FicWad

The first thing that he was aware of was pain. His body was every bit as wounded as it had been before he had lost consciousness. For a brief moment, he wished that he could remain asleep until the pain had gone, but he quickly changed his mind when he saw Arwen leaning over him, her long, delicate fingers poised to stroke his hair gently. Estel struggled to open his eyes, but the lids seemed too heavy to be moved. He could hear voices, all around him there were voices, and he gave a sigh, relieved that he was not alone.

With a monumental effort, he managed to open his eyes and keep them open. He opened his mouth to speak, but his throat was too dry to make a sound.

"Shh, do not try to speak, not until Legolas returns with the water he is fetching for you."

Estel nodded weakly, allowing Arwen and Elrohir to help him into a sitting position. Moments later, Legolas appeared with a carafe of water. When he saw that Estel was sitting up and awake, his face broke into a grin.

"Estel! It is high time you awakened, lazy human!"

The young ranger drank thirstily for several moments before wiping his mouth with his good arm. He smiled warmly at Legolas. "'Tis a pity that this lazy human awakened only to find himself faced with the prissiest elf in all Middle Earth!"

Legolas laughed out loud and carefully embraced his friend. "Oh, Estel. You have no idea how worried I was for you. How worried all of us were. When Lord Elrond awakened and you did not, we were all afraid ... but, your Ada looked you over and said that you were just sleeping, that the - the thing was gone." The elf let go suddenly. "How do you feel? Did I hurt you? Here you've only just opened your eyes, and I am already manhandling you."

In response, Estel wrapped his good arm and hugged the elf prince tightly. "I am fine, Legolas. Do not worry. I feel much better than I have for a long time."

Elrohir rolled his eyes at his younger brother in disbelief. "From his sickbed, still damp with the sweat of fever, and suffering from wounds sustained while a large tree lay atop his chest, he tells me that he is 'fine'?"

At this, even Estel had to laugh, though it hurt his healing ribs terribly. "I suppose that you are right." His face grew serious. "Where are Ada and Elladan? Are - are they all right?"

Arwen helped him to lay back down, letting her fingers brush lightly across his cheek. "They are well. Ada has gone to see to Elladan. The creature that sought to harm you sought to harm Elladan as well. He is not wounded, but he grieves yet for what he has lost and what he believes he has lost."

"I know what it did to him. I was inside his mind. He grieves for the Lady Celebrian's departure. To him, the pain is as fresh as when she first left these shores." Estel looked down, his eyes shadowed with sadness.

Elrohir and Arwen exchanged glances, and the twin picked up where his sister had left off. "He grieves also for the loss of his brother. He knows what you saw in his mind, and the very sight of you causes the guilt to gnaw at him."

"I would not be a contributor to such pain as I felt inside his mind. If I could rise from this bed, I would go to him, but as it is, it seems that one of you must bring him to me." Estel spoke softly, his gaze still directed to the floor.

"What would you say to him?" Elrohir asked, as he gently raised his human brother's chin, forcing him to look at the elf. The sadness in the depths of Estel's gray eyes was staggering.

"I would say to him that he is my brother and ever shall be. I would speak with him of the evil spell that sought to destroy us, and I would seek to comfort him." Estel tried to look away from Elrohir when he added softly, "And seek comfort in return."

Legolas rose from where he sat beside his friend. "If you wish to speak with him, then I will find him for you. I will also alert Lord Elrond that you are awake."

Estel smiled his thanks, but Legolas could not help but notice that the smile did not reach his eyes.

When the Prince of Mirkwood had informed him that his son had awakened, the elf-lord found that walking was not fast enough to bring him to Estel's side with the speed he desired. Thus, Elrond had slammed full-force into Glorfindel as the blond elf rounded the corner. Elrond could not remember the last time he had fallen, sprawled out on the floor with a hole in his leggings like an elfling, but the amused expression on his old friend's face and the hole in his good leggings both seemed small prices to pay for the sheer joy of seeing Estel awake and well.

Entering Estel's chambers, Elrond saw that Arwen sat with Estel, reading to him from a book of elvish poetry, one slender hand resting lightly on his chest. Estel's grey eyes watched her as she read, and Elrond was struck by the depth of emotion they held. It was obvious and would have been to any man, elf, or Valar forbid, dwarf, that might have seen them together that Estel loved her more than life itself. There was an incredulous joy on his eyes that said that even yet, he was astonished that she had chosen him upon whom to lavish her attention.

