FicWad

Mikey POV

It was the early morning after Gerard had gotten rushed to hospital, and I was currently slumped in an uncomfortable blue plastic chair in the waiting room at 5:30am in the morning. I’m not normally the one for early mornings, but I struggled to fall asleep, so much has happened.

It’s as if this isn’t real. You read all these stories about the struggle and abuse people go through in their lives, and you never even imagine that you’d be involved in it, especially as a teenager. I mean come one, you’re a closet bi-sexual with a suicidal bulimic older brother who tries to drink himself to death. I felt so lost.

Then Frank came along.

This gorgeous sweet caring young boy with this secret abusive life he is too ashamed to talk about. We hit it off perfectly, and I quickly fell for him. I thought he fell for me too. Until Gerard came and fucking ruined it…

I feel bad for thinking like that. I shouldn’t, but I just can’t help it. I’ve spent my whole life looking after Gerard, I think I deserve a break, but I never fucking get one. I’m so exhausted.

My hands started to grip the slippery plastic arms tighter as I screwed up my face in both disgust and sorrow. I hate feeling negatively towards my brother, I love him, and he doesn’t deserve to go through all this pain and rejection.

‘Honey, be a sweetheart and grab us some coffee.’ My Mom asked softly, smiling weakly at me.

She looked so tired. Her lovely blonde hair looked limp and lifeless, and she had dark circles underlining her hazy eyes. Nodding and smiling back equally as weak, I dragged myself to the café and popped some money in the coffee machine.

Putting my earphones in my ear I started tapping to Anthrax and tapping the side of the machine, muttering the lyrics to myself.

‘Madhouse, I love that song, it’s one of my favourites.’ A small voice commented.

Swirling round alarmed and slightly embarrassed I widened my eyes at the beauty of the girl in front of me. She was slightly smaller than me, with huge bright blue eyes, with long dark eyelashes and perfectly plucked eyebrows which framed them beautifully. Soft black wavy hair cupped her heart shaped face; the ends died an array of colours which ended at her waist.

She looked quite pale, almost sickly, but she had the cutest freckles on her cheeks, and a small, plump pink lips with smiled at me shyly, white teeth gleaming.

Stammering, I looked down at my feet and ran a hand through my hair, anxious that someone this beautiful was even talking to me.

I heard light footsteps towards me, and the ruffle of cardboard cups as she shakily tried to obtain one, with no success. Her tremors were awful to say the least, her hand was literally looking like it was being shaken by an unknown force, and my heart panged sadly at the sight.

Exhaling calmly I took one cup out for her and handed it to her reddening face, her beautiful blue orbs glancing up at me. Whispering the sweetest thank you she filled her cup with coffee and stirred some sugar in with it, before slightly smiling at me and walking off, her hospital gown huge and swamping her frame.

‘Mikey!’ I squeaked desperately, before biting my lip and silently cursing.

‘Huh?’ She questioned, her eyebrow raised in confusion, but smiling that perfect smile again.

‘M-my names M-Mikey, Mikey W-Way?’ I stuttered unsurely, almost portraying my outburst as a question.

‘Delilah Thomas, lovely to meet you.’ She giggled, tilting her head slightly.

A beautiful name to a flawless face.

I attempted not to be awkward and seized the two cups of coffee and then rushed towards her, tripping over my own feet a tad and dramatically flicking my hair out of my eyes.

‘Smooth.’ Delilah chuckled, winking at me.

Oh God.

‘So what brings you here?’ She asked politely, her big eyes gazing up at me.

‘’My brother…he…he was kind of beaten up…’ I hesitated, trying not to break too much of barrier and leave myself vulnerable.

‘Oh I’m so sorry to hear that Mikey.’ She frowned, hugging me lightly around the waist with one thin arm.

‘Do you mind me asking what happened?’ She asked softly, trying not to push me.

‘His boyfriends Dad came round and started to beat him up, plus he’s sort of…bulimic…and suicidal…and an alcoholic.’ I rushed, my words spilling over each other.

Surprised about my openness, I shook my head and a tear involuntary escaped, lack of sleep toying with my emotions.

Delilah stepped in front of me and placed her coffee on the ground, then looked up at me, her eyes warm and inviting.

‘Mikey I’m so sorry…Look I need to go back to my ward otherwise they’re going to go searching for me…again. Here’s my number, if you ever want to talk or meet up, just drop me a text?’ She said, passing me a napkin with a number.

