Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Here Comes Trouble AKA: The Internet
Muggle Net, Potter Puppet Pals
1 reviewSo the misadventure continues and they've discovered :dramatic pause: Muggle Net and Potter Puppet Pals, hence the chapter title :)
2Funny
A/N: I quoted Potter Puppet Pals 1 and cut and pasted the 103 Ways to Annoy Voldy (neither mine by the way and I think my disclaimer covered this) to use in my story. This was done w/o permission from the either owners. So if you're the real owner of either of these, I hope you don't mind. The only thing I added to the list was the HP peoples' comments.
Chapter 4
Muggle Net, Potter Puppet Pals?
"Potter Puppet Pals?" Hermione muttered under her breath. By the time she was done watching the clips, well if she hasn't already question the sanity of muggles, now she is! "Oh my god! Guys, I think you better see this!"
"What is it Hermione?" Harry asked. Once everyone gathered around the laptop, she hit play.
_____________________________________________
Background music Potter Puppet Pal present, Bothering Snape.
_____________________________________________
Snape raised an eyebrow at this, 'Something tells me I'm not going to like this one bit.'
__________________________________________
Puppet versions of Harry and Ron appeared on the screen. "Hi I'm, Harry Potter."
"And I'm Ron," the puppet version of Ron said in his high-pitched voice.
"Lets go bother Snape."
"Righto."
___________________________________________
"Righto?" Ron said confusedly.
Sirius started laughing, "Now this is going to be good, right Remus!"
__________________________________________
Snape's puppet appeared on the screen "I am Snape the potions master."
"Ready? Lets go bother him."
____________________________________________
"This is going to be good," Sirius said excitedly. He and the twins looked like Christmas has come early and decided to invite all the other holidays with it.
"Oh, shut it, Black!"
_________________________________________
The puppets started going after Snape saying together, "Bother, bother, bother.'
"Get off!" the Snape puppet said until he fell down.
"That was fun," Ron said.
"I like the part where he stops moving."
____________________________________________
Everyone with the exception of Snape exploded into laughter. Even Dumbledore gave a chuckle or two. The Weasley twins and Sirius fell out their chairs laughing. Minerva was storing this memory away for blackmail later, thinking along the lines of; I have to show this to the rest of the staff! Snape was mumbling some unpleasant things, that for the sake of this rating shouldn't be mentioned.
______________________________________________
"Let's do it again," the Ron puppet said.
They went over to Snape saying "Bother, bother, bother."
"Oh no. Stop it, stop it, Stop it! Avada Kedervera!" green light appeared and the Harry and Ron puppets went down. "Oh dear."
_______________________________________________
The laughter stopped.
__________________________________________
"Hello Severus," Albus Dumbledore puppet appeared.
"I-I can explain, sir."
"What's this? It looks like young Harry and Ron are taking an afternoon nap." Snape went away. "Lets see what they have in their pockets," he started digging in their pockets. "Ah, invisibility cloak and a dung bomb this is my lucky day! Now where's Severus? More importantly where the hell am I?" Dumbledore disappeared and came back naked. "Naked time!" The naked Dumbledore puppet dance until the, The End Sign came up.
______________________________________________
Everyone was shocked. "Well, that was unexpected," Remus said. Hermione caught a glimpse of surprise in Dumbledore's eyes before it disappeared. She clicked out of Bothering Snape, and clicked on Potter Puppet Pals 2: Trouble at Hogwarts. By the time they were done watching that clip, Harry and Ron's seats were shifted away from each other. The trio shuddered at the thought of hugging their greasy potions teacher.
"I think I'm going to need to take a shower after this," Ron said.
"Believe me Weasley the feeling is mutual."
Echoing Dumbledore's thoughts, Mrs. Weasley said wincingly, "Why do these muggles have interest in seeing you naked?" (A/N: Naked Dumbledore . . . Scary thoughts.) Hermione could've sworn she heard Dumbledore muttered, "So do I."
It wasn't long until she found Mugglenet. "I found another website you might want to see."
