FicWad

It had taken four cups of coffee, two ‘great chill out songs’ compilation albums and a hell of a lot of pacing and hair pulling before Gerard managed to feel like he wasn’t about to have a nervous breakdown. He had stopped pacing at last and was now just sat on the couch, hands fisted in his hair and body slumped so that his chest touched his knees.

Bert was in his bed.

Bert was in his bed.

His ex-boyfriend was in his bed.

Gerard’s stomach lurched and he had to cover his mouth quickly before he ended up vomiting onto the floor. Seven years... Seven damn years and Bert had to come back now!? It just didn’t make sense... He hadn’t made any attempt to come back into Gerard’s life before and Gerard hadn’t tried to get back into his. In fact he’d done everything he could to try and forget him completely and yet here he was, fast asleep in the bed he had been having sex with Frank in only hours earlier.

Frank.

“Fuck...” Gerard breathed, squeezing his eyes shut in an attempt to stop the dizziness washing over him. What was he going to tell Frank? What was Frank going to say? He had been so understanding the night before about Gerard and Bert’s past, maybe this wouldn’t bother him... but Gerard wasn’t an idiot, it seemed very strange that the day after finally revealing what Bert was to him the guy suddenly showed up out of the blue. Frank was bound to be suspicious and Gerard had no way to explain any of this. He was so confused...

Taking a deep breath Gerard tried to force himself to compose. He and Frank hadn’t made any formal plans to meet yet, so he had a couple days grace before he’d have to consider telling him, and maybe by then whatever was wrong with Bert would be sorted and he’d be out of here. He certainly couldn’t stay with Gerard. They hadn’t seen each other in seven years Gerard wasn’t about to just let him live with him, no matter how briefly. He’d had no choice but to bring him back now though, Bert had been passed out for about ten minutes and Gerard had been considering calling an ambulance when the younger man had finally managed to stir. He had been obviously disorientated and hazy and Gerard had had no choice but to help him out of the building and into his car.

Gerard sighed and slowly looked up, gazing towards his bedrooms door. Bert hadn’t been making much sense on the way back, his eyes struggling to stay open and his words slurred where he was mumbling in the passenger seat. Gerard had seen Bert crash on drugs enough times to know what was happening and he knew his only other option was to take him to a hospital where the drugs would be found in his system and he’d probably have ended up in prison. Gerard would be forced to be involved since he’d be the one to take him there and it would have just caused a whole lot more crap than bringing Bert back here until he was sober again.

It had been about four hours since Gerard had got Bert into his apartment and into bed. He had sat with him for a little while, just trying to soothe him so he would fall asleep. Even on the brink of unconsciousness he had been obviously distressed and had only calmed down when Gerard had gently stroked his hair and whispered to him to just get some rest. As soon as he had fallen asleep Gerard had left, leaving Bert fully clothed in his borrowed suit sleeping on top of the covers.

Gerard sighed and bit anxiously on his thumb nail as he wondered whether Bert was any closer to waking up. It felt like he had been here forever and Gerard just really wanted him to wake up so they could talk and then Bert could leave. He was clutching his cell phone in one hand and had been since he’d got home. He had called in sick at work once he’d got back home and though he knew he had been seen by plenty of people walking out with Bert he hoped no one would flag it up and get him into any trouble. He had been expecting Brian to call but there was no word from him yet... or Frank for that matter, but he was probably busy doing a shoot or something and Gerard just really didn’t want to think about that.

After what felt like eternity the sound of groaning finally drifted from the bedroom and Gerard looked up in alarm. His heart began to race as he realised Bert must be waking up and he slowly rose to his feet. He suddenly wished that Bert was still sleeping; he didn’t feel ready to face him yet...

“G – Gerard?” The voice that drifted from behind the closed door sounded weak and desperate... frightened. Though unmistakeably Bert it didn’t sound anything like the Bert that Gerard remembered and it made him feel even more uneasy. “Gerard!?”

