Categories > Books > Harry Potter > MY BUNNY HUTCH


by Alorkin 10 reviews

This is my own rather Shakespearian reply to the marriage law challenge.

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama - Characters: Dumbledore,Fudge,Harry,Hermione,Lucius - Published: 2012-06-12 - Updated: 2012-06-12 - 3818 words


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (et al). That privilege goes to the talented and lovely J. K. Rowling, to whom I am eternally indebted, both for a fascinating read and for many bedtime stories for my daughter.

Disclaimer 2: This story is so NOT HBP compliant! it sequel, Deadly Horrible, clearly demonstrate that even talented and lovely authors can make (huge and hideously ugly) mistakes.

Disclaimer 3.141592653: This is one of only a very few stories where I don’t make Dumbledore into a manipulative, ‘borderline dark lord’. It is also one of only two, where I have described Snape as passingly human.

A/N: As with all my fics, this is dedicated to my late sister, FireLemming, for her beta work. She didn't even follow the Harry Potter fandom, preferring TLK, and yet, would take time to offer much needed (and often unappreciated) critical advice. Having an expert on literature, the English language, Mythology and anthropology, leaning over your shoulder making snarky comments about your writing can be a pain, but it does cut down on research time.

This is my own rather Shakespearian reply to the marriage law challenge. I have brazenly copied (and slightly edited) ‘the muggleborne marriage law’ from Ishtar’s ‘Turnabout is Fair Play’, for which I apologize profusely, but her legalese is much better then mine.

(I did ask though, and she gave me permission. Thank you, Dorothy.)

This will be a one-shot only.


Voldemort was dead…for good this time. He’d been destroyed more than a month before, by the combined efforts of Harry, Hermione and Ron. As before, the wealthiest of the Death Eaters ‘donated’ large sums of gold, and were declared innocent by means of the Imperius curse, while the rest were sent to rot in Azkaban. The people of the wizarding world had only just finished celebrating and were returning to their normal lives.

Those lives were interrupted one morning as The Daily Prophet, carried the headlines:


Dumbledore was aghast. Minerva was horrified, even Snape was offended, but Harry and Hermione were simply furious as each read the Prophet that morning. Apparently, Lucius Malfoy had pushed the law through under cover of night…on the very night Harry had destroyed Voldemort forever.

It is this reporter’s sad duty to inform the wizarding public of the recent passage of what is being called the Muggleborne Marriage Law. This law was passed through the Wizengamot even as the heroes, Harry Potter and Hermione Granger, and their friends Ronald and Ginevra Weasley, Neville Longbottom, and Luna Lovegood, put an end to the dark lord forever. This reporter wonders how this is possible when Lucius Malfoy, chief sponsor of the bill and recognized as one of the Dark Lord’s senior lieutenants, was seen on the field of battle at the time.

None of the voting members of the Wizengamot were available for comment. The bill reads as such:

"Whereas, wizarding tradition and knowledge since
Merlin has been maintained by certain Pureblood Family
Lines of long standing; (defined as having exclusively witch
or wizard ancestry for seven generations or more) who is
unmarried and above the age of seventeen and capable of
bearing or begetting children;

and Whereas, these families were in the habit of maintaining
their knowledge and fortunes by marrying among themselves;

and Whereas, this custom has, over time, had the unanticipated
and undesirable result of weakening the family lines, as
decisively demonstrated by the work of Zelerod Trinrose, such
that they are now in danger of dying out;

and Whereas, the recent conflict in the wizarding community
has accelerated the damage to the family lines of those on
both sides of the conflict;

and Whereas, the damage to the wizarding community would
be immeasurable if these families were to fail;

and Whereas, the most efficacious means of strengthening
and reinvigorating the family lines is by marriage to talented
witches and wizards of recent muggle ancestry; (defined as
having a muggle or muggle-born ancestor within three
generations), who is unmarried and between the ages of
seventeen and fifty;

and Whereas, these Individuals are those least conversant
with wizarding tradition and therefore least likely to accept
an honourable offer of a marriage contract;

THEREFORE a resolution is enacted into law, enabling
members of pureblood families to claim in marriage for
themselves or their heirs, appropriate candidates of recent
muggle ancestry for the aforesaid purpose of strengthening
the pureblood family line.

