Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Love, I'd Never Hurt You
Gerard
I grabbed Joe by his shirt collar and slammed him up against the wall. “Tell me where to find Jimmy!” I yelled. This had been going on for about ten minutes. I asked him where Jimmy was, he refused to answer. A fight ensued.
He punched me in the face, splitting my lip. I elbowed him in the ribs. He fell to the ground, hitting me in the back of the knees. When I was on the ground, he climbed on top of me and started punching me some more. When he finally stopped, blood was pouring from my nose, and I could taste blood in my mouth.
Eventually, I managed to grab him, and now I had him pinned against the wall.
He shook his head, “You'll never know!” He spit in my face.
With my free hand, I wiped the saliva from my face, and then wiping it off on his shirt. I slammed his head back on the wall, “Tell me, damn it!”
He looked me in the eyes, “Fuck you.”
Furious, I put my face in his. I could feel his shallow breath on my cheeks. My body was shaking with anger, and I was having a hard time keeping a hold of his shirt. “Listen here, you pathetic excuse of a man, you're going to tell me where he is, or I will beat it out of you.”
He laughed, “I'm not scared of you.”
I couldn't take it anymore. He was driving me insane. I had never wanted to kill anyone so badly in my life, but I knew I couldn't kill him yet. Not until he told me where I could find Jimmy.
I reached into my back pocket and grabbed my knife. I held it to his throat. Instantly, I saw fear in his eyes. I had him right where I wanted him. “I will kill you. Don't ever doubt it for a second. Just tell me where Jimmy is.”
He swallowed, “Kill me if you want. Then you'll never know where he is.”
I was half tempted to kill him right there, but I needed to find Jimmy. I needed to talk to him, needed to tell him how I felt. I needed him to know that I was sorry. I stared at Joe, thinking. I brought the knife down, and acted like I was going to put it in my pocket. I saw relief flood his eyes.
I smiled before stabbing him in the shoulder. I pushed the knife as deep as it would go before turning it. I heard him cry out in pain, and I just laughed.
He held up his hands, tears in his eyes, “Please, stop! I'll tell you!”
I turned the knife a little more, “Then tell me.”
He nodded, “Okay, he's staying at the Grande Hotel, across town! Now, please let me go!” He yelled. I could hear the pain in his voice. It was at times like these when I really enjoyed my job.
I pulled the knife out, and wiped it on his shirt before sticking it back in my pocket. “I appreciate your cooperation.” I walked out of his office and into the main lobby of the building. I looked around the empty lobby before heading out the front doors and getting into my car.
It didn't take me very long to find the hotel. I had been there before, so I knew exactly where it was. I pulled into the parking garage and parked. I wondered if Jimmy was staying under his real name.
I stepped out of my car and headed inside. As soon as I was inside, I saw him. He was leaning against a pop machine, looking directly at me. Cautiously, I made my way over to where he was standing.
“I heard you were coming.” Jimmy said, standing up straight. He shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. I couldn't help but stare at him.
This was the first time I had a chance to actually see him. I was amazed at how different he looked. His shaggy brown hair was darker, almost black. His eyes were still the same brown eyes that I knew so well. It seemed like he had been working out. I could see his muscles through his shirt. He had always been strong, I could only imagine his strength now.
I found myself staring at his neck. Jut under his chin was an ugly scar. I looked away, it brought back everything.
Jimmy laughed, and put his hand to his scar, “Nasty looking, isn't it.” He shrugged, “I don't know. I kind of like it. It serves as a constant reminder.”
I nodded. Trying to find the words to say, “Jimmy...” I shook my head. There was no right way to say this. I looked into his eyes, studying him. I couldn't find any emotions in his face. I sighed, “Seeing you brought back so many memories, good and bad.” I felt tears building in my eyes, “I'm just so sorry about what I did. You'll never know how sorry I am.”