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” Gerard called, rushing across the room when he heard how panicked Bert sounded. He shoved his phone quickly into his pocket and pushed his way into the bedroom, pausing just inside the doorway as he saw the blonde man sat up in the bed. Bert looked at him with wide eyes and for a second he looked as though he was going to dash across the room into Gerard’s arms but he faltered and slowly sank back against the sheets, his face drawn and pale.

“I... I’m sorry. I was... I just woke up I... I don’t know where I am I –”

“You’re in my apartment.” Gerard spoke softly, cutting across Bert who watched him with wide eyes as he walked across the room to sit on his computer chair. He turned so he was facing Bert again; he felt a lot calmer with the expanse of the room separating them, and the fear clear in Bert’s eyes. Whatever power he used to hold over Gerard it was clear it was no longer existent.

“Are you sober now?” Gerard asked softly, resting one foot up on his chair, his arms crossed on top of his knee.

“I uh... Y –Yeah I am...” Bert had the grace to blush and look ashamed of himself, avoiding Gerard’s gaze and instead staring down at his hands. “I’m sorry for just showing up like this, really I... I know you probably don’t want to see me I just didn’t know who else to go to.”

“Well... Are you going to explain why you’re here?” Gerard asked softly, surprising himself at how composed he felt. He supposed it was the anxious look on Bert’s face that made him feel so calm, now that the cocaine had worn off all confidence Bert had been clinging too had gone and he was like a small child waiting to be scolded. “It’s been seven years Bert...”

“I know. I know... Fuck, I’m so sorry I...” Bert trailed off, pulling his knees to his chest and bowing until his forehead laid against them. He ran his fingers through his long hair and pulled gently, groaning in distress. “I didn’t know who else to go to Gee... I’m so sorry.”

“What’s happened?” Gerard asked softly but firmly, flinching at the old nickname as if he had been slapped round the face. All of his friends called him Gee but Bert was no friend. “Bert tell me what’s going on.” He demanded when Bert didn’t answer.

“I... I...” Bert groaned and began to tremble, Gerard sure he could hear soft sobs coming from him. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Bert cry before. “I’m so sorry...” He rasped, his voice broken and shaking. “I just... I had to get away from him and... And I don’t have any friends, any family... I had to get out of town you were the only person I could think of...”

“Get away from who?” Gerard asked softly, keeping his voice gentle as he ignored the small tug in his chest. Seeing Bert so clearly distressed worried him and admittedly he did wonder whether he should go to him and hold him, but he restrained himself. It just wouldn’t be appropriate. He was supposed to hate this man.

“I... M – My boyfriend...” Bert whispered softly; face still hidden in his knees. Gerard nodded slowly, idly tapping his fingertips beneath his lower lip.

“Why?”

“He... H – He...” Bert shuddered violently with a harsh intake of breath, shaking his head. “I don’t want to talk about it.” His words were suddenly firm, a tinge of panic the only thing that gave away the fact he was still afraid. Gerard scowled and pouted a little, glaring at Bert though the younger man didn’t look up.

“Alright.” Gerard finally sighed, getting to his feet and brushing the creases from his shirt. “In that case you should just leave.” He shrugged, Bert’s head flying up as he stared at him in horror.

“W – What?” He gasped, eyes brimming with tears. “Gee you can’t just kick me out!”

“Actually I can and I am.” Gerard said darkly, his face carefully expressionless. He had never seen Bert like this before and it was unnerving. He didn’t know whether he wanted him to leave or whether he wanted to help him... but he knew that the best option was just to get rid of him. “I haven’t seen you in seven years Bert, I don’t owe you anything. Just go.”

“But I...” Bert looked honestly terrified as he slowly got to his feet, tears starting to drift down his cheeks. Gerard felt a twinge of guilt but he kept his face firm, knowing he couldn’t just give in. “Gerard please...” Bert whispered, though he made no attempt to step closer to his ex boyfriend. “I need you.”