Elrond felt a pang of guilt. After being inside Estel's mind, he now understood the fears and insecurities as though they were his own. That would make it more difficult by far when it came time for Estel to fulfill his destiny. Knowing how his son felt about his destiny and heritage, Elrond felt that he would rather by far be torn limb from limb by a pack of hungry wargs than insist that his Estel become Aragorn and later Elessar, for it would hurt far less.

Arwen noticed Elrond's presence before Estel, and she stood to greet him. "Ada, did Legolas find you?"

"Yes. I came as quickly as I could when he told me you had awakened, Estel."

Estel struggled into a sitting position, and Elrond adjusted the pillows behind his back to make him more comfortable.

Arwen set down her book and leaned down to place a gentle kiss on Estel's forehead. "I will return after a while. I would like to speak with Legolas, if I can find him."

When Arwen had gone, Elrond sat down on the bed, his eyes alert for signs of illness or pain from his son. "Estel."

The young ranger met his father's eyes slowly. "Ada."

"Estel, I don't know how to begin, what words I should use to tell you how my heart rejoices to have you back with us. I spoke with Elladan, and I know what you did. You have saved both of your brothers' lives, and I am so proud of your strength of character that it brings tears to my eyes. Tears of joy that you are my son."

Estel reached for his father's hand and squeezed it. "You saved me, Ada. You entered my mind at great peril to bring me out of the darkness." The human shivered. "It was so very dark ... I was afraid."

"I know. I was in your mind, and I was afraid as well. Sauron's creature was adept at creating the despair upon which he fed. Estel, I did not know that - that you still dreamed of when I exiled you. I did not understand the pain, both physical and mental." The elf-lord drew his human son to him in a careful embrace, his voice choking slightly with emotion. "Now, I understand it all too well. Before I lose my nerve, before I once again make excuses to myself for not saying it, and before destiny interferes with what we truly desire, I want to tell you that I love you, my son. I love you and I am proud of the child you were and of the man you have become."

Estel returned the embrace, too happy to be ashamed of his tears. "I love you, Ada. Thank you for saving me." He hesitated for a moment before continuing. "How is Elladan? Legolas told me that he would find him and tell him that I wished to speak with him."

Elrond frowned worriedly. "I will tell you the truth, though it pains me to do so. Your brother is not well. Sauron's creature tortured him with memories the way he did you. Celebrian's departure was harder for Elladan than perhaps it was even for me."

Estel's gray eyes widened in surprise. In all of the time he had lived in the household of Elrond, the elf-lord had never spoken to him directly about Celebrian. He had overheard conversations between Elrond and Glorfindel, and the twins had occasionally mentioned her, but as far as Estel could remember, this was the first time Elrond had ever initiated a conversation about her. He felt a swell of pride that his elven father considered him adult enough and trusted enough to speak with him about the departed Lady of Imladris.

"You see, Estel, I have made errors with all of my children, not just you. After Celebrian departed, I was devastated. Elladan, Elrohir, and Arwen needed me, and I was too eaten up with my own grief to think of their needs. They lost more than their mother that day." Elrond paused, shaking his head sadly. "Elrohir was gravely wounded in the rescue of Celebrian from the orcs. Elladan somehow got his mother onto his horse, and then he carried Elrohir in his arms. He could not have made it to Rivendell in time to save their lives, but Glorfindel and his men arrived in time. Elrohir almost died, and when he finally awakened, Celebrian had already gone. She did not bid her children farewell, not even when I told her that Elrohir might die. I know that it was not her fault, that she was broken in spirit as well as in body, and I knew it at the time. Nonetheless, when Elladan and Arwen expressed their anger, I reacted badly. I belittled their feelings of betrayal, forbade them their anger. Arwen left for Lothlorien with Galadriel and Celeborn because I drove her to it. Elladan and Elrohir remained, but it was several lifetimes of Men before our hearts could even begin to recover. Elladan and Elrohir became obsessed with hunting and killing orcs. They traveled with the rangers and were frequently away for months at a time. Arathorn was perhaps the first human to truly befriend them. He even took them home with him to meet his wife. In some ways, Arathorn and Gilraen were closer to my sons than I was. Their deaths hurt the twins deeply. When Elladan and Elrohir came back to Rivendell with you, our lives changed. You were so small, my Estel. I had forgotten how very small and dependent children are, as it had been millenia since my own children were small. You buried your face in Elladan's neck and would not come to me at first. I had to cajole you away from him with sweets."

At this, Estel laughed softly. "Lord Elrond of Imladris had to bribe a human toddler with candy?"