He shook his head, “Why should I believe you? The only reason you're sorry now is because you don't want me to kill you.” He shrugged, “And I understand that.”
“Jimmy, that's not true. I really do feel bad about what I did. I was young and stupid, and I just wanted to be the best. I couldn't do that with you around.” I was crying now, but I didn't care. I wanted him to see my tears. I wanted him to know that I really did mean what I was saying.
He stood there for a few minutes, just staring at me. “I just can't believe what you did to me. I thought we were friends, and then you tried to kill me! I don't know if I can ever forgive you.”
I ran my hand through my hair, “I know. I threw away our friendship because I was stupid...” I paused, “I know how you felt about me Jimmy. I know you loved me, and I know I broke your heart.” I swallowed, trying to think of how to continue. “I didn't know it then, but I do know. And I just want you to know that I loved you too. Maybe I still do.”
Jimmy shook his head. I could tell that he was upset by this. He was trying hard not to cry, but I saw as a few tears fell down his face. “You were everything I ever hoped for. I always said that I would never get serious with anyone because it caused too many problems, but it never stopped me from loving you. You don't understand, Gerard. When you tried to kill me, you broke me.” He reached up and touched his scar again. “When I got home and you were leaving, I planned on killing you right there. But then I saw your face. You were so upset about everything.”
I nodded, “When I saw that you were still alive, deep down I was ecstatic. I couldn't believe it, but then you said you would kill me if you ever saw me again. The look on your face terrified me.”
He sighed, “I was half expecting you to say you were sorry and then everything would go back to normal. When that didn't happen, I was furious. I was really going to kill you.”
Hesitantly, I reached up and touched the scar on his neck. “Well, I'm telling you now. I'm genuinely sorry.” He placed his hand on top of mine and squeezed. It felt weird, him touching me like this after all time. At the same time, it felt right. Like this is where I was supposed to be. Unlike with Frank, Jimmy's touch felt felt genuine, it felt real. When he touched me, I knew he loved me. I just didn't know if I felt the same way.
I grabbed Joe by his shirt collar and slammed him up against the wall. “Tell me where to find Jimmy!” I yelled. This had been going on for about ten minutes. I asked him where Jimmy was, he refused to answer. A fight ensued.
He punched me in the face, splitting my lip. I elbowed him in the ribs. He fell to the ground, hitting me in the back of the knees. When I was on the ground, he climbed on top of me and started punching me some more. When he finally stopped, blood was pouring from my nose, and I could taste blood in my mouth.
Eventually, I managed to grab him, and now I had him pinned against the wall.
He shook his head, “You'll never know!” He spit in my face.
With my free hand, I wiped the saliva from my face, and then wiping it off on his shirt. I slammed his head back on the wall, “Tell me, damn it!”
He looked me in the eyes, “Fuck you.”
Furious, I put my face in his. I could feel his shallow breath on my cheeks. My body was shaking with anger, and I was having a hard time keeping a hold of his shirt. “Listen here, you pathetic excuse of a man, you're going to tell me where he is, or I will beat it out of you.”
He laughed, “I'm not scared of you.”
I couldn't take it anymore. He was driving me insane. I had never wanted to kill anyone so badly in my life, but I knew I couldn't kill him yet. Not until he told me where I could find Jimmy.
I reached into my back pocket and grabbed my knife. I held it to his throat. Instantly, I saw fear in his eyes. I had him right where I wanted him. “I will kill you. Don't ever doubt it for a second. Just tell me where Jimmy is.”
He swallowed, “Kill me if you want. Then you'll never know where he is.”
I was half tempted to kill him right there, but I needed to find Jimmy. I needed to talk to him, needed to tell him how I felt. I needed him to know that I was sorry. I stared at Joe, thinking. I brought the knife down, and acted like I was going to put it in my pocket. I saw relief flood his eyes.
I smiled before stabbing him in the shoulder. I pushed the knife as deep as it would go before turning it. I heard him cry out in pain, and I just laughed.
