FicWad

Thankyou for the reviews guys, glad you're still reading :3 New chapter, sorry if it's a bit crap I'm really ill and can't really think :') Enjoy!



Mikey POV

I can’t believe this. I’m kissing Frank Iero.

I’m not gay…it just happened. It felt right. I need someone to be close to me right now. Too much shit has happened tonight and I don’t know how to feel or act and I’m so confused but he’s so beautiful and vulnerable…

He must like me surely; otherwise he wouldn’t be kissing me back like this.

‘Mikey? Frank? Are you out here? The door’s wide open!’ Asked a familiar voice.

Shit Mom’s back!

Panting, Frank praised my scrambling hands out of his hair and I squirmed from off the top of him. Rubbing my eyes and returning my glasses to the proper position perched on my nose. I stood up, brushing grass of my back. Bemused, Mom was leaning against the door frame, eyebrows raised and a silent question pondering on her lips.

‘Mikey, why are you on the ground? It’s freezing.’

Frank then decided to pop up madly from the floor, cursing under his breath as he tried to fiddle with his belt to hoop it back through his jeans, which proved difficult in the brisk November air.

‘OOOH. Well at least someone was keeping you warm then.’ Mom sarcastically stated, then walked off towards the kitchen.

Bewildered and very embarrassed, I glanced nervously at Frank then squinted into the night sky, wishing this didn’t just happen.

‘Well that’s that then.’ Frank snapped suddenly, and began to shuffle to the door, head down.

‘What do you mean Frankie? Hey Frankie!’ I perplexed, stunned over Frank’s sudden mood change.

My hands clutched to the hood of his jacket, and he swung around, and urgently glared at my face with guilty eyes.

What is his problem?

Frank didn’t say a word. He simply shook of my grip off and bit his lip.

‘I can’t do this Mikey. Not tonight...’

He was just using me…he was just diverting our attention off Gerard and led me on... Emotional pain surged through my body, my face winced. I felt so stupid.

Resisting the urge to burst into tears I stalked off inside.

‘Mikey, where’s Gerard?’ Mom questioned me, apprehensive.

‘He’s not feeling too well.’ I replied, clearly troubled.

‘Okay honey, you have school tomorrow, I suggest you go to sleep, Frankie’s sharing your room for a bit, he’s already gone up.’

My Mom pulled me in and hugged me tightly, affectionately kissing the top of my head.

I felt sick to my stomach.

Frankie’s going to soon forget about this, and me. He shouldn’t worry though.

I’m used to it.

Frank POV

I felt awful for snapping at Mikey. The look on his face was heart shattering, I didn’t want to hurt him, and I didn’t mean to mislead him.

He just reminded me of Gerard.

I sat on Mikey’s bedroom floor, transfixed by the ceiling. No particular reason, it was just the simplest thing I’ve seen for a while.

My restless eye’s flickered towards the door, which was slowly opening, making the posters rustle from the man made draft.

Standing up, I watched Mikey silently walk into the bedroom, eyes not reaching mine. He sat on the edge of the bed, continuing to look down, sniffing now and then. Fidgeting with his thumbs, he made them circle each other slowly, and then started nibbling his nail. He then rested his hands on his lap again, and his distressed face met my gaze.

Concerned, I sat with him, still in silence, and my sweaty trembling hand squeezed his, the warmth of my touch seemed to sooth him.

‘You know sometimes, you just need a good cry, even if you don’t know the reason why you’re crying. It’s okay to do that Mikey.’ I spoke softly.

Licking his lips, he timidly rested his head on my shoulder, trying to stifle a sob.

‘I’m really sorry Mikes. I was dick… Let’s just forget about it hey?’ I whispered into his ear, my hot breath making him visibly anxious.

‘I just want Gee to be okay.’ He choked, almost inaudible.

We sat there in the dark and total silence for a while, just holding each other.

Swallowing, Mikey sat up, stretching his legs out in front of him.

‘We should go sleep Frankie…we have school tomorrow.’

I nodded, and crawled into his bed, facing the wall. I felt the bed groan slightly under Mikey’s weight, as he lay down next to me, breathing heavily. My ears pricked up as I heard another sniffle, and the sound of muffled crying. Turing around under the duvet I wrapped my arms around Mikey’s waist, and pulled him close to me, his hair tickling my cheeks.

‘It’s going to be okay Mikey, trust me.’

My hand moved towards Mikey’s face and I wiped the tears from his eyes, and cooed in his ears. I started whispering to him about music and school and all the random bullshit I could find, hopefully distracting him.

It hurt to see him so damaged.

His heart slowed down and his breathing deepened, his grip on my hands weakening. I stayed hugging him, enjoying the comfort.

My eyes started to close, and it didn’t take long to fall asleep.

All I could dream about was Gerard.

Gerard POV

Long spiny shadows covered the room, stretching and reaching towards my curled up frame in the corner. The voices started to torment me, each venomous word piercing my wrists, the blood dripping slowly. I felt unhinged and unsafe, the afflicting voices screaming insults, crucifying every hope I had left. Weeping, I covered my ears with my scarlet hands, howling for them to leave me alone. The voices were displeased about the reaction, the shadows started to grab hold of my legs and arms. I started to scream. I kicked, squirmed, shouted, cried but nothing made them stop they wouldn’t fucking stop. I felt like I was drowning, the air was ice cold and bitter, and it gnawed at my body, the voices in my head screeching hysterically.

‘Why are you doing this?’ I whispered weakly, my throat closing up.

Because.
Because you’re fat.
Because you’re worthless.
Because you say you’ll help and then you don’t.
Because everyone leaves.
Because it’s the only way to cope.
Because it’s the only way to save you.
Because no one loves you.
Because everyone will forget you.
Because you deserve to die.

