FicWad

Chapter 13-I’m not okay being another cog in the murder machine

Mikey’s point of view.

We made our way through the crowded hallways to our English class that just had to be on the top floor. Me and Ray were holding hands earning every homophobic insult known to humanity, but I kept my head held high and my mouth shut, knowing that responding with a scathing comment would just end up in an all out brawl. Frank and Gerard were in the lead, taking most of the shoves and insults but ignoring them, acting as if their conversation wasn’t being punctured with venomous insults or violent shoves. Gracie was on Ray’s back, taking photos with her camera randomly, saying she was doing a piece called modern high school life for her art project.
“Hey freak! That another fag you’ve converted to your suicide cult!?” a jock called scathingly.
I growled at him and the jock just scoffed and walked off. Ray held my hand rather tightly in a reassuring but reproachful manner. Yeah best keeping my tongue in check.
“So where’s this class?” Frank called over the noise of the hallway.
“Top floor, room 203.” Gerard replied back, then he gave a small cry of pain as he got a particularly hard shove into a locker, “Ah son of a bitch!” he yelled angrily.
“Go crawl and die fag!” the jock called venomously though he was halfway down the corridor already.
“Shit! Gee you okay!” Ray said in shock rushing over as Frank supported Gerard up by the waist.
“Who did that! Imma kill that mother-”
“Mikey chill.” Gracie said, sliding off Ray’s back, “You alright Gee?” she asked.
“Yeah.” Gerard mumbled annoyed, holding his shoulder, “Nothing new, c’mon.”
Gerard walked on, though I noticed a look of worried concern etched in Frank’s eyes as we followed.
“Swear to the pits of flaming hot motherfucking Hell anyone else tries that Imma rip their fucking heads off!” I yelled loudly earning a few bewildered looks.
“Mikey keep your voice down!” Gracie hissed bewildered at my sudden outburst.
“Why the fuck should I? Fucking Jocks, think they fucking own this motherfucking shit hole of a fucking place!” I yelled furiously.
“Jesus Mikey what is wrong with you?” Gerard asked exasperated as we managed to start climbing upstairs.
“What’s wrong with me? How about asking the fuckers about what’s wrong with them!? Think they can shove us around the motherfucking joint! I got it in my head to give those shit heads a piece of my motherfucking psychotic mind, see how they like it!” I ranted menacingly.
“Don’t even think about it.” Frank said sternly, “You already broke a jocks’ nose let’s not give em anymore excuses to murder you in cold blood.”
I scoffed loudly, “Like to see em try that! Just let me take one of them on, one on one! And I’ll take em down inch by motherfucking inch! With a fucking knife so they know what’s it like to get motherfucking tortured everyday!”
“Does he usually act like this?” I heard Frank mutter to my brother.
“Sometimes” Gerard said exasperated, “He sometimes bottles his anger and then it takes one little thing to trigger it. He’s like a time bomb.”
“Ah.” Frank said biting his lip ring.
I continued to rant earning insults and jeers only for me to get even more pissed off and give out as good as I could get. Soon enough we got to our class much to the relief of my friends.
“Michael would you please refrain from yelling obscenities in the hallway before you come into class please.” Mrs Grech said exasperated.
I just huffed loudly in annoyance and stomped over to my desk furiously. Gerard muttered apology to the teacher before meekly making his way to his own desk, Frank immediately sitting beside him, taking the chair that was usually unoccupied. Ray slid in his seat beside me and Gracie sat across from us next to the window.
“Jesus Mikey what the hell was that all about?”
I shrugged, not trusting myself to answer.
“Hey, is he okay?” Frankie muttered.
“No idea.” was the response.
I tapped my fingers absent minded like on the desk, glaring at the whiteboard. I swear if I had the power to burn things just by looking at ‘em, that whiteboard plus half the school population would be turned to ashes by now.
I heard the others break out in conversation amongst themselves, obviously thinking it would be wise to leave me to brood in my own thoughts. We still had five minutes before the class started. I glared icily at each individual person who walked in through the door, many of which, sniggered and made scathing comments at me, my brother, my boyfriend and Gracie and Frank-unfortunately Frank getting the worse from being the new kid.

