Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Flight 119
Brendon sat up at the sight of Dallon, looking at the small grin on his face. He collapse into the dirt next to Brendon, looking around at the tall and lush trees that spread different hues of green across a very blue sky.
"Isn't it beautiful here?" Dallon looked into Brendon's eyes; sparkling blue peering deep into dull brown irises. Brendon's were sad and filled with longing, telling Dallon that even with his heart in the right place, his words would never reach Brendon enough to change anything. But he'd be damned if that meant that he wasn't going to try.
"B, what's wrong?" Brendon looked away from him, his fingers tracing over an old scar as his thoughts ran to the reason why it existed.
"I keep hurting him. I've tried and tried again to stop, but I-can't. I just can't." He pulled in a shaky breath, a wet trail making it's way down his face.
"It wasn't completely your fault." Dallon tried to reason with Brendon, but he didn't seem to listen to the words he had to offer. Brendon was simply a broken man sitting on the bottom of the ruins he had built from his own sins. He remembered when Ryan had told him; how his expiration date was sooner than Brendon's, and it drove the younger man mad. He refused to accept it, refused to accept just about anything. He hadn't meant for it to end the way it had, but everyone else was right; it was solely brendon's fault.
"I hadn't meant too." Dallon nodded, pulling Brendon into a hug. Brendon rested his head on the other boys shoulder, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Hiding. That's what he was good at doing. Hiding.
The truth was that almost no one knew the truth. The full truth; every last thing that had lead to their demise. Brendon was sure that not even Ryan knew everything.
It was all bottled up in him, and he didn't want everyone to know. If they did, things would be different, and Brendon couldn't help but think that it was best if everyone thought he was a dick, rather than knowing the truth. He sighed, moving his head so he could see the expression on Dallon's face. His features were dripping with concern and understanding, something that Brendon couldn't help but find amusing. How could you honestly care if you knew nothing?
He sighed, giving Dallon a smile, watching as the corners of Dallon's mouth turned up to give a sympathetic smile.
He was weak, and he knew it. Here he was as far away from the mess he made, forcing some poor soul to listen to his complaining and mindless noise. He was weak, oh so terribly weak, and it was time for him to change. He swore to himself that he wouldn't let anyone get past him again; that he was going to build up the walls around his mind twice as high, and he wouldn't allow a single door to be built.
"You go on ahead, I'm going to need a few minutes to myself." Dallon gave him a confused expression before nodding.
"Okay. I'll hold you to that." Dallon stood, giving a sigh as he did so. He started to walk back from where he had come, giving one last cautious glance at Brendon before going far enough into the woods to disappear from view.
Fires had been started by lighters that Ryan and Patrick had both managed to sneak onto the plane. A trick they had picked up from Pete. If it was one thing he was really good at, other than the obvious, it would be sneaking things around authorities. Patrick Spencer and Ian all made sure they had shelter, Nick taking care of Ryan as he tried to calm his erratic breathing. They had scrounged around for supplies from the wreckage, gathering anything bottled and packaged for later. It wasn't much, but it was there rations. And they had to have something if they wanted to make sure that they would actually survive.
Dallon walked out of the thick forest, staring at the work they had done. They weren't meant for the environment they were in. Especially Patrick, who looked like he was ready to collapse. They were used to having other people do just about everything for them. But Spencer seemed to understand how to keep them alive, and Patrick knew how to keep everyone in line so they would help. They could make it. After all, people were bound to be missing them. There had to be someone looking for them.
Spencer looked over at him, giving a small smile. "Did you find him?" Dallon nodded a yes.
"He's kind of a mess." Dallon muttered. He looked around at the different faces. That was a lie; they were all a mess. Ryan was on his back; eyes closed as his bruised face contorted in pain. He was clawing at his chest, his face showing that he was fighting for breath. Nick stayed next to him, his wounded frame slightly bandaged as he tried to hold onto Ryan's wrists, wanting nothing more to have the other boy calm down.
