Categories > Celebrities > Metallica > Ripe
“Nice coat, did you steal it from Count Orlok?”
“Ah, ah. Kirk, why are you going through my closet?” I asked.
“I want to buy you a present for your album debut, but I have no ideas.” he replied.
“That’s nice, but you don’t have to.”
“I do, and it’s gonna be something special.”
I shook my head smiling. He was too adorable for his own good. “To change the subject, would you like to come with me to the music store? I need strings for my bass and a new acoustic guitar.”
“Great, I could buy it for you!”
“Kirk, I’ve already told you it’s not necessary.”
“Is it too banal? I can…”
“All right, all right, you can buy me a guitar. I could use your help in choosing one.” I admitted.
We spent a good amount of time trying every acoustic guitar in the store, comparing them and even ending up jamming together; fortunately the owner knew Kirk, so he let us be. At one moment, while I was browsing for another guitar, a girl approached Kirk with a pen, blushing and smiling.
“Hi, my name’s Alison, you are Kirk Hammett, right?”
“Yep, that’s me.” he replied with a smile. “Do you want an autograph?”
“Oh yes, if you don’t mind. I’m a big Metallica fan, I’ve got both your albums, your music is wonderful.”
“Thank you, it’s always a pleasure to meet a fan. Do you have a piece of paper?”
“Oh, we don’t need it.” she opened her blouse to expose her breasts. “You can pick the one you prefer.” she said, pushing her large bosom to him and biting her lips.
Kirk looked stunned, clearly not expecting such a move; looking around, he spotted me and stared at me like a deer in the headlights. I smirked and nodded, signaling that he could go ahead; he gulped and signed the girl’s chest, avoiding the slightest touch. Alison noticed me and frowned, clearly disappointed. “Kirk, who’s that girl?”
Revived by my mention, Kirk smiled and introduced me. “That’s April, my girlfriend, she’s in a band too, she has…”
Alison interrupted him abruptly. “Thank you for your kindness, but I have to go now. I hope to see you again… in other circumstances.” She winked at him, then left, not before casting me a spiteful glance. I just waved my hand at her and walked to Kirk, who looked clearly embarrassed.
“Don’t tell me you are news to this kind of fans, because I won’t believe you.”
“No, it’s just… why didn’t you step in?”
I chuckled, placing my hand on his knee. “I’m not the jealous type, I don’t feel the need to pee in circles around my man or bark at every female who dares to approach him.”
“Ok, but that girl practically shoved her boobs on my face! That’s overstepping the mark, don’t you think?” “She didn’t know you had a girlfriend. No one of your fans does.” I replied.
“I have the feeling that, even if she had known, she would have done the same.”
“Probably. But how would you have reacted if I hadn’t been here?”
He looked puzzled. “Are you asking me if I would ever cheat on you?”
“I believe that if a man wants to cheat, he will do it anyway, with or without further external encouragement. If you want to be faithful, you just refuse the offer; it’s not up to other women to keep a man from cheating. Sure, if they know he’s taken, or even worse, they know the woman he’s with, they have to be total bitches to make a move, but in the end, it’s only the man’s decision to keep his pants zipped. I never bought the story that men are animals guided by their dicks and don’t know any better.”
“But you’ve seen her, you’ve seen the way she acted! When I’m on tour, I have girls throwing themselves at me.”
I sighed, feeling tired. “And here’s the thing: are you both sexually and emotionally satisfied by our relationship?”
He looked at me with wide eyes. “Yes! God, babe, you are wonderful, you give me all I need and much more!”
“Then, why will you cheat on me? Because you can? Because it makes you feel more of a man?”
“I wouldn’t! I would have refused that girl, or any other!” he stated. “But…” And there came the ‘but’. My aunt used to tell me that what people really want to say always comes after the ‘but’. “But during long tours, with loose groupies, alcohol and general excitement, I fear it’ll be hard to stay faithful.” He said, casting his eyes down. “I promise to do my best, anyway, to resist temptation. I don’t ever want to hurt you.” Kirk grabbed my hand and squeezed it, looking at me in the eyes.
