FicWad

Estel came to awareness slowly, not a physical awakeness, but an awareness of his own thoughts. Almost instantly, he felt the crushing pressure envelop his consciousness.

"Welcome back, young one. I have missed you."

The yellow mist surrounded him, squeezing until he cried out in pain. "You do cause trouble, don't you, human?"

When Estel did not reply, the mist tightened its hold. The young ranger gasped, but could make no sound.

"Your entire elven family suffers for your mortality, as do your beloved and your friends. Elrond has suffered much, with the departure of his wife and the choice of his twin. Now, he suffers because of you. He entered your mind to rescue you, and now that he is here, he can do nothing to save the son of his blood. Perhaps you would like to see what you've done?"

Still unable to draw breath, Estel did not respond. The mist released him, solidifying into the ethereal form of a wizard. The wizard-shaped ether laughed grimly. "Good. I knew you would agree."

Without warning, Estel found himself in Elladan's room. His brother sat on the floor, his head pressed into his knees. The elf was obviously in distress, and Estel's first instinct was to give comfort.

"Elladan! Why do you grieve, brother?"

The elf did not acknowledge him, and so Estel reached out his hand to touch his shoulder. To his surprise, his hand went right through.

"You can only observe. He can neither hear you nor see you." An unearthly cackle sent shivers through Estel's soul. "Watch and listen. His memories, his thoughts, what he truly thinks of you."

In a moment of defiance that was reminiscent of the old Estel, the one who had existed before despair had entered his mind, he shouted angrily, "Elladan is my brother! He sat with me, the whole time I was in the water, he stayed with me!"

"No more than he would have done for his horse. You are stubborn, young one, in the faith you place in these elves, but you will soon break. When you see the truth, it will break you."

Estel was assailed with a barrage of emotion, grief, and memory. He saw Elrond, his face darkened with anger, exiling him from Rivendell. He saw himself as a child, struggling to keep up with his brothers, feeling his human inferiority deeply. He felt the cloying, suffocating weight of his destiny, felt as though his ribs would splinter under the weight of the burden. Among the swirling thoughts and memories was one so unexpected, a memory so - so wrong that it had to be trickery. He saw the twins, Legolas, and Arwen, and he heard their conversation. He heard Elladan say aloud that he had prayed to the Valar to thank them that it was Estel and not Elrohir grievously wounded.

The form of the wizard waited, and if evil, ethereal beings could be said to smile, then the creature was practically grinning in anticipation of the feast he would soon have, a feast of despair. But, things did not work out according to his plan. Instead of the despair he craved, he felt only a fleeting sense of flat resignation, followed by bright, righteous anger. He had not shown the ranger anything he had not already known, and that gave Estel a momentary advantage.

"Any fool can manipulate words and emotions when the context is ignored! Remove your foul presence from my brother's mind! You shall not have us both!"

Because the link that enabled the creature to be in two places at once was the bond of shared guilt and pain between Estel and his elven brother, Estel was able to sever the tie between the creature and Elladan. Once the bond was disrupted, Elladan was effectively cut free.

The haze dissipated and reassembled, assuming the form of Elrond, and an unearthly chuckle once again caused Estel to shiver.

"If that is the way you want it, young one, then you shall have me all to yourself."

With a startled gasp, Elladan sat up straight. His thoughts were jumbled, but he was starting to remember something terrible, something about Estel ...

"Estel!" Elladan shouted aloud, as he scrambled to his feet. He had been a prisoner in his own mind, a prisoner of despair. He could remember seeing his human brother, and with a cry of horror, he understood what had transpired. Estel had seen his thoughts, he knew what he had thought and said. Worse, it had been no surprise.

Leaning on the post of his bed momentarily to regain his equilibrium, Elladan knew what he had to do. He ran as quickly as he could to Estel's room, throwing the door wide open.

"Watch him, Elrond. Do not turn away. Well, I suppose I should have said don't turn away again, since you have, after all, abandoned him before. I have put some images in his mind that are among the more unpleasant ones in his memory. And, as you well know by now, he has some truly grisly memories."

Elrond glared at the creature with pure hatred as he watched Estel writhing and moaning, unable to cope with the onslaught of horror the former wizard had unleashed upon him.

"Did you know, for example, that when your pet human was a small child, he used to pray to the Valar every night that they would make him an elf, so that his father would love him as much as he loved his elven children?"

When Elrond made no reply, the creature continued. "Do you know how long your precious Arwen had to persist in her attentions before he would believe that she could truly wish to spend time with him? Here, here is the one I was looking for!"

"What? My patience is wearing thin, foul one!"

"It is true that you may leave here whenever you like, but you will not leave without your human. Thus, your grief at what you see in his mind is mine to feed upon as well!"

