FicWad

Gerard POV

‘Why have you been drinking Gerard? We’ve been through this…’ Mikey spoke calmly, trying to sustain his anger.

‘I haven’t Mikey I s-swear! I’m fine I don’t w-want to touch the stuff!’ I rushed, panicking.

‘I can fucking smell it on your breath Gerard why are you lying to me?’ The volume of his voice was rising, my plan was slipping away.

I seized his shirt collar and pulled him close to me roughly, hissing in his ear.

‘Look Mikey, lets talk about this later, we need to help Frankie’.

I loosened my grip on Mikey’s neck and glared directly into his eyes, and then he reluctantly nodded.

‘Fine. Mom’s gone to work so we can sort Frankie out until she gets back. You try to sort him out and I’ll ring Mom and ask if he can stay for a little.’

Frustrated I hurried over to Frankie, not knowing what to do. I wasn’t to sure whether to let him sleep or wake him up; the only thing I definitely knew was this:

I’m going to save this boy’s life.

He is breath taking, everything about him. I can’t pin point what it is, there is just something special about him. I feel like I can connect with him. It seems like we both feel like there is an ‘us’ against the world mentality, as if we are trying to fight demons which aren’t actually there, we just like the danger.

I could hear Mikey on the phone to Mom in the dining room, she doesn’t know that he has been beaten up, just that he’s having family problems and he needs to be around his friends for a bit.

I wonder where his family is, I didn’t see his Mom there, maybe they divorced like my parents had…maybe that’s the key to his Dad’s problem. I need to figure this out.

Frankie started mumbling in his sleep, I couldn’t understand what he was saying but he was beginning to freak out a bit and wailing his arms above his head, curling into a tight ball. I think he’s having a nightmare.

Mikey came back into the lounge and informed me that Frankie was allowed to stay as long as he wanted, which is a positive. I didn’t really know what to say too him, I was too drunk. Normally I would be shouting and threatening him at this point but I told him I haven’t been drinking, so I had to act like I wasn’t, even though he was thoroughly annoying me.

I was at on the floor staring at the flickering lamp in the corner of the room, until my trail of thought was interrupted my Mikey smirking then walking out the room. He then swiftly came back with 3 bottles of vodka, 2 bottles of wine and a bottle of gin…why has he got that?

Wait…that’s my motherfucking alcohol!

‘M-Mikey what are you d-doing with those?’ I stuttered uncertainly.

‘Well assuming you’re clean like you said you were there’s no need to have those in the house anymore, so I’m going to chuck them’. He smiled, then began walking confidently back to the kitchen.

‘Mikey what the fuck give them back they’re mine!’ I screamed. He was really starting to push the wrong buttons.

‘No Gerard that’s it.’

Jumping up I staggered over quickly to the kitchen, tripping over my own feet. I managed to clasp Mikey’s leg and tripped him up too, causing him to bang his head viciously on the counter, dropping the gin, the venom smashing everywhere.

‘Now look what you’ve done you prick!’ I cried out, ignoring the gash matting my brother’s hair.

‘I refuse to let you fuck me and Mom around again Gee. Since you’ve been so fucking selfish our lives have been a misery, all we do is look after to you, and all we get in return is hatred, you’re supposed to be looking after me! I’m the fucking younger brother!’ Mikey was getting hysterical now, and I’ve never seen him this angry.

This is why I should be dead. I can’t help myself. He’s right, but I’m too arrogant and up my own ass to admit it.

Mikey POV

My head was stinging and I was trying to sustain my anger, I knew damn well Gerard has been drinking and I couldn’t let him fuck Mama around anymore.

‘Time to take your fucking pill.’ I simply stated, my voice trembling slightly.

Then the weirdest thing happened. Gerard got up without saying a word, walked over to the medicine cabinet, took out his pills and took two, then trudged out, totally silent.

I was speechless. I was still on the floor, clutching my head. Where was the fight?

Maybe he has changed…

Several fast knocks echoed through the house suddenly, making me jump. Then I heard the voice which plagues my nightmares.

‘Hey babe, haven’t seen you in a while.’

Levi. What the fuck is he doing here?

‘Oh…Hey. I’m kind of busy you se-‘

‘Shut the fuck up Gerard.’ Levi snapped.

Biting my lip I stood up uneasily and went towards the lounge, where a dumbstruck Levi was staring at the beaten boy sleeping on the couch. This is not going to end well.

‘Oi Mikey, who’s the little boy?’ He questioned bitterly, grinding his teeth.

‘He’s a friend Levi. Why are you here?’ I bit back, trying to ignore my nerves.

‘To see my bitch why the fuck do you think I am?’ He laughed, slapping Gerard’s ass, making me cringe.