"What's wrong with Ryan?" Dallon sat down next to Patrick, who was attempting to take a nap under their makeshift shelter of wood and leaves. Spencer's eyes flickered over to Ryan and Nick, staying a safe distance away from them so Ryan wouldn't feel as conscious about what was happening to him. Of course, they weren't that far away. Just far enough for Ryan to think it was safe to show just how much pain he was in.
"He hasn't been doing to well without his medication. Nick says that he might not make it that long without them. He…He probably only has a few days before it all get to be too much for him." Spencer took in a shaky breath, trying to hide how much it bothered him. But Dallon knew; the two had been like brothers since they were kids, and now one of them was dying. It was only natural for the other to hate having to watch. "Ryan doesn't want to be around us. He hates being weak in front of people. Always has. Even if we get close to him, he'll act like he's perfectly fine."
The two were silent, and Dallon sighed. They were a fucked up little group. Brendon, who refused to leave the small clearing he had found. Ryan, who was slowly dying from a mutation that was completely unavoidable. Patrick, who couldn't really sleep; if they allowed him to, he might slip into a comma thanks to his massive head injury. Spencer, who had what was probably a broken arm. And Ian, who was slowly walking towards them. Less walking more limping really. He had mentioned that he could feel the bone of his ankle rubbing his skin, and it was amazing that he could do anything at all.
Dallon watched him with worried eyes, refusing to look away at his limping figure as he talked to Spencer. "When do you think they'll find us. I mean, there has to be somebody that's looking right?" Ian seemed to be struggling to stay upright, making Dallon worry on his lip.
"I can't say. I don't even think someone is-" Ian collapsed, falling into the bridge between sand and water, the salty ocean lapping at his face as his hair was tousled in the wind. Dallon got up, running over to him. Once Spencer had processed what had happened, he followed suit.
Dallon rolled him over on his back, pushing the hair out of his face. He was shaking, breaking out in a cold sweat. Spencer muttered a shit and looked at Dallon with worry in his eyes. "Do you think it's an infection?" Dallon looked at him before looking down at Ian.
"There's really only two things it could be: An infection," He started to carefully remove Ian's bandages, attempting to take them off without hurting him. "Or it could be withdrawal." Spencer ran a hand through his hair.
"God. This isn't good." He bit on his knuckle, pacing as Dallon looked at Ian's injured ankle. "Like we don't already have enough broken people here. Half of us were emotional wrecks BEFORE this happened. And now we're all injured and fucking-"
"Spencer! Calm down!" Spencer stopped, staring at Dallon in shock. "I know it's not the best situation to be in right now, but we're in it anyway. And if half of us are wasting away that simply means that the other half has to try and keep our shit together! Now help me pick him up and carry him over there!" Spencer nodded, rushing to grab Ian's long legs with his good arm, the two dragging his limp body next to Patricks.
"The good news is that it isn't an infection." Dallon said with a sigh, concern filling his voice. "He just hasn't had whatever drug he's gotten addicted to in the past few days." Spencer nodded.
"So, is Brendon planning on joining us anytime soon?" Dallon shook his head no.
"I give him a few hours until he starts acting like Ian. Just a little bit longer and all of that alcohol he had on the plane will be out of his system." Spencer chewed on his bottom lip.
"I'm not sure I like the concept of him being out there by himself." Dallon hummed his agreement. Spencer collapsed in the sand, burying his head in his hands. "God, we were a mess before this happened. How in the hell are we going to survive?" Dallon knew that Spencer was crying, hiding his tears in his hands. Dallon leaned down, putting a hand on Spencer's shoulder as he gave a small sigh.
"Hey, we'll work it out. Like Patrick said, we've got people looking for us." Spencer continued to stare at the palms of his hands. "I'll go talk to Brendon, okay?" Spencer nodded. Dallon looked over at Ian who was shivering. He pulled his shirt off, putting it over Ian, biting his bottom lip in worry. "Make sure he get's a little water. And don't forget to wake Patrick up. I really don't think we need a completely useless person in this broken party of ours." And with that Dallon wondered back off into the woods in hopes of convincing Brendon to get over himself and think about the fact that they needed him to help.