Instantly, Elrond found himself inside another of Estel's memories, this one very recent. Estel lay on his bed, wounded, ill, and exhausted. Legolas sat beside him. Elrond heard the words his human son uttered in the strictest confidence to Legolas Greenleaf, and he felt that his heart would break.

Flashback.

Haltingly, Estel spoke, "It - it is never enough. It will never be enough, no matter ... no matter how hard I push myself, how hard I try. It seems I must resign myself to a life of duty and exhaustion from the trying."

"Trying? Estel, I don't understand. Explain to me what it is you mean." Legolas frowned in concern. He had not known that such dark emotions had gained a hold upon his friend.

"I would die for them, Legolas. Any one of them, and for you. If I could give my life to ensure Arwen's eternal happiness in the Gray Havens, I would do so, but as it is, she would grieve my passing too much, or worse, blame herself. Elladan and Elrohir are the brothers of my heart, and Ada ... he has lost so much. If I live, I take from him his daughter, and if I die, he loses a son. I believe he could weather my loss were it not for the destiny he has brought me up to claim. The despair of living in a world fallen to shadow is not something I could do to him. Ere, I must try to live up to my destiny, no matter that it is not what I want. It is
worse than simply not wanting it, I fear and despise the idea of what I must be and the things I must do. It hangs around my neck like a great weight and crushes the breath from my chest." Estel shivered. "The feeling has been growing, Legolas. Some evil brews, and it calls to me. It wants me to fight it, to fight it and die."

"Estel, you are becoming too agitated. You must rest."

"Don't you see? I can't. Rest is to be forever denied me. I must work constantly to take on my role as Isildur's heir, traveling with the Rangers, scouting for Ada and Gandalf. Then, if I survive, I must be King of Men. There will be no rest for me when the personal safety of all those under my rule is my responsibility. I will not have rest until I am dead. The Evenstar was the only light shining in the future for me, and her light has been dimmed by Lord Elrond's disapproval."

Legolas sighed deeply, resting his hand gently on Estel's cheek, and murmured, "You were called 'hope' because that is what you bring to Middle Earth. It is a cruel twist that in bringing hope to others, there is none left for you. I promise you, Estel. I swear to you that you will not face your destiny alone. I will be with you, and I will not abandon you, even unto death."

"Please, don't make promises that you cannot keep. One day, you will sail to the Gray Havens, as will my brothers, my father, and my beloved, if Ada has his way. I will be alone with the destiny I accepted only for those who would leave me."

Legolas found that tears welled in his eyes at the unfairness of Estel's position. "I make no promise that I do not intend to keep, my friend. You know this about me. I will not sail for the Havens until after you have passed on from this Middle Earth. The cry of the gulls will not take me from you until that day. I swear to you, Aragorn, son of Arathorn, that you will not be left alone with your burden."

In answer, Estel smiled, the gratitude in his eyes so real that it was nearly tangible. "Thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me that I will not suffer and die alone. It makes it ... bearable."

End flashback.

Elrond felt his eyes burning with unshed tears. His Estel, the human who had become the son of his heart faced a life with nothing to look forward to save duty and abandonment. The worst part of all was that it was true. Bearable. Elrond made a mental note to thank Legolas Greenleaf for his devotion. The Prince of Mirkwood's friendship might be the only thing that would ease Estel's hurt when Elrond and his children departed to the Havens. When Elrond and his sons departed, the elf-lord corrected himself. He was an elf of his word, and if Arwen chose to stay, he had agreed to allow it. His train of thought stopped when he realized that Estel was before him, the foul creature standing over him.

Estel cried out, his expressive gray eyes wide but unseeing.

Furious, Elrond shouted, "What have you done to him? Let him go!"

"I have done nothing, Elrond. I have shown him the truth, that is all."

Gently, Elrond reached out to his human son's mind. "Then I will show him the truth as well. Estel is an intelligent man. He will see the difference between 'truths'."

"No!"

The creature's voice was thready with poorly disguised panic, and Elrond realized that this must mean that he was on the right track. Ignoring the protestations of the former wizard, Elrond concentrated on opening his own mind to Estel.

"Come, my son. I have invaded your thoughts with the intent of helping you, and now I open mine to you. I will hold nothing back from you, that you might understand how much your family truly loves you."

Estel's voice, weak with exhaustion, answered him. "Ada? Is it truly you?"

"Yes, my Estel. Come with me back to the light, that we might banish this darkness from your brother as well." Elrond fixed the ethereal servant of Sauron with a murderous glare. "Let us banish this darkness together."

Legolas sat on the bed next to Estel, his hand resting on the young ranger's forehead. Whenever he began to show signs of distress, Legolas would whisper to him in elvish, gently stroking the sweaty, disheveled locks of hair away from his face. Arwen and Elrohir stood at his other side, watching over both Elrond and his human son.

Arwen sighed. "They do not awake, and Estel has only become more agitated. Could something have gone wrong? What if Ada is stuck inside Estel's mind forever?"