Levi turned towards Gerard and titled his head, then frantically pulled him close to him, kissing him hard, his grubby hands all over him. In Gee’s intoxicated state he just took it, his amber eyes wild.

‘Come on babe, there’s a party round Marks, free alcohol.’ He teased, running a finger up his chest and stroking his flustered cheek.

‘I c-can’t I’m busy…’ Gerard nervously glanced to Frankie then me, and Levi madly looked at Frankie.

‘Is that…is that the boy who was fucking feeling you up Gerard?’ He exclaimed, a disgusted expression harbouring his face.

Gerard whimpered and looked down, running his hand through his hair. Levi contorted and grabbed a handful of Gee’s hair, pulling him over to the couch.

‘You see that? That is the reason why I fucking hate you Gerard, worthless piece of shit.’ Levi spat, followed by ruthless punch to the face, causing Gee’s nose to bleed and his fragile frame to collapse to the floor.

‘Levi. Get the fuck out.’ I hollowed, my shaking hand pointing to the door.

Levi evilly laughed at Gerard sprawled on the floor, cursed and swaggered out, my heart thumping hard against my chest.

‘W-where am I?’ A small croaky voice asked unnerved. ‘G-Gee, why are you on the floor?’ He questioned, confused.

Unexpectedly Gerard rose from the ground and viciously threw a lamp across the room, screaming between shaken sobs.

‘Gee calm down…’ I begged, slowly approaching him.

‘Fuck off fuck off fuck off fuck off FUCK OFF’. He whispered then screeched; several strands of hair sticking to his pasty skin, his hands on his head. Staggering, he stumbled out the lounge and a deafening bang of his door shook the houses’ skeleton.

Frankie looked as shocked and as hopeless as me.


Gerard POV

Slamming my door shut behind me I ran over to my desk, wildly pushing all my paints and sketches to the floor. Breathing heavily and unable to contain my frustration I rummaged in my draw until my shaking hand made contact with an old friend.

Pulling up my sleeve desperately I discarded my wristband to the floor, and pressed the familiar cool metal to my wrist, digging he tip of the metal under my skin, then quickly running it across my skin. I was mesmerized and slightly relieved when specks of crimson started to appear, then drip down my arm, the blood soaking up in every gap in my hand.

I could hear voices in my head, screaming at me, telling me I’m worthless, and telling me to hurt myself. I tried squeezing my eyes shut and concentrating but they still wouldn’t stop, I tried shouting at the top of my lungs but it didn’t drown them out. It made them louder. I was terrified.

I went from screaming with anger then sobbing with self pity. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was fucking disgusting. The voices are right. My hopeless black hair which messily framed my chubby face, ugly dim slits for eyes, clothes which looked too tight and skin which would put the moon to shame…

I cowered in the darkest corner of the room, my face buried in my hands, my whole body trembling. I pressed the razor to my wrist again, my view blurry from the tears staining my face. The voices wouldn’t stop.

I started to bang my head on the wall to make the voices stop. It wasn’t fucking working nothing was fucking working and I was panicking and I didn’t want to go on. I could hear the clock ticking, the hands workings with mechanical efficiency, driving me insane.

My head was spinning vigorously and my eyes couldn’t focus on anything. My arms gave way and I fell with a hard thud to the ground, then everything went black.

It was peaceful

I woke up half an hour later, my head aching and my wrists stinging. My breathing was returning back to normal and my head felt like I had cleared all the toxins out, my wrist looked like a mess but I didn’t care. Tears were threatening to make an appearance again so I roughly pulled back down my sleeve and wiped my eyes with it.

I was feeling nauseous and grotesque, so I concluded that I should run a bath to calm down a bit. I shuffled to my bathroom and started to run the water, the steam making my skin sticky. I poured a large amount of bubble bath in and lit several candles as on a previous drunken episode I had broken my light. I preferred candle light anyway, it’s much more traditional and melodic.

I felt bad for Frankie, I’ve totally abandoned him. He needs his friends and I’ve fucked off too sort myself out…I’m a terrible fucking person.

Sighing I walked back to my bedroom and collected a stray towel, my sketch pad, a pencil, my iPod and a bottle of wine. I turned the tap off, and stripped, then carefully slipped into the hot water, the bubbles ticking my skin.

My wrist was hurting a hell of a lot under the soapy water, so I used that hand to turn my music on and draw. I stated sketching a huge crystal moon in a dark blue sky, dotted with a few stars. Thick dark clouds inhabited the skies and I started drawing a skeletal, rotting tree with leafless branches, sprawling across the landscape. Then on one of the main branches I draw two ropes attached to the necks of two young boys, hanging limply from the tree and swaying slightly in the breeze.