Spencer did as he was told, splashing salt water on Patrick's face to wake him up so they could give Ian, who was now running a fever, a little bit of water. Patrick was trying to play the role of the eldest, attempting to have Spencer let him help since he had dealt with things like this before. Pete had gone through withdrawal more times than he could count, and Patrick had almost always been by his side through it all.
Nick wandered over, sitting by the fire as he drank some water from a bottle they had found. He ran a hand through his hair, flecks of sand falling. Spencer left Patrick to try and help Ian calm down, making his way over to Nick.
"How's he doing?" Spencer asked quietly, staring at the crystal like waves that kept rolling in.
"He's…He's holding on." Nick nodded, and Spencer knew that he was withholding information from him. "How about your mate over there?" Nick made a gesture towards Ian and Spencer gave a small sigh.
"Addicts suffer from withdrawal all the time." Spencer pulled his legs up to his chest, counting the seconds between waves steady as a heartbeat. Nick watched him, decoding his expression. Spencer may act like he was strong, but everything about him screamed otherwise.
"He loves you, you know?" Spencer broke his staring contest with the ocean, not that he would have won anyway, and looked at Nick with his brows furrowed. "Jon, I mean. He talks about you all the time. And you know, when he does, his eyes sparkle like a teenage girl talking about her crush."
A grin broke out across Spencer's face and he looked back out at the ocean, laughing ever so slightly. "You know he was straight when I met him? Had this bitchy girlfriend that treated him like crap. He didn't care though, said he loved her." Spencer's smile faltered ever so slightly. "I miss him." Nick stayed quite for a minute.
"What happened? He was happy and you came along and… That's it?" Spencer shook his head no, glancing over at Nick.
"He wasn't happy. He tricked himself into believing he was, but he wasn't happy." Spencer paused, chewing on his bottom lip. "I could see through him like cellophane. I showed him how happy he could be, and-" Spencer stopped, taking in a shaky breath, wishing he could see the boy he was talking about. "Once he realized just how…sad, his life was, it was already too late for me and I had fallen in love." Spencer shook his head. "But it doesn't matter."
Nick was about to object when Ryan sat down next to him, resting his head on his shoulder. "Hey Spence."
Spencer smiled. "Hi Ry. How are you feeling?" Ryan grinned at him.
"My body's made of cancer, and I've never felt better."
Pete stayed next to the unmoving Jon, both curled up on the couch in his office with the TV humming. Jon was watching waiting to find some news; that maybe they had picked up a signal from the plane, or maybe a boat had found them and they were on their way home. Pete was busy calling every person he knew to start as many search crews as he could afford. They already had four, and he was trying to get a fifth.
They had been in an hour long silence until Jon's voice broke through, speaking his greatest fear. "What if they didn't make it?"
Pete stared in disbelief. "Are you fucking kidding me? Of course they made it. We just need to find them."
"But what if we don't?" Jon turned to look at Pete, his eyes big and scared and not at all his. "What if they crashed in the middle of the ocean and drowned? Or even worse, what if their on some island somewhere starving to death? What if we don't find them in time? They could be-"
"Jon, calm down, all right? We're doing everything we can, and- you're really bumming me out." Jon stayed silent for a minute.
"You haven't had these thoughts?" Pete sighed.
"Of course I have. I just-" He paused. "Working ourselves up over it isn't helping them if they need help. We need to just try and stay calm and keep looking, all right? There are so many people that want to help, fans and family and professionals, and most of them are helping without us asking. But we have to be strong. Even if we don't find them alive, we have to try and stay strong."
Jon looked unconvinced. Pete stood, wandering over to a fridge he kept in his office, pulling out two beers before going back to the couch. "Here, drink this." Jon nodded, taking the alcohol graciously. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew that Pete was right. He had to just calm down.
He had to try, no matter how impossible.
Everyone was asleep when Brendon made his way back to the group. Well, everyone with the acceptation of Ryan, who was sitting by the flickering fire, shivering in Nicks jacket. Brendon felt his stomach drop, and he wanted nothing more to go running and hiding once more. But it was Ryan, and he was shivering in the cold; Brendon had to help.