Swallowing the hard lump in my throat I nodded wildly, watching her pick up her coffee delicately and lightly skip off, her hair swaying side to side elegantly.

I noticed how skinny she looked, in fact skinner than Gee. Then it hit me. She was in here because of her weight. That explains the tremors.

Still staying on the same spot I looked down at my feet again, then at the scribbled number, the writing messy. Scratching my neck uneasily I licked my chapped lips and began to walk back to the waiting room, the white walls tormenting me.

I mean come on, why the white walls? Fair enough there are blue chairs but the marked cheap plastic isn’t too pleasant on the eyes, and the white walls make it feel like a psyche ward. Hmmm, and flickering bright lights are not pleasing either. How distasteful.

‘You were a while Mikey, is everything okay?’ My Mom asked poking my side, her voice seeming more awake and together.

‘Yup, just met a girl…’ I whimpered, passing her the steaming cup of heaven.

‘Oooh, nothing stops my boy ey?’ She playfully laughed half-heartedly, trying to lighten the mood.

Forcing out a fake chuckle I slumped back down into my chair and started sipping from my cup, my hair disarray from the constant fingers being brushed through it.

‘Mr and Miss Way, you’re allowed to see Gerard him now.’ A warm male voice said, his perfectly chiselled features bowing down at us.

A sense of relief surged through me and we both simultaneously rose from our uncomfortable seats and half ran towards Gee’s bed, his small body wrapped in blankets. His face was battered and bruised, an IV drip attached to his pale hands.

He’s going to hate this.

His hair looked as black as ever and was sprawled messily over the pillow and his bleak face, the deep hollows in his cheeks more prominent than ever. My eyes nervously flickered over to my Mom’s stricken face, as her eyes watered and she rushed over to Gee, hesitating as he went to hug him.

‘I wouldn’t do that Miss Way, he’s broken a couple of ribs and he’s very sore.’ A smooth nostalgic voice spoke, causing my Mom to halt and resulted in stroking Gee’s hair out of his face.

‘Mrs Way, your son is substantially underweight, so we’ll have to keep him in for a while. We shall be contacting a therapist who specializes in eating disorders as soon as he is considerably better, and hopefully we can get Gerard back on track.’

Looking up with a thunderous glare she stalked over to the doctor and poked him in the chest sharply, sniffing.

‘My son does NOT have an eating disorder. I am discharging him right now!’ She exploded, her sudden mood change startling me.

Alarmed the doctor stumbled back, unsure on what to do.

‘I’m afraid we can not let you do that Miss Way, we believe there is a psychological reason in why he’s lost a lot of weight, and we want to help him.’ He said confidently, raising his hands to try and calm my Mom down.

‘How dare you try and say there’s something wrong with my son! He’s fine, he isn’t relapsing!’ She screamed, her voice become foggy through tears.

‘Mom calm down, they know what they’re doing, they’re right…’ I hushed, squeezing her quivering hand.

‘No…. No Mikey there are not right! He’s back on fucking medication he shouldn’t be like this!’ She half shouted at me, half shouted at the situation, snatching her hand away from me.

‘Miss Way, my intent isn’t to hurt you or your son, we’ve seen the self harm scars and cuts, we’re almost positive the medication your doctor had subscribed is incorrect.’

As her face dropped in horror she shrank back onto the bed, face in hands, totally silent. Approaching her slowly I kneeled in front of her and cupped her face, her eyes watery and her lips quivering.

It was so heart breaking. She looked ashamed and almost guilty as if she was supposed to know.

‘Mom… It’s not your fault, hardly anyone notices.’ I comforted her, holding her hands firmly.

‘Did…did you know?’ She stammered through tears.

Biting my lip even more and drawing specks of blood from it, I looked down at the ground and nodded, scared about how betrayed she must feel.

‘I’m so sorry Miss Way, we will do everything we can to help.’ The doctor calmly offered, and then walked out of the room to leave us.

Breaking down and interrupting the silence, Mama broke down into a flood of tears and hugged onto me desperately, causing me to cry along with her, not daring to let go of her.

‘I’m sorry for not telling you Mama, I’m so worried for him.’ I choked, as Mom breathed out shakily and attempted to take deep breaths.

‘We’re going to get him through all of this Mikey; he’s going to be fine.’ She said firmly, smiling slightly as she pulled me closer again into a tight motherly hug.

