it’s so scary and h-he’s there mum. He’s waiting in there for me and I just, I can’t do it, it’s horrible, please don’t make me, please.” I begged in a rushed voice, my eyes shooting open to stare my mum in the eye, letting her know how truly fucking scary it was, how much fear I was in. Panic started to build up inside, flowing from the tips of my toes to the pit of my stomach and upwards. I grabbed my mums wrists, her hands still holding my face as she stared at me with understanding eyes, I grabbed them tightly, my teeth clamping down on my bottom lip to stop the scream falling from my mouth. My chest was heaving as I breathed deep and fast, tears escaping from the corners of my eyes. I gripped my mum’s wrists tighter, moving my hands in a turning movement, like I was twisting a doorknob or opening a bottle top, as the metallic taste of blood filled my mouth, washing over my tongue and tickling my taste buds.
I heard faint footsteps growing closer over the horrendous pounding in my ears; it was so loud that I was sure I was going to pass out. The footsteps were hurried, only making my fear grow. Who was it? What was happening? My vision was blurred and I couldn’t see well, soft fingers were caressing my cheeks, gripping tightly and rubbing. The pounding grew louder but the footsteps stopped behind me, this was it. My chest heaved and my nose burned; my breathing was fast and loud. Two bony arms wrapped around my waist from behind me, the hands linking together above my belly button. A chest was pressed against my back, a chin rested on my right shoulder and a familiar voice flew into my ear, melting the pounding away. I blinked furiously, the tears receding and I saw my mother’s face; scared, hurt and tear stained. Her lips were dry and pulled into a straight line, her eyes scared and shining brightly with tears. She continued to rub my cheeks, securing eye contact with my as my breathing slowed down into its normal rate. And then I heard Mikey.
“Gerard, Gerard it’s alright. It’s only us; mum and me, Mikey. Please, there’s nothing to be scared of just come back to us Gerard, come on.” He whispered in my ear, scared and pleading. He gripped me to him tighter and I turned my body, staying in his bony arms, as I wrapped him in a hug, holding him to me tightly. I picked him up from the ground, gripping him tighter if possible before placing him down again and pulling away. I looked at him; he was smiling brightly at me and I gripped his shoulders softly.
“Thank you,” I said before hugging him again. “Thank you, so, so much, Mikey.” He hugged me back softly, chuckling in my ear before we both pulled apart. “And you,” I said turning to look at my mum, “Thank you, if it weren’t for you guys then I really don’t know what would have happened there.” I said as I gripped my mum in warm hug, kissing her cheek.
“You mean it could have been worse?!” my mum cried, tears falling from her eyes and she rubbed her wrists softly. I looked at her red raw wrists, my handprints marking her pale white skin, my stomach lurched as I realised what I had done.
“Mum,” I said, my voice cracking, “What have I done…? Your wrists, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it, please believe me, I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry, I can’t even begin to apologies properly. I’m such a horrible fucking son, I’m so sorry.” My words stumbled from my mouth pathetically as I staggered back from the beautiful woman in shock, knocking into Mikey and nearly falling. His long fingers gripped my upper arms, keeping me upright as my mum stuttered, opening and closing her mouth with no words coming out.
I stared at her, expecting her to hit me, to scream at me, to hurt me like anyone else would if I had done that to them but nothing came. She looked at me; hurt etched her features as she breathed in a quick breath, letting it out through a rasped sob.
“G-Gerard, I would never, never believe you would do something like this on purpose. Do you hear me? You scared me so much there Gerard, I thought we had lost you. I was so scared sweetie, for you, for me, for Mikey. Come here,” she said, opening up her arms, an invitation for a hug. I ran at her, colliding into her as I tried my hardest to not cry, she gripped me tightly, so fucking tightly and it was perfect. “Don’t worry honey, it doesn’t even hurt. I understand. Please, please don’t scare me like that again. I know you can’t help it sweetie, but it just hurts your mama so much, so fucking much, and me and Mikey can’t afford to lose you again sweetie. We love you so much.” She whispered into my ear and I smiled up at her, my bottom lip stretching and reopening, a tear of blood dribbled down my lip and my sleeve covered hand shot up to cover it, the wound stinging in disagreement.
“I’m so sorry, ma. For everything, I’m so much trouble, so much hassle. You must be so fed up and tired.” I admitted, looking at her sadly.
“Never Gerard, never. Don’t you ever think that okay sweetie? We love having you back so much, we can’t lose you again. We’re strong, aren’t we Mikey?” she said as she looked to Mikey who nodded furiously in agreement, smiling boldly, “You’re anything but a hassle, we can handle you Gee. Don’t worry. Now, off to school with you two, come on.” She finished and I pulled away, panicked; I still didn’t have clothes.