"Hey." Brendon whispered the word, sitting down next to Ryan. Ryan visibly jumped at the word, looking over at Brendon with big eyes.
"I - I um.." Brendon shook his head, giving a small sigh.
"How are you feeling? You look cold." Ryan sighed.
"Brendon, what the fuck are you doing?" Brendon looked taken aback by the words.
"I have no fucking clue what you mean." Brendon hissed back. "I was trying to be NICE. The least you could do is return the favor."
Ryan glared at him. "A little too late for that isn't it?" Their words were angry and filled with venom, but still hushed so they wouldn't wake the others.
"How many times do I have to apologize?" Brendon said as he wrapped his arms around his legs.
"You cheated on me!" The words hushed Brendon, and he stared at Ryan wide-eyed.
"I- I didn't, could never." He stuttered his response shocked that the other boy would even think he would do something like that.
"That's what you say, but I found that note in your pocket. I know you were cheating on me."
Brendon shook his head no. "That was from before I met you. Ryan-" He stopped, taking a deep breath, trying to calm himself to explain what had happened. "I didn't cheat on you. I swear." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Why were you on this plane anyways?" Ryan stayed silent and Brendon laughed a little.
"You were stalking me, weren't you?" He asked cockily, screwing over the apology he had made in his head.
"Goddamn it Brendon! You conceded asshole, not everything is about you!" Ryan snapped back, staring at him.
"Then why were you in the UK? You should be dying at home, not overseas." Ryan was shaking with anger, but he tried to remind himself to not snap, staring at the mess that was Brendon. He used to be such an amazing boy. But he turned into a wreck, and Ryan knew that it was his fault.
"Look, I only have a few weeks left…and, I-" He paused, questioning whether or not he should even tell Brendon the truth. "Do you remember our first time in Europe? When we had a day off and you took me out on a walk?" Brendon nodded his head yes. Ryan blushed ever so slightly. "That was the first time that you said that you loved me. I wanted to see it again before…" Ryan let himself trail off. They both knew what he had meant. Brendon sighed, laughing ever so slightly.
"I can't believe you remember that." Ryan looked at him. Desperate honey eyes meeting the ghost of loving chocolate eyes.
"B, that was one of the greatest moments of my life." Brendon looked away in guilt, hating everything that happened.
"You know that I still love you, right?" Ryan nodded. "I never wanted to let you go."
"Yeah, but you still did." Brendon looked hurt by Ryan's words. Ryan knew what that expression was; it was the hopeful one that meant that Brendon was hoping they would get back together before ripping each other apart again. As much as Ryan hated to admit it, he was hopeful that they would, too.
Brendon sighed, signaling his defeat. "It really is too late for apologies, isn't it?" Ryan nodded a yes.
"I still love you, just so you know." Brendon stared in his eyes, reading his sincere expression. "We were good together."
"But not good enough." Brendon looked away, giving up with trying to repair what couldn't be fixed. Ryan leaned his head on Brendon's shoulder.
"No. No, I guess it wasn't." The two were silent, both wanting the other to tell them just how much they wanted to try again.
Neither of them said a word.
~~~~~
TheAnonymous: Patrick is going to be very pessimistic. But ya know, it'll be okay. Probably. My guess is that it wasn't the best of ideas to read it on a plane. Would freak me out if I did.
patdfan01: Why thank you. I was going for 'perfectly adequate' I'm guessing I made it there.
foreverfalling: I'm excited to write more. Unfortunately, Patrick doesn't know that Pete is looking for him. Sad, but a fact, is still a fact.
It's when you get really addicted to it that I'll start to fear for your wellbeing. In the mean time, I'm glad you like it.
PartyPoison: I'm hoping that it'll turn out okay.
He kind of is. I think of him as the asshole most of the time, but for this one, I kind of wanted him to be broken in a different way. Nah, but we'll touch on that subject soon enough. They are pretty sad. It's a broken bunch of people that are supposed to seem perfectly fine to everyone else. But everything will start to unravel. In fact, it kind of already has.