It’s not nice to be tortured constantly by your own mind.

Setting my sketchpad aside I unscrewed the cap to the red wine I had, and started taking huge gulps. It tasted so sweet, so good. You can’t have too much of a good thing surely?

My eyes started to flicker and close, resulting in me resting my head on the back of the bath. My mind started going black and I reluctantly dropped the wine on the floor. Empty.

What if we’re are already dead, and this is a place to be punished?

Frankie POV

Mikey explained to me I was staying for a while with him, so I wrapped my arms around his arms and lifted him up slightly, squeezing his slender waist. He will never understand how much this means to me.

‘Thank you Mikey.’ I said softly, loosening the hug and pushing him away after at arms length.

Mikey smiled and dropped his head slightly, his gelled hair shining in the dim light.

‘I better go clear up the mess in the kitchen; do you think you could check on Gerard for me?’ He asked tired, purple bags deep under his eyes.

I patted him on the back and began to walk towards the basement stairs. I was slightly scared I suppose, I didn’t want him to be mean to me again like last time…

I knocked on the door awaiting a ruff voice to tell me to fuck off. Instead, it was silent as ever, which was weird considering Mikey and I just had to endure 20 minutes of constant muffled screaming.

My hands were getting sweaty and my heart started to beat uncomfortably faster. Reaching, I turned the door knob, licking my dried split lips.

The room was completely empty. Paints and paper were scattered on the floor where the desk was, and although it was pitch black I could sense Gee wasn’t in here. The small window on the wall was slightly open, and the night’s breeze moved the blind, the tiniest ray of the moons beam developing on the dark carpet.
Something glistened dimly.

Raising my eyebrow I walked towards to the glistening object then bent down to expect it.

A razor blade.

My eye’s widening I panicked and shot towards his bathroom, a visible flickering light seeping under the door. Breathing heavily I fumbled with the handle but the door was locked. My panic was causing me to hyperventilate as I screamed Gerard’s name whilst slamming my fists on the door helplessly.

No one was answering and I knew he was in there, I could just tell. A deep red substance appeared from under the door, not a massive puddle, but a thin line seeping through the crevasses of the tiled floor behind the door. It was blood.

My head was fuzzy and I couldn’t concentrate, I kept banging my fists to the door but it did nothing and I needed to get in fast. The staircase to the basement creaked as footsteps ran towards the door. Mikey looked at me confused, as horror flickered across his face as he saw my vacant distant eyes, our faces crumbling in fear.

Mikey tried to open the door but it was impossible, so he hurtled towards it shoulder first and made a definite impact as one the hinges popped off. Our hands scrambled and tugged the frame of the door and we haphazardly crawled into the bathroom, still crying Gerard’s name.

The first thing I saw was the shattered wine bottle on the floor, small specks of the metallic alcohol splattered on a grubby white towel. Another shade of red could be seen, this time it was thicker, and darker. I followed the trail with my hazy eyes and the liquid began to thin as it became patchy on pale skin.

Gerard’s pale skin.

Gasping involuntarily I fell to my knees and crawled over to the hand resting limply on the side. A deep black gash and puckered purple skin shadowed Gee’s wrists. Mikey flung himself over to me and screamed as he realized Gerard’s head was fully under the soapy pink water. His arms wrapped under Gerard’s white arms and forcefully pulled him from the cold water, his skeletal frame landing on the floor in a straggled mess. Clutching the towel I tightened it around Gee’s waist and pulled him up so his limp head was resting on my chest.

He wasn’t breathing.

Horror veiled my face as I jumped on top of Gerard and wiped the sodden black strands of hair out of his face with shaking hands, his mouth slightly open. Mikey was beside me, crying and holding his brothers hand, his other hand resting on the inside of Gee’s other wrist, checking for a pulse.

Between sobs I settled my mouth over his, and blew a gush of warm air into his mouth, my hands trembling as they attempted to continue to push strands of hair out of his face. I tried a second time, and I started to cry uncontrollably, my hands pushing on his chest in a synchronized rhythm. His ribs jutted out alarmingly and I mentally punished myself for not noticing how thin he was.

Jolting my head towards Mikey, and whimpered slightly whilst feeling nauseous as Mikey’s hand were covered in his brothers own blood. Hesitating I enveloped my mouth over Gee’s again and cursed at myself, my fists clenching as I slammed them to the wet floor, the air uncomfortably humid.

Gerard’s wild amber eyes shot open, blood shot to fuck and spat up water, spluttering and coughing. Mikey dropped his wrist and cradled his older brother, kissing his forehead gently as Gee’s eyes blinked heavily and started to close, his head limply resting on his brothers shaking torso, mumbling quietly about the wine.