“Ok, I believe you.” I smiled softly and kissed his lips.
“What about you, by the way? You will go touring too.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t cheat on you easily, and I doubt we’ll ever do long tours anytime soon. I think…” I smirked, looking straight at him. “that I will just become very acquainted with my hands.”
Kirk blushed furiously and snorted. “April, you are terrible!”
I laughed and elbowed him. “You wouldn’t want me any other way.”
“You are right.” He said smiling, and pulled me into a gentle kiss.
The day after, Kirk and I went to the metallimansion; the boys had bought my album and wanted to listen to it with me. That wasn’t the first time I listened to my album, but the awareness that I had made it still gave me the thrills. Everybody complimented me for the job and James decided that we should celebrate with floods of beer.
I was sitting on the sagging couch, feeding Clive biscuits, when Teresa asked me: “You know, you never told us how you got into music. What made you decide to pick up bass?”
I gave the dog a last caress and said, ”I was quite an hyperactive child, so when I started junior high my parents decided to make me take guitar lessons to see if I could channel my energy into something productive. At the time I didn’t care much about music, but my teacher could really transmit his passion to we pupils, so I started getting more and more interested. When I went to high school, I decided to switch from acoustic guitar to bass because I thought it was more of a phallic symbol.” At this, they all stared at me with raised eyebrows. “And because I loved the low tones and taking care of the rhythm and, you know, because of John Entwistle.” I winked. “I took lessons for five years; at the time my parents didn’t think I wanted to make a living out of it, so they never opposed me, and neither did I, until the last year of course I discovered Black Sabbath, Witchfinder General and metal in general. Then I decided to form a band and… you know the rest of it.”
In my honor, the guys had even shopped for groceries and decided to prepare a special dinner; needless to say, it looked, smelled and tasted like it came from a third rank diner with questionable hygiene standards, served by a sour-faced waitress who had never seen a good day in her life. Sure thing, this guys are building up an immunity from any kind of food poisoning. Later that night, we were gathered around the TV watching some lame-ass show where a sexologist –or a hooker, I didn’t really get that– instructed us how to deal with limp dicks and save our marriages.
One couple that didn’t need any advice was right next to us: James and Teresa, both quite drunk, were busy shamelessly making out; James sucked her neck as she giggled, sliding her hands under his shirt. When James unbuttoned her pants and shoved his hand inside of them, Lars spoke up. “For fuck’s sake you two, why don’t you bring that to your room?” James turned his head toward the drummer and replied, “Aw Larsie, envious much? I know it’s been two weeks since you’ve got laid, but you don’t need to be a killjoy.” To emphasize his point, he started moving his hand, making Teresa groan.
“Ah, James, I think he’s right, we should go to your bedroom.”
“Fine.” James replied, flipping off Lars. “Thanks for the interruption, wanker.”
The little drummer grumbled something under his breath and got elbowed by Kirk.
“Confess it Lars, you are envious because you are the only one without a girl by your side.”
“Like I give a fuck!” he cried, jumping on his feet and heading to his bedroom.
“He looks really angry.” I commented.
“Don’t worry, it’ll pass. Like I said, he’s just envious.”
“Well, I’m glad he interrupted them, I didn’t really want to see a live sex show.”
“Yeah, and by the way, can we change channel? This stuff is just too bad.” Said Corinne.
“Ok, let’s see if we can find the reruns of an even more lame-ass TV series.”
I stayed silent for a while, not really caring about whatever was on TV, then asked Cliff, “Is Lars jealous of Tess and James’s closeness?”
Cliff smiled, sipping his beer. “Nah, it’s not that, and I don’t think anybody can say to be real close to James.”
I was left a bit confused by those words, but felt too tired to inquire any further, so I just rested my head on Kirk’s lap and fell asleep.
Author’s note: “He [John] chose the bass because it was longer than the guitar, a much larger phallic symbol.” And if it worked for John Entwistle, I don’t see a problem with it.
