FicWad

New chapter! Hi! I don't really have a lot to say about it... So I'll just leave you to read and (hopefully) enjoy it!

~BulletproofNinja xo


Gerard's POV


The first thing my brain registered was agony. A fire burned white hot in my head, the pain disturbing me from what I thought was a rather peaceful slumber. I wasn't prepared to wake up, so I was fighting the urge to open my eyes, trying to avoid leaving this heaven in my mind. So I scrunched my eyes up even tighter, desperately holding onto the peace. But as time went on, it got harder and harder, and the fire burned hotter. It felt as though every single cell of my brain was ablaze, burning me from the inside out. Soon enough, the burn had grown to an excruciating level, and I found myself in so much pain that I began writhing around, clawing at my hair to get this torture to stop.

I opened my mouth, attempting to call out for help, but to no avail, my throat had swollen shut. The pain levels were accelerating rapidly, and I genuinely thought that I was going to explode from the extreme pressure and heat. But fortunately- although it didn't feel like a good thing- I didn't explode, and I found my voice returning to me. Immediately, I began crying out for help.

"Make it stop!!!" I shrieked, my voice cracking from the torturous burning in my skull. "MAKE IT STOP!!" I arched my back off the ground, my body twitching and spasming involuntarily.

Then, almost as soon as it started, the pain left. I could feel a cool touch on my forehead, and a small pressure on my arm. The soothing touch freed me from going insane. I was left breathing hard, shallow breaths as I regained my composure after such an extreme level of pain. My eyes began flickering open, before falling shut again almost instantly, but the more I breathed, the more my surroundings became clearer. Through the small gaps between my eyelids, I was seeing light spots within the dense black, the light spots becoming large blobs, which then formed very blurry outlines of people- or a person, for that matter.

"Gerard!" I recognised that voice. "Gerard, are you okay?" I took one final breath and opened my eyes, before gasping in shock. I lifted my arm up to rub my eye, but ended up shouting out in pain. That's when it hit me. My whole body was aching, the dull feeling irritating and uncomfortable.

"Mikey?" I ask, my voice raspy.

"Gerard!" He shouted with concern, although his voice sounded thick with tears. "What's wrong? Why were you shouting?"

I didn't answer him, instead continuing to stare blankly at the young boy. He looked so worried, with his deep hazel eyes similar to mine boring into my own. His mousy brown hair was messed up, which was unusual for Mikey, who usually kept his hair in immaculate condition. He had dark lines beneath his eyes, making him look ill and exhausted. He looked as though he hadn't slept in days.

I took some deep breaths, trying to keep the tears at bay as I thought of the words I was going to speak next. In a quiet voice, one very much unlike my usual happy tone, one lonely word drifted from my lips.

"Lindsey..."

At her name, Mikey moved his eyes to the floor, turning his face away from me.

"She.... She didn't make it, Gee.... Her injuries... She didn't make it to the hospital." Mikey sobbed into his hands. I, on the other hand, felt as though my heart had been torn from my chest. I would have happily taken the excrutiating pain rather than deal with what I was feeling at that moment. I felt hollow, my heart only capable of putting me through intense feelings of pain and sorrow. My best friend.... Gone... And I couldn't stop it. This was my fault...

"Gee?" A new voice sounded at the door, but still I remained motionless, too afraid to move in case I broke down. I knew who it was anyway. Frank Iero... One of my closest friends, second only to Lindsey.

We'd been friends since high school, and he knew me so well. He was one of my best friends, I didn't want him to see me this way. I didn't want anyone to see me this way....

"How is he, Mikes?" Frank whispered loudly to my brother, sounding as though he'd been crying.

"I don't know. He hasn't spoken much, only to say Lindsey's name." Mikey replied solemnly.

"I just can't believe somebody could do this." He whimpered, his voice getting higher in pitch as he began to cry.

I couldn't bear to listen to the sound of Frank, someone so strong and unphased by anything, going to pieces right in front of me. I turned on my side, ignoring the warning shots of pain as I did so. I didn't want to speak to people, I didn't want to see people, and I didn't want them to see me. So I took the cowards way out and covered myself with the uncomfortable bed sheets. I tuned out the voices of my visitors, and drifted off to sleep.

~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~.~'~

When I awoke, my room was empty. My eyes were sore and scratchy, the lids of them scraping against the delicate surface like sandpaper. I felt no desire to get up or acknowledge the fact that I was hurting and all alone.