“You don’t need me Bert. You never needed me.” Gerard scoffed, sighing as he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and shook his head. He was starting to sound like a bitter ex and that really wasnt the case. He was long over what had happened between the two of them. “Look at you, you’re fine.”

“I’m not fine Gerard.” Bert said automatically, his voice hollow and his eyes tired. “I’m not fine.” He whispered again, wiping at his tears with the too long sleeves of the borrowed suit. “I need you.”

“If you need me that much then you’d tell me what’s going on.” Gerard responded just as emotionlessly. Deep down he was worried about Bert... This was unlike him, but then Gerard couldn’t possibly know how much he had changed in the last seven years. He couldn’t pretend not to care for him though, he always would... Despite everything.

“I... Gee I can’t tell you I...” Bert groaned and ran both hands through his hair, squeezing his eyes shut as more tears dripped down his cheeks. “God I just can’t I... I’m trying but I... Fuck I need something. I need... Need something for my fucking nerves.”

“I don’t have any drugs.” Gerard said calmly, knowing all too well that Bert hadn’t been referring to a cup of coffee. “I haven’t touched them since we got clean together.” Gerard didn’t mean to sound accusing but his voice came out like a jab and Bert winced as if he’d been slapped. His eyes turned apologetic as he gazed at Gerard, the watery blue irises glazed with tears.

“Yeah? That’s great Gee... Really great...” He whispered, still tugging a little at his hair. “You know I was doing really well too? I only... Just this past year... I was never gonna go back but I just... Escape ya know?” Bert was starting to grow jittery and Gerard automatically took a step closer, holding his hands up slowly. He knew the way it felt to come down from a high and desperately want it back... but he also knew that Bert could quit this. He had done it before.

“Escape from what?” He asked as gently as he could, Bert eyeing him warily. “You said you had to get away from your boyfriend... Were the drugs an escape from him too?” He asked delicately, trying to put together a picture of what was going on based on the little information Bert had already given him.

“They... H – He....” Bert’s eyes had grown wide and Gerard noticed he had begun to tremble as he nodded silently.

“They were?” Gerard took a tiny step closer to Bert, jumping in surprise when the blonde man stumbled backwards, fear clear on his face. Gerard frowned, stunned at the reaction. What was going on? His heart began to thump faster as he grew more concerned, biting his lip. “Bert... Your boyfriend, why do you need to be away from him?”

“He wasn’t a nice guy.” Bert slowly whispered, his hands visibly trembling and he clasped them together to try and stop them. He wasn’t even sure himself whether it was from anxiety or drugs. “I... He... The drugs I... I didn’t wanna start again I... You have to believe me I tried so hard I did I... He made me Gee. He made me.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay I believe you.” Gerard quickly assured Bert, trying to slowly edge closer but keep Bert talking at the same time. He didn’t know why he needed to get closer, he was running on instinct. Bert was acting like a nervous animal and Gerard just felt the need to soothe him. “Did he hurt you Bert? Is that why you’re here?” He asked gently, Bert nodding absent mindedly.

“He... He was angry I... It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t. But he... He snapped... Like always... But this time I just... I didn’t know what to do. I just had to get away. Had to come here. I had to come here.”

“What did he do to you Bert? Did he hit you?” Gerard asked softly, by now only a few feet away from the younger man. “Is that why you had to escape?”

“N – No...” Bert whispered, angling his body slightly away from Gerard as he watched him approach. “He’s hit my plenty of times... This time was worse.” He breathed, making Gerard even more worried. What if Bert had been raped?

“What did he do Bert?” He asked ever so tenderly; close enough to gently touch his fingers to Bert’s wrist. To his relief the younger man didn’t pull away though he did tense. “Tell me?”

“I... He... Gee please can I just... Just a little something? It helps with the pain.” Bert whimpered, his eyes darting around and Gerard had to cup his face to make him look at him again.