“Ah, ah. Kirk, why are you going through my closet?” I asked.
“I want to buy you a present for your album debut, but I have no ideas.” he replied.
“That’s nice, but you don’t have to.”
“I do, and it’s gonna be something special.”
I shook my head smiling. He was too adorable for his own good. “To change the subject, would you like to come with me to the music store? I need strings for my bass and a new acoustic guitar.”
“Great, I could buy it for you!”
“Kirk, I’ve already told you it’s not necessary.”
“Is it too banal? I can…”
“All right, all right, you can buy me a guitar. I could use your help in choosing one.” I admitted.
We spent a good amount of time trying every acoustic guitar in the store, comparing them and even ending up jamming together; fortunately the owner knew Kirk, so he let us be. At one moment, while I was browsing for another guitar, a girl approached Kirk with a pen, blushing and smiling.
“Hi, my name’s Alison, you are Kirk Hammett, right?”
“Yep, that’s me.” he replied with a smile. “Do you want an autograph?”
“Oh yes, if you don’t mind. I’m a big Metallica fan, I’ve got both your albums, your music is wonderful.”
“Thank you, it’s always a pleasure to meet a fan. Do you have a piece of paper?”
“Oh, we don’t need it.” she opened her blouse to expose her breasts. “You can pick the one you prefer.” she said, pushing her large bosom to him and biting her lips.
Kirk looked stunned, clearly not expecting such a move; looking around, he spotted me and stared at me like a deer in the headlights. I smirked and nodded, signaling that he could go ahead; he gulped and signed the girl’s chest, avoiding the slightest touch. Alison noticed me and frowned, clearly disappointed. “Kirk, who’s that girl?”
Revived by my mention, Kirk smiled and introduced me. “That’s April, my girlfriend, she’s in a band too, she has…”
Alison interrupted him abruptly. “Thank you for your kindness, but I have to go now. I hope to see you again… in other circumstances.” She winked at him, then left, not before casting me a spiteful glance. I just waved my hand at her and walked to Kirk, who looked clearly embarrassed.
“Don’t tell me you are news to this kind of fans, because I won’t believe you.”
“No, it’s just… why didn’t you step in?”
I chuckled, placing my hand on his knee. “I’m not the jealous type, I don’t feel the need to pee in circles around my man or bark at every female who dares to approach him.”
“Ok, but that girl practically shoved her boobs on my face! That’s overstepping the mark, don’t you think?” “She didn’t know you had a girlfriend. No one of your fans does.” I replied.
“I have the feeling that, even if she had known, she would have done the same.”
“Probably. But how would you have reacted if I hadn’t been here?”
He looked puzzled. “Are you asking me if I would ever cheat on you?”
“I believe that if a man wants to cheat, he will do it anyway, with or without further external encouragement. If you want to be faithful, you just refuse the offer; it’s not up to other women to keep a man from cheating. Sure, if they know he’s taken, or even worse, they know the woman he’s with, they have to be total bitches to make a move, but in the end, it’s only the man’s decision to keep his pants zipped. I never bought the story that men are animals guided by their dicks and don’t know any better.”
“But you’ve seen her, you’ve seen the way she acted! When I’m on tour, I have girls throwing themselves at me.”
I sighed, feeling tired. “And here’s the thing: are you both sexually and emotionally satisfied by our relationship?”
He looked at me with wide eyes. “Yes! God, babe, you are wonderful, you give me all I need and much more!”
“Then, why will you cheat on me? Because you can? Because it makes you feel more of a man?”
“I wouldn’t! I would have refused that girl, or any other!” he stated. “But…” And there came the ‘but’. My aunt used to tell me that what people really want to say always comes after the ‘but’. “But during long tours, with loose groupies, alcohol and general excitement, I fear it’ll be hard to stay faithful.” He said, casting his eyes down. “I promise to do my best, anyway, to resist temptation. I don’t ever want to hurt you.” Kirk grabbed my hand and squeezed it, looking at me in the eyes.