I just stared up at the ceiling, wanting nothing more than to go back in time and save Lindsey's life. I needed my best friend, she kept me sane. She was like a sister to me, I don't know what I'm going to do without her. I loved my other friends too, but there was just something about Lindsey, something that made her more special. Her glowing personality never failed to cheer me up on a day where I felt sad. The way she was always there for me when I needed her, made me laugh when I was sad, made me feel like I had a reason to go on when I felt worthless. She was just amazing, and I never told her how much I appreciated her. She'd never know how much I admired her, and how grateful I was. She was there for me all those times, and where was I when she needed me? Her life was cut short, in such a horrific way, and I couldn't even stop it happening. I'd failed her.

Tears were trailing down my cheeks, and I bit my lip to stop a sob escaping. The hospital room didn't exactly make me feel any better either, the bright white of the walls causing a dull ache to materialise behind my eyes. I had to get out of there.

Luckily, my clothes were placed on a chair to the left of my bed. I pulled myself up -with much difficulty, into a sitting position. That's when I noticed the white bandage on my right ankle. Oh shit... I pushed the pain to the back of my mind as I placed my feet on the floor, trying to get out of bed. When I put weight on my feet, I had to grab on to the side of the bed to stop myself from falling over. I was so weak, I could hardly stand...

I hobbled slowly over to the chair, picking up my clothes and struggling painfully to put them on. The agony was too much to be pushed aside by that time, so the task was very difficult. After putting my shoes on and checking my pockets for my phone, wallet and keys, I shuffled across the room towards the door. My journey was left unfinished as I fell backwards, my arm shooting out to balance myself. I sat on the bed for about five minutes, breathing hard. My ribs felt as though they were about to splinter into a million tiny pieces and each breath I took increased the level of pain.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a pair of crutches leant up against the wall in the corner of the room. All I had to do was get to them. Wiping away the tears, I pushed myself slowly off the bed again, limping and wheezing my way over to the crutches. When I reached them, I slumped against the wall, my face contorted with the burning sensation all over my body. I put my hands through the handles of the crutches and walked- although still quite slowly and painfully- towards the door again.

I poked my head out of the door, checking for any sign of my brother or friends. The coast was clear, so I stepped fully out, the crutches shaking unsteadily beneath me.

I don't know how I did it, but I managed to get out of the main doors of the hospital without being apprehended by any doctors. The air was cool and refreshing against my clammy skin and I inhaled deeply, the breath calming the fire in my lungs. The sky above me was a dark shade of blue, and I realised that I didn't even know what the time was. I checked my phone, which read 00:34. So that's why no one stopped me from leaving. It was the middle of the fucking night.

And so I stood there, on side of the street at night, completely alone. The memories of the attack came flooding into my mind, making an overwhelming feeling of fear wash over my entire being. I couldn't walk home at this time! It was at least an hour's walk back, and I couldn't risk it. I didn't want to go back in the hospital though either, who knew how long I would be in there for?

After thinking deeply for a minute or two, I spotted the lights of a cab across the street. I hobbled as fast as I could over to it, wincing as the pain in my ribs returned. When I eventually reached the yellow vehicle, I was breathing hard and tears of pain were rolling down my cheeks.

"You okay there?" The cab driver asked, getting out of his door. "You don't look too peachy, buddy."

I looked at him, surveying him carefully. His large, wide eyes shone bright in the lights of the streetlamps on the sidewalk, making him look quite young and innocent. He was a tall guy, about 5'11, but rather scrawny, not unlike myself. He had messy blonde hair that stuck out in all directions, falling in his pale face as he continued to look cautiously at me. I decided that he wasn't a danger, or even if he was, that I didn't care. All I wanted was to get the fuck home.

"I need-" I winced again. "I need to get home. Can you take me please?" The guy's face softened, his eyes filling with sympathy.

"Of course I can, dude... Are you sure you don't want to go back to the hospital though?" I shook my head in protest.

"No... No I- I don't like hospitals. I just want to go home."

"Okay, I'll take you home. Here, let me help you." He walked round the cab and opened the passenger door for me, lowering me carefully into the seat. He made sure I was in safely before shutting the door again and walking back round to his side. I leaned my head against the back of the chair.

"So, where to?" He asked gently as he started the ignition.