He held up his hands, tears in his eyes, “Please, stop! I'll tell you!”
I turned the knife a little more, “Then tell me.”
He nodded, “Okay, he's staying at the Grande Hotel, across town! Now, please let me go!” He yelled. I could hear the pain in his voice. It was at times like these when I really enjoyed my job.
I pulled the knife out, and wiped it on his shirt before sticking it back in my pocket. “I appreciate your cooperation.” I walked out of his office and into the main lobby of the building. I looked around the empty lobby before heading out the front doors and getting into my car.
It didn't take me very long to find the hotel. I had been there before, so I knew exactly where it was. I pulled into the parking garage and parked. I wondered if Jimmy was staying under his real name.
I stepped out of my car and headed inside. As soon as I was inside, I saw him. He was leaning against a pop machine, looking directly at me. Cautiously, I made my way over to where he was standing.
“I heard you were coming.” Jimmy said, standing up straight. He shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. I couldn't help but stare at him.
This was the first time I had a chance to actually see him. I was amazed at how different he looked. His shaggy brown hair was darker, almost black. His eyes were still the same brown eyes that I knew so well. It seemed like he had been working out. I could see his muscles through his shirt. He had always been strong, I could only imagine his strength now.
I found myself staring at his neck. Jut under his chin was an ugly scar. I looked away, it brought back everything.
Jimmy laughed, and put his hand to his scar, “Nasty looking, isn't it.” He shrugged, “I don't know. I kind of like it. It serves as a constant reminder.”
I nodded. Trying to find the words to say, “Jimmy...” I shook my head. There was no right way to say this. I looked into his eyes, studying him. I couldn't find any emotions in his face. I sighed, “Seeing you brought back so many memories, good and bad.” I felt tears building in my eyes, “I'm just so sorry about what I did. You'll never know how sorry I am.”
He shook his head, “Why should I believe you? The only reason you're sorry now is because you don't want me to kill you.” He shrugged, “And I understand that.”
“Jimmy, that's not true. I really do feel bad about what I did. I was young and stupid, and I just wanted to be the best. I couldn't do that with you around.” I was crying now, but I didn't care. I wanted him to see my tears. I wanted him to know that I really did mean what I was saying.
He stood there for a few minutes, just staring at me. “I just can't believe what you did to me. I thought we were friends, and then you tried to kill me! I don't know if I can ever forgive you.”
I ran my hand through my hair, “I know. I threw away our friendship because I was stupid...” I paused, “I know how you felt about me Jimmy. I know you loved me, and I know I broke your heart.” I swallowed, trying to think of how to continue. “I didn't know it then, but I do know. And I just want you to know that I loved you too. Maybe I still do.”
Jimmy shook his head. I could tell that he was upset by this. He was trying hard not to cry, but I saw as a few tears fell down his face. “You were everything I ever hoped for. I always said that I would never get serious with anyone because it caused too many problems, but it never stopped me from loving you. You don't understand, Gerard. When you tried to kill me, you broke me.” He reached up and touched his scar again. “When I got home and you were leaving, I planned on killing you right there. But then I saw your face. You were so upset about everything.”
I nodded, “When I saw that you were still alive, deep down I was ecstatic. I couldn't believe it, but then you said you would kill me if you ever saw me again. The look on your face terrified me.”
He sighed, “I was half expecting you to say you were sorry and then everything would go back to normal. When that didn't happen, I was furious. I was really going to kill you.”
Hesitantly, I reached up and touched the scar on his neck. “Well, I'm telling you now. I'm genuinely sorry.” He placed his hand on top of mine and squeezed. It felt weird, him touching me like this after all time. At the same time, it felt right. Like this is where I was supposed to be. Unlike with Frank, Jimmy's touch felt felt genuine, it felt real. When he touched me, I knew he loved me. I just didn't know if I felt the same way.
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