-xoxo Pansy
"Isn't it beautiful here?" Dallon looked into Brendon's eyes; sparkling blue peering deep into dull brown irises. Brendon's were sad and filled with longing, telling Dallon that even with his heart in the right place, his words would never reach Brendon enough to change anything. But he'd be damned if that meant that he wasn't going to try.
"B, what's wrong?" Brendon looked away from him, his fingers tracing over an old scar as his thoughts ran to the reason why it existed.
"I keep hurting him. I've tried and tried again to stop, but I-can't. I just can't." He pulled in a shaky breath, a wet trail making it's way down his face.
"It wasn't completely your fault." Dallon tried to reason with Brendon, but he didn't seem to listen to the words he had to offer. Brendon was simply a broken man sitting on the bottom of the ruins he had built from his own sins. He remembered when Ryan had told him; how his expiration date was sooner than Brendon's, and it drove the younger man mad. He refused to accept it, refused to accept just about anything. He hadn't meant for it to end the way it had, but everyone else was right; it was solely brendon's fault.
"I hadn't meant too." Dallon nodded, pulling Brendon into a hug. Brendon rested his head on the other boys shoulder, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Hiding. That's what he was good at doing. Hiding.
The truth was that almost no one knew the truth. The full truth; every last thing that had lead to their demise. Brendon was sure that not even Ryan knew everything.
It was all bottled up in him, and he didn't want everyone to know. If they did, things would be different, and Brendon couldn't help but think that it was best if everyone thought he was a dick, rather than knowing the truth. He sighed, moving his head so he could see the expression on Dallon's face. His features were dripping with concern and understanding, something that Brendon couldn't help but find amusing. How could you honestly care if you knew nothing?
He sighed, giving Dallon a smile, watching as the corners of Dallon's mouth turned up to give a sympathetic smile.
He was weak, and he knew it. Here he was as far away from the mess he made, forcing some poor soul to listen to his complaining and mindless noise. He was weak, oh so terribly weak, and it was time for him to change. He swore to himself that he wouldn't let anyone get past him again; that he was going to build up the walls around his mind twice as high, and he wouldn't allow a single door to be built.
"You go on ahead, I'm going to need a few minutes to myself." Dallon gave him a confused expression before nodding.
"Okay. I'll hold you to that." Dallon stood, giving a sigh as he did so. He started to walk back from where he had come, giving one last cautious glance at Brendon before going far enough into the woods to disappear from view.
Fires had been started by lighters that Ryan and Patrick had both managed to sneak onto the plane. A trick they had picked up from Pete. If it was one thing he was really good at, other than the obvious, it would be sneaking things around authorities. Patrick Spencer and Ian all made sure they had shelter, Nick taking care of Ryan as he tried to calm his erratic breathing. They had scrounged around for supplies from the wreckage, gathering anything bottled and packaged for later. It wasn't much, but it was there rations. And they had to have something if they wanted to make sure that they would actually survive.
Dallon walked out of the thick forest, staring at the work they had done. They weren't meant for the environment they were in. Especially Patrick, who looked like he was ready to collapse. They were used to having other people do just about everything for them. But Spencer seemed to understand how to keep them alive, and Patrick knew how to keep everyone in line so they would help. They could make it. After all, people were bound to be missing them. There had to be someone looking for them.
Spencer looked over at him, giving a small smile. "Did you find him?" Dallon nodded a yes.
"He's kind of a mess." Dallon muttered. He looked around at the different faces. That was a lie; they were all a mess. Ryan was on his back; eyes closed as his bruised face contorted in pain. He was clawing at his chest, his face showing that he was fighting for breath. Nick stayed next to him, his wounded frame slightly bandaged as he tried to hold onto Ryan's wrists, wanting nothing more to have the other boy calm down.
"What's wrong with Ryan?" Dallon sat down next to Patrick, who was attempting to take a nap under their makeshift shelter of wood and leaves. Spencer's eyes flickered over to Ryan and Nick, staying a safe distance away from them so Ryan wouldn't feel as conscious about what was happening to him. Of course, they weren't that far away. Just far enough for Ryan to think it was safe to show just how much pain he was in.