“No. No drugs.” He said firmly, tears dripping down Bert’s cheeks. “What’s hurting? Tell me and I’ll get something else to help the pain.” He promised, Bert gulping as he nodded and slowly moved his shaking hands to pull open the suit jacket and remove it. Gerard lowered his own hands and took a step back to watch him, confused as to what he was doing.

“I... Gee I’m sorry.” Bert whispered, his voice shaking from tears as he tugged the white shirt out from where it was tucked into the baggy trousers. “I’m sorry for coming here... I’m sorry I’m putting this on you I just... I had no one else.” He whimpered, apologising again and again as he untucked the shirt and lifted it up. “So sorry...”

Gerard’s lips were parted in slight confusion as he lowered his gaze to watch the hemline of the shirt moving upwards, revealing more and more of Bert’s pale skin before revealing just above his left hipbone a long, barely scabbed gash that was black from the thickness of the congealing blood. Gerard gasped and stumbled back on instinct, covering his mouth in shock as his heart raced.

“He didn’t mean to he... He was just mad and... It’s only a scratch. He barely even got me he –”

“Is that a fucking knife wound!?” Gerard demanded, interrupting Bert before he could try to make any more excuses for whoever had done this. “Your boyfriend stabbed you!?”

“He didn’t mean to –”

“No! Don’t even start!” Gerard snapped, cutting Bert off again as he strode over to him and took hold of his wrist, pulling him into the bathroom before he could protest. “Bert that thing looks terrible; we need to get you to the hospital so they can stitch it up.”

“No Gee, please, it’s fine honest.” Bert whimpered as Gerard dragged him into the bathroom and sat him down on the toilet seat. “Please Gee if I go to the hospital they’ll start asking questions and I can’t exactly hide this for what it is!”

“You can’t exactly leave it either.” Gerard snapped, turning to grab some bandages from the cupboard along with a clean wash cloth and some antiseptic. “Bert it’s going to get infected if you leave it.”

“No it won’t, it’s fine look – it’s almost scabbed.” Bert looked down at the wound and grimaced slightly. It was days old now but it still bled every morning. He hadn’t had anything to dress it with, the guy he had been staying with whilst he waited for Gee to come back hadn’t exactly been very accommodating, but Bert had had nowhere else to go.

“How long ago was this?” Gerard asked, kneeling down infront of Bert and pouring the antiseptic onto the cloth. Bert swallowed thickly and bit his lip, wincing a little as he shied away from the cloth.

“Only about three days.” He answered, gasping and hissing in pain when Gerard dabbed the cloth over the wound. “Fuck! That hurts!” He cried, Gerard frowning with a sympathetic look though he kept the pressure on the cloth, just dabbing over the wound, not rubbing in case he pulled off the scab that was starting to form.

“Three days? Jesus Bert it should have scabbed by now, we gotta take you to the hospital.” Gerard breathed, dabbing as gently as he could over the wound but Bert shook his head frantically.

“Gee no! I can’t Gerard, please! If they find out about Jeph they’ll get the police involved and I can’t let that happen, he’d kill me Gerard. Literally!” Gerard glanced up to see tears pouring down Bert’s cheeks again and he relented a little as he sighed.

“Jeph? Is that your boyfriend?” He asked gently, Bert nodding with a sniffle. “Maybe you should call the cops Bert, this guy has stabbed you...”

“No! Damn it Gerard no!”

“Alright, alright shh!” Gerard hushed Bert quickly before the guy could jump up and leave. It looked like he was contemplating it and Gerard knew he had to tread more delicately. Clearly Bert was terrified this Jeph guy was going to hurt him... He had come to Gerard for help and that much told him that Bert was also hiding from the cops. Because he was in trouble? Or just because he was trying to protect Jeph? Gerard had to find out what was going on exactly but it was going to take time. One thing was clear though, Bert couldn’t leave now. Gerard wouldn’t rest if he did, he’d be worried sick about him.

“Look... I... I’ll clean it up as best I can okay? But if it’s still not healing in a couple days you have to let me take you to the hospital okay? We can figure out an excuse then.” Gerard looked up at Bert with pleading eyes and for a moment the blonde man just looked amazed, but then he softened and even smiled timidly as he nodded.