“Don’t worry, Gee, I’ll get you clothes.” Mikey giggled as he disappeared into the dark bedroom. I stepped back startled as I hear the all too familiar high screeched laugh echoing from inside the bedroom, only silencing when Mikey came back out, a bundle of clothes in hand as he pulled the door closed. Sighing in relief, I took the clothes from Mikey, kissing my mum on the cheek as I walked to the bathroom to get changed.
The car ride to school with my younger sibling was peaceful, Blink 182 oozed from the speakers of the car and Mikey sang along in an annoying voice as I bopped my head to the beat. It was a pretty good song actually. We pulled up in the school parking lot five minutes early despite the trouble this morning and I stepped out from the car, managing to bang my head off the roof hard enough to soon leave a bruise. I heard Mikey chuckle as my left hand flew to my face to caress my throbbing eyebrow.
“Fucker,” I mumbled as I trudged to the school, my hood up and head down like always. “Hey, Gerard?!” Mikey called from the car and I turned back to look at him, my hand still rubbing my forehead. “Yeah?” I called as he started to walk towards me.
“Want to meet me for lunch?” he asked as we walked side by side to the school entrance.
“Okay, sure.” I said and we stepped through the door, I ducked my head once we were in the building, my eyes darting about ridiculously fast as I cowered away in the wall. I could feel the peacefulness melt away, only to be replaced with defeat and paranoia. My stomach was flying with nerves, my thoughts running into the dreadful day that was to come. I hated this place; I wanted to be back in my kitchen, in my sanctuary. Or even with Frank. Anything would be better than here.
“Just meet me outside, next to the poles out front.” Mikey called as he wandered off to his registration and I whimpered as I was left to walk the narrow, fully filled hallways alone. I pulled my hood up around my face more securely, letting my hair fall in front of my face and shoving my hands in my hoodie pockets, ducking my head impossibly lower. I walked slowly, my body stiff as I held my arms tight close to my body; my eyes pinned to the floor, watching my feet move one in front of the other slowly. I dodged bodies and any contact with another human successfully, apparently, none of these fuckers like walking to the walls all that much. Maybe I owed them something after all.
I was left to walk against the cold wall of the corridor, my ears drumming with the ridiculous noise, I wanted this day to be over already and I hadn’t even been in the hell hole for ten minutes. I turned right at the corner after walking up five steps and I came face to face with a heard of people crammed tightly into the remains of the corridor. I stopped as I looked up at them through my eyelashes and hair, there was about thirty of them; loud, large and jammed together like sardines in a jar. Some were making out, some were sitting on the dust covered floor as the rest of them chatted loudly and sharing iPods filled with ridiculous, shitty music. No one had noticed me yet and I shuffled from one foot to another, debating whether to try and get through them or go another way.
A bell nearby shrilled loudly, I winced at the sudden overwhelming noise that echoed in my ears. The large group departed, the majority of them coming my way but still not noticing me. I moved forward, stumbling on my feet as I attempted to walk through them.
I winced and hissed and tensed up as my body collided with other bodies; males and females brushing up against me and pushing past and burning my skin and shouting down at me to get out of their way. Some laughed, some tried to trip me up the majority of them burned holes into me and I thought I was going to burst into flames right then and there. I breathed slowly and deeply, trying to keep the panic attack underway as I broke through the last of the bodies, crashing through the double doors at the end. It was horrific, terrifying; one of the reasons I utterly loathe coming to this place. Thousands of people crammed into a tiny building with narrow corridors and even tinier classrooms. It should be illegal but apparently, the Government doesn't think about situations like these so it goes unnoticed. It was not acceptable.
I composed myself as I walked up the two flights of stairs; securing my hood, pulling my shirt down and my skinny jeans up, pulling my sleeves over my hands and shoving them into my hoodie pockets. I was fucking pissed, so fucking pissed and I knew that nothing good would come out of this fucking shitty. I hated this place and everyone and everything in it.
Review
I just reread it there and it isn't even that long, it seriously isn't. Plus, nothing exciting happens in this chapter so it's pretty pointless, but it needed to be here as a filler so yeah. Review, tell me what you think. I may have fallen in love with this story and I am so excited to continue writing it. I'm weird like that. Oh, and I felt so awkward writing the Gerard/Mikey bit, the bit where Mikey hugs him from behind because it felt so intimate and I was just like "WAYCEST! WAYCEST! WAYCEST!" and all they were doing were hugging, so fucking disturbed. God, I talk so much. Please review; I NEED to know what you guys think. Oh dear Lord, this chapter is so shit, why do I continue to write? Idk, it baffles me too guys. P.s ~the authors notes stretch it to 8 pages long with 4,028 words. But yeah, review my lovely readers and I will give you candy muahaha. I'm seriously leaving now, BYE.
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