“Ok, I believe you.” I smiled softly and kissed his lips.
“What about you, by the way? You will go touring too.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t cheat on you easily, and I doubt we’ll ever do long tours anytime soon. I think…” I smirked, looking straight at him. “that I will just become very acquainted with my hands.”
Kirk blushed furiously and snorted. “April, you are terrible!”
I laughed and elbowed him. “You wouldn’t want me any other way.”
“You are right.” He said smiling, and pulled me into a gentle kiss.
The day after, Kirk and I went to the metallimansion; the boys had bought my album and wanted to listen to it with me. That wasn’t the first time I listened to my album, but the awareness that I had made it still gave me the thrills. Everybody complimented me for the job and James decided that we should celebrate with floods of beer.
I was sitting on the sagging couch, feeding Clive biscuits, when Teresa asked me: “You know, you never told us how you got into music. What made you decide to pick up bass?”
I gave the dog a last caress and said, ”I was quite an hyperactive child, so when I started junior high my parents decided to make me take guitar lessons to see if I could channel my energy into something productive. At the time I didn’t care much about music, but my teacher could really transmit his passion to we pupils, so I started getting more and more interested. When I went to high school, I decided to switch from acoustic guitar to bass because I thought it was more of a phallic symbol.” At this, they all stared at me with raised eyebrows. “And because I loved the low tones and taking care of the rhythm and, you know, because of John Entwistle.” I winked. “I took lessons for five years; at the time my parents didn’t think I wanted to make a living out of it, so they never opposed me, and neither did I, until the last year of course I discovered Black Sabbath, Witchfinder General and metal in general. Then I decided to form a band and… you know the rest of it.”
In my honor, the guys had even shopped for groceries and decided to prepare a special dinner; needless to say, it looked, smelled and tasted like it came from a third rank diner with questionable hygiene standards, served by a sour-faced waitress who had never seen a good day in her life. Sure thing, this guys are building up an immunity from any kind of food poisoning. Later that night, we were gathered around the TV watching some lame-ass show where a sexologist –or a hooker, I didn’t really get that– instructed us how to deal with limp dicks and save our marriages.
One couple that didn’t need any advice was right next to us: James and Teresa, both quite drunk, were busy shamelessly making out; James sucked her neck as she giggled, sliding her hands under his shirt. When James unbuttoned her pants and shoved his hand inside of them, Lars spoke up. “For fuck’s sake you two, why don’t you bring that to your room?” James turned his head toward the drummer and replied, “Aw Larsie, envious much? I know it’s been two weeks since you’ve got laid, but you don’t need to be a killjoy.” To emphasize his point, he started moving his hand, making Teresa groan.
“Ah, James, I think he’s right, we should go to your bedroom.”
“Fine.” James replied, flipping off Lars. “Thanks for the interruption, wanker.”
The little drummer grumbled something under his breath and got elbowed by Kirk.
“Confess it Lars, you are envious because you are the only one without a girl by your side.”
“Like I give a fuck!” he cried, jumping on his feet and heading to his bedroom.
“He looks really angry.” I commented.
“Don’t worry, it’ll pass. Like I said, he’s just envious.”
“Well, I’m glad he interrupted them, I didn’t really want to see a live sex show.”
“Yeah, and by the way, can we change channel? This stuff is just too bad.” Said Corinne.
“Ok, let’s see if we can find the reruns of an even more lame-ass TV series.”
I stayed silent for a while, not really caring about whatever was on TV, then asked Cliff, “Is Lars jealous of Tess and James’s closeness?”
Cliff smiled, sipping his beer. “Nah, it’s not that, and I don’t think anybody can say to be real close to James.”
I was left a bit confused by those words, but felt too tired to inquire any further, so I just rested my head on Kirk’s lap and fell asleep.
Author’s note: “He [John] chose the bass because it was longer than the guitar, a much larger phallic symbol.” And if it worked for John Entwistle, I don’t see a problem with it.
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