Such Claiming shall be according to the following terms:

If a valid marriage or marriage contract exists, the Claim
on the Candidate shall not be valid, but the Candidate shall
accept no proposal or marriage contract after a Claim has
been registered, while investigation of the respective heritages
of the Claimant and the Candidate is being made.
Under no circumstances is a marriage between two mugglebornes, two
half bloods, or one half blood and one muggleborne to be
recognized as valid or lawful.

The marriage shall take place as soon as possible, but in no
case more than one week after the validation of a Claim. The
Candidate shall be irrevocably bonded to the Claimant by
permanent oath to ensure consummation of the relationship
immediately, to ensure that Candidate wizards fulfil their
marital duties to Claimant witches on a regular basis, and to
ensure fidelity of Candidate to Claimant."

"In view of the incompetence of muggleborne and half-blooded
Candidates when dealing with pureblooded family finances,
the Claimant shall take possession of the Candidate's property
and inheritances, if any, and combine them with the Claimant's
family property and manage them for the benefit of the children
of Claimant and Candidate."

The Candidate shall take the name of the Claimant, and any
children resulting from the union, shall bear the name of the
Claimant's family. Children born to the Claimant and the
Candidate shall be exempt from consideration as Candidates
in the future.

The Candidate shall be supported by the Claimant's family
in an appropriate manner, provided with suitable living
quarters, clothing, and spending moneys as deemed necessary
by the Claimant;

The Candidate may take employment with the Claimant's
permission and subject to the above clause requiring the
inclusion of Candidate's earnings to the Claimant's family

If a Claimed Candidate refuses the proposed marriage, the
Candidate shall be confined in Azkaban prison for fifty years,
or until the Candidate agrees to enter into said marriage.

A livid Hermione Potter stalked up to the head table, Harry, no less incensed, was only a half step behind her.

“Professor, surely you can’t agree with this…this…obscenity?” She demanded.

“I do not. In fact, I am at a loss to understand how it was even introduced, let alone passed by the council. Had I seen it, I would have fought it most strenuously.”

“Oh, I have an idea.” Harry growled. “Our esteemed Minister was nowhere near the fighting. I’d thought he was cowering under this overly appointed desk at the time, but it appears he was playing in the big boys yard. Tell me, Professor, how many votes does it take to pass such a law?”

“Two thirds majority, plus ten.”

“43. That doesn’t hold up.”

“Wait!” Hermione interjected. “How many votes does it take to pass that law under the Emergency Doctrine?”

Dumbledore paled. “Oh dear! I’d forgotten about that. I believe you are quite right, Mrs. Potter. Under the Emergency Doctrine, it takes only a majority vote of those present.”

“We are so screwed!” Harry spat.

“Harry! Language!” Hermione yelped at his profanity.

“Why is it women always seem so anxious and willing to deny men the entirely natural and cathartic need to use what is euphemistically called ‘colourful language’?” He snarked.

The lovely Mrs. Potter just glared at him.

Despite himself, Snape fought a smirk. Neither Filius nor Pomona even bothered. They laughed out loud, earning them one of Hermione’s patented ‘Glares of Death or Agonizing Dismemberment’.

Quite interestingly, Hermione had received only one claim…from Lucius Malfoy. He intended to use the mudblood, to offset his son’s pitiful magic, and produce the next generation of Malfoys, a generation stronger than any before…and thoroughly indoctrinated to the pureblood ideals. If the arrogant fool couldn’t get a child on her, he’d do the job himself. After all, he was the Malfoy. The large pile of gold she’d been awarded for her part in destroying the master would easily clean away the stain of begetting a child on a mudblood.

