FicWad

“Gee.” Ayasha cried out. She was on the floor next to him cradling him in her arms. “Gee, please open your eyes.”

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LA
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Alicia had arrived back at Gerard’s room just in time to see Mikey stumble out the door. The look on her husband’s face immediately brought tears to her eyes. “Mikey?”

He leaned heavily against the wall. “He went into convulsions.”

Alicia, who had feared the worse, took a deep breath. “Is he okay, now?”

“They restrained him and the doctor is in there. Oh, shit Alicia, it was terrible. His heart started racing I was watching it on the monitor then his whole body just started convulsing.”

She gently took his arm to lead him towards the waiting room. “Come on.” She whispered fearful her husband was about to collapse. “Lets’s sit down and wait until the doctor examines him.” As they walked she could feel his body shaking.

_____________________________________________-

“Gee.” She stroked his face. “Can you hear me?”

Slowly his eyes fluttered open. “Ayasha”

She gently kissed his lips. “I was so scared.” She whispered against them.

His mind cleared and the horror of what had happened hit full force. Using all this strength he sat up slightly. “What happened? Where is he?”

“He’s gone.”

Gerard saw they were on the floor outside the bedroom. “What happened?”

Ayasha who was so overcome with emotion hugged him tightly. “I was so scared, you wouldn’t answer me.”

“Ayasha.” He said slowly as the memories grew clearer, “I’m so fuckin’ sorry I couldn’t help you. I tried but…"

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” She whispered.

“No, it’s not fuckin’ okay. I couldn’t keep him from hurting you. I couldn’t do a fuckin’ thing to stop it. I couldn’t even pick up a fuckin’ book.”

Ayasha who was worried because he looked so pale tried to calm him. “Gee, you did help me.”

He closed his eyes a moment trying to remember. “I was trying to open the door. The last thing I remember is praying to God to help me…”

“Gee, the door crashed open.” She said softly. “He had me pinned to the bed but when the door opened it startled him and gave me the chance to get to my nightstand.”

Gerard reached up to touch her cheek, “Please tell me he didn’t…”

She shook her head, “No, he didn’t rape me.” She blinked hard then continued, “I got the knife out of the drawer…”

He was staring into her eyes waiting for her to continue.

“Kyle saw the knife, he knew I’d use it.” Before she’d only felt fear not only for herself but for Gerard but now anger took over. “I would have used it on the son of a bitch if he’d come any closer.”

“So he just left?” He knew she wasn’t telling him something, he could feel it.

“He threatened to expose the truth about my past to Tom again.” As much as she wanted to forget what had happened she went on. “I told him it was too late, I’d already told Tom. Then I told him to get the fuck out of my house and never come near me again or I’d call the police and tell them what had happened.”

“You should call the police.” Gerard said reaching up to move the hair away from her face so he could see the marks. “The bastard hit you, they will take photos as evidence.”

Ayasha sighed, “Gee, I don’t want to involve the police. I just want to forget this happened.”

“What if he comes back?”

“I don’t think he will. I threatened to tell his father too. As much as the man hates me I know he wouldn’t want his son’s name dragged through the mud.”

“You can’t let this go.” Gerard said slowly pulling himself up out of her arms. “The fucker needs to pay for what he did to you.”

Rising slowly she stood. “Gee, let it go.”

“How the fuck can I let it go?” He asked angrily. “I watched that fucker hit you, he was gonna rape you. How can you even begin to expect me to let it go?”

“It’s over now.” She stood then extended her hand to help him up. Again fear filled her heart when she saw how weak he’d become. Slowly she led him to the sofa but instead of sitting she said, “Now, I’ve got to put the groceries away.”

He shook his head, “Ayasha….”

“Please.” She said softly. “This is my decision.”

She walked over and picked up her bags she’d dropped just inside the door working without thought, on auto drive. She’s just placed the milk in the fridge and closed the door when she felt herself encircled by Gerard’s arms.

“Honey, it’s okay.” He whispered seeing the tension in her body, wishing he could feel it.

Ayasha closed her eyes then leaned against him. Suddenly her body began to shake as the truth about what had happened hit her hard.

Gerard saw her body shaking. He turned her around to face him still keep his arms around her. “Ayasha you were brave but it’s okay to cry.”

“No.” The word was torn from her soul. “I am strong.”

He understood how she thought, “You are strong but crying don’t mean you aren’t.”

Ayasha leaned against his chest. “I will not shed a tear over Kyle. I will not waste one tear.”

He stroked her back. “Come on, let’s sit down.”

As they walked back into the living room she saw he’d righted the easel and replaced her painting. “What I told him was the truth.” She whispered.

He followed her gaze and saw she was looking at her painting. “You are more dear to my heart then you’ll ever know.” He whispered while sitting down then pulling her onto his lap.

For several minutes he held her then asked, “Does he still have the key?”

“No, he threw it on the floor before he left.”

Still Gerard was worried, “You should have the locks changed just incase he made a copy.”

She nodded then placed her head against his chest. “Yes, I will.”

“Tomorrow.”