“Aww look! The suicide cult has a new member!” a jock called jeeringly, openly pointing at Frank so the whole class turned round to stare at us, “Hey new kid! How you liking your new school? Sucked off vamp boy yet?”
“Hey back off Louis!” Gerard said icily, “Leave the guy alone would ya!”
“Oh and what are you gonna do about it ya freak?!” Louis sneered.
Gerard stood up abruptly, making his chair skid back and topple over, hands clenched into fists. The class stared at Gerard, some wearily, wondering what he was gonna do, others with smirks, thinking he was gonna et a beating to the edge of his life. The fact thy were smirking at the thought, made me feel sick.
“Oooh look the lil fag got his freaky emo boyfriend to back him up.” Louis said in mock sweetness making the class laugh.
“Gerard, sit your fucking ass down-now!” Frank hissed, grabbing Gerard by the sleeve of his jacket.
Gerard took no notice however, “Say that again you fucker.” he hissed venomously.
Louis looked round smirking smugly at his peers, “I said what are you gonna do about it ya freak?” he repeated smugly.
Gerard growled and kicked his chair aside -making a group of nerds screech in fright-before he walked over to Louis, making sure they went head to head. They were the same height, 5’6 each respectively, but Louis was bigger built in body, no doubt from years of gym workouts, while Gerard was thin, feminine built and slender with only a slight hint of muscle definition. It was like watching Marilyn Manson trying to take on Rob Zombie in a one on one brawl.
“You think you’re so tough don’t cha?” Gerard hissed though you could hear him as if he was speaking out loud. No one in the room was making a sound, too busy watching the battle in the middle of the room.
“Like I said before, what are you gonna do about it?” Louis said scathingly, glaring at Gerard so icily I expected my brother to drop dead at any minute.
“You just love to piss me off don’t cha?” Gerard smirked, chuckling slightly. What the hell is he doing?
“No I just love to beat the living shit outta you.” Louis growled, cracking his fists menacingly, eyes never leaving Gerard’s.
“Gee, c’mon you don’t need to do this.”
I looked up to see Bert at the back of the room watching the scene wearily. I hadn’t noticed him when we walked in. Gerard didn’t seem to hear him.
“Think that makes you so cool huh? Picking on people who you know won’t fight back? People that can’t fight back because you got five other guys holding them down? Beating them up behind the gym shed so no one can hear them scream? Does that give you a sense of pride Louis? That you can beat someone until they’re begging for you to stop? That you don’t stop until they’re a bloody mess on the hallway floor? Taking pleasure in the fact that you can do it over and over and no one will care cause they’re seen as the freaks of the school, the bottom at the social chain?”
I saw Frank bite his lip worriedly, hands clenched to the desk, looking ready to get up in case Gerard needed back up. Gracie had her hands to her mouth, looking scared, while Ray watched Gerard wearily. I stared at Gerard, knowing that he was victim, to everything he had just said.
“You just love the fact that you’re capable of putting people in hospital don’t cha? That you can hurt them so badly, they feel like they’re getting tortured? Think its just empty hateful words you’re putting into that person’s head, thinking its just words it’ll hardly hurt more then I can physically, don’t you.” Gerard was right in Louis’s face now, “Think it funny to see how the rest of the school follow you’re actions and laugh at them, yell out venom injecting words, make fun of them, cheer as they get an open beating, “ Gerard trailed off looking around slowly at the class; a few people looked away from Gerard’s gaze, ashamed.