Hermione had, of course, refused his claim, and within days, she’d been arrested. Said arrest had been most public, and it would take quite a bit of careful work to spin the press…even The Daily Prophet…the way he wanted. Needless to say, the mudblood had been entirely uncooperative.

And now, Hermione Potter stood defiantly before the Wizengamot. “NO! I absolutely will not accede to your demands. I am already married…to Harry Potter! You remember him…he’s the one who destroyed the monster you supported!”

“Your marriage was arranged in violation of the law. It has been dissolved. A new marriage has been arranged with Mister Malfoy, to ensure the continuance and refreshment of the pureblood lines.”

“A magic-blessed marriage bond cannot be dissolved, you brainless arse!”

“Nevertheless, you will comply with law, and marry Mister Draco Malfoy!”

“Absolutely not! I will not be sold into slavery, to that Death Eater, to be raped repeatedly until I produce a male heir!” Fudge banged his gavel over and over to quiet the upstart mudblood.

“You will comply with the law!” He bellowed. “It is for the betterment of the wizarding world!”

“You are both a fool and a liar, Fudge! This is not for the betterment of anybody but yourself, and your Death Eater friends! How much did Malfoy pay you…this time?”

“I am the Minister of Magic! How dare you speak to me in such a manner?”

“You have abused your position for the last time, Fudge. You have sold the majority of the wizarding world into slavery for the benefit of a few. The purebloods caused this problem. Why force us to solve it? If the pureblood families had been willing to interact with the half bloods and the mugglebornes before now, this ‘Mudblood Marriage Law’ wouldn’t be necessary!” Many of the witches and wizards present gasped at the epithet.

Hermione glared at them. “Oh! Now, you’re offended? You bigoted fools have ruled the wizarding world for so long, and have looked down on all those witches and wizards that aren’t the inbred idiots you have produced for so long, that now, all you can produce are idiots. The purebloods deserve to die out! Then maybe we can have some real progress!”

“ENOUGH!” Fudge shouted. He had known that he’d get nowhere with this jumped up mudblood. Now, he would tell her the law.

“As Minister of Magic, I order you to accept this judgment. You will be married to Draco Malfoy for at least three years or until you have produced an heir. Failure to do so will result in a forfeiture of all your assets and a fifty year term in Azkaban!” He smirked. No one wanted Azkaban.

Hermione surprised him. “Well, if that’s my choice, I choose Azkaban.”

Fudge was stunned. No one would choose Azkaban over marriage to one of the oldest bloodlines in the wizarding world! And yet, this mudblood had just done that very thing. He tried once more to assert control.

“You will not!” He roared. “You will do as you are told!”

NO! I’ll kill myself first!”

“Seize her!” He ordered. Two of his staff rushed to the young lady and gripped her arms. A third snatched her wand.

Fudge smirked. “We’ll have no more talk about killing ourselves. Until you have been released from the marriage contract to Draco Malfoy, you will not have a wand. We will prevent you from harming either mister Malfoy or yourself.”

“Fudge, You stupid, incompetent jackass! Don’t you think that as the smartest witch in over a century, I would have come prepared for this idiocy? I meant what I said. I would rather die than be married to that Death Eater rapist! The fact of the matter is, I have already killed myself. I knew you’d been bought, so I took a poison before I came in. It is quite painless and acts within a few seconds. You cannot stop it.”

“Why are you not dead?”

“I have it in a capsule in my stomach…fool. All I have to do, is dissolve the capsule. In fact, just now, I’m having to keep the capsule from dissolving. Once I give up the fight, as it were, the capsule dissolves. Three seconds later, I’m dead.”

“You can’t be serious!” Fudge blustered.

“I’m deadly serious.” She faced the reporters gathered for this momentous trial. “I, Hermione Jane Potter, have chosen to take my own life, rather than to be sold as a slave to the Malfoy’s.” Returning her attention to the fuming moron in the center seat, she added: “You Mister Smudge, are going to look really, really stupid when the word gets out that you attempted to force the dissolution of the magically-blessed marriage of two of the saviors of the wizarding world, just to line your pockets. Oh by the bye, just in case you are thinking you can stop it, I should tell you, the word is already out!”

