- The way you describe the festival is so utterly vivid, from the dancing and the simple stringed instruments.
I like the little hints you drop about Lulu's heritage and that Auron senses a real gravity in the gift she gives him.
Lulu almost seems wiser than Auron here.
I'm rating this one for ambiance. :)
- Awww. The contrast between the lively celebration and Auron's quiet brooding is good. I find myself wanting a tiny bit more detail with Auron's thoughts. After, "he had chosen to turn her down and walked away" I was thinking, "but why?" You give a hint further down, that he might have been doubtful about raising a family, but I still find myself curious.
I like the idea that Lulu's from some tribe that makes magical charms, and the gift she gives him is very sweet. The exchange between them is interesting, the more so because this is a little girl and a grown man, yet somehow she's acting like a grown-up.
"The celebration held was so different compared to the ones back in Bevelle"
"he came to a realization that he might die"
"She studied his eyes and the little hints from his facial expressions, she found herself..." You might check out this quick page on comma splices (joining two sentences together with a comma):
One small quibble: Auron's not stupid and he knows Spira's history, so I think that he would have realized from the start of the pilgrimage that he may not survive it. I suggest having him think of that fact again, instead of having him only now figuring it out.
Author's responseHmmmmmm.... I see. I guess I should write out more details on his thoughts to clear up some questions you have raised, and that actually adds in another additional chapter to this story, I hope I won't disappoint^^;;
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