"83 Cemetery Drive. Is that okay?"

"No problem, dude. Is there somebody there waiting for you?" I shook my head, remaining silent. "Will you be okay though? You look like you're in a hell of a lot of pain." He added as he set off down the street.

"I'll be fine. I just need a couple days on my own before I can face people, that's all. What day is it by the way?" I mumbled, my eyes closed.

"It's Thursday, why?" Oh shit..

"I've been in the hospital for three days." I was out for that long?

".... Hey, I know it's none of my business or anything, and feel free to call me a nosy bastard, but what exactly happened to you?" He asked, the concern back in his voice.

"I was attacked in the street. Me and my friend." I sniffed, the memories of Lindsey's screams echoing in my mind. The driver seemed to sense my discomfort, and didn't press the matter any further. But the tears had already started falling, and I couldn't stop them. I managed to keep quiet though, hiding the watery traitors from the cab driver.

"What's your name anyway?" He asked me, making idle conversation.

"Gerard." I replied quietly, biting my lip. "And you?"

"My name's John, John Westley. It's a pleasure to meet you Gerard." He beamed at me.

"I like you, John. You seem like a cool guy." I smiled faintly back at him. John's grin only got wider.

"Well, thanks, so do you." I scoffed.

"Thanks, but I'm a miserable bastard." I wiped my nose with my sleeve, gasping at the pain that shot through my arm. John didn't seem to notice though.

"You're one of the only people to have a conversation with me all day. And even the other people only commented on the weather, none of them have any time for cabbies." I surveyed John carefully.

"That's awful." I exclaimed. "It must get so boring!"

"Well, it's not exactly the best job in the world, but I don't mind it. You do get the occaisional nice guy. Like yourself, for example." He shrugged. "So, it's not all bad."

We descended into a comfortable silence, listening to the radio station as we drove onwards.

"So John... What does my face look like?" He glanced briefly at me, confused. I noticed that his eyes were a brilliant shade of blue, dark sapphire around the edges, with flecks of a lighter blue around the pupil. The type of eyes that held a lot of secrets, drew you in like a book. "You know, like... What's the damage?"

"You haven't seen it?!" He asked, shocked. I shook my head, grimacing.

"Is it that bad?" He shot me another sympathetic look before pulling down the mirror in front of my seat. I gasped at my reflection.

My left eye was puffy and a dark shade of purple. The skin around my lip was bloodstained from the deep gash in my lower lip, that was still oozing a trail of thick, red blood. I had another cut on my forehead, deeper this time. The blood had dried a horrible dark red, making my skin look almost rotten. There were more smaller cuts and bruises covering the rest of my face, under my eyes and around my eyebrows. I was barely recognisable.

"I'm surprised you didn't drive off screaming when you saw me." I laughed bitterly, trying -and failing- to mask the sobs coming from my chest. This just caused even more pain for me, and I couldn't stop.

"Hey, hey. Come on, now Gerard." John put an arm on my shoulder, squeezing it supportively. "It doesn't look that bad. You'll be fine in a couple of weeks. Chasing those girls again in no time." I flinched at his choice of words... "Or guys, whatever floats you boat." I relaxed slightly. I'd almost forgotten the secret I'd revealed to Lindsey. "But whatever, my point is, that it won't last forever. You'll get past this." I calmed down a little and noticed that John had stopped the car. We were parked outside my house.

"Thanks, John. I just hope you're right." He smiled warmly again.

"Do you want me to help you inside?" He started to take his seatbelt off.

"No, I'll be fine. How much do I owe you for the ride?" I asked, getting my wallet from my jacket pocket. John waved a hand in dismissal.

"Don't be ridiculous, I'm not charging you for this. Just consider it a favour, okay? And I don't care what you say, I'm helping you get home safely." He opened his door and got out, coming round to help me out of the car.

"Are you sure John? I don't mind?" I winced as my feet hit the floor. He chuckled and put an arm around my shoulder, guiding me up the driveway.

"I said don't be ridiculous, I don't mind. Besides, it was nice to have the company. You're a nice guy Gerard." He said honestly.

"You too, John. I really appreciate this you know?" I said earnestly as I unlocked the front door.

John helped me over to the couch in the lounge, making sure I was comfortable.

"Now, before I go, do you need anything?" He asked, sounding like my mother.

"No, thank you. And I mean that. Thank you. You've been really great tonight."