“Alright...” He agreed, sighing and clenching his hands on the edge of the toilet seat as Gerard continued to dab over the wound. “Does that mean... Uh... Does that mean I can stay?” He asked quietly, embarrassed to ask, hating to intrude but he really did have nowhere else to go.

“I guess you’re gonna have to.” Gerard sighed, not particularly happy about it but he wasn’t about to kick the guy out onto the street. “I take it this guy you’ve been staying with whilst you waited for me wasn’t exactly great.”

“Well... Beggars can’t be choosers. I needed a place to stay and had to rely on strangers, of course I ended up with an asshole. But as far as assholes go he wasn’t too bad... at least he didn’t stab me.” Bert tried to sound light hearted but his voice still came out heavy. He couldn’t believe this was happening... Couldn’t believe he had ended up here. Seven years and he was back to being an addict, abused by his boyfriend and sleeping with strangers just to keep a roof over his head only to come crawling back to his ex who had a gorgeous apartment, clearly a good job and not a single craving for any type of drug. Bert had never imagined things would turn out like this.

“Well, you won’t be going back there.” Gerard sighed, unravelling the bandages to fix a cotton pad he had laid over the wound in place. “You can stay here until things are sorted.” Gerard knew he was treading dangerously. God only knew how long Bert would need to stay with him, and Frank wasn’t going to like this one bit. But despite everything Gerard couldn’t just turn Bert away... He needed him.

“Gerard I... God... Thank you I... I don’t know what to say.” Bert was feeling choked up again as Gerard wound the bandages around him and fixed them with some medical tape. He gave a small smile but Bert could see it was forced and his heart ached. He knew he was being a huge burden right now but he had no other choice, he just hoped he’d be able to move on soon and get of Gerard’s hair.

“Just promise me you’ll sort yourself out.” Gerard sighed, getting to his feet once he’d finished bandaging Bert, putting everything back into the cabinet. “No more drugs okay? And sort yourself out a job and a place of your own, I’ll help you.”

“I promise.” Bert nodded, gazing at Gerard with puppy dog eyes as he was helped to his feet and led back into the older man’s bedroom. “I mean it Gerard; I’ll be out of here in no time. I really am so grateful.” He mewled, feeling awful still but he couldn’t stop the tiny flicker of relief inside him knowing that he finally had someone willing to help him. Gerard always had been too good to him.

“It’s fine, don’t mention it.” Gerard sighed, looking at Bert sadly and finally offering a genuine smile. It was weak and uncertain but it was real. “I guess we have a lot of catching up to do.”

“Oh uh... Yeah I err... Guess we do.” Bert chuckled sheepishly, blushing as he rubbed the back of his neck. As he met Gerard’s eyes as he recognised something of the old Gee he had used to know and he grinned a little as Gerard shook his head fondly, offering to give Bert some more comfortable clothes to borrow before he left the room to make them both some lunch.

>X<

Frank had been unable to get Gerard out of his head all day. This in itself wasn’t that much different to usual... What made it different was that this time Frank wasn’t thinking about how much he wanted to kiss him and more... This time he was thinking about how much he wanted to throttle the lying bastard.

Frank had had a gruelling day of one porn shoot after another, and whilst he had laid on his back and moaned for the camera he had constantly thought over the many different conversations he and Gerard had had. He remembered when they had first met, how Gerard had told him he was in Vegas on a bachelor party and that he had no idea there was porn convention on. Maybe that was the truth; Frank had tried to reason with himself, but even if it was Gerard had still lied about not knowing who he was.

He had still told him countless times, over and over again, that he hadn’t known Frank was a porn star until he told him himself. He had still led Frank to believe that he didn’t so much as watch porn, let alone only watch his videos. Frank couldn’t believe he had been so damn stupid, Gerard was just another creepy fan who was desperate to sleep with him. Though Frank had to give him credit, he was the only one who hadn’t made it obvious... but in doing so he had lied.

