-Does he hold you when you cry?-
“Should I grab us drinks?” I asked Gerard, glancing towards where Gerard was looking. Taylor had just entered the room, closely followed by Mikey. He had his hand on her shoulder, as he guided her past other partygoers.
Taylor was fucking hot, even I knew that.
I was gay as could be, though closeted like no other, and even I could see her sex appeal. It wasn’t fair that she snagged Gerard. It was like she stole him from me, even though he wasn’t mine. Even though he never could be mine.
I couldn’t step out of the safety of my closet because that would change things. Even if I didn’t tell Gerard directly that he was my # 1 fantasy it would still make things weird between us, and eventually he would catch on.
I wanted him.
I wanted him /bad/.
Gerard leaned over, catching me by surprise. Taylor was gesturing towards him but I couldn’t really make out what she was trying to say to him. He didn’t gesture back, instead breathing on my ear. The warm air made my skin tingle and tighten. “A beer please.”
“Uh-huh.” I muttered, though my voice was thick with lust.
Gerard pulled away with the ghost of a smile playing upon his deliciously pink lips.
What the hell was going on?
It was kind of as if I’d fallen in to one of my fantasies.
“Wanna dance?” Mikey asked, stopping right before we reached Gerard.
Gerard was chatting with someone, though he didn’t quite look interested at all. I was pleased to see him lean towards Frank, taking the advice I’d given him. The reaction Frank had was priceless; his face had been so easy to read.
I was just about to respond to Mikey, as I had instantly fallen in to flirting with him as if I had no choice. I responded to him naturally. It was hard to play uninterested, or to even distance him. I was overshadowed by another girl however, who instantly gained Mikey’s attention. She was familiar, but I couldn’t remember her name. “Mikey! You haven’t even tried to call me, and-” She stopped talking as her eyes landed on me. They narrowed. I didn’t give a shit about her, but I hated that Mikey was even looking at her. It was weird being jealous, and completely unlike me but…
I was out of my comfort zone with Mikey.
“Lauren.” Mikey sounded shocked.
Then I remembered.
How could I forget?
My guard flew up. I batted my eyelashes. Game on. This bitch was no match for me, really. I wanted to protect Mikey from my trickery, but I couldn’t lose him to her and-
And I wanted Mikey.
Oh god, I was so fucking in over my head.
“Can we-” She paused, tearing her eyes away from me. “-talk?”
Mikey nodded, shooting me a quick apologetic look. I shrugged, watching him disappear. He would be back.
Gerard sauntered over. “Well, that was unexpected.” He commented.
“Mikey doesn’t want her.” I murmured. “He wants me.”
“Yeah, but you know you’re with me, right?” Gerard double checked.
“Are you going to remember that later on when you’re getting in to Frank’s pants?” I responded teasingly.
Gerard’s face noticeably brightened. “I can get someone to distract Lauren.”
“You don’t have to.” I wearily responded, thinking over Mikey’s proclamation of love. If he did in fact love me then he would come right back to me, despite his girlfriend’s presence. It was naughty, and unbelievably cruel on my part- but it was bound to happen. I was playing Mikey, and he stood no chance.
This time there was guilt though.
All my life I’d escaped the awful emotion but now I just couldn’t.
Gerard didn’t have the chance to say anything because Frank joined us. He gazed at me for a few moments, this time without hate. “Taylor, I have to tell you something.”
“Okay.” I watched him carefully. He was easy to read though. I’d read people all my life and was rarely wrong. I felt an apology coming.
“Do you want my beer?” Frank offered me his cold beverage.
I hadn’t expected that.
He’d given Gerard a beer, which Gerard was guzzling down.
He almost made it seem tasty, except for the slight cringe.
“I’ve never had any alcohol aside from wine.” I admitted.
“Uh-” Frank seemed shocked. “Have you never gotten drunk?”
Frank’s eyes had widened, and even Gerard was staring at me now. They exchanged a quick look. Gerard nodded. Frank looked back at me, an evil grin upon his face. “You know what this calls for?”
“I don’t.” I answered, honestly.
Frank chuckled. “You’re getting drunk tonight, my dear.”
Gerard smirked, “To the kitchen!” He declared.
Frank placed his hand gently upon my shoulder, stopping me in place. Gerard walked on without us. “Look, I’m sorry-”
I cut him off, well aware that the apology was hard enough. He didn’t need to continue just for me. I wasn’t really worthy of the apology anyway, accepting it was just another part of the game. “I know.”
Frank frowned. “I owe you more than just an apology though. I tried to hit you.”
“Yeah, but I get it. I’m not mad at you.” I assured him. “I know you’re just protecting Gerard.” Bullshit. You want in his pants, and that’s all. “But don’t worry, you don’t need to protect him from me.” Especially because this is a business deal, not romance. “I just appreciate that he has someone like you in his life.” It was true. Frank did really care about Gerard, and I did appreciate that. Gerard was a good guy, that much I was aware of. It was in his blood, as well as Mikey’s- or so it seemed.
Frank smiled. It was a warm genuine smile, and I didn’t deserve it at all, though I returned the smile, fooling him just as I fooled every single other person.
“Lauren.” I awkwardly cleared my throat, gazing at the door. It was the only barrier between us and the party. The loud noise, and Taylor.
“Why didn’t you call?” Lauren actually looked upset.
I was such a fucking dick. I had never really cared about her, or her feelings. I strung her along because I had nothing better to do and I was sick of being set up. Now I had something and I’d ditched her without even formally ditching. She didn’t deserve that. “I was busy.” The statement was a lie. I was all wrapped up in Taylor. I couldn’t tell her that though, because then she would blame Taylor and it wasn’t Taylor’s fault. … it was mine. I’d made the decision to cheat. I’d chosen and now I had to let Lauren know what I did to her. She deserved that much. “I was actually… I met someone else.” God, it sounded terrible and rotten- and even I hated myself as the words tumbled out.
Lauren’s eyes widened. “You met someone?”
“I did.” There was no winning in this situation. I was hurting Lauren. I already had, she just didn’t quite know yet. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do this to you-”
Lauren cut me off as her hand crashed down upon my cheek. The slap sounded worse than it felt. I embraced it, knowing very well that I deserved it. “You’re sorry? You don’t get to be sorry.” She informed me, as she fought to keep the tears from her eyes. “I liked you Mikey. I really liked you. Is it that girl, that one I keep finding you with?”
“She has nothing to do with this.” I responded, unable to keep my tone even and emotionless.
“It is her.” Lauren answered softly. “What makes her so much better than me?”
“She’s not better than you.” I lied. “She’s just better… /for me/.”
“Save your bullshit lines for someone else.” Lauren hissed.
“It’s over.” The words hung in the air, but I felt a sense of freedom come along with them. “And it’s been coming. You knew it. It wasn’t Taylor that broke us up Lauren. She just gave me the reason that I needed.”
“I hate you.” Lauren spit out. “And I hate her.”
The door slammed closed behind her.
It was over.
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