Elrond smiled at him. "Lord Elrond of Imladris is far from perfect, as you are learning. As a matter of fact, I very nearly knocked Glorfindel off of his feet out in the hallway a short while ago. I was in such a rush to see you when Legolas told me you had awakened, that I ran through my own halls like an unruly elfling."

"You ran in the halls? Ada, how many times did you instruct me otherwise when I was a child? You set a poor example." Estel teased his father gently, for running in the halls had been his particular bad habit.

"If I remember correctly, the last time I had to admonish you for the same crime was a mere two weeks ago. And, I believe that it was also Glorfindel that you nearly crashed into." Elrond ruffled Estel's hair affectionately. "Never change, my son. Seeing you lie so still these last few days, I would have given anything to see you race through my halls again."

Estel grew serious again, his smile turning into a worried frown. "What of Elladan? Will he speak with me, or has the damage done by the creature of Sauron driven us apart? The - the memories and thoughts of his that the creature used to - to weaken my spirit, they were not pleasant." He stopped, looking down at his hands as though afraid to continue. "Ada, have I angered him? Is there something I have done to make him wish to be rid of me? Is it ... is it because of Arwen? Please, tell me if you know, for some of my earliest memories are of Elladan carrying me around, placing me on the back of his horse and leading me around the yard by the stables. I remember falling asleep as a small child, and Elladan carrying me to bed, reading to me, teaching me to fight, to ride, to use a sword and
bow ... "

Elrond could see that his son was becoming agitated. He knew how much his elven brothers meant to Estel. "Estel, be calm. Do not borrow trouble, for you have had enough of that without adding unnecessary guilt. Elladan is not angry with you, he is angry with himself. His gut reaction has always been and ever shall be to protect his twin. That is the way with twins, Estel. My brother Elros and I were every bit as close as Elrohir and Elladan. When he chose mortality, I did not believe that I would ever enjoy life again."

"How long did it take?"

"About two hundred years. By that time, the pain of his passing had dulled."

"Two hundred years! Ada, I am mortal! If it takes two hundred years for Elladan to speak to me, then I shall be long dead, Numenorian blood or not!"

Elrond felt a pang of fear in his heart at the word 'dead', but did not react outwardly. "You are right, Estel. It is not fair of him to ignore you. I spoke to him once, and I believe that Legolas is with him now. Perhaps the Prince of Mirkwood will have more luck than I did."

"Legolas, enough! I have told father, and I have told you, I will not do it! The last thing Estel needs right now is me!"

The dark-haired elf spun away from his golden-haired friend, crossing his arms stubbornly.

Legolas put a hand to his forehead in frustration, and shouted, "No, it is the first thing he needs! Elladan, don't you understand? He believes that you are angry with him! I know Estel, as do you. You know how he takes on blame that is not his to shoulder! How could you burden him when he has just been through so much? He would have come to you himself, but because his injuries prevent him from walking, he sent me! He wants to see you, wants to know that you are all right. He needs you, my friend."

Elladan laughed harshly. "He needs you, Legolas. He needs Arwen, and Elrohir and Ada. He does not need a brother such as I."

"I cannot force you, but please know that you are hurting him with your indifference. The experience with the creature of Sauron has left him far more shaken than he cares to admit, even to Elrond. You know how Estel desires his approval. He does not want to admit more weakness than he has already. He needs to talk about what happened with someone who understands."

"Understanding? You speak to me of understanding? Legolas, I understand no more than does Estel. For me to speak with him would be worse than useless."

Legolas stared at his friend sadly. "You truly have no care for him then? You would choose to ignore him until his mortal life has come to an end? You would allow your brother to go to his grave believing that you did not care? I suppose it is convenient for you that to we elves his lifespan will pass quickly. I have already made a promise to him that I will stay with him until he passes. When Estel is gone, I will sail to the Havens and not before. Please, Elladan. I do not often beg, but I am begging you now to speak with Estel."

When Elladan made no reply, Legolas shook his head and stalked away, muttering angrily under his breath about stubborn elves and foolishly noble humans. He did not see Elladan sit down hard on his bed, cover his face with his hands, and begin to weep.

"Gandalf? Would you tell the story about the dwarves again?" Estel was sitting up, propped against soft pillows. Elrohir and Legolas grimaced at the mention of dwarves.

"Estel, I do not understand your fascination with that story. Why do you wish to hear about greedy dwarves fighting for treasure?" Elrohir's eyebrows rose in confusion.

Legolas agreed. "I was in Mirkwood at the time, when those dwarves and their hobbit came bumbling through. Barrels! They escaped us in barrels. To this day, it makes me laugh, though I do not know if my father will ever be able to get past it enough to find it funny."