‘W…Where am I-I?’ Gerard weakly asked, his hazel eyes squinting at the bright lights.

‘Oh Gerard you’re awake!’ My Mom smiled, tears still spilling out of eyes again, causing a look of distress to harbour his face.

‘W-what?’ He questioned startled, attempting to sit up.

‘No no Gee do-‘

‘SON OF A BITCH.’ He screamed, clutching his chest in pain, squeezing his eyes shut.

‘WHERE THE FUCK AM I?!’ Gerard shouted, looking up angrily from hugging his ribs.

‘Shh, Gee you’re in hospital, they need to keep you in for a while.’ I whimpered, biting my nails.

Frowning Gerard leaned back still dazed, Mom cradling him like a baby. Rolling his eyes he eventually wrapped his arms around Mom, his eyes suddenly widening as he inhaled sharply and gasped.

‘Careful Mom…’ He huffed, wincing.

‘Sorry Honey!’ Mom exclaimed sitting back into one of the more comfy chairs in the room.

‘Where’s Frankie? Is Frankie okay? Is he hurt?’ Gee suddenly rushed, his anxious eyes averting to my face.

Shit I was meant to ring him.

‘I’ll ring him now Gee.’ I breathed out, scrolling down my contacts and smiling at Delilah’s name.

‘Hello?’ Frankie croaked on the other end of the phone, sounding exhausted.

‘Hey its Mikes, Gee’s awake, he’s fine, and he has to stay in hospital for a bit.’ I began.

‘Can I speak to him?’ Franks voice quivered quietly.

Passing the phone to Gee he pressed it too his ear and whispered Frankie’s name, his eyes looking watery, but a slight sparkle re-appearing.

‘Frankie…I’m so scared.’ Gee finally broke down. His tears streamed down his pasty porcelain skin, his dishevelled hair blocking occasional drops, his lip trembling.

‘I-I…n-need…y-you.’ He managed to stammer, and Mom and I exchanged hopeless looks.

Gee was becoming hysterical and his cries were increasing in volume, but we felt we needed to let him cry, instead of keeping it inside like he always does.

‘Mikey, I’m going to pick up Frankie and bring him here to see Gee, make sure he’s okay.’ My Mom stated, patting me on the shoulder and shuffling out of the room, Gerard still bawling.

He eventually pressed the end call button and put in next to him, sniffing. Sighing, I rubbed my restless eyes and crawled into bed next to him, pulling the duvet over us, Gee looking utterly confused but slightly relieved.

‘Remember when we were kids Gee? We used to always hide under the duvet in your bedroom when Mom and Dad argued, to protect ourselves. What I found weird was when you went out and I was on my own, I didn’t feel safe under the duvet, even in your room.’

Gerard let out a soft laugh as he reminisced, then returned to bowing his head and fiddling with his thumbs.

‘It’s because you weren’t there. Even though you’re going through a hard time right now, you’re still my big brother and whatever happens you’ll always be safe, and I always feel safe around you Gee. I need you.’

His eyes looked over at me and I swear I saw the glimpse of the old Gerard. Licking his lips he threaded his skinny arm around my waist and cuddled me, my chin resting on his head.

‘Gee?’ A faint voice cried quietly, sounding worried.

Smiling I flipped the duvet over out heads and revealed a hunched up Gee wide eyed as he stared at Frankie, happiness spreading over his pale complexion.

Rushing over as fast as his little legs could carry Frankie rushed over to the bed, wrapping his tattooed arms around Gerard’s tiny waist, careful not to crush or swamp him.

‘I was so worried you prick!’ Frank screamed at Gee, hugging him tighter.

‘How could I call you I was out of it?!’ Gerard cried back through tears, nuzzling into Franks neck.

‘Telepathicly!’ Frankie exclaimed like it was the most obvious method in the world, his arms wailing above his head.

Bursting into either a cry or laugh or both Gee clutched onto Frankie desperately, as he stroked his soft black hair and kissed his forehead gently.

‘You have my padlock Frankenstein?’ Gerard whispered, sounding like a small child, amber orbs bright.

‘Oh course I have baby.’ Frankie hushed his quietly, Gee’s eyes flickering closed sleepily, until his head limply rested on his chest, the rise and fall of his chest obvious through his large hospital gown.

I hate them both.

Anger rising I stormed out of the room, tears welling up in my eyes as realization hit on how much I wanted love like them too.