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Karkat: Send Memo
1 reviewMore trolls! LIKE A HUSS! Pale Romance! LIKE A HUSS! Memos! LIKE A HUSS! Karkat Swearing! LIKE A HUSS!
-1TrainWreck
TwinArmageddons (TA) started trolling CarcinoGeneticist (CG):
TA: Have you 2een ED around lately?
CG: REALLY, SOLLUX? FUCKING REALLY?
CG: I AM STUCK ON A FUCKING METEORITE WITH ELEVEN OTHER TROLLS,
CG: WHO, BY THE WAY, I CANNOT STAND,
CG: TRYING NOT TO LET THEM OUTRIGHT MURDER EACH OTHER IN WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE THE BIGGEST FUCK-ALL AUSPITICE SESSION KNOWN TO TROLLKIND.
CG: SO NEEDLESS TO SAY, I’VE BEEN PRETTY FUCKING BUSY.
CG: IF YOU WANT TO FIND YOUR PRECIOUS HIPSTER TROLL, I SUGGEST YOU GET OFF YOUR PUDGY ASS AND FIND HIM YOURSELF.
TA: II ju2t thiink he’2 up two 2omethiing.
CG: HE’S ALWAYS UP TO SOMETHING.
CG: IT’S PROBABLY SOMETHING STUPID.
TA: FF 2aiid 2he had2n’t glubbin 2een hiim for two day2.
CG: SO? HE’S PROBABLY OFF CHASING SOMEBODY LESS THREATENING THAN FEFERI.
CG: LIKE NEPETA.
TA: Or Terezii.
CG: NO!
CG: NOT TEREZI. TEREZI IS TOO TERRIFYING FOR THE LIKES OF HIPSTER MCASSFISH TO COMPREHEND.
TA: II’m 2o 2ure, KK.
CG: BITE ME, ASSHOLE!
TA: Beecause that’2 not caliignou2 at all.
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT? NO. I AM DONE TALKING WITH YOU. I WOULD SOONER BE IN A KISMESISSITUDE WITH FUCKING AMPORA.
TA: Har2h.
TwinArmageddons (TA) ceased Trolling CarcinoGeneticist (CG)
Exiting out of Sollux’s Trollian window, Karkat looked around at the eleven who were still there. The room was silent, save for the mashing of computer keys.
Sollux did have a point though. Eridan wasn’t there, but who cared? Fishdick’s quadrant hunting schtick was getting annoying.
Karkat turned back to his computer when it chimed again. What did-Karkat checked the screen name-Kanaya want from him now?
GrimAuxiliatrix (GA) Began Trolling CarcinoGeneticist (CG):
GA: Hello Karkat.
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT, KANAYA?
GA: Have You Checked The Human Timeline Recently?
CG: YES.
He hadn’t, but he made a point of checking it now. Okay, solid lines of color, bluh bluh bluh, spanning forward in a perfectly cannonical sense...
Karkat scrolled upwards, and his eyes widened.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?
GA: I’m Not Entirely Sure. It Worried Me, And I Thought I Should Notify You.
CG: SO I CAN DO WHAT? I CAN’T DO A DAMN THING, KANAYA.
CG: UUURGH.
CG: MESSAGE THE ROSE HUMAN, SEE IF SHE KNOWS ANYTHING.
GA: Alright, Then.
GrimAuxiliatrix (GA) ceased Trolling CarcinoGeneticist (CG)
Karkat rubbed his eyes. Perfect. Just fucking perfect. Of course this would happen while he was leader. Scrolling back to the timeline, Karkat looked at what happened.
The lines were running perfectly straight, then, all of a sudden, they all veered left, and kept going straight up.
What the hell? Something knocked whatever was cannon right off the fucking axis. It’s like the Homestuck cannon was the fighter in Rocky IV, and then the fucking Terminator just appearified out of gog damn nowhere and punched Cannon fighter in the face, killing it with a what-the-fuck-combo x4.
There was only one thing Karkat could do at this point.
New memo opened, called “Cannon on it’s knees.”
CG: ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP, ASSHOLES.