"I like the story because of Bilbo. The old hobbit is quite interesting. He has visited from time to time in Rivendell, and once when I was younger, he helped me get out of a tight spot."

"What had you done?" Legolas teased his friend.

Estel flushed pink in remembered embarrassment. "Why must you assume that I had done something?"

"Because I know you, ranger. What had you done?"

Looking to Gandalf for help, Estel found none, for the elderly wizard was watching him as expectantly as the Prince of Mirkwood. "I seem to remember Bilbo telling me something about harboring a young human fugitive, but I fear I've forgotten the rest of the tale."

"I had played a terrible prank on the twins. They were, quite rightfully, I might add, chasing me down so that they could toss me into the river in retribution." Estel tried to change the subject, "Anyway, what happened next, Gandalf? You were telling a story and I did not intend to interrupt."

Legolas was not about to be put off so easily. "Oh no, Estel. I would like to know what you could have done to your brothers to make them wish to toss you into the river. It must have been truly spectacular."

"It was." Elrohir grinned at his human brother and ruffled his hair affectionately. "You learned from the best. We did not realize exactly how much you had learned from us." He turned to Gandalf and Legolas, still smiling. "The little scamp must have made an entire afternoon of it. First, he switched the contents of our wardrobes. Then, he arranged it so that I had only left shoes and Elladan had only right. Not to be outdone, he thieved all of Glorfindel's left shoes and framed us for the theft. To this day, Glorfindel still believes that Elladan and I were the ones who played the joke. Because of the confusion, we were all late for a very important meeting, and Lord Elrond was not happy with us."

Estel covered his face with his good arm in embarrassment, but he was laughing. "Like I said, I had the best of teachers. When I saw the two of them tearing after me, I ran. I ducked into Bilbo's room, and he was kind enough to hide me behind the tapestries. I spent the rest of the afternoon with him, both for my own protection and because he told some wonderful stories."

The two elves, the wizard, and the young ranger laughed at the story, their merry voices carrying down the hall. As he passed the corridor that contained Estel's room, Elladan paused. Not so long ago, he would have been in there, laughing with them. Now ... now, things were different. He was glad to hear Estel laugh again, even if he was not there to
participate in the fun.

Late at night, Estel was alone. He had been proclaimed well enough that it was no longer necessary for someone to sit with him throughout the night, and so he had insisted that his family and friends take some rest. Now, he was starting to wish that he had not sent them all away.

Rest would not come for Estel. His mind was by far too active with the memories of his ordeal with the creature of Sauron to allow him to relax. During the day, Legolas, Elrohir, and the others distracted him from thinking about it, but when he was alone, it preoccupied his every thought. Every time he closed his eyes, he imagined that he could hear the eerie voice of the former wizard. The memories and pain the experience had dredged up inside his mind were more painful by far than the physical wounds from which he still recovered. Worse than all of these things together was Elladan's conspicuous absence.

More than anyone, Estel understood how much his elven brother had suffered. He had seen the terrible images and memories the creature had forced the elf to relive. Although they had not spoken of it, Estel knew that Legolas, Elrohir, and Elrond had all been to see Elladan to convince him to visit Estel. Still, his brother did not come.

Seized with a sudden sense of determination, Estel pushed his aching body into a sitting position. He gasped as his ribs protested, then bit his lip to keep from crying out as he stood, putting weight on his injured leg for the first time since the "accident". Slowly, he dragged himself down the hallway, toward the suite of rooms that belonged to the twins. Each room had an outside door, but the bedrooms were connected on the inside to each other and to a sitting room that both used as a study. Estel reached out a hand shaking with exertion to open the door that led right into his brother's bedroom.

When he was very small and used to wake in the night from bad dreams or because of a storm, he had frequently run to Elladan for comfort. Over the years, Estel had grown from a child into a man, while his elven brothers appeared not to have aged at all. Standing in the hallway with his hand poised on the door, Estel felt very much like the frightened child from years past. Pushing the door open, he limped into the room only to find it empty. The bed was unmade, but there was no Elladan in it. Estel felt his head begin to swim with dizziness, and he reached out to steady himself by holding onto one of the bedposts. Fiery pain stabbed in his chest and in his leg, and he gave a soft cry as his splinted arm made sharp contact with the unforgiving wood. As if to follow suit, his leg buckled beneath him, and the young human found himself on the floor. He tried several times to rise, but he had so overextended himself that the effort caused him to lose consciousness.