"What's this?" They started exploring the website, and they all started laughing when they saw 101 Ways to Annoy Voldemort. (A/N: This list is too funny to leave out!) Soon they were bursting into laughter:
______________________________________________
1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?' (Harry snorted at that, 'I beg differ')
2. Laugh at him.
3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'
4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.
5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.
6. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows. ("Yep, that'll do it," Snape said.)
7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.
8. Dance the Funky Chicken.
9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.
10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.
11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.
12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night. ("That Death Eater must really want to die the most painful way possible," Snape said. Though everyone in the room was laughing too hard to hear him.)
13. Call him 'The-Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Live.'
14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'
15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.
16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.
17. Be cheerful.
18. When he tries to impress you with his powers, say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'
19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.
20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'
21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'
22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? What's that - a washing detergent?' (The (well, mostly) muggle borns who were familiar with Voldemort's real identity snorted at this.
23. Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.
24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. poof there poof gone poof there... ('If that person even lasts that long,' Snape thought to himself.)
26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?
27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.
28. 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?'
29. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices. (A roar of laughter erupted at this.)
30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.
31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.
32. Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, O Dark One' whenever he starts to talk of what caused him to become who he is.
33. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'
34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.
35. Mock his choice of Quirrell as a 'host.' ("Why did he pick such a pansy for a host anyway?" Harry asked.)
36. Tell you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways.' ("Cure him of his wicked ways? Yeah right, that'll be the day," Mad-eye Moody muttered sarcastically.)
37. Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.
38. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions, 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you thought you were helping! (Again, (mostly) muggleborns snorted at this.)
39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.
40. Buy him a stress ball. ("He really does need one really badly," Hermione said.)
41. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.
42. Call him Tommy-boy.
43. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo. (Everyone was in fits of laughter, well except Snape, who bristled at this.)
44. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.
45. Say he 'looked better under the turban.' ("Yeah, I can definitely vouch for that!" Harry said between fits of laughter.
"Don't we all," Mad-eye said.)
46. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.
47. Endeavour to teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.
48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.
49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.
50. 'Imperio' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful.'
51. Shower him with confetti and rice, anytime you think he needs to make a 'grand entry.'
52. Paint all the Death Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.
53. Throw him a 'Carebears'-themed birthday party. ("Carebears? What's that?" Ron asked. Hermione. She logged on to the Carebears website. As soon as everyone saw that, they were rolling on the floor with laughter, even Snape gave a chuckle. She went back to Mugglenet and they continued reading.)
54. Tell him what Snape's really up to. (Snape looked nervous at that.)
55. Politely exclaim now and again that you don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles. (Dumbledore looked amused, and once again laughter ranged through the room.)
56. Sing 'California Dreamin' at the top of your lungs when he's trying to have an 'evil moment.'
57. Should you ever be eating with him - drum tunes with your cutlery, play with your food and blow bubbles in your chocolate milk.
58. Ask him to dance a polka with you.
59. Work cutesy phrases like 'pushing-up-daisies' and 'smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom' into conversation as much as possible.
60. Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?' ("Boy, is that the understatement of the century!" Mad-eye muttered.)
61. Get him to play 'Twister' with you.
62. Tell him you know this great therapist in London.... ("It would take more then that to cure him!" Harry commented.)
63. Throw Tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.
64. Tell him you've met plently of people more evil than he.
65. Hide his teddy bear. That ALWAYS makes him cry. ("Teddy bear? OK I don't think I'm afraid of him anymore!" Ron blurted out. While everyone continued laughing.)
66. Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.
67. Steal, snap and bury his wand. ("Whoever does that should be given the Order of Merlin," Mad-eye said.)
68. Tell him Lucius did it.
69. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details. ("That would save us a lot of time," Mad-eye once again said)
70. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.
71. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.
72. Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause.' ("I wish someone would," Ron said to Harry.)
73. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling.'
74. Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son. (Harry stopped laughing and shouted, "OH MY GOD! This can't be true first Snape now Voldemort! It's official, I'm now scarred for life!" Ron didn't say anything but patted Harry on the back.)
75. When he's done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do you really think Salazar would have approved of that?'
76. Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of 'that sweet, innocent, cute little boy.' ("Yeah, how could he," Molly said.)
77. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him. ("That butt kissing traitor, I wouldn't be surprised," Sirius's voice was full of venom.)
78. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
79. Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy.'
80. Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Emphasis on Riddle. (The trio snorted at that.)
81. Do not EVER act in the slightest way intimidated by him. Treat him as you would an eccentric acquaintance.
82. Cuddle him at random moments.
83. Sign him up for Little-League.
84. Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies. ("Anyone else still intimidated by him, I'm not anymore," Random Order Member Number One asked.)
85. Throw biscuits at him. Constantly.
86. Tell him you think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girlie.'
87. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world.
88. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter or Dumbledore.
89. Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice.
90. Mimic everything he does with exaggerated limb-movements.
91. Write sonnets for him.
92. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.
93. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant. ("That person would be making a world a cleaner place," Mad-eye Moody said with great wisdom in his voice.)
94. Tell people he's 'really just a big softie.'
95. Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildy depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak.' (Everyone snorted at that.)
96. Mock his baldness.
97. Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (Ie: another of his attempted 'evil moments')
98. Get him drunk.
99. Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revels and start playing 'Kumbayah.'
100. Let him catch you trying on Death Eater robes.
101. Be Harry Potter. Be alive. ("Another thing I could vouch for," Harry said.)
102. As he's plotting dark deeds, pretend to cough and mutter things like 'Not gonna work, or 'stupid.'
103. Call him 'Champ' or 'Tiger.' Refer to yourself as 'Coach.'
____________________________________________
Everyone was rolling on the floor with laughter, meanwhile everyone's favorite Dark Lord was shouting, "CURSE YOU!" He turned towards Lucius, Crabbe, and Goyle. "Don't get any ideas! If you mentioned this to anyone, I'll make you wish you were never born!" Voldy glared at the computer, 'If I ever get my hands on the idiot who wrote this, that muggle will pay!'
Back at Order HQ, order was regained among the Order and everyone got over their laughing fits, "Lets check out Mugglenet fan fiction." When she clicked on one of the stories, by the time they were done reading it, Harry, Hermione, and Ginny were wishing the ground would swallow them up. Hermione quickly realized she shouldn't have clicked on that story. Hermione and Ginny scooted their seats as far away from each other as they could. (A/N: if you checked the last chapter you know which story I picked.) "No offence you guys, but you aren't my type. I have my heart set for someone else," everyone could tell Hermione was trying to keep as much resentment out of her voice as she could.
"I can't believe this twit would write something like this! My sister is too young for romance! I won't allow it!" as soon as Ron said that, all heck broke loose.
"Excuse me, but since when do I need your permission to go on dates. I believe that I'm old enough to judge for myself who I want to go out with," said Ginny spitefully. If looks could kill, Ron would be dead a million times over.
"OK children calm down," Molly said detecting a fight about to happen. They didn't hear her.
"I'm only trying to protect you."
"I can take care of myself you know! I don't need you to protect me!" Ginny stood up as she said that.
"That's enough!" Molly said getting into her warning voice. They didn't hear her.
"Well fine, but if anything -"
"I SAID THAT IS ENOUGH!" Molly shouted, immediately they both shut up.
"I think that is enough for now. Meeting adjourned," when Dumbledore said that everyone started leaving. The trio, Ginny, and the twins quickly went to their rooms. They didn't want to wait around for the angry Molly Weasley to tell them to go to their rooms; but they won't be sleeping, they'll be discussing the evils of the Harry Potter fansites and how the evil fans themselves know about them!
Okay another chappy done, hope ya'll enjoyed this so far, now hit the review button. Come on, you know you want to comment on this puppy dog look.
Next up, your favorite Dark Lord's opinion on the fan fictions!
Chapter 4
Muggle Net, Potter Puppet Pals?
"Potter Puppet Pals?" Hermione muttered under her breath. By the time she was done watching the clips, well if she hasn't already question the sanity of muggles, now she is! "Oh my god! Guys, I think you better see this!"
"What is it Hermione?" Harry asked. Once everyone gathered around the laptop, she hit play.
_____________________________________________
Background music Potter Puppet Pal present, Bothering Snape.
_____________________________________________
Snape raised an eyebrow at this, 'Something tells me I'm not going to like this one bit.'
