FicWad

We finally arrived at the HMV Forum to go and see Mindless Self Indulgence. The queue was massive. It was filled with people dressed up exactly like LynZ or as the girls on the cover of the album, Frankenstein Girls Will Seem Strangely Sexy. Of course, people had My Chemical Romance bags and shirts with them too. There were barely any guys, but there were some. One of them included Jessie. He had his arm around Audrey. Audrey was dressed up like LynZ. Her hair was extremely long and black, with a dyed bit in the underpart that matches the colour of her light green eyes. She had her hair up in two ponytails to make herself look like LynZ. She even had her school girl outfit. I waved to her and we went to join her in the queue. They were pretty close to the door.

‘Hi Penina!’ She said giving me a hug. I was so glad Zeke was here. He could make this less awkward. We hadn’t seen each other in nearly 4 years for crying out loud. Things were bound to get awkward.

‘Hey Dr Dre.’ I greeted. Zeke giggled.

‘Dr Dre?’ He asked.

‘Long story, but her nickname is Dr Dre.’ I answered.

‘This is Jessie.’ She said introducing me to him. We waved to each other awkwardly.

‘Hi.’ I said.

‘Hey.’ He replied.

‘Isn’t he amazing?’ She squealed. I giggled and shrugged my shoulders. Jessie had short, dark brown hair with dark blue eyes. I wonder if they’d look at me differently after tonight.

‘Penina? It’s so lovely to see you.’ Audrey’s mum, Bonnie greeted giving me a hug. I loved Bonnie. She was always the most amazing mum. All of the kids were jealous of Audrey. She used to have short, peroxide blonde hair with the front, side bits dyed pink, but now she grew it out a bit, and it was fully pink. She has big, caring, brown eyes. I loved her like a second mum, but since I hadn’t seen her in a bit, I just think of her as a friendly acquaintance.

‘Hi Bonnie.’ I said.

‘Jasmine said you were single.’ She said looking at Zeke. I blushed.

‘I am, and he is too. We’re just friends. I invited him here for the music. Plus, he’d do LynZ.’ I told her.

‘So would I.’ Audrey said.

‘I would rape LynZ.’ One of the girls in the queue said. I turned to face her. She was quite a small girl, but she was 17, and she had long, curly, red hair and brown eyes.

‘Penina, this is Beverly. I met her at an MCRmy meet up.’ She said.

‘Hi.’ I said shyly. She said hi back, but then spoke to her group of friends, which, surprise surprise, included Audrey and Jessie. So, I just spoke with Zeke.

‘Did you do the homework?’ He asked. I stared at him in fear. What homework? He just giggled. ‘Kidding.’

‘I hate it when you do that.’ I said.

‘No you don’t.’ He said.

‘Well, right now I do. I’m terrified.’ I told him.

‘That much is obvious. Look, I’ve got the tickets, you’ve got the letter, everything will be okay. Trust me.’ He said.

‘Not if literally everyone here hates me because of it. Especially you know who.’ I said.

‘Voldemort?’ He asked. I slapped him playfully on his arms.

‘You’re not helping.’ I said.

‘Well, at least I made you smile.’ He said. I took a shaky breath. The queue started moving forward. It carried on going until we were inside, and at the front of the mosh pit. It seemed fine so far. Zeke and I were next to each other. Bonnie was at the back near the bar. That was our meet up point. She didn’t necessarily want to be here, so she just stayed as far away as she could. The Dead Beta’s was one of the support bands, but they were really arrogant, and to be honest, I didn’t particularly like their music.

After that, Taking Hayley came on. They were actually really good. I managed to sing along with some of the songs. At that point, the mosh pit got tighter, but I was still happy. I swear the lead singer smiled as he looked at me a few times, but that was probably because of where I was standing. They were really nice people, and they filmed the audience for a little video diary which I thought was really cute. After them, the stage managers cleaned up the stage and got it ready for the main band of the night. The one with my mum. I thought I was going to fall over, but the fact that I was so squashed in between all these people prevented me from doing so. I felt Zeke give my hand a squeeze of encouragement, so I looked at him and smiled.

All of a sudden, the lights became dimmer and changed colours, the curtains opened, and everyone in the sea of people started screaming in happiness and excitement. I just stood there, frozen in fear.

‘Hello mother fuckers!’ Jimmy said into the microphone. He sounded like he inhaled helium, but it soon became apparent that it was just what his voice sounded like.

‘Who’s this?’ He said pointing to the guitarist.

‘Steve Righ?’ The crowd screamed.

‘And who is this?’ He asked pointing to the drummer.

‘Kitty!’ They screamed even louder.

‘What about this lady?’ He asked pointing at her. LynZ. My mum.

‘LynZ!’ They probably cheered for her the loudest. I felt like crying. She was smiling warmly to everyone. I felt sick.

‘And who am I?’ He asked in his high-pitched voice.

‘Jimmy!’ They screamed.

‘Who?’ He asked again?

‘Jimmy!’ Everyone screamed louder.

‘Who?’ Jimmy repeated even louder.

‘Jimmy!’ I swear after that I could’ve gone deaf. Maybe if I was screaming along and having fun too, then I would have been happy like them. But I’m not. I’m terrified. They introduced their first song, Shut Me Up. It was really good, but again, I couldn’t appreciate it. They carried on playing songs, and I got lost from Zeke in the mosh pit. Halfway through the concert, Jimmy did something that enabled my chance to show LynZ the letter.