"It's not a problem. Oh- and if you ever need to talk to someone, or you know... need a cab, here's my card. I won't mind, I'm on duty every day apart from Sundays." He explained, handing me a card with his number on it, along with a picture of a very smiley John.

"Thanks, I will." I said, tucking the card into my wallet.

"Well, I'd better get going. You look after yourself, Gerard, make sure you contact somebody to come and see you."

"Yes sir." I smiled.

"I mean it. You shouldn't be on your own at a time like this." He said warningly. "Anyway, I'll be off now, see you around!" He put my crutches on the floor next to me, and with one last wave, he walked out of the room.

I waited until I heard the front door slam before I exhaled with a huge sigh.

I was finally alone. Free to wallow in pathetic self pity in peace. I never wanted to leave my house again.

With John gone, I could finally let out all of my pent up anger and sadness, the emotions pouring out of me. I slumped backwards onto the couch cushions, exhaling deeply as I continued to sob my bleak little heart out. It felt as though I was crying for everything bad that had ever happened in my life. Not just Lindsey, but everything, whether they were serious things or minor things. Because with Lindsey gone, I had no one to protect me from those things anymore. I missed her so much. The ache in my heart was stronger than ever, growing with each heaving sob that shook my entire body. The pain I felt in my limbs and torso was temporarily forgotten as I curled up into a ball and cried for my friend. Cried for the life she lost. For what she could have been, for the amazing person she was, and the fact that I would never again see her smile at me. Never again would she tease me over something trivial. Never again would we have movie marathons and pajama days.

Never again would I have a friend like her...

The thought of never seeing her childlike face, that was filled with such beauty, beaming at me ever again made my chest hurt in ways I could never have imagined. Normally when I felt like this, I would go to Lindsey with my problems, but I couldn't do that this time. So I went to the second best thing.

With great difficulty, I pulled myself off the couch and limped over to the basement door. My legs ached in protest as I began struggling down the stairs to my sanctuary, wanting nothing more than to just forget about recent events. But all I could see in my mind was Lindsey lying there motionless on the dirty ground, as though she were an old rag doll left out for trash. The images made it hard for me to focus on anything other than the attack, and soon enough, the bone shaking sobs returned, tearing out of my throat harshly. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I flipped the light switch. The sight of the scene before my eyes made me stop and stare at the room that held the key to keeping my sanity. Well, that's what I thought, anyway. But as I looked around at the walls of my home made art studio, filled with colours and paintings, I felt no ease in my pain. The vividness of the bright reds, blues and yellows were grabbing my attention furiously, yet they brought me no comfort when I acknowledged them. All they gave me were memories.

I thought of when Lindsey would join me down here and we would both sit there painting and talking together, discussing any worries we had, stuff like that, and it hurt. In the corner of the room, I had my desk, covered in empty paint tubes and scrap pieces of paper. On the walls above the desk, I had a cluster of pictures of my friends, but most of them were of just Lindsey and I. These were the things that made the whole situation hit home with me. Actual evidence of the times we shared, the fun we had... It just made it all seem real, and I couldn't take it.

Giving no regard to my injured state, I let out a cry of anger and swept everything off the desk, knocking paper, pens, books and paint to the floor. My hands reached out and tore all of the photos from the walls, all the while sobs were wracking my entire body. I was so upset, so hurt, so ANGRY, I didn't think I could take it. I completely lost control, destroying everything my hands came into contact with and smashing it to pieces.

After everything in the room had been thrown out of place, I stopped and stood in the middle of the room, breathing hard. Sounds of pure anguish were being carried from my lips, and my face was wet with tears. It finally got to much for me, and I collapsed in a heap on the floor, wanting nothing more than for this anguish to end.

My ankle was hurting more than ever, burning hot like a flame. Sometime during my outburst, the cuts on my lip and forehead had reopened and were spilling blood on the floor around me. My lungs were adding pressure to my splintering ribs, and I was finding it more and more difficult to breathe. All of the anger in me had drained, and I was left with an empty, lonely feeling, causing a pain deep in my chest.

Eventually, and surrounded by my own blood and tears, I drifted into a deep, numbing sleep, where my dreams carried on the horrors of my life.


That's the end of the chapter then, guys. I really hope you liked it....? R&R? I'll love you unconditionally! :P
Until next time....
~BulletproofNinja xo