"He hasn't been doing to well without his medication. Nick says that he might not make it that long without them. He…He probably only has a few days before it all get to be too much for him." Spencer took in a shaky breath, trying to hide how much it bothered him. But Dallon knew; the two had been like brothers since they were kids, and now one of them was dying. It was only natural for the other to hate having to watch. "Ryan doesn't want to be around us. He hates being weak in front of people. Always has. Even if we get close to him, he'll act like he's perfectly fine."
The two were silent, and Dallon sighed. They were a fucked up little group. Brendon, who refused to leave the small clearing he had found. Ryan, who was slowly dying from a mutation that was completely unavoidable. Patrick, who couldn't really sleep; if they allowed him to, he might slip into a comma thanks to his massive head injury. Spencer, who had what was probably a broken arm. And Ian, who was slowly walking towards them. Less walking more limping really. He had mentioned that he could feel the bone of his ankle rubbing his skin, and it was amazing that he could do anything at all.
Dallon watched him with worried eyes, refusing to look away at his limping figure as he talked to Spencer. "When do you think they'll find us. I mean, there has to be somebody that's looking right?" Ian seemed to be struggling to stay upright, making Dallon worry on his lip.
"I can't say. I don't even think someone is-" Ian collapsed, falling into the bridge between sand and water, the salty ocean lapping at his face as his hair was tousled in the wind. Dallon got up, running over to him. Once Spencer had processed what had happened, he followed suit.
Dallon rolled him over on his back, pushing the hair out of his face. He was shaking, breaking out in a cold sweat. Spencer muttered a shit and looked at Dallon with worry in his eyes. "Do you think it's an infection?" Dallon looked at him before looking down at Ian.
"There's really only two things it could be: An infection," He started to carefully remove Ian's bandages, attempting to take them off without hurting him. "Or it could be withdrawal." Spencer ran a hand through his hair.
"God. This isn't good." He bit on his knuckle, pacing as Dallon looked at Ian's injured ankle. "Like we don't already have enough broken people here. Half of us were emotional wrecks BEFORE this happened. And now we're all injured and fucking-"
"Spencer! Calm down!" Spencer stopped, staring at Dallon in shock. "I know it's not the best situation to be in right now, but we're in it anyway. And if half of us are wasting away that simply means that the other half has to try and keep our shit together! Now help me pick him up and carry him over there!" Spencer nodded, rushing to grab Ian's long legs with his good arm, the two dragging his limp body next to Patricks.
"The good news is that it isn't an infection." Dallon said with a sigh, concern filling his voice. "He just hasn't had whatever drug he's gotten addicted to in the past few days." Spencer nodded.
"So, is Brendon planning on joining us anytime soon?" Dallon shook his head no.
"I give him a few hours until he starts acting like Ian. Just a little bit longer and all of that alcohol he had on the plane will be out of his system." Spencer chewed on his bottom lip.
"I'm not sure I like the concept of him being out there by himself." Dallon hummed his agreement. Spencer collapsed in the sand, burying his head in his hands. "God, we were a mess before this happened. How in the hell are we going to survive?" Dallon knew that Spencer was crying, hiding his tears in his hands. Dallon leaned down, putting a hand on Spencer's shoulder as he gave a small sigh.
"Hey, we'll work it out. Like Patrick said, we've got people looking for us." Spencer continued to stare at the palms of his hands. "I'll go talk to Brendon, okay?" Spencer nodded. Dallon looked over at Ian who was shivering. He pulled his shirt off, putting it over Ian, biting his bottom lip in worry. "Make sure he get's a little water. And don't forget to wake Patrick up. I really don't think we need a completely useless person in this broken party of ours." And with that Dallon wondered back off into the woods in hopes of convincing Brendon to get over himself and think about the fact that they needed him to help.