__________________________________________
Puppet versions of Harry and Ron appeared on the screen. "Hi I'm, Harry Potter."
"And I'm Ron," the puppet version of Ron said in his high-pitched voice.
"Lets go bother Snape."
"Righto."
___________________________________________
"Righto?" Ron said confusedly.
Sirius started laughing, "Now this is going to be good, right Remus!"
__________________________________________
Snape's puppet appeared on the screen "I am Snape the potions master."
"Ready? Lets go bother him."
____________________________________________
"This is going to be good," Sirius said excitedly. He and the twins looked like Christmas has come early and decided to invite all the other holidays with it.
"Oh, shut it, Black!"
_________________________________________
The puppets started going after Snape saying together, "Bother, bother, bother.'
"Get off!" the Snape puppet said until he fell down.
"That was fun," Ron said.
"I like the part where he stops moving."
____________________________________________
Everyone with the exception of Snape exploded into laughter. Even Dumbledore gave a chuckle or two. The Weasley twins and Sirius fell out their chairs laughing. Minerva was storing this memory away for blackmail later, thinking along the lines of; I have to show this to the rest of the staff! Snape was mumbling some unpleasant things, that for the sake of this rating shouldn't be mentioned.
______________________________________________
"Let's do it again," the Ron puppet said.
They went over to Snape saying "Bother, bother, bother."
"Oh no. Stop it, stop it, Stop it! Avada Kedervera!" green light appeared and the Harry and Ron puppets went down. "Oh dear."
_______________________________________________
The laughter stopped.
__________________________________________
"Hello Severus," Albus Dumbledore puppet appeared.
"I-I can explain, sir."
"What's this? It looks like young Harry and Ron are taking an afternoon nap." Snape went away. "Lets see what they have in their pockets," he started digging in their pockets. "Ah, invisibility cloak and a dung bomb this is my lucky day! Now where's Severus? More importantly where the hell am I?" Dumbledore disappeared and came back naked. "Naked time!" The naked Dumbledore puppet dance until the, The End Sign came up.
______________________________________________
Everyone was shocked. "Well, that was unexpected," Remus said. Hermione caught a glimpse of surprise in Dumbledore's eyes before it disappeared. She clicked out of Bothering Snape, and clicked on Potter Puppet Pals 2: Trouble at Hogwarts. By the time they were done watching that clip, Harry and Ron's seats were shifted away from each other. The trio shuddered at the thought of hugging their greasy potions teacher.
"I think I'm going to need to take a shower after this," Ron said.
"Believe me Weasley the feeling is mutual."
Echoing Dumbledore's thoughts, Mrs. Weasley said wincingly, "Why do these muggles have interest in seeing you naked?" (A/N: Naked Dumbledore . . . Scary thoughts.) Hermione could've sworn she heard Dumbledore muttered, "So do I."
It wasn't long until she found Mugglenet. "I found another website you might want to see."
"What's this?" They started exploring the website, and they all started laughing when they saw 101 Ways to Annoy Voldemort. (A/N: This list is too funny to leave out!) Soon they were bursting into laughter:
______________________________________________
1. Ask him why he 'doesn't have such a cool scar?' (Harry snorted at that, 'I beg differ')
2. Laugh at him.
3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys songs in his ear. 'Round, round, get around, I get around...'
4. Knit him things. Really hideous things.
5. Give him kangaroo-ears for a month.
6. Smile during Death Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows. ("Yep, that'll do it," Snape said.)
7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response will be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a mess.
8. Dance the Funky Chicken.
9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.
10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.
11. If you ever need to say 'Like taking candy from a baby', be sure to add 'Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others.' Stare pointedly at him.
12. Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night. ("That Death Eater must really want to die the most painful way possible," Snape said. Though everyone in the room was laughing too hard to hear him.)
13. Call him 'The-Man-Who-Let-the-Boy-Live.'
14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something 'more socially acceptable?'
15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.
16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.
17. Be cheerful.
18. When he tries to impress you with his powers, say 'Awwwww, lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!'
19. Try to teach him to play a mouth organ.
20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like 'You're the boss, boss' or 'It's your funeral.'
21. Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'
22. Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? What's that - a washing detergent?' (The (well, mostly) muggle borns who were familiar with Voldemort's real identity snorted at this.
23. Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.
24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. poof there poof gone poof there... ('If that person even lasts that long,' Snape thought to himself.)
26. Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?
27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.
28. 'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?'
29. Get a pair of finger puppets closely resembling himself and Harry Potter. Re-enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish way. Be sure to give them both squeaky voices. (A roar of laughter erupted at this.)
30. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.
31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.
32. Exclaim sarcastically 'You're breakin' my little heart here, O Dark One' whenever he starts to talk of what caused him to become who he is.
33. Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'
34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.
35. Mock his choice of Quirrell as a 'host.' ("Why did he pick such a pansy for a host anyway?" Harry asked.)
36. Tell you think a yoga class could 'cure him of his wicked ways.' ("Cure him of his wicked ways? Yeah right, that'll be the day," Mad-eye Moody muttered sarcastically.)
37. Get the song 'Mr. Tambourine Man' stuck in his head.
38. If he's having evil-plotter's-block in one of his scheming sessions, 'Wingardium Leviosa' a light bulb to float above his head. Turn it on. Look offended when he gets angry and say you thought you were helping! (Again, (mostly) muggleborns snorted at this.)
39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.
40. Buy him a stress ball. ("He really does need one really badly," Hermione said.)
41. Hint that he is only a character in a book and will never triumph.
42. Call him Tommy-boy.
43. If you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo. (Everyone was in fits of laughter, well except Snape, who bristled at this.)
44. Whack him in the arm and say 'mosquito' - every few minutes.
45. Say he 'looked better under the turban.' ("Yeah, I can definitely vouch for that!" Harry said between fits of laughter.
"Don't we all," Mad-eye said.)
46. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.
47. Endeavour to teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.
48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.
49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.
50. 'Imperio' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful.'
51. Shower him with confetti and rice, anytime you think he needs to make a 'grand entry.'
52. Paint all the Death Eater masks with bright colours and glitter.
53. Throw him a 'Carebears'-themed birthday party. ("Carebears? What's that?" Ron asked. Hermione. She logged on to the Carebears website. As soon as everyone saw that, they were rolling on the floor with laughter, even Snape gave a chuckle. She went back to Mugglenet and they continued reading.)
54. Tell him what Snape's really up to. (Snape looked nervous at that.)
55. Politely exclaim now and again that you don't know how he can be so afraid of dear old Dumbles. (Dumbledore looked amused, and once again laughter ranged through the room.)
56. Sing 'California Dreamin' at the top of your lungs when he's trying to have an 'evil moment.'
57. Should you ever be eating with him - drum tunes with your cutlery, play with your food and blow bubbles in your chocolate milk.
58. Ask him to dance a polka with you.
59. Work cutesy phrases like 'pushing-up-daisies' and 'smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom' into conversation as much as possible.
60. Ask him if he's sure 'the whole evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge thing isn't getting a bit old?' ("Boy, is that the understatement of the century!" Mad-eye muttered.)
61. Get him to play 'Twister' with you.
62. Tell him you know this great therapist in London.... ("It would take more then that to cure him!" Harry commented.)
63. Throw Tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.
64. Tell him you've met plently of people more evil than he.
65. Hide his teddy bear. That ALWAYS makes him cry. ("Teddy bear? OK I don't think I'm afraid of him anymore!" Ron blurted out. While everyone continued laughing.)
66. Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.
67. Steal, snap and bury his wand. ("Whoever does that should be given the Order of Merlin," Mad-eye said.)
68. Tell him Lucius did it.
69. Give Rita Skeeter full knowledge of his whereabouts and contact details. ("That would save us a lot of time," Mad-eye once again said)
70. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.
71. Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.
72. Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause.' ("I wish someone would," Ron said to Harry.)
73. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling.'
74. Make vague allusions to Harry Potter being his son. (Harry stopped laughing and shouted, "OH MY GOD! This can't be true first Snape now Voldemort! It's official, I'm now scarred for life!" Ron didn't say anything but patted Harry on the back.)