Wiping my eyes with the back of blood stained hand I nuzzled my horrified face into Mikey’s neck, both of us gasping and trembling. I closed my restless eyes and breathed in Mikey’s familiar scent, the warmth of his bare skin soothing me. An arm slid across my shoulder and I could feel fingertips gently drawing circles on my collarbones.

Our breathing returned back to normal. I didn’t want to move away from Mikey, I felt safe around him. I felt comfortable.

Although Mikey and I were entwined together our eyes didn’t leave Gerard. It was a lot to take in. Both arms were embedded with pale brown scars or puckered purple ones, the new gash revealing the inside of his wrist. His cheekbones were just deep hallows, especially as they were shadowed by the dim light coming from the candles, the bony structure of his face empathizing the deep bags under his eyes. His collarbones, ribs and hips pushed through his lily white skin, so much that I didn’t even want to touch them just in case he fell apart right there and then. I could visibly see his heart pulsing through his chest, the papery skin dilating as his heart did the heaviness of his heat making me drowsy.

He was such a beautiful tragedy.

‘We should put him in bed Frankie.’ Mikey whispered calmly in my ear, disrupting the peaceful silence.

Reluctantly I picked up the light frame which is Gee, and carried him weakly to his bed. I pulled the duvet up to his neck and sat next to him, stroking his forehead. His skin felt irresistibly smooth, his raven black hair soft but messy. Shaking my head slowly I pressed my lips firmly to his, and then gently rubbed my nose on his small button one.

Shaking, I went back to the bathroom, the room pitch black as all the candles had melted into nothingness, the flickering light creating shadows in every corner. Mikey was still on the floor, clutching his knees to his chest, swaying slightly. He seemed distant and unemotional.

I didn’t want to disturb him.

I emptied the bath water, shuddering at the faint red water from Gee’s blood, and ran a flannel under the sink tap, mopping up the stray blood. Nibbling my lip, I started to pick up the glass from the smashed bottle, the glass sharply cold. My trail of thought was interrupted by a sudden warm sensation on my hand. I looked up sadly and saw Mikey, smiling slightly at me, his eye’s lost.

‘Thank you.’ He managed to squeak. He shyly kissed my cheek, his lips feeling hot but soft. He blinked a few times and blushed, and began to help me in silence.

After finishing up in the bathroom I excused myself and went outside into the cool night breeze, I sat on a crooked wall in the Way’s garden, mesmerized by the bright silvery speckled stars dotted around the glowing moon. The garden was still, but seemed magical as the messy bushes casting shadows upon the grass, stretching to the other side.

Chewing on my lip ring I pulled out a cigeratte and fiddled with my lighter, embers twirling in the black air, the orange and red astonishingly vibrant. Shivering slightly, I took a drag and blew the smoke up into the night sky, the whirls of smoke dancing with the embers and ash.

A small figure perched delicately next to be, shuffling their feet. I sleepily offered Mikey a drag of my cigeratte and he gingerly rested the filter between his fingers and took back a tiny burn, before coughing excessively from the harsh chemicals and falling of backwards onto the soft grass behind the wall.

I couldn’t help but break out into a fit of giggles, my girly laugh breaking the deathly silence. All of a sudden two spiny hands grabbed my waist and pulled me off the wall too, my body landing next to Mikey’s squirming body.

‘Mikey! You little motherfu-‘ I straddled Mikey and started busily tickling his chest and neck, his body having a spasm on the floor, his arms wailing uncontrollably and his legs kicking, a fierce laugh escaping his mouth, his smile huge.

‘N-no NOOO Fra-Frankie ST-STOP IT!’

He screamed between fits of laughter, until he flipped me on my back and pinned my arms to the cold ground, panting.

His eye’s looked wild, and it reminded me of Gerard. Closing my eyes slowly I reached my hand up to his face and stoked his jawbone, the back of my hand feeling the softness and warmth of his face, panting, Gee’s face smiling at me in my mind.

Flickering my eyes open, Mikey was staring at me, his head to the side, and he calmly leant down, his lips kissing mine lightly, his hands moving from mine to my face.

All I could think about was Gerard.

Without meaning too I deepened the kiss, and his hands clutched desperately onto my hair, pulling slightly, desperation becoming apparent. I moved my mouth in sync to his, out teeth clinking occasionally, our tongues dancing around each others mouths, not caring about dominance, just caring about the melodic rhythm our mouths moving.

A small moan escaped from his mouth, as I tugged at his bottom lip with my teeth, then hungrily pressed my lips to his again, my tongue deepening the kiss and making it desperate more than passionate.

But this wasn’t Gerard. This was Mikey.

I need to stop this.