With that, Hermione Potter fell lifelessly to the floor.


Fudge knew it would be just as bad with Harry Potter…if not worse. There had been well over three hundred petitions from the remaining purebloods, to claim Harry Potter…and his vast fortune. Like Hermione, he had refused. He’d also been arrested, publicly, to the immediate and intense embarrassment of the ministry, and Fudge himself. Potter had spoken loudly enough as to why he’d been arrested, that every paper in the wizarding world had gotten wind of it. Many readers had besieged his office with howlers.

Sludge…” Harry Potter spoke quietly but with extreme contempt. “As my wife told you, we’d rather die. I have taken the same poison that she did. I’m holding it in my stomach in the same way. What’s more, I have better defenses than she did, so even while I am dying, I can prevent your staff from removing it…and there is no countering agent.” He smirked. Fudge was furious.

“Potter! You are a citizen of the British wizarding world. You are responsible to that world for its betterment!”

“That would be the British wizarding world that idolized me when it was convenient, and attacked me through your propaganda sheet, The Daily Prophet? The same wizarding world that tried to convince everyone I was a lunatic? The wizarding world where the inbreds rule with an iron fist? The wizarding world where graft, nepotism and corruption are so ingrained, that your society is actually based on them?”

Fudge hemmed a bit. “That is not the issue!”

“No, It is not. The issue here is the enslavement of ninety percent of the wizarding world so ten percent can have all their luxuries and petty privileges! So that that same ten percent can make all the laws, and yet be exempt from those they don’t like! So that ten percent can go on practicing bigotry unheard of in the muggle world, based entirely on bloodlines!” Harry paused.

“Let me tell you a few things, Sludge. That’s how you get a lunatic like Voldemort!”” Harry smirked as nearly the entire council shuddered. “He wanted to ‘cleanse’ the wizarding world of mudbloods and halfbloods, hypocritical, really. Nobody ever thought to check, but Tom Riddle was a half-blood. Like me. His father was a muggle, and yet, he convinced the pureblood bigots that he was the purest of the pure…and the stupid arseholes followed him…blindly. Makes you wonder if it’s already too late to save them.”

This garnered a loud protest from those of Voldemort’s minions who’d claimed Imperius.

Now, since you’ve already killed my wife, I’m ready to die. Oh by the bye, I’ve already gifted my entire estate to the Hogwarts fund for muggleborns.”

Looking up, he spoke his last words. “One last thing, Sludge, you can’t cover this up. Last week, before you murdered her, Hermione and I gave interviews to at least fifty other papers throughout the world…you’ll be getting a free copy of the Quibbler tomorrow morning. I made sure of that.” He released the shield around the capsule in his stomach. Almost instantly, he felt the poison begin to take effect. “I hope you weren’t too comfortable in your position…Minister.” Harry showed the minister two fingers, and fell to the floor as Hermione had only two days before.

Cornelius Fudge watched in horror, as the boy-who-lived, breathed his last, on the floor of his courtroom, before far too many witnesses to his, Fudge’s, stupidity. He hung his head as the entire Weasley family entered to take the boy’s body away. All of them glared murder at him, and for once in his avaricious life, Fudge believed they were right.


The public outrage over the deaths of the ‘magical couple’ as the papers had christened them, was intense. Many other mugglebornes and halfbloods threatened suicide, rather than marriage to a pureblood. Fudge had no idea how to deal with this kind of hysteria, so he did nothing. As a result, hundreds of witches and not a few wizards died that week and the next. There would be no recovery from this disaster.

Fudge raced to Dumbledore seeking absolution. Alas, Dumbledore’s long policy of second chances had worn thin.

“You created this problem, Cornelius. You took Lucius’ gold, and forced through a law that would benefit only his supporters. Is it any wonder you are in bad odor?”

Three weeks later, Cornelius Fudge was summoned to Buckingham Palace. There, the Queen ordered him to resign his commission. She turned to Amelia Bones and asked her to assume the position of Minister for Magic. Bones accepted and her first act was to begin the fight to repeal the marriage law.

