Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Stolen
I was in heaven. There was not a single drop of alcohol and I could finally know what he actually tasted like. His lips were soft and his hand was pushed just slightly onto my waist, pulling me close to him. We weren’t going any deeper with it, lips only, but with Brendon, I didn’t need any more. I just needed him.
His breath was hot against my lips and his other hand was against my cheek, circling his thumb on my cheekbone. My entire face had burnt scarlet and finally he pulled away.
He shuffled away, gazing at the sheets. I almost whined at the lack of contact.
“I’m sorry,” Brendon whispered, putting his hands onto his face. “Oh god, I’m such a horrible person – oh god, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to kiss you-“
I stopped him, putting my hand over his mouth.
“I don’t mind.” I whispered, a little downheartedly. “It’s just me. No one will know. I won’t tell. I know you didn’t want to kiss me.”
Brendon opened his mouth to say something but someone appeared at the door and cut him off.
“Times up Brendon, gotta go now.”
He stood up.
“Coming.” He called. The man shut the door behind him and Brendon turned to me, his entire body shaking. “Ryan, I’m scared, I don’t know if I can..”
“Go out there and marry him.” I reassured, stroking his cheek, slightly. The way he looked at me – I almost was sure that he could see something in me. “Go.” I whispered.
Brendon heeded my words and span on his heels, and he rushed out, to see his parents. I went up to the aisle and stood, near Dallon, who looked sickeningly nice. He didn’t look particularly /happy/, however. I offered him an indignant glare before turning back away from him.
The music started up and everyone in the hall stood up. I recognized none of Dallon’s family, but I knew quite a few of Brendon’s. He walked down the aisle with his father holding onto his arm, his mother already crying in the front aisle. I felt like crying.
But probably not for the same reason.
Brendon arrived and didn’t even look at me. I didn’t even get a tiny glance.
The two exchanged vows and then, rings, after I selected them from my pocket. And everyone cooed as they talked – but to me, there was something oddly fake. No happy tears, no heartfelt speeches – I didn’t get it. If I was getting married to Brendon, I think I’d be crying, crying out of how goddamn lucky I was that I would be spending the rest of my life with him.
Then there was the kiss.
Brendon’s cheeks were tensed as they kissed, and he barely even touched Dallon, letting his arms hang. I just – felt like something wasn’t right with him. Everybody started to clap and I did too, though only half heartedly, unable to do anything more.
They were married now.
My chance was gone.
Brendon didn’t love me.
Brendon never would love me.
It was over.
I followed everyone out of the church and into the cars, where I sat in Jon and Spencer’s, crying my eyes out. Spencer drove and Jon tried to console me, but I was frightened I might have another panic attack.
“I told you this would happen, Ry,” Jon sighed, rubbing my shoulder.
“But he kissed me,” I sobbed, rubbing my eyes. “Right before he went out there, he kissed me, for like, a minute.. I thought maybe he was going to call off the wedding.”
“Did you tell him how you felt?”
“No,” I sniffed. “I was too scared, and when he pulled away, I don’t think he really wanted to kiss me.. He didn’t mean it, he didn’t.” I laid my head against the window of the car, pushing a hand over my mouth. “He’ll go live with Dallon and have kids and a family and I’ll die alone.”
“No,” Jon snapped. “Stop it now, Brendon isn’t everything, you do not need to be hung up on him!”
But that just made me feel worse about my self and I felt like my insides were going to come up.
“Oh – Ryan,” Jon fumbled, pulling me onto his lap. “I’m sorry this happened, I’m sorry about your father, I’m sorry about Dan.. But you have to let Brendon go now.”
His words rung in my ears and I stopped crying, wiping my eyes.
“I don’t think I’ll ever just let him go,” I whispered, leaning against him. “I don’t think I could ever do that.”
We all piled into the reception hall where music was blaring and couples were dancing. I made my way over to the corner of the room and sat down on an astray chair, tucking my knees to my chest. Tonight was going to be a long night.
Spencer and Jon slinked past holding hands, laughing and probably a little bit drunk. Brendon was sat with Dallon at a table, with both sets of parents, grinning about something or other. Everyone seemed to be having the times of their lives, except me.
I wanted to vomit at the sight. My entire body was aching and shaking, ad my eyes were wet with tears, every time I looked up. So I kept my eyes fixed on the floor and denied anyone who tried to talk to me – there was only one, and they were asking where the bathrooms were.
I watched through dripping eyes as Brendon and Dallon shared a first dance.
Dallon stole Brendon’s first dance from me. Me and him were supposed to share our first dances. But now it couldn’t happen. Now it was ruined.
“Toasts!” A glass was rung and my heart dropped into my stomach. I wasn’t ready for toasts.
Dallon’s best man gave a lovely speech about how much Dallon loves Brendon and all that crappy shit that isn’t true. Something about the way Dallon looks at Brendon makes me feel that he doesn’t love him as much as he should.
Then Jon gave a speech, and Spencer, and every speech just seemed to make me tear up.