BECAUSE THIS NIGHTMARE IS REAL.

I woke up in a cold sweat, bawling and breathing unstably. My hair was drenched and stuck too my face, my eyes full of pure fear. I spluttered uneasily, wiping my blurry eyes. I reached out to my bedside lamp, flicking the switch on. My eyes flickered around my surroundings, my panic subsiding as I realised no one was here.

I threw my head back down on my sodden pillow, my throat restricting how much oxygen I was taking in. Coughing to clear my airways, my vision returned back to almost normal, but my head was throbbing badly and my wrist was burning.

Shaking my head I grabbed a crumpled back of cigarettes and found a suitable candidate, and read the italics over and over.

‘But does anyone notice? But does anyone care?’

This should suffice.

Weirdly enough, I was having a sudden epiphany built on fear and distress. If anyone cares enough to stop me from killing myself I’ll stop.

I lit the fag and took in a burn, the harshness making my throat sting.

What am I even thinking? The voices told me. No one can save me. No one cares. I’m just trying to get out of this. I need to die, it’s the only way.

I glance at my phone to check the time. 3:00am.

For fuck sake. I have school later…

Stretching, I flung the duvet off me and began to walk towards the door, realising I was naked.

Right…I really need to get my memory sorted out.

I awkwardly got into my skeleton baby grow and realised it was very loose fitting.

Maybe I am loosing some weight.

Pushing my thoughts aside I began to walk up the stairs to the kitchen to grab some coffee. It was very unlikely I was going back too sleep tonight.

I flicked on the kettle and rested my face in my hands on the counter, listening to the water boil. I got up and began to put coffee in my Wonder Women mug and then heard harsh tapping on the lounge window.

Pushing my fringe out of my eyes I gingerly walked to the window, and pulled back the curtain slightly, peering out. I was met with another set of eyes staring at me.

Levi.

For fucks sake…

Rubbing my forehead and frowning, I tip-toed to the front door, unlocked it and stepped outside, my face freezing up.

‘Its fucking 3:15am in the morning Levi!’ I hissed annoyed.

Levi staggered slightly then lent in, his hot breath on my lips, stinking of beer.

‘Now n-now baby, what’s up? Let’s talk a w-walk.’ He stuttered seductively. Fiercely grabbing my wrist and forcing me to go down the driveway with him.

There was no point in fighting.

New Jersey isn’t the best place to be at in the early hours of the morning,especially with an abusive drunk boyfriend and when you're dressed in a skeleton baby grow.

Levi heavily snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me unreasonably close, still walking.

Where to? Who knows, this man is spontaneous.

But the only person who has ever loved me.

For once he was silent, just mumbling occasionally when he tripped over his own feet or chuckled when he started to feel me up.

He abruptly halted and quickly turned on the spot to face me, his head tilted, a coy smile playing on his face.

What the hell was he up too?

I heard footsteps up ahead, and being in Jersey I instinctively started panicking and thinking this isn't the time to die.

That was my job anyway.

Four figures appeared faint in the distance. They appear to be men, all very tall, all very bulky.

All very sinister.

‘Levi we should go…’ I started, trying to tug him away. But he was paralyzed to the spot, yet still smiling.

Utterly bemused my eyes adjusted the darkness slightly as I could see the ripples and contours of the four men.

They were all dressed in matching black coats with loose fitting blue and black jeans, a couple of them scuffed at the knee. Their shoes seemed bulky, like the ones you see people wear in the maintenance industry. All of them appeared to look like ordinary men. Until I saw something I didn’t like at all.

Guns.

Horror veiled my face and I attempted to make a run, but one of the four men tackled me to the ground, my face scraping against the floor. Levi contorted in laughter and flipped me on my back with his foot, and knelt down next to me, his breath visible in the cold air.

One of the men passed Levi a gun, and started to trace his finger along the edge, then slowly moved it to the side of my head, raising an eyebrow. The end of it bit my cheeks, the icy metal sending shivers down my spine and hairs to stand on end.

I was stuck.

‘Listen carefully babe. If I see you anywhere near that broken little Frankie boy again, I’ll get my friends to visit you again, and then you can explain to the gun what was going through your fucked up little head. Okay sweetheart?’ He laughed, and then a chorus of manly chuckles backed him up.

He does love me.

I nodded terrified, keeping back the tears. I could feel blood trickling down my face. Levi chucked the gun to his neighbouring ‘friend’ and stood up, stumbling. He lit a cigeratte and pepped ash on my cowering body on the road, continuing to smile. Levi reached his hand out with a stern face and I accepted it, shaking uncontrollably.

‘Go home Gerard. I left a couple of bottles of vodka n-next to your car by the way. Enjoy!’ He waved sarcastically, slapping my ass as I shuffled past the men quickly.

I turned a corner and ran as fats I could to my house, tears whiplashing my face. Eyes wild I staggered to my car, and grasped the glass bottles containing the sweet poison. Crying hysterically I fell through the front door, trying to muffle my sobs with my hand. Glancing at the clock it was 4:00am now.

I wanted my bed.

I tripped up several times on the way down to my bedroom, and flung my door open. I ran over to my bed and buried my face in my pillow, tears forming quickly in my aching eyes and hovered for a moment before they fell wetly onto my pillow. Scrambling up I hugged myself in the corner next to the wall on my bed, hoping to get some sort of comfort out of it. My body gently rocked back and forth, my bloody cheeks stained with the endless stream of tears from my glossy, distressed eyes, enduring the emotional pain that continued to engulf me.

I stayed like that for the rest of the early morning, wishing they had killed me.