A week afterward, Fudge was found by a gardener. He’d apparently hanged himself.
Lucius and his friends had alibis. All were at a social gathering…coincidentally, one that included only those ‘former’ Death Eaters.


A year later, after much violent debate, and over the angry and quite vocal resistance of the pureblood supremacists…the Malfoy’s being the loudest, the law was repealed. Malfoy immediately called for a vote of no confidence in Bones’ leadership, but, given her reputation of absolute incorruptibility, he received little comfort. Quite the contrary. When previously hidden details of his involvement with Voldemort, had been leaked to the press the next morning, and thence to the public at large, he and his bloc of ‘friends’ found themselves under a great deal of scrutiny.

On the day the law was repealed, Harry and Hermione Potter were eulogized publicly in gatherings of witches and wizards across Great Britain.

That very afternoon, Minister drafted a resolution to begin fresh investigations into the supposed innocence of those who’d claimed Imperius. That investigation would prove disastrous to those who’d supported Voldemort.

That evening, Albus Dumbledore descended into the Chamber of Secrets. He was accompanied by the entire Weasley clan, the surviving members of the Order, and Professors Minerva McGonagall, Filius Flitwick, Pomona Sprout, Poppy Pomfrey, Severus Snape, Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin.

The cavernous chamber was filled with crystal-covered sarcophagi. In each, lay the body of a young witch or wizard. House elves moved here and there, amongst the coffins.

Dumbledore led his entourage to the far end of the chamber, where the bodies of Harry and Hermione Potter lay in state, in a single larger coffin, hands joined in death as they were in life. They were carefully tended by their devoted house-elves Dobby and Winky.

The mages went to work. Severus opened a largish wooden box, filled with potions phials. He handed the phials one-by-one, to Poppy, who banished their contents directly into the Potter’s stomachs. Albus, Arthur, Minerva, Filius, and Molly waved their wands in complex patterns over the bodies, and chanted revitalizing and revivification spells. Everyone else, house elves included, joined hands in a large circle, and ‘gave of their own magic’. The area was filled with a golden luminescence bright enough to read by.

Harry opened his eyes first, followed a second later by Hermione. They both sat up with much assistance and Poppy forced strengthening solutions down their throats.

“Did it work?” Harry rasped, his voice unused for a year.

“Yes, Harry.” Dumbledore smiled. “It worked. The muggleborn marriage law, has been rescinded permanently. Under wizarding law, it cannot ever be reenacted…nor any like it.”

“Any casualties?” Hermione asked through a parched throat. Harry wrapped his arms around his beloved.

“None.” Dumbledore smiled.

Harry breathed a sigh of relief. Beside him, Hermione did the same, then leaned into him. This had been the weak point in the plan. Hermione had proposed this very public display of civil disobedience, in order to force the government to rescind the law. They knew there might be others who would follow in their footsteps. They didn’t want anyone to really kill themselves, so they’d asked Dumbledore to have the order set up an underground tracking web and contact all those mugglebornes and halfbloods who would be affected. They’d carefully explained their idea and arranged for care for those who were in danger. All the ‘suicides’ that had taken place in those two weeks, had been the same as his and Hermione’s, and now that the law had been repealed, the antidote could be given.

Snape spoke quietly. “I must say, Mister Potter. Your scheme was remarkably…Slytherin.”

Harry grinned at his old tormenter. “Believe it or not, you gave me the idea.” Since Harry had destroyed Voldemort, he and Snape had entered a kind of wary truce. Not really enemies, yet not particularly close either.

“How so?”

“Tell me Mister Potter…” Harry mimicked Snape’s nasal twang with frightening accuracy. “What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?”



Jane, not Jean. As someone, I believe it was either Robst or Seel’vor indicated; “Hermione Jane was the strong determined young woman who would challenge the universe, while Hermione Jean was the pathetic shadow of that girl, that JKR gave us in the final two books.
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