“Well you know what Louis?” Gerard hissed, “I’m tired of it! I’m sick and fucking tired of it! Tired of being the one that get’s ganged up on in the hallway and pinned to the walls, getting every inch of me beat the shit of! Sick of having to clean the blood off my face on a day to day basis! Tired of being unheard and of my voice being taken away from me when I need it the most! Sick of being silenced and threatened to keep my mouth shut! Tired of being the one who get’s beaten up so badly, I’m a bloody mess on the hallway floor, open to the public, like a grotesque piece of fucking art open to the human eye so everyone knows how ugly this fucking world is! I’m sick of dragging my body home, feeling ashamed of myself, for being who I am! Tired of waking up every morning, knowing I’m probably gonna get another beating, knowing each bloody bruise, cut, scar and every bit of blood that is spilled from my body is just another feeding to you’re fucking ego! Sick of feeling worthless, that my life isn’t worth living because everyone around me hates me and thinks that I should end it all to give them something to talk about! I’m tired of being made out to be some freak for my sexuality and the music I like! Sick of being labelled as some fucking suicide cult! I’m tired of being at the bottom of the social chain because people who have fun in making my life hell are higher up then me and pin me down to keep it that way! Tired of having to look constantly over my shoulder every time I step into this forsaken place! Wondering if the day is that day, someone finally ends my life by beating me senseless that I want to end it! Sick of being rushed up to hospital every month for a broken bone, fractured skull, stitches or even to get put on a bloody life support until I get a blood donation!”
There was a collected gasp of shock and horror and I flinched, remembering that week from hell. It wasn’t that long ago, just last Christmas. Spending Christmas day in the hospital ward, feeling sick because I was the one who donated blood to Gerard.
“Wanna know how many fucking times, I’ve contemplated taking my own life Louis? You wanna know?” Gerard said furiously, rolling up the sleeve of his jacket; once he rolled it up, he held his pale as snow skin up to the classroom light and the whole class including me, Frank, Ray, Gracie and Bert gasped. On my brother’s arm, was a collection of thin, slightly fading scars, running up from his wrist to his forearm.
“Count each mother fucking scar Louis! Each one is done at least a week! Anytime I feel suicidal! All because you and you’re fucking beat up patrol, make it you’re aim in life to drive me to it! I’ve been doing that, since I was fucking thirteen!”
I swallowed; I never knew my brother did that to himself. Never knew how badly the bullying actually was until that day in the hospital. He never showed signs of it getting to him. Always smiling, laughing, bitching about what such and such said without a care in the world. Mocking the people who had done this to him. He had always been so strong. For six whole years, he’s never let on he felt suicidal or worthless.
“And I’m finally sick of it. I’m sick of taking it out on myself. Sick of seeing the worry on my family and friends faces because I mention oh so casually I got sent home cause I got into a fight, or because I have to go up to hospital again. I’m sick of being walked all over and treated like I don’t mean shit. If you think for one fucking moment, that you’re better than me and that I should bow down and take everything you throw at me without a single complaint, you’re obviously looking at the wrong person. Cause for six years I’ve took your shit and never did anything about it. But the minute you drag my brother, his boyfriend and my best friend who I class as my fucking family and someone who I admire for the shit she’s been through from someone who was her best friend, or even if you come into the place I work just to mock my co workers who I also class as close friends, that’s when you’ve crossed the fucking line. You can make my life hell all you fucking want, cause I’ll just keep getting back up and dust myself off and get as good as I can get. But target those five over there, I will make sure you’re the one wishing you weren’t alive.” Gerard said darkly.
It was quiet then. No one made a single sound except to breathe. Gerard was still glaring darkly at Louis who actually looked scared and kept moving his eyes to Gerard’s scarred wrist. Bert was looking at my brother in a whole new light, a mixture of worry and admiration on his face. Ray and Gracie were looking at Gerard in amazement and I couldn’t stop myself from feeling a rush of pride go through me. Frank, looking at Gerard in a mixture of emotions, including worry, concern, admiration and amazement got up slowly and walked over to my brother.
“Gerard c’mon.” he pulled on Gee’s shoulder, “Let’s sit down.”
Gerard glanced at Frank and Frank gave him a reassuring smile before entwining their fingers together, “C’mon relax.” he whispered.
Gerard nodded and pulled his sleeve down , gave Louis one look of deepest loathing and went back over to his desk. I picked up his chair and he smiled at me softly. I smiled back, hoping he knows I feel proud of him.
Everyone looked over at us in shock.
“What you looking at?” I asked flipping them off, “What? Never saw someone stand up for themselves before?”