CG: IF THERE’S ANY SORT OF TEMPORAL TIME JUMPING SHENANIGANS, YOU ARE BANNED.
(Future GallowsCalibrator responded to “Cannon on it’s knees” in 06:00 hours)
FGC: TH4TS NOT V3RY N1C3, K4RKL3S.
(CG banned FGC from responding to memo.)
CG: I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT.
CG: IF ANY OF YOU HAVE LOOKED AT THE HUMAN’S TIME LINE, YOU’D SEE THAT SOMETHING’S HAPPENED TO JUST CREATE THE BIGGEST MINDFUCK ON THIS SIDE OF THE VEIL.
CG: CHANCES ARE THAT SOMETHING THAT HUGE WOULD AFFECT US, TOO. ALTHOUGH I HATE A LOT OF YOU, I HAVE NO DESIRE TO SEE MY ENTIRE RACE GO EXTINCT BECAUSE SOMEBODY WENT BACK IN TIME AND STEPPED ON A FUCKING LEAF CRAWLER.
CG: JUST KEEP WATCH FOR ANYTHING THAT COULD CAUSE THIS, AND, FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK, KEEP IT FROM HAPPENING.
(CarcinoGeneticist exited memo.)
Glancing around, Karkat noticed everybody going over it, then checking the human timeline. There were assorted gasps and whispers, which he ignored.
“Whoa! Karkat, Motherfucker, did you check the wicked memo?” Gamzee asked, ambling over and putting an arm around Karkat’s shoulders.
“Yes. Yes I did, Gamzee. I put up that memo,” Karkat said, trying hard to keep his voice level.
“You must be one observant motherfucker to motherfucking catch something like that!” Gamzee said loudly, putting all his weight on Karkat.
“Oof! Gamzee...off! You’re knocking me off balance!” Karkat complained, trying to shove Gamzee off his shoulders.
“What? You’re a fine motherfucking troll bro, you don’t need no balance. You just gotta...move, y’know? Move, with the colors of the wind, bro,” Gamzee sighed.
“GAMZEE GOG DAMN IT I MEAN IT!”
Everybody turned now to watch Karkat and Gamzee fight, half-interested.
“God, they’re tho pale for each other,” Sollux lisped, rolling his eyes.
Eridan’s empty chair went unnoticed.
TA: Have you 2een ED around lately?
CG: REALLY, SOLLUX? FUCKING REALLY?
CG: I AM STUCK ON A FUCKING METEORITE WITH ELEVEN OTHER TROLLS,
CG: WHO, BY THE WAY, I CANNOT STAND,
CG: TRYING NOT TO LET THEM OUTRIGHT MURDER EACH OTHER IN WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE THE BIGGEST FUCK-ALL AUSPITICE SESSION KNOWN TO TROLLKIND.
CG: SO NEEDLESS TO SAY, I’VE BEEN PRETTY FUCKING BUSY.
CG: IF YOU WANT TO FIND YOUR PRECIOUS HIPSTER TROLL, I SUGGEST YOU GET OFF YOUR PUDGY ASS AND FIND HIM YOURSELF.
TA: II ju2t thiink he’2 up two 2omethiing.
CG: HE’S ALWAYS UP TO SOMETHING.
CG: IT’S PROBABLY SOMETHING STUPID.
TA: FF 2aiid 2he had2n’t glubbin 2een hiim for two day2.
CG: SO? HE’S PROBABLY OFF CHASING SOMEBODY LESS THREATENING THAN FEFERI.
CG: LIKE NEPETA.
TA: Or Terezii.
CG: NO!
CG: NOT TEREZI. TEREZI IS TOO TERRIFYING FOR THE LIKES OF HIPSTER MCASSFISH TO COMPREHEND.
TA: II’m 2o 2ure, KK.
CG: BITE ME, ASSHOLE!
TA: Beecause that’2 not caliignou2 at all.
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT? NO. I AM DONE TALKING WITH YOU. I WOULD SOONER BE IN A KISMESISSITUDE WITH FUCKING AMPORA.
TA: Har2h.
TwinArmageddons (TA) ceased Trolling CarcinoGeneticist (CG)
Exiting out of Sollux’s Trollian window, Karkat looked around at the eleven who were still there. The room was silent, save for the mashing of computer keys.