Spencer did as he was told, splashing salt water on Patrick's face to wake him up so they could give Ian, who was now running a fever, a little bit of water. Patrick was trying to play the role of the eldest, attempting to have Spencer let him help since he had dealt with things like this before. Pete had gone through withdrawal more times than he could count, and Patrick had almost always been by his side through it all.
Nick wandered over, sitting by the fire as he drank some water from a bottle they had found. He ran a hand through his hair, flecks of sand falling. Spencer left Patrick to try and help Ian calm down, making his way over to Nick.
"How's he doing?" Spencer asked quietly, staring at the crystal like waves that kept rolling in.
"He's…He's holding on." Nick nodded, and Spencer knew that he was withholding information from him. "How about your mate over there?" Nick made a gesture towards Ian and Spencer gave a small sigh.
"Addicts suffer from withdrawal all the time." Spencer pulled his legs up to his chest, counting the seconds between waves steady as a heartbeat. Nick watched him, decoding his expression. Spencer may act like he was strong, but everything about him screamed otherwise.
"He loves you, you know?" Spencer broke his staring contest with the ocean, not that he would have won anyway, and looked at Nick with his brows furrowed. "Jon, I mean. He talks about you all the time. And you know, when he does, his eyes sparkle like a teenage girl talking about her crush."
A grin broke out across Spencer's face and he looked back out at the ocean, laughing ever so slightly. "You know he was straight when I met him? Had this bitchy girlfriend that treated him like crap. He didn't care though, said he loved her." Spencer's smile faltered ever so slightly. "I miss him." Nick stayed quite for a minute.
"What happened? He was happy and you came along and… That's it?" Spencer shook his head no, glancing over at Nick.
"He wasn't happy. He tricked himself into believing he was, but he wasn't happy." Spencer paused, chewing on his bottom lip. "I could see through him like cellophane. I showed him how happy he could be, and-" Spencer stopped, taking in a shaky breath, wishing he could see the boy he was talking about. "Once he realized just how…sad, his life was, it was already too late for me and I had fallen in love." Spencer shook his head. "But it doesn't matter."
Nick was about to object when Ryan sat down next to him, resting his head on his shoulder. "Hey Spence."
Spencer smiled. "Hi Ry. How are you feeling?" Ryan grinned at him.
"My body's made of cancer, and I've never felt better."
Pete stayed next to the unmoving Jon, both curled up on the couch in his office with the TV humming. Jon was watching waiting to find some news; that maybe they had picked up a signal from the plane, or maybe a boat had found them and they were on their way home. Pete was busy calling every person he knew to start as many search crews as he could afford. They already had four, and he was trying to get a fifth.
They had been in an hour long silence until Jon's voice broke through, speaking his greatest fear. "What if they didn't make it?"
Pete stared in disbelief. "Are you fucking kidding me? Of course they made it. We just need to find them."
"But what if we don't?" Jon turned to look at Pete, his eyes big and scared and not at all his. "What if they crashed in the middle of the ocean and drowned? Or even worse, what if their on some island somewhere starving to death? What if we don't find them in time? They could be-"
"Jon, calm down, all right? We're doing everything we can, and- you're really bumming me out." Jon stayed silent for a minute.
"You haven't had these thoughts?" Pete sighed.
"Of course I have. I just-" He paused. "Working ourselves up over it isn't helping them if they need help. We need to just try and stay calm and keep looking, all right? There are so many people that want to help, fans and family and professionals, and most of them are helping without us asking. But we have to be strong. Even if we don't find them alive, we have to try and stay strong."
Jon looked unconvinced. Pete stood, wandering over to a fridge he kept in his office, pulling out two beers before going back to the couch. "Here, drink this." Jon nodded, taking the alcohol graciously. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew that Pete was right. He had to just calm down.
He had to try, no matter how impossible.
Everyone was asleep when Brendon made his way back to the group. Well, everyone with the acceptation of Ryan, who was sitting by the flickering fire, shivering in Nicks jacket. Brendon felt his stomach drop, and he wanted nothing more to go running and hiding once more. But it was Ryan, and he was shivering in the cold; Brendon had to help.