“And now the lovely Ryan Ross..” The voice called. My shoulders froze and everyone in the room turned to look at me. I stood up, nervously. Last time something like this had happened I vomited.
I made my way to the front of the room and took the microphone.
“The first time I met Brendon Urie, he was auditioning for my-“
“Crappy!” Dallon called, drunkenly.
“-Band.” I gazed upsettedly down at my feet. “And he..” I almost laughed. “He auditioned as Gollum. And – Swear down, from the moment it happened, I loved the guy. He’s been my best friend for so long, and when he told me he was getting married..” I paused, swallowing nervously. “I was so very happy for him.” I started to shake.
“And..” I mumbled, breathing in very sharply. Everyone heard and looked straight at me, watching. My eyes started to water and my fingers started to shake.
Not again. Fuck.
My breathing rapidly increased. “A-and..” My heart started to ache and wrench inside of me, and pain was shooting up and down my arms. “A-and..” I let out a sob and ducked my head, shaking it. I couldn’t control myself anymore and I couldn’t breathe.
“Is he okay?”
I stumbled through the tables, gasping for air, making my way towards the door, spluttering on my own tears. I was reaching for the door but I fell to my knees, vomiting abruptly, my stomach contracting inside of me, my entire body shaking and sweating heavily.
Hands were touching me and trying to help me, but they were just stressing me out, just making me worse, and I cried harder, scrabbling along the floor.
“Move out of the way,” A gentle voice cut through the harsh noise and scooped me up, carrying me to the corner of the room and sitting me up.
The familiar hands pushed against my back and helped my breathing slightly.
There were whispers of ‘who is he?’ and ‘what is he doing?’ and ‘why is the groom rubbing that guy’s back?’ but I didn’t care, because I was frightened and upset and completely overwhelmed. The combination of people watching me, the love of my life getting married to a disgusting guy and having to give a speech about it just added it all up for me. Brendon rubbed his hands across my back.
“Are you okay now?” He whispered, softly. I shook my head, still sobbing, still breathing awfully, still sucking in air. He frowned and called for someone to call for an ambulance.
“I’m scared,” I sobbed, my head bowed, his hands kneeding into my shoulders.
“It’s gonna be okay, honest. It’s just panic, you’re okay,”
“I’m n-not okay,” I cried, fumbling behind me for his hands. He took them.
“You are, you are okay.” Brendon reassured me. “You might not feel it now. But you are okay.”
I was scooped up by rough hands and laid down in the back of an ambulance, and left alone.
At least I could breathe now.
So I’d managed to ruin the wedding – but I didn’t claim the prize.
His breath was hot against my lips and his other hand was against my cheek, circling his thumb on my cheekbone. My entire face had burnt scarlet and finally he pulled away.
He shuffled away, gazing at the sheets. I almost whined at the lack of contact.
“I’m sorry,” Brendon whispered, putting his hands onto his face. “Oh god, I’m such a horrible person – oh god, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to kiss you-“
I stopped him, putting my hand over his mouth.
“I don’t mind.” I whispered, a little downheartedly. “It’s just me. No one will know. I won’t tell. I know you didn’t want to kiss me.”
Brendon opened his mouth to say something but someone appeared at the door and cut him off.
“Times up Brendon, gotta go now.”
He stood up.
“Coming.” He called. The man shut the door behind him and Brendon turned to me, his entire body shaking. “Ryan, I’m scared, I don’t know if I can..”
“Go out there and marry him.” I reassured, stroking his cheek, slightly. The way he looked at me – I almost was sure that he could see something in me. “Go.” I whispered.
Brendon heeded my words and span on his heels, and he rushed out, to see his parents. I went up to the aisle and stood, near Dallon, who looked sickeningly nice. He didn’t look particularly /happy/, however. I offered him an indignant glare before turning back away from him.
The music started up and everyone in the hall stood up. I recognized none of Dallon’s family, but I knew quite a few of Brendon’s. He walked down the aisle with his father holding onto his arm, his mother already crying in the front aisle. I felt like crying.
But probably not for the same reason.
Brendon arrived and didn’t even look at me. I didn’t even get a tiny glance.
The two exchanged vows and then, rings, after I selected them from my pocket. And everyone cooed as they talked – but to me, there was something oddly fake. No happy tears, no heartfelt speeches – I didn’t get it. If I was getting married to Brendon, I think I’d be crying, crying out of how goddamn lucky I was that I would be spending the rest of my life with him.
Then there was the kiss.
Brendon’s cheeks were tensed as they kissed, and he barely even touched Dallon, letting his arms hang. I just – felt like something wasn’t right with him. Everybody started to clap and I did too, though only half heartedly, unable to do anything more.
They were married now.
My chance was gone.
Brendon didn’t love me.
Brendon never would love me.
It was over.
I followed everyone out of the church and into the cars, where I sat in Jon and Spencer’s, crying my eyes out. Spencer drove and Jon tried to console me, but I was frightened I might have another panic attack.