“Yes, tomorrow but for tonight I’ve already set the deadbolt.”

“Sugar, why don’t we go to bed?” he suggested knowing she was mentally exhausted.

Ayasha sat up. “No, I don’t want to sleep. This is our time to be together. We need to talk about what I found out today.”

He smiled sadly, “Honey, I’m worried about you…”

She shook her head “I am fine.” She snapped. “Don’t worry about me.”

Gerard stared at her confused by her sudden angry outburst.

Ayasha saw the hurt in his eyes. “Gee, the only thing I’m worried about is you. God, when I saw you on the floor with your eyes closed, when you wouldn’t answer me….” She took a deep breath, “I didn’t know what to do.”

“Hey, I’m okay.” He said with false bravado. “I guess I just blacked out or something.”

“That’s never happened before.” She said looking down, “And you are weak.”

“I’m fine.” He used his fingertip to lift her chin. “Did you really tell Tom?” He’d been wondering about this since she’d said it.

“No.” She said looking directly into his eyes, “But I will first thing in the morning. That bastard isn’t going to hold anything over my head. I just hope…”

“Hope what?”

“I just hope I don’t see disappointment and disgust in his eyes.”

With all his heart Gerard hoped that too. “The truth will set you free.” He said softly.

Ayasha nodded.

“And tell him what happened here tonight.” Gerard stressed, “That’s important.”

She tried to glance away but he held her chin in place. “Ayasha, you need to tell him incase Kyle tries something again. If he knows you’ve told Tom he’ll think twice about messing with you again.” Gently he used his finger to touch her cheek, “Besides you aren’t going to be able to hide the truth.”

“Did it bruise?” She hadn’t even looked in a mirror.

He nodded.

“Shit.” She sighed, “I promise I’ll tell Tom.”

“Good.” He smiled suddenly feeling in some way he was doing something to protect her even if it was depending on someone else to keep her safe. “Now, what did you find out today?”

“On your official web site the band has posted about your condition.”

He waited but when she didn’t go on he said, “Uh, that I’m still in a coma?”

“Gee.” She sighed, “Yes, that but…well, it was written by Frank. It’s very touching.”

“I love that fucker.” Gerard said leaning back against the sofa cushions.

“And he loves you too, that’s obvious.”

“So what exactly does it say?”

She looked at him closely, “Do you want to read it?’

Gerard sighed, “No, just tell me.”

“He thanks the fans for their words of comfort that have filled the site. He said that he and the guys believe you will recover and that you are getting the best care possible.” She paused, “Gee, I think you’ve been moved from the original hospital to another facility. That wasn’t in the post but Tina knows a nurse at the hospital and called him. He’s the one that told her they were moving you. That was supposed to happen yesterday.”

“Why did they move me?" He asked.

She couldn’t make herself tell him the truth. “I guess because you’ll get better care there.”

He could sense she wasn’t telling him something. “What’s the name of the place?”

“I don’t know but maybe that’s why you felt different this morning.”

He thought a minute. “I guess that could be true.” Suddenly he closed his eyes as he struggled to hear a voice filling his head.

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LA
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“Gee, Ma is on her way but don’t worry I’m here.”

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“Gee?”

“I can barely hear him.” Gerard whispered.

“Mikey?”

He nodded, his eyes still closed, “His voice sounds so far away.” When she started to speak he held up his hand to silence her.

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LA
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“You really scared me.” Mikey said squeezing his brother’s hand the best he could while trying to ignore the restraints the nurses had left in place.

Alicia, who was standing behind her husband, placed her hand on his shoulder. “He looks better now.” She said wanting to give him hope.

“Yeah.” Mikey tried to block out the truth that the seizures had left Gerard looking more pale and lifeless than before. “Gee, don’t give up.” He pleaded as a tear rolled down his face. “None of us are giving up on you, we wouldn’t, we couldn’t, ever.”
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“Something happened to me.” Gerard whispered opening his eyes.

Ayasha brushed a tear from his cheek. “What was Mikey saying?”

“It’s so fucking hard to hear him now but I could hear the fear in his voice loud and clear. He said I scared him.”

This was what Ayasha had feared. “What happened here affected your body.” She got up off his lap then moved away. “This is my fault.”

Slowly he got off the sofa then went to her. “No, what happened here ain’t your fault. Don’t say that.”

She refused to turn around instead she stared at her painting. “My past will always haunt me, it will never stop.”

“Ayasha, stop.” He said forcefully. “That bastard came into your house uninvited and attacked you. That ain’t your fault.”

“But if it wasn’t for my past he wouldn’t have felt he had any leverage over me.” She sighed. “He came here believing I’d do whatever he wanted to keep that past from being exposed.”

“That fucker came here because he was angry.” Gerard said turning her around to face him.

Her fear over what had happened and how it had affected Gerard turned to anger. “You heard him, I know you did. He wanted me to spread my legs for him, he expected it because I’d done it so many times before.”

“Stop it.”

Ayasha clinched her fists at her sides. “That’s the truth and you know it. I’ve been such a fool believing you were here for me to help you. How could I help you? You being here is only making it worse.”