As soon as Frank had finished his final shoot he had told Matt he was going to see Gerard and had stormed off to his car. His ass felt numb and over used and more than anything he just felt ashamed as he drove to Gerard’s apartment. He hadn’t felt so disgusting after doing a day’s work in a long time and he knew it was because he was already feeling humiliated after finding out the truth about Gerard. He felt like the only reason anyone ever wanted him was just to fuck him... Gerard had been proving that wrong, and now like a slap to the face it turned out Frank had just been deluding himself about that as well.

By the time Frank reached Gerard’s apartment he was ready to tear the roof off he was so angry. His hands were shaking as he pounded on the door, his heart racing. He had a ridiculous lump in his throat that he struggled to force down, not sure why he was feeling so upset. He usually just got angry, but right now he was feeling heartbroken too and he realised with a sickening lurch of the stomach that he had really been falling for Gerard.

Well, that was ruined now.

Frank pounded angrily on the door again when Gerard didn’t instantly come to answer it. He heard movement inside the apartment and he tapped his foot impatiently, waiting for the door to open. After barely five seconds he began to knock again, not stopping this time as he clenched his teeth and waited for Gerard to appear.

Inside the apartment Gerard looked warily at the door as he made his way towards it. His heart hammered as he wondered if Bert’s boyfriend had somehow found him and was coming to hurt him again. Bert seemed to have the same idea as he looked in horror at Gerard before tearing into the bedroom and slamming the door behind him to hide. Gerard gave him a few seconds to make sure he had time to get hidden before he swallowed thickly and moved to open the front door.

When he saw it was only Frank he sighed with relief and almost laughed as his relaxed, smiling warmly. “Oh, Frankie it’s you I –” Gerard stopped, his face falling serious again when he saw the anger blazing in Frank’s eyes. “Frankie?”

“You lying son of a bitch.” Frank growled, his voice low and dangerous as he walked into the apartment, Gerard instinctively walking backwards to keep a gap between them. Frank moved to gently click the apartment door shut with his hand, never taking his eyes off his lover. “You fucking lying bastard I should have known.”

“W – What? Frankie what are you talking about?” Gerard whimpered, stumbling back a few more steps before the coffee table blocked his way. He was staring at Frank with wide, frightened eyes as his heart pounded. Had Frank somehow found out about Bert? Gerard didn’t know how, maybe Brian had seen them at work and told him. Maybe Frank thought he was cheating on him. “Please, I can explain –”

“Oh can you?” Frank scoffed, his fists clenched and his jaw tense as he moved slowly closer to Gerard. “Well I’m all ears. I can’t fucking wait to find out what excuse you have.”

“I... I...” Gerard faltered, not sure what to say. What if Frank didn’t know about Bert and this was something else? Gerard didn’t want to alert the younger man to the fact that Bert was here and so he gave up on trying to explain and snapped his mouth shut.

“What’s the matter Gerard?” Frank demanded, walking until he was just a couple feet from Gerard, his arms folded tightly across his chest. “Cat got your tongue? That’s so unlike you, you usually have so much to say about my career.” Gerard blinked stupidly at Frank, wondering what the hell he was going on about as he stared at him.

“I uh... I do?”

“How many times have you filmed it?” Frank demanded, his voice a deadly growl and Gerard blushed as he gawped at him. His heart was starting to feel like it was going to just beat right out of his chest, his stomach churning with worry. He didn’t know what was going on and he really couldn’t deal with anything else today.

“F – Filmed what?” He asked, confused. This didn’t sound like it was about Bert at all and that just made Gerard even more paranoid. Whatever Frank was angry about Gerard doubted it would be made better if Bert appeared. “I haven’t filmed anything.”