“I told you this would happen, Ry,” Jon sighed, rubbing my shoulder.
“But he kissed me,” I sobbed, rubbing my eyes. “Right before he went out there, he kissed me, for like, a minute.. I thought maybe he was going to call off the wedding.”
“Did you tell him how you felt?”
“No,” I sniffed. “I was too scared, and when he pulled away, I don’t think he really wanted to kiss me.. He didn’t mean it, he didn’t.” I laid my head against the window of the car, pushing a hand over my mouth. “He’ll go live with Dallon and have kids and a family and I’ll die alone.”
“No,” Jon snapped. “Stop it now, Brendon isn’t everything, you do not need to be hung up on him!”
But that just made me feel worse about my self and I felt like my insides were going to come up.
“Oh – Ryan,” Jon fumbled, pulling me onto his lap. “I’m sorry this happened, I’m sorry about your father, I’m sorry about Dan.. But you have to let Brendon go now.”
His words rung in my ears and I stopped crying, wiping my eyes.
“I don’t think I’ll ever just let him go,” I whispered, leaning against him. “I don’t think I could ever do that.”
We all piled into the reception hall where music was blaring and couples were dancing. I made my way over to the corner of the room and sat down on an astray chair, tucking my knees to my chest. Tonight was going to be a long night.
Spencer and Jon slinked past holding hands, laughing and probably a little bit drunk. Brendon was sat with Dallon at a table, with both sets of parents, grinning about something or other. Everyone seemed to be having the times of their lives, except me.
I wanted to vomit at the sight. My entire body was aching and shaking, ad my eyes were wet with tears, every time I looked up. So I kept my eyes fixed on the floor and denied anyone who tried to talk to me – there was only one, and they were asking where the bathrooms were.
I watched through dripping eyes as Brendon and Dallon shared a first dance.
Dallon stole Brendon’s first dance from me. Me and him were supposed to share our first dances. But now it couldn’t happen. Now it was ruined.
“Toasts!” A glass was rung and my heart dropped into my stomach. I wasn’t ready for toasts.
Dallon’s best man gave a lovely speech about how much Dallon loves Brendon and all that crappy shit that isn’t true. Something about the way Dallon looks at Brendon makes me feel that he doesn’t love him as much as he should.
Then Jon gave a speech, and Spencer, and every speech just seemed to make me tear up.
“And now the lovely Ryan Ross..” The voice called. My shoulders froze and everyone in the room turned to look at me. I stood up, nervously. Last time something like this had happened I vomited.
I made my way to the front of the room and took the microphone.
“The first time I met Brendon Urie, he was auditioning for my-“
“Crappy!” Dallon called, drunkenly.
“-Band.” I gazed upsettedly down at my feet. “And he..” I almost laughed. “He auditioned as Gollum. And – Swear down, from the moment it happened, I loved the guy. He’s been my best friend for so long, and when he told me he was getting married..” I paused, swallowing nervously. “I was so very happy for him.” I started to shake.
“And..” I mumbled, breathing in very sharply. Everyone heard and looked straight at me, watching. My eyes started to water and my fingers started to shake.
Not again. Fuck.
My breathing rapidly increased. “A-and..” My heart started to ache and wrench inside of me, and pain was shooting up and down my arms. “A-and..” I let out a sob and ducked my head, shaking it. I couldn’t control myself anymore and I couldn’t breathe.
“Is he okay?”
I stumbled through the tables, gasping for air, making my way towards the door, spluttering on my own tears. I was reaching for the door but I fell to my knees, vomiting abruptly, my stomach contracting inside of me, my entire body shaking and sweating heavily.
Hands were touching me and trying to help me, but they were just stressing me out, just making me worse, and I cried harder, scrabbling along the floor.
“Move out of the way,” A gentle voice cut through the harsh noise and scooped me up, carrying me to the corner of the room and sitting me up.
The familiar hands pushed against my back and helped my breathing slightly.
There were whispers of ‘who is he?’ and ‘what is he doing?’ and ‘why is the groom rubbing that guy’s back?’ but I didn’t care, because I was frightened and upset and completely overwhelmed. The combination of people watching me, the love of my life getting married to a disgusting guy and having to give a speech about it just added it all up for me. Brendon rubbed his hands across my back.
“Are you okay now?” He whispered, softly. I shook my head, still sobbing, still breathing awfully, still sucking in air. He frowned and called for someone to call for an ambulance.
“I’m scared,” I sobbed, my head bowed, his hands kneeding into my shoulders.
“It’s gonna be okay, honest. It’s just panic, you’re okay,”
“I’m n-not okay,” I cried, fumbling behind me for his hands. He took them.
“You are, you are okay.” Brendon reassured me. “You might not feel it now. But you are okay.”
I was scooped up by rough hands and laid down in the back of an ambulance, and left alone.
At least I could breathe now.
So I’d managed to ruin the wedding – but I didn’t claim the prize.
Sign up to rate and review this story