Sollux did have a point though. Eridan wasn’t there, but who cared? Fishdick’s quadrant hunting schtick was getting annoying.
Karkat turned back to his computer when it chimed again. What did-Karkat checked the screen name-Kanaya want from him now?
GrimAuxiliatrix (GA) Began Trolling CarcinoGeneticist (CG):
GA: Hello Karkat.
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT, KANAYA?
GA: Have You Checked The Human Timeline Recently?
CG: YES.
He hadn’t, but he made a point of checking it now. Okay, solid lines of color, bluh bluh bluh, spanning forward in a perfectly cannonical sense...
Karkat scrolled upwards, and his eyes widened.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?
GA: I’m Not Entirely Sure. It Worried Me, And I Thought I Should Notify You.
CG: SO I CAN DO WHAT? I CAN’T DO A DAMN THING, KANAYA.
CG: UUURGH.
CG: MESSAGE THE ROSE HUMAN, SEE IF SHE KNOWS ANYTHING.
GA: Alright, Then.
GrimAuxiliatrix (GA) ceased Trolling CarcinoGeneticist (CG)
Karkat rubbed his eyes. Perfect. Just fucking perfect. Of course this would happen while he was leader. Scrolling back to the timeline, Karkat looked at what happened.
The lines were running perfectly straight, then, all of a sudden, they all veered left, and kept going straight up.
What the hell? Something knocked whatever was cannon right off the fucking axis. It’s like the Homestuck cannon was the fighter in Rocky IV, and then the fucking Terminator just appearified out of gog damn nowhere and punched Cannon fighter in the face, killing it with a what-the-fuck-combo x4.
There was only one thing Karkat could do at this point.
New memo opened, called “Cannon on it’s knees.”
CG: ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP, ASSHOLES.
CG: IF THERE’S ANY SORT OF TEMPORAL TIME JUMPING SHENANIGANS, YOU ARE BANNED.
(Future GallowsCalibrator responded to “Cannon on it’s knees” in 06:00 hours)
FGC: TH4TS NOT V3RY N1C3, K4RKL3S.
(CG banned FGC from responding to memo.)
CG: I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT.
CG: IF ANY OF YOU HAVE LOOKED AT THE HUMAN’S TIME LINE, YOU’D SEE THAT SOMETHING’S HAPPENED TO JUST CREATE THE BIGGEST MINDFUCK ON THIS SIDE OF THE VEIL.
CG: CHANCES ARE THAT SOMETHING THAT HUGE WOULD AFFECT US, TOO. ALTHOUGH I HATE A LOT OF YOU, I HAVE NO DESIRE TO SEE MY ENTIRE RACE GO EXTINCT BECAUSE SOMEBODY WENT BACK IN TIME AND STEPPED ON A FUCKING LEAF CRAWLER.
CG: JUST KEEP WATCH FOR ANYTHING THAT COULD CAUSE THIS, AND, FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK, KEEP IT FROM HAPPENING.
(CarcinoGeneticist exited memo.)
Glancing around, Karkat noticed everybody going over it, then checking the human timeline. There were assorted gasps and whispers, which he ignored.
“Whoa! Karkat, Motherfucker, did you check the wicked memo?” Gamzee asked, ambling over and putting an arm around Karkat’s shoulders.
“Yes. Yes I did, Gamzee. I put up that memo,” Karkat said, trying hard to keep his voice level.
“You must be one observant motherfucker to motherfucking catch something like that!” Gamzee said loudly, putting all his weight on Karkat.
“Oof! Gamzee...off! You’re knocking me off balance!” Karkat complained, trying to shove Gamzee off his shoulders.
“What? You’re a fine motherfucking troll bro, you don’t need no balance. You just gotta...move, y’know? Move, with the colors of the wind, bro,” Gamzee sighed.
“GAMZEE GOG DAMN IT I MEAN IT!”
Everybody turned now to watch Karkat and Gamzee fight, half-interested.
“God, they’re tho pale for each other,” Sollux lisped, rolling his eyes.
Eridan’s empty chair went unnoticed.
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