“Oh fuck off.” Frank snapped, one of his arms flying out and his hands began to move around as he spoke. It was a trait Gerard had used to find cute, but in that moment he was just terrified. “Don’t even dare to try and lie to me anymore! I know Gerard, I found your account on that fucking porn site!” Frank suddenly turned away and gripped his hair tightly in both hands, crying out in his anger. “I’m such a fucking idiot! I should have known you were too good to be true, turns out you’re just another fucking pervert trying to make some money.”

“What?” Gerard breathed, his heart dropping. His porn account? But he had cancelled the subscription weeks ago. He’d deleted his internet history. He had done everything he could to make sure Frank would never find out that he was a fan of his. “I... H – How?”

“So you don’t deny it?” Frank demanded, whirling round to face Gerard again. “You really did know me all along.”

“I... I...” Gerard hesitated, his face pale and his eyes wide. If Frank really had found his account there was no use in trying to lie about it. He would just need to try and calm Frank down somehow and assure him he didn’t watch his videos anymore. “Well I... I did but I –”

“I knew it!” Frank snapped, his eyes suddenly growing teary though they still blazed with rage. “You weren’t in Vegas with your friends at all were you?” He breathed, his voice broken and hurt. Gerard winced and blushed, bowing his head shamefully.

“I... No, I wasn’t.” He whispered honestly, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t even have any friends... Other than Brian and Mikey.” He admitted quietly, feeling embarrassed and ashamed. “I went to see you but I... I never expected to see you outside or anything, I was just gonna get an autograph or something.”

“Right, and the date, that wasn’t planned either right?” Frank scoffed, it clear from his tone he already believed Gerard had planned everything. The artist lifted his head to stare at him in surprise, frowning a little in confusion.

“Of course it wasn’t. You asked me remember?” He said gently, Frank looking as if he actually wanted to hit him at that.

“Because you made me think you didn’t have a clue who I was! You told me you didn’t know I was a porn star, you fucking stood outside and had a cigarette with me playing all dumb and innocent and now it turns out you knew all along – Don’t you dare try and tell me you didn’t have some fucking game plan!” Frank all but shouted, his tears starting to actually drip down his cheeks and Gerard just stared at him, stunned.

“I... Frankie I’m sorry.” He finally whispered, trying to step closer to Frank but the younger jumped back with a snarl. “Frank... I... I don’t know what it is you think I was trying to do. I didn’t tell you I knew you because I...” Gerard blushed, not sure what to say. Why hadn’t he told Frank? Because he’d overheard a conversation about him never wanting to sleep with any of his fans? Gerard doubted that would go down well...

“I panicked.” He finally concluded, gazing at Frank with wide, genuine eyes. “Look, I’ll admit it, I was a huge fan of yours. When you suddenly appeared right infront of me, lighting my fucking cigarette I just... I panicked okay? I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to come across as just another creepy fan I wanted to talk to you, like... Just like normal people. So I lied, yes I admit it. I didn’t mean to, it wasn’t some well thought out plan – it’s been killing me all this time knowing I’ve been lying to you but I just... It’s just not a big deal Frank, I don’t watch your videos anymore, I swear.”

Frank stared at Gerard for a long moment, trying to work out whether he was being honest or not. It sounded plausible, but then Gerard could easily just be lying again. The fact was Frank had got his heart into this now and that was dangerous, he never got his heart into anything.

“I...” He hesitated, not sure what to believe. “Have you been filming us?” He finally asked, Gerard looking genuinely confused.

“Filming us?”

“Yeah... Whilst we have sex.” Frank said softly, as if it should have been obvious. The blush that coated Gerard’s cheeks was fierce and familiar and Frank felt himself relax slightly.

“W – What!? NO! Of course not I – Jesus Frankie, fuck, of course I haven’t why would I – Are you crazy!?” Frank almost giggled at the way Gerard stuttered and tripped over his words, clearly horrified at the very idea. “Frank I swear I haven’t been filming us, Jesus Christ why would I want to I’m an idiot in bed.” Frank couldn’t help but laugh then, blushing a little himself as he realised he’d been an idiot. Of course Gerard wasn’t just another scum bag trying to get money out of him, a fan he may be but he was genuine.