75. When he's done something particularly nasty - cross your arms, waggle a finger and say 'Now now, do you really think Salazar would have approved of that?'
76. Ask him how he can possibly wish to harm a single hair on the head of 'that sweet, innocent, cute little boy.' ("Yeah, how could he," Molly said.)
77. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him. ("That butt kissing traitor, I wouldn't be surprised," Sirius's voice was full of venom.)
78. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
79. Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy.'
80. Begin any question you ask him with 'Riddle me this!' Emphasis on Riddle. (The trio snorted at that.)
81. Do not EVER act in the slightest way intimidated by him. Treat him as you would an eccentric acquaintance.
82. Cuddle him at random moments.
83. Sign him up for Little-League.
84. Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies. ("Anyone else still intimidated by him, I'm not anymore," Random Order Member Number One asked.)
85. Throw biscuits at him. Constantly.
86. Tell him you think evil master plans of world domination are 'kind of girlie.'
87. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world.
88. Wonder aloud whether the name Voldemort commands as much respect as, say, Potter or Dumbledore.
89. Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice.
90. Mimic everything he does with exaggerated limb-movements.
91. Write sonnets for him.
92. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.
93. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant. ("That person would be making a world a cleaner place," Mad-eye Moody said with great wisdom in his voice.)
94. Tell people he's 'really just a big softie.'
95. Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildy depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak.' (Everyone snorted at that.)
96. Mock his baldness.
97. Smile and say loudly 'Who loves you, Volders?' at inopportune moments. (Ie: another of his attempted 'evil moments')
98. Get him drunk.
99. Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revels and start playing 'Kumbayah.'
100. Let him catch you trying on Death Eater robes.
101. Be Harry Potter. Be alive. ("Another thing I could vouch for," Harry said.)
102. As he's plotting dark deeds, pretend to cough and mutter things like 'Not gonna work, or 'stupid.'
103. Call him 'Champ' or 'Tiger.' Refer to yourself as 'Coach.'
____________________________________________
Everyone was rolling on the floor with laughter, meanwhile everyone's favorite Dark Lord was shouting, "CURSE YOU!" He turned towards Lucius, Crabbe, and Goyle. "Don't get any ideas! If you mentioned this to anyone, I'll make you wish you were never born!" Voldy glared at the computer, 'If I ever get my hands on the idiot who wrote this, that muggle will pay!'
Back at Order HQ, order was regained among the Order and everyone got over their laughing fits, "Lets check out Mugglenet fan fiction." When she clicked on one of the stories, by the time they were done reading it, Harry, Hermione, and Ginny were wishing the ground would swallow them up. Hermione quickly realized she shouldn't have clicked on that story. Hermione and Ginny scooted their seats as far away from each other as they could. (A/N: if you checked the last chapter you know which story I picked.) "No offence you guys, but you aren't my type. I have my heart set for someone else," everyone could tell Hermione was trying to keep as much resentment out of her voice as she could.
"I can't believe this twit would write something like this! My sister is too young for romance! I won't allow it!" as soon as Ron said that, all heck broke loose.
"Excuse me, but since when do I need your permission to go on dates. I believe that I'm old enough to judge for myself who I want to go out with," said Ginny spitefully. If looks could kill, Ron would be dead a million times over.
"OK children calm down," Molly said detecting a fight about to happen. They didn't hear her.
"I'm only trying to protect you."
"I can take care of myself you know! I don't need you to protect me!" Ginny stood up as she said that.
"That's enough!" Molly said getting into her warning voice. They didn't hear her.
"Well fine, but if anything -"
"I SAID THAT IS ENOUGH!" Molly shouted, immediately they both shut up.
"I think that is enough for now. Meeting adjourned," when Dumbledore said that everyone started leaving. The trio, Ginny, and the twins quickly went to their rooms. They didn't want to wait around for the angry Molly Weasley to tell them to go to their rooms; but they won't be sleeping, they'll be discussing the evils of the Harry Potter fansites and how the evil fans themselves know about them!
Okay another chappy done, hope ya'll enjoyed this so far, now hit the review button. Come on, you know you want to comment on this puppy dog look.
Next up, your favorite Dark Lord's opinion on the fan fictions!
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