(#) FrankAIero 2012-07-29Okay. I'm not trying to be mean. But this needs to be said. Please don't hate me, it's just my opinion and my take on the story.
The idea itself it's pretty good. You have a lot of spelling mistakes that I graciously look over. Your grammar is not the best. You seem to know what your writing style is and that's a great start.
I think this could be good, but it needs a lot of work. This story does need a ton of work. I'd suggest getting one getting a beta. It's a lot of help and makes things less stressful. Your story would improve tons.
Hopefully I'm not coming across as a hater. I'm just trying to help and offering some -hopefully- helpful criticism.
Just keep working and writing and it will progressively get better. You have a lot of potiential and I think if you take criticism and think it over and let it help you, you'll go far. I do really like this story regardless of the mistakes.
Capitalization fails make me cry.
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