“Okay okay, I’m sorry.” Frank giggled, sighing and smiling timidly at Gerard. “I guess I just freaked out, I shouldn’t have I’m –” Frank suddenly fell silent, something catching his eye and he turned to look towards the bedroom where someone was peeking out from behind the door. “Oh, God, I’m sorry you... You didn’t say you had a guest round.” Frank breathed, turning to fully face the person watching them.

As Bert slowly sidled into view Gerard felt his blood run cold. Frank was smiling gently at Bert, his eyes curious and Gerard had to force himself not to panic like an idiot and lunge at Bert to shove him back into his bedroom.

“Who’s this?” Frank asked softly, looking at Gerard with still sparkling eyes. His voice was calm but Gerard could hear an undercurrent of worry and he knew Frank was wondering why a strange man had been hiding in Gerard’s bedroom. Especially after Gerard had only been saying moments before how his only friends were Brian and Mikey.

“I... My names Bert...” Bert answered quietly when Gerard didn’t say anything. Frank turned his head sharply to stare at Bert again, his eyes wide. Bert gazed timidly back, hunched over slightly with his arms wrapped around his stomach. He looked frail and frightened and nothing like the man Gerard had described to Frank just the night before.

“B – Bert...” He whispered, understanding dawning on him as he turned to stare at Gerard again. Gerard’s heart missed a beat when he saw tears were rolling down Frank’s cheeks again, his eyes swirling with pain and anger. “That’s Bert? That’s the guy who supposedly made your life hell?” Frank spat, Gerard blushing deeply.

“Frankie please, don’t jump to conclusions let me explain I –”

“No! NO! FUCK!” Frank turned away and ran his hands forcefully through his hair, staring at Bert’s worried face again before he growled and started to storm towards the door. “You’re a fucking liar, I knew it! So come on, what’s the truth? Were you and Bert ever even broken up? Have you been with him all along?” Frank demanded as he grabbed the door handle and turned to scowl at Gerard. “You fucking disgusting asshole, you’ve probably just been using us both.” He snapped, tears falling thick and fast and making his voice sound strange.

“What? No Frankie please, I haven’t been using anyone. Please you have to let me explain it’s not what you think!” Gerard wasn’t entirely sure what it was Frank was thinking, but he knew it wasn’t the truth.

“Oh shut up Gerard!” Frank snapped, stamping his foot childishly as Bert gazed with wide eyes between him and Gerard, but Frank only had eyes for the singer. “You think I haven’t been with guys like you before? Trust me Gerard, you are not the first bastard to end up being some pervert getting videos of me to earn a bit of extra cash. Well fucking good for you, you’re a better actor than any of the others I’ll give you that. The fucking scared of bottoming thing? Genius.” Frank snapped, his voice like acid as he yanked the door open and stepped out of the apartment. “Thanks for nothing, dick.” He growled as he began to storm down the corridor, Gerard racing after him.

“Frankie wait! Please, Frank you’ve got it wrong, it isn’t like that! Bert just came back today, I swear to you I had no idea he was – Frankie please!” Gerard’s voice was starting to sound something like a ridiculous scream and he was forced to drop to his knees outside on to the street when Frank got into his car and sped off down the road without so much as a backwards glance at him.

“FRANKIE!” Gerard shouted, feeling everything inside him tear into pieces knowing that he had just lost the only man he had ever really wanted. He felt like he was going to be sick and he just stayed slumped over his knees on the street before a gentle hand to his shoulder made him look up.

“Gee?” Bert’s voice was worried and shaky and Gerard sighed as he squeezed his eyes shut for a long moment, just trying to compose. He couldn’t snap at Bert, not right now, so he forced himself to get to his feet and wipe the tears off his cheeks. “Gee I... Was that my fault?”

“No... Not it wasn’t your fault.”Gerard sighed, touching Bert’s hand and leading him back into his apartment with a lump thickening in his throat. “It was mine.”