"Hey." Brendon whispered the word, sitting down next to Ryan. Ryan visibly jumped at the word, looking over at Brendon with big eyes.
"I - I um.." Brendon shook his head, giving a small sigh.
"How are you feeling? You look cold." Ryan sighed.
"Brendon, what the fuck are you doing?" Brendon looked taken aback by the words.
"I have no fucking clue what you mean." Brendon hissed back. "I was trying to be NICE. The least you could do is return the favor."
Ryan glared at him. "A little too late for that isn't it?" Their words were angry and filled with venom, but still hushed so they wouldn't wake the others.
"How many times do I have to apologize?" Brendon said as he wrapped his arms around his legs.
"You cheated on me!" The words hushed Brendon, and he stared at Ryan wide-eyed.
"I- I didn't, could never." He stuttered his response shocked that the other boy would even think he would do something like that.
"That's what you say, but I found that note in your pocket. I know you were cheating on me."
Brendon shook his head no. "That was from before I met you. Ryan-" He stopped, taking a deep breath, trying to calm himself to explain what had happened. "I didn't cheat on you. I swear." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Why were you on this plane anyways?" Ryan stayed silent and Brendon laughed a little.
"You were stalking me, weren't you?" He asked cockily, screwing over the apology he had made in his head.
"Goddamn it Brendon! You conceded asshole, not everything is about you!" Ryan snapped back, staring at him.
"Then why were you in the UK? You should be dying at home, not overseas." Ryan was shaking with anger, but he tried to remind himself to not snap, staring at the mess that was Brendon. He used to be such an amazing boy. But he turned into a wreck, and Ryan knew that it was his fault.
"Look, I only have a few weeks left…and, I-" He paused, questioning whether or not he should even tell Brendon the truth. "Do you remember our first time in Europe? When we had a day off and you took me out on a walk?" Brendon nodded his head yes. Ryan blushed ever so slightly. "That was the first time that you said that you loved me. I wanted to see it again before…" Ryan let himself trail off. They both knew what he had meant. Brendon sighed, laughing ever so slightly.
"I can't believe you remember that." Ryan looked at him. Desperate honey eyes meeting the ghost of loving chocolate eyes.
"B, that was one of the greatest moments of my life." Brendon looked away in guilt, hating everything that happened.
"You know that I still love you, right?" Ryan nodded. "I never wanted to let you go."
"Yeah, but you still did." Brendon looked hurt by Ryan's words. Ryan knew what that expression was; it was the hopeful one that meant that Brendon was hoping they would get back together before ripping each other apart again. As much as Ryan hated to admit it, he was hopeful that they would, too.
Brendon sighed, signaling his defeat. "It really is too late for apologies, isn't it?" Ryan nodded a yes.
"I still love you, just so you know." Brendon stared in his eyes, reading his sincere expression. "We were good together."
"But not good enough." Brendon looked away, giving up with trying to repair what couldn't be fixed. Ryan leaned his head on Brendon's shoulder.
"No. No, I guess it wasn't." The two were silent, both wanting the other to tell them just how much they wanted to try again.
Neither of them said a word.
~~~~~
TheAnonymous: Patrick is going to be very pessimistic. But ya know, it'll be okay. Probably. My guess is that it wasn't the best of ideas to read it on a plane. Would freak me out if I did.
patdfan01: Why thank you. I was going for 'perfectly adequate' I'm guessing I made it there.
foreverfalling: I'm excited to write more. Unfortunately, Patrick doesn't know that Pete is looking for him. Sad, but a fact, is still a fact.
It's when you get really addicted to it that I'll start to fear for your wellbeing. In the mean time, I'm glad you like it.
PartyPoison: I'm hoping that it'll turn out okay.
He kind of is. I think of him as the asshole most of the time, but for this one, I kind of wanted him to be broken in a different way. Nah, but we'll touch on that subject soon enough. They are pretty sad. It's a broken bunch of people that are supposed to seem perfectly fine to everyone else. But everything will start to unravel. In fact, it kind of already has.
-xoxo Pansy
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