Mithrandir assured her, "That will not happen. I can pull Elrond into his body at any moment. I am simply trying to give him enough time to finish his task and come back of his own volition." The old wizard's expression softened. "Estel is strong. He will come back as well, once Elrond frees him from that which imprisons his mind."

At that moment, the door to Estel's chamber flew open, and Elladan tore into the room. His dark hair hung in disarray, and his eyes were opened wide with what appeared to be frantic worry. Elrohir rushed to his twin's side, offering his support.

"Elladan! Be calm, my brother. What has caused this strange mood?"

The elf twisted out of his brother's grasp. "Estel! He - he saved me, but now it - it has him! He saw, oh, Elrohir, he knows the terrible things I thought and said, and he saved me anyway."

Legolas did not move from Estel's side, continuing to stroke the unruly strands of hair away from his face. "What do you mean that he saved you? He is unconscious. I have not left his side."

Elladan explained, to the best of his ability, what had happened, that the evil spell that imprisoned Estel was caused by a servant of Sauron, a creature that might once have been a wizard.

"It took me, or tried to, the way it took Estel. It is difficult to explain, but as Ada has gone into Estel's mind to free him, Estel was in mine. I saw so many terrible things, all of them memories, images from reality. The - the creature forced Estel into my mind to torment him, to use my thoughts and memories to show him that his family does not care for him."

Angrily, Legolas glared at the twin. "And?"

Elladan looked down, ashamed. "I do not entirely understand what happened, but things did not go as the creature had planned. Estel demanded that I be freed, and he - he did something, something that must have set me free."

Glorfindel took Elladan's arm, encouraging the younger elf to sit down. "Estel needs his family and friends around him. We do not know what state he will be in when he wakes." Although Glorfindel was partial to the twins he had helped to raise, Estel was close to his heart as well. To lose one so young would be a tragedy from which the household of Elrond would not recover quickly.

"A would-be wizard a servant of Sauron. Hmm, I have heard, long ago from Saruman the White that it is not impossible. Perhaps he knows more of this - this creature than do I. If time allowed, I would seek his counsel, but it seems that this battle must be fought now." Mithrandir stroked his beard in thought. "I do not believe that the accident was, in fact, an accident."

All eyes in the room were on Mithrandir. Legolas Greenleaf was the first to speak. "I agree. In order for this - this Sauron-cursed being to harm Estel, it had to first weaken him in body and spirit."

Elladan nodded. "Of course. The - the creature does its damage in the mind, with memory and thought. It is ethereal, formless. I - I saw it as Mother, as Estel ... and others."

"But, you said that it harms through the mind, not the body. How would it have caused an accident that was physical?" Glorfindel raised his eyebrows in question.

"The servants of Sauron are many more than we know. Any number of foul creature might have caused the branch to fall. It is not important to understand the details at this time. Now, we must wait. It will not be long now." The elderly wizard changed his staff from left hand to right in a gesture that might have suggested nervousness had he not been Gandalf the Gray.

Elrond and Estel stood side by side, united in their determination to destroy the creature that had caused them both so much pain.

"Do you understand what it is we must do, Estel?"

The young ranger nodded. "Yes, Ada."

Before them, the former wizard hovered, paralyzed by the truth he was forced to see. "No, you don't understand, you can't understand what he will do to me, to you!"

"If the answer to that question is that he will kill you, destroy you, or otherwise prevent you from existing, then that is exactly the answer that I was looking for." Elrond's face was set in a stubborn, angry glare.

Still trying to bargain for his 'life', the creature babbled, "He - he made me do it! I had no choice! The storm was the perfect opportunity! I was already in Estel's mind, but his defenses, his faith in others was so strong, I could not fight it alone. Sauron sent other servants to ensure that the branch fell, and I was in place already. I knew that if his brother was in danger, Estel would risk his own life to save him, and I was right, I was right. The accident weakened his body, the fever from the time he spent in the freezing water weakened his mind, and I did as my master commanded. I was only a tool, you cannot blame me!"

Elrond and Estel joined hands, projecting the truth that was in their minds into that of the creature, who writhed as if in pain. The elven lord snapped angrily, "And yet I do."

Estel continued, "You are to blame for your actions, for it was you who chose to accept power offered by that which you knew to be not of the light!"

When the creature again screamed out, as if in agony, it began to dissipate, the yellowish fog becoming thinner until it was gone entirely.

"Ada? What happened? How did seeing our minds devoid of hate kill it - er, him?"

Lord Elrond Half-Elven heaved a sigh of relief, pulling his son to him in a powerful hug. "Estel, my son. Sauron twisted him to survive on and consist of despair. The antithesis of despair is hope. It was not I who defeated that creature. Despair and hope could not co-exist within the same being. Now, we must return to our bodies. I am sure that everyone will be quite worried about us by now."