‘Wow! You London ladies are so posh! I want to be a pretty posh London lady just like you.’ He said. Everyone cheered. ‘Can all the ladies throw me their lipstick?’ He asked in a fake woman’s voice. Just like that, Zeke found me. I was paralyzed with fear. He searched my pocket, found the letter, and threw it directly at LynZ’s feet. She was still smiling and giggling. She bent down and read the letter. I could tell that word by word, she was turning whiter than the sheet of paper I wrote it on. ‘Okay, it’s time for Faggot!’ He said after he rubbed the lipstick all over his face. I was still looking at LynZ. She wasn’t playing the song at all, and everyone just stopped what they were doing.

‘LynZ? You okay?’ Steve asked her. She just took the bass off her shoulders and ran backstage. I began crying. Zeke hugged me.

‘Penina, what’s wrong?’ Audrey asked me. I just shook my head, and pushed my way out of the mosh pit. I could feel people’s eyes staring at me, but Zeke followed me and took me outside.

‘She doesn’t want me. She hates me. I shouldn’t have done this. How could I have been so stupid?’ I asked angrily.

‘It’s alright Penina. Just calm down. I’m here for you.’ Zeke said, hugging me tighter.

’You’re Penina?’ One of the guards asked me. I turned to face him.

‘Yeah.’ I answered wiping away my tears.

‘We’ve been asked to take you backstage. This guy can come too if he wants.’ He said pointing to Zeke. We followed him. He took us backstage in a weird route, but we finally got there, and he told the other guard who I was and where I should be. He made us run and we got to LynZ’s room.

‘Thanks Rick.’ She said smiling at him. He smiled back and left the room. I could tell by her red eyes and tear-stained cheeks that she was clearly affected by this. I’m just not sure if it was positively or negatively yet. ‘So, you’re my daughter? This wasn’t exactly the reunion I was expecting. In fact, I wasn’t ever expecting a reunion.’ She said moving her arms awkwardly.

‘I just wanted to know you. I didn’t want to make you cry. It was Zeke who actually threw the letter. You’ve got to admire his good aim.’ I explained.

‘Your boyfriend?’ She asked.

‘No. We’re just friends.’ Zeke answered for me.

‘Penina, I don’t mean to sound rude, but why are you here? Why did you even look for me?’ She asked sounding slightly angry.

‘I was ill. Really ill. I was in the hospital. I had to find out by my parents that they weren’t really my parents at all.’ I answered. ‘I liked your band before I found out though.’ I added as an afterthought.

‘Why couldn’t you just stay with them? They adopted you. They clearly loved you a lot.’ She said.

‘It isn’t that easy with them. I can’t even hug my own mother. Do you know what that’s like? It feels suffocating. I can’t stand it, but I want to be hugged. I hate the feel of it. Then, she gets upset and angry with me that I can’t hug her even though she knows it’s not my fault. I was in so much pain. No one could possibly understand it. I just needed a hug, but I couldn’t. No matter how tempting it was when she was offering them.’ I said. I didn’t go in enough detail for her liking though.

‘What are you talking about?’ She asked.

‘I’m autistic. I just find certain things hard and uncomfortable. I was going to kill myself. Sometimes I regret not doing so, but then I found out about this. I wanted another chance at life. How many people get that opportunity?’ I asked rhetorically.

‘Penina, you see this adoption form? It says closed. It was closed for a reason.’ She said pointing to it.

‘So, you don’t love me?’ I asked. She sighed.

‘I never said that. Of course I love you. You will always be my first born. But I couldn’t cope. I just couldn’t. I was 21 years old. You’ve got to understand that that’s a lot for one person to handle. The dad was just someone who made me feel special for about a second so he could get what he wanted, and when he did, he left. I couldn’t be reminded of that. I loved you. I carried you for 9 months. I was so tempted at the time to keep you, but I know I had neither the time, nor the money for it.’ She said.

‘But, what about an open adoption? I could have seen you sometimes.’ I said as if it were so simple.

‘Sweetie, I wanted you to be in one place and not have to ask your parents any questions. They loved you and wanted to give you a home. That’s pretty amazing right?’ She asked. I ignored her question.

‘Does Gerard know?’ I asked. She sighed, and nodded her head as she sat down slowly.

‘Yeah. I’ve mentioned you to him a few times. He knows everything.’ She answered. I burst in tears in my mum’s dressing room, and I just sat on the floor. There were miles of sofas in here, but for some reason, I didn’t feel like I could sit on there without feeling like an impolite, whiney, brat.

‘I knew nothing about you. My stepdad knows more about me than I do. I have no fucking clue who I am.’ I sobbed. Zeke stood there awkwardly. Even he didn’t know what to do.

‘It wasn’t like that. Why don’t you call your parents so we can talk this out?’ LynZ offered.

‘No! You can’t tell them.’ I said backing up from her.

‘Why not?’ She asked confused. Zeke sighed.

‘They don’t know she’s here, and they’d be furious if they found out. Especially her mum.’ He answered.

‘Well, you’re going to have to call them sometime. You’re 15, you couldn’t have just come in here on your own.’ She said. My eyes widened.

‘Crap! Bonnie.’ I said. Why did I have to fuck everything up, and above all, why did I assume everything would be like happy families? Why do I have to raise the bar all the time? Why doesn’t my mum want me?

Guys!!! This is the longest chapter I've ever written. It took me ages to write, but it was fun! Anyway, Zeke is kind of based off a guy at my school... Okay, don't tell anyone? I think I may be starting to like him. D: I'm scared!!! We just have the best fun and he's really nice, but it's not fair because Frank and my life!!! Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter!!! Rate and review!!! Please rate too?!? It took me so damn long!!! Haha. XD xx