FicWad

Deep in the heart of the meteor, Eridan worked on setting up his new-and hopefully, final-machine. He’d been using the beams from Ahab’s Crosshairs to weld things together, but it was still going slowly.
“It’s okay, Harry! I’ll get to meet you! Be you! Wwe’ll be best friends, Harry! Evverything wwill be fine, Harry Landwwellin’ Potter!” Eridan spoke to empty air as he calibrated the Decimibrator.

“Okay...there’re just a few fins to iron out....” Eridan panted, wiping sweat from his forehead. He’d recently fallen into the bad habit of talking to himself.
Looking at his contraption, Eridan grabbed a piece of paper off the floor. It contained blueprints, along with other details he worried about.
“Okay, that’s there, the other thing’s there, and I should just but the Decimibrator there!” Eridan concluded, smacking the paper with the back of his hand.

Rolling the Decimibrator to the middle of the new machine, Eridan aimed Ahab’s Crosshairs and shot at the joints, melting them together.

It was finally ready.

“Here goes evveryfin,” Eridan muttered, standing next to the switch. His slick grey fingers clamped around the lever, and with a deep breath, he yanked it forward.

The machine emitted a deep humming straight away, followed by a crackling of electricity.
“C’mon, C’mon....” Eridan whispered, putting his rifle back into his sylladex.
The Decimibrator fired, the Laser Ray of Death went off, and both beams collided, tearing their way into the middle of the machine.
The floor under Eridan’s feet cracked, splitting tiles.

“Oh, Cod!” Eridan shouted, quickly stepping onto a larger piece of tile.
Looking up, he noticed that a rift had been created, a rift about the size of a filing cabinet, but still! It was something!

Did it work? He had to test it on something! No, Someone!
But who? Who could possibly be stupid enough to just willingly step into one of his machines?

A quick hunt around the meteor had given him his answer. He had found Gamzee exploring the bottom chambers of the meteorite, and had convinced him to go along with him.

“Yo, Eridan, did you dig that wicked motherfuckin’ memo that my bro Karkat sent out?”
“No, I didn’t, Gam.”
“There’s, like, this motherfuckin’ timeline shit that’s gotten real. We’re all in trouble, or some motherfuckin shit, yo,” Gamzee said, stopping to look at the cave wall.

“Come on, Gam! Er, I found somefin quite...miraculous, and I wwas wwonderin’ if you wwanted to, er, check it out?” Eridan asked, not quite sure what he was saying. “You found a motherfuckin’ miracle on this here space rock? Honk! I just cannot believe it! I gotta go get my bro Karkat, he’d love-”
“No!” Eridan shouted, cutting Gamzee off.

“Why not?” Gamzee asked, looking confused.
“Wwell, er, I’m not sure if it’s, um, up to miracle standards and all!” Eridan responded, hoping Gamzee would be high enough to fall for it.
He was.

“Alright, bro! Whatever you motherfucking say!” Gamzee agreed, walking unsteadily off down the corridor.
“That’s right. Do wwhatevver I say,” Eridan whispered, uncaptchalogging Ahab’s Crosshairs.

“Whoa! Eridan, bro! Did you up and see this shit?” Gamzee called, staring at Eridan’s machine.
“Let’s get closer, Gam,” Eridan said, pushing Gamzee forward. Gamzee moved forward at a glacial pace, transfixed by the shimmering lights the Rift was giving off.
“It’s a miracle, bro. Look at them lights...it’s so beautiful...”
Eridan felt his temper pulse. Why did Gam have to walk so slowly?

“Gam, can you keep movin’?” Eridan asked, trying to be polite.
“But bro! Look at all them motherfucking colors!” Gamzee protested, pointing at the ceiling.
“Aw, bro, I know it’s been motherfucking hard for you. You just need to slam a wicked elixir and chill, yo!” Gamzee said, turning. His smile didn’t falter when he saw Eridan holding the rifle.
“What’s up?” he asked.

Eridan snapped.
“Keep movvin’ backwwards, Gam! I’ll tell you wwhen to stop!” Eridan shouted.
“Hey, bro, calm down,” Gamzee said nervously, backing away from Eridan.

“Don’t tell me to ‘calm dowwn’, Gam! I am calm!” Eridan snarled, advancing.
“Bro, you’ve got this crazy motherfucking look in your motherfucking eyes, man, it’s harshing my buzz. Wanna a faygo or some shit?” Gamzee asked, heels hitting the rim of Eridan’s new machine.
“No! I don’t! Keep movvin backwwards!” Eridan shrieked. Spit had formed in the corners of his mouth, his gills were flapping sporadically, and his violet eyes were bugging out of their sockets.

Gamzee carefully edged away from the shorter fish troll, trying to keep away from Eridan and the Rift at the same time. Balancing, however, was never his strong point.

Teetering back and forth, Gamzee pinwheeled his arms in circles, trying to keep from falling back into the Rift.
Eridan rolled his eyes.

“Just go, already!” Eridan shouted, planting Ahab’s crosshairs on Gamzee’s shoulders and shoved him back. It wasn’t a particularly hard shove, but Gamzee stumbled back, trying to keep his balance. Tripping on his shoes, Gamzee fell back, swallowed up by the white light of the Rift.

“Oh, wwell,” Eridan said, shrugging, not caring about where Gamzee ended up.
Captchalogging Ahab’s Crosshairs again, Eridan thought about what his next move should be.
He’d need a stronger weapon soon, definitely, but how long until he could get one? Or until Kar noticed Gam was gone?
All the same, it was too late. Victory was so close, he could practically taste it. It tasted like...cool mint.
“And it wwill be the most satisfyin’ cool mint evver tasted,” Eridan said, grinning maliciously.

( A.N. I done been trolled. It's not that bad, but I just haven't mixed the fandoms yet. One does not simply mix the fandoms. I have to work up to it. But all the same, thanks for giving me a chance!)