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Chapter 17


The Only Hope For Me Is You




Month Two


My headaches had started to become worse, so they gave me stronger ibuprofen. It hasn't been working very well, there's still a dull throb where I'm pretty sure the tumor is, they say that usually patients don't feel pressure because there aren't really any nerves in the brain, but I feel like I could pinpoint its exact location.

I clutched my head and groaned aloud.

"Gerard? Everything okay sweetheart?" My nurse, Jennifer asked. She must have been walking by my room, because I left the door open for any visitors. People knew by now that when my door was closed I didn't want to be bothered, and when it was open, meant for them to come on in.

"My heads starting to pound again, and this time it seems a lot worse. Like I can feel it there."

"Well, you don't go into another chemo session until next Wednesday. So do you want stronger pills or can you hold out?" She asked me. I contemplated my choices, today was Thursday so it wouldn't be that long of wait, but then again my head was seriously killing me.

"Stronger pills please." She nods and hurries out of the room.

Not soon after she leaves, does a small timid knock sound on the wall outside the room.

"Come on in." I answer.

Frank comes padding in, his scruffy converse squeaking on the floor.

"Hey Gerard." He smiles timidly.

I smile warmly at him. "Hey baby, I missed you, come sit down." I say patting the space next to me. He shuffles over and gently sits next to my body, trying his hardest to avoid the tubes and wires coming from me.

"How are you feeling today?" he asks.

"Like shit. I go in for my next round of chemo next Wednesday, are you gonna stay with me?" I ask, hoping he says yes.

"Of course I will, why wouldn't I?"

"I was just wondering that's all. I'm glad that you'll be staying though, I'd probably be too chicken to go in if you weren't here." I laugh, he giggles and gently puts his head on my shoulder.

"Gerard?"

"Yes baby?"

"How much do you love me?"

I look up to the ceiling and collect my thoughts before I answer him.

"I love you more than you could possibly imagine. You're my everything Frank. I never thought that I could find love, I never thought that I would have someone to protect, someone that I can care for unconditionally. During these six months, the only hope I have for myself is you. You're the reason I'm trying to fight this Frank. I don't want to leave you, nor do I want to leave Mikey. I can't die, it's not an option, I love you too much to just sit here and die, not without a fight." I spilled the thoughts that I'd been having for days to him.

Tears run down his cheeks, staining his gorgeous face.

"Baby, are you okay?" I ask him, squeezing him closer to my chest. That turned out to be a bad move as when I pulled Frank closer the IV that took my blood popped out of my hand. I gasp in pain and watch the blood trickle down my hand.

"Baby go get the nurse." I ask him, taking deep breaths, good god that hurt.

He rushes out of the room and minutes later Jennifer comes rushing in with Frank trailing behind her.

"Gerard, what happened sweetheart?" She asks checking my monitors.

"IV popped out." I gasp, I was starting to sweat.

"Now Gerard you need to calm down or you might go into shock, and your body can't handle that right now." She explains.

I try my hardest to calm my heart as my head started to pound. Jennifer hands me the stronger ibuprofen and I dry swallow them. The headache calms down and my heart becomes more steady. Jennifer puts a new IV in and discards the old one, the bright red blood glinting off the needle.

"Remember to stay calm Gerard. Please please stay calm." She says, rubbing my head and then leaves the room.

The whole time Frank had been standing aside while Jennifer helped me. He had his hands in front of him.

"C'mere Frankie." I say hoarsely, my hands reached out to him. He walks slowly towards me but instead of sitting next to me, he bends down and cups my face gently in his hands, as if he'd break me, and then leans in and gives me a sweet kiss. I return the favor and put my free hand, without anything stuck in in it, and put it softly on his waist, pulling him closer to me. I deepen the kiss and Frankie moans slightly as things start to get more heated. He stops kissing me and gently pulls away, putting his hand on my chest to stop me.

"Not now Gerard, you're not feeling well. I have to go pick up Mikey from school but I'll be right back. I love you." He starts to walk out of the door.

"As I love you."




Guys I'm really sorry that I haven't been updating, my life has been pretty bad lately, but hopefully it'll start to get better. I'll try to be better with the updates now that I'm on break. I hope I haven't lost anyone.