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Dear Gerard,

Unlike you, I normally write my replies while I'm still in English class. We were too busy today, though, so the teacher told us to do it as homework. That's what I'm doing now, and that's why all of the letters sent to your English class will be a little late. Irresponsible teachers.

My aunt and uncle are downstairs, so I'm hiding in my room until they leave. I'm not in the mood to put up with them again today (they just came over last weekend!) They're completely the grandparent stereotype, pinching your cheeks and exclaiming about how tall you've gotten.

Might lose my lunch in front of them- and not only because they make me sick, but because I've been feeling sort of sick already. When I stand up the room tips a little as if I'm wasted, and my stomach is currently turning somersaults. Just so you know. I feel like shit and that's not good because I've got two reports to turn in tomorrow. I don't want to get any points taken off or anything.

Regards,

Anthony

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Dear Anthony,

I can't believe you're disappointed that you're sick. I'd be perfectly happy if it meant staying home from school. What the hell about the two reports? So you might get a few points taken off, big deal. I don't even turn mine in and you don't see me going to pieces over it.

About your aunt and uncle: I vote you go downstairs and totally start retching in front of them. That would be freaking hilarious. Do that for me, will you? And tell me what their reactions are?

Sincerely,

Gerard

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Dear Gerard,

No, I will not go downstairs and retch in front of my aunt and uncle because for one thing, they're already gone, and for another, I couldn't leave the room if I wanted to. I'm completely dead.

And just because you don't care about your grades, doesn't mean other people don't. Those reports happen to be very important. I would like to pass the eleventh grade.

There's a girl here, downstairs talking to my mom. Her name's Evelyn Drowny; maybe you've seen her? Blond hair, blue eyes, pink skirts and designer tops? She brought me my homework, along with your letter, and she says she'll do it every day if I want. I told her that would be great, so I'll give her this letter with the rest of my homework to turn in for me so I'll stay caught up, even though I feel like hell.

Actually, I think she has a major crush on me. Ugh. Why else would she go to all this trouble and act so nice about it? I really can't stand her but I want to get my work turned in, so I'll go along for awhile.

Regards,

Anthony

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Dear Anthony,

Surprised to get your letter after you said you were sick at home, but now that I've read it I understand. I mean, I understand how you got it to me; I don't understand your reasoning. What is the point of being sick if you're just going to do homework the whole time? I wish I knew where you lived so I could go over there and give a you a good shake to clear your poor, unwell head.

You're not supposed to do homework while you're sick. Teachers don't expect you to do homework while you're sick. Not doing homework is one of the advantages of being sick; seize the opportunity while you have it. Please.

Yes, I know who Evelyn Drowny is. I see her around school sometimes, flirting with any hot guy she can get her perfectly manicured claws into.

Come to think of it, I think she flirted with me once, before she found out I was gay. That sure got rid of her when someone told her. Now she just ignores me, or casts me these really disgusted glances when we pass in the halls. I'd almost forgotten about her. The bitch. Don't let her get you, Anthony. She's an evil, stuck-up, homophobic demon from hell.

Sincerely,

Gerard

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Dear Gerard,

Pay attention when you read. I already told you that I can't stand Evelyn. I'm not sick enough to fall for someone like her.

But I still feel horrible, and I don't feel like writing. I've got so much homework to do.

I know what you're thinking, pal. Sorry, but I'm doing that homework. And I will get it in on time. Call it a bad habit if you want. Or maybe just tell yourself that this illness has affected my brain. I need to get started now.

Write back soon.

Regards,

Anthony

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Hey, here's today's chapter. More on Friday, hopefully. 

-Sam

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