He had to make her understand. “If I died right now, if in LA my heart stopped beating; it wouldn’t change the fact that being here with you has changed me. I’m not the same man I was before this happened. Before I only had hatred and fear in my heart. You’ve filled my heart with love. You’ve made me realize how many people I’d hurt.” His voice grew softer, “You’ve made me pray I get a second chance to change things that’s something I’d never have wanted before. Don’t you get that?”

For several minutes she stated at him. Finally she spoke. “We have to do something. You’re body is growing weaker each day.”

He knew she spoke the truth, he was getting weaker even here with her. “Whatever happenes, thank you.”

Ayasha hated how he sounded as though he was ready to accept his death. “We won’t give up.”

His smile was slow and sad, “You are a fighter. You are brave.” He lifted his fingertip to gently stoke her hair. “Say the word in Cherokee.”

She blinked, refusing to allow the tears to fall. “tsa li tisv y as di”

“tsa li tisv y as di” He repeated. “Ayasha you are tsa li tisv y as di”

“It is what I promised my mother.” She said slowly turning to stare at the snowy landscape she’d painted. “I will always honor her request.”

This time his arms encircled her from behind. “When she told you to be brave she didn’t mean to completely shut off all other emotions. I’ve seen how many times you struggle not to cry.”

“I will not cry.” Ayasha’s voice was determined. “Tears are a sign of weakness.”

He leaned down to kiss the side of her neck. “But you shed tears for me.” He whispered.

“And I was judged to be weak and stupid.”

“We both know those words do not apply to you.”

Slowly she turned in his arms. “Gee, I just want you to hold me.” It was a plea from deep within her heart.

He smiled, “What about dinner?’

“The only hunger I feel is for you.” She said softly, “I just want to feel your body next to mine.”

Together they walked hand in hand towards the bedroom. Once there they both shed their clothing then got into bed. Gerard wrapped his arms around her and she snuggled up next to him finally feeling totally safe.

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LA
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“The seizures have left his vital signs weakened.” The doctor said kindly knowing his words brought pain to those seated near him.

“What caused them?” Donna asked blinking rapidly.

“We just don’t know.” The doctor answered. “But for now he is stable. Tomorrow morning we will run a MRI and that may offer us some answers.”

“Why not run it now?” Mikey asked.

The doctor sighed, “As I said his vitals are not as strong as we’d like. It is best to let his body recover a bit. We’ll be monitoring him closely all night.”

After the doctor left Mikey spoke, his voice haunted. “He’s not gonna make it.”

Donna reached for his hand. “Don’t say that. Don’t even think it. Gerard has always been a fighter.”

“Ma you didn’t see what happened.” Mikey whispered. “God, it was so terrible. The nurses couldn’t even fuckin’ hold him down.”

“Michael.” Donna’s voice was sharp. “Your brother will recover.”

As much as he wanted, needed, to believe his mother’s words Mikey couldn’t get the memory out of his mind. When he’d seen Gerard’s body thrashing on the bed he’d felt his own heart stop.

“Take him home.” Donna said looking over at her daughter in law.

“I ain’t going anywhere.” Mikey said shaking his head.

Donna smiled sadly, “I refused to have both of my sons in bad shape. You’ve been spending too many sleepless nights.” She squeezed his hand. “I love you, please for me, go home and get some sleep. I’m going to spend the night in Gee’s room. I’m going to watch over him.”

Mikey could see the tears in her eyes. “I love you too, ma.” Slowly he stood. “I’ll be back first thing in the morning.”

Donna nodded then accepted the hug Alicia gave her before she took Mikey’s hand to lead him from the room.

It wasn’t until they’d gone Donna broke down in tears.

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“Ayasha?”

“I’m awake.” She whispered knowing he believed she fallen asleep.

“I’ve never felt as helpless as I did when I couldn’t do anything to stop him.” His voice was laced with pain and regret. “I wanted to kill that bastard.”

Ayasha thought a moment. “You said you prayed you could open the door…”

“Yeah”

“In your mind did you want to open the door to hurt him or help me?”

He frowned then suddenly realized what she was getting at. “My last thoughts I can remember is praying I could get to you. I wanted to be with you, I wanted to save you.”

“That door crashing open is what saved me.” She whispered. “It gave me time to get away from him. Your prayer was answered.”

She tightened her arm around him.

“Ayasha?”

“Yes?”

“Why haven’t we made love?” He asked softly but as soon as the question left his lips he cursed himself. “Shit, forget I asked that.”

Ayasha leaned up on her elbow to look into his face. “It’s not because of what happened with Kyle. That was violence, nothing more.”

“Then why?” He asked searching her face for the answer.

“Because I am worried about you. Gee, I know how weak you are right now. I don’t want to do anything that could…” Her words trailed off when she saw him lower his hand to push back the blankets. Glancing down he saw what he’d expected, he was hard.

“Sugar, my mind and my body wants to love you, if that’s what you want.”

“Are you sure?” She whispered.

Instead of answering he pulled her body over his.