FicWad

Chapter 17: Keeping Me Alive

Frank:

Another day, another twelve hours when I would be able to communicate with Gerard. That was the only thing that kept me going – literally. If he wasn't here with me then I don't know where I'd be. “Fwankie...” Gee mumbled next to me half-asleep. I ran a hand over his hair and kissed his forehead softly.

“Shh...Go back to sleep, Gee.” I whispered quietly to him.

“I can't whilst you're awake next to me, stupid.” Gerard retorted, smirking wide at me still with his eyes closed. Gee was so cute when he slept, just like me apparently; according to him I was adorable. But in my mind all I could think of when I was asleep was that I looked dead for a few hours.

Gerard however; was the most cutest fucker known to man. He was even cuter when he clung onto me just like now. His right arm was wrapped around my waist and s other hand was holding my hand tight in his, he was now running his thumb over my fingers slowly.

“And why is that may I ask?”

“Because your hotness distracts me from sleep...”

“You can see me in your dreams, I'm sure.” I smirked wide, he opened his eyes.

“Don't you mean nightmares..?” He joked as he chuckled a little to himself, lost in his own world of half-sleep-ness. Not wanting to return to reality just yet. I mockingly gasped and pretended to look offended.

“Am I really that horrifying to you?” I pretended to cry and whimpered, pouting adorably at him. He laughed and pressed his lips hard onto mine.

“Never ever!” He laughed and kissed all over my face, planting butterfly kisses wherever he could as I giggled uncontrollably.

“Stahp!” I yelped out, trying to get away. It tickled so bad!

“And what if I don't?” Gerard asked, running a hand through my hair.

“Then no kisses for you for a whole day.” He pulled away and crossed his arms, staring up at the ceiling.

“Fine. I'll stop...” He said to himself quietly, mumbling nonsense. I leaned over and planted a deep kiss on his lips and ran my tongue along his, he played with my lip ring and I whimpered before pulling away, deciding that this was too much for me to handle this early in the morning. Today we had no lessons, right? We had the day off. It was a Thursday and we were allowed to stay back at the dorms if we were allowed.

So I got to spend the whole day with him, never leaving his side. He would surely get sick of me. I mean...I'm me. Why wouldn't you get sick of me? Well, Gerard seems to have this image in his head that I'm 'perfect in ever single way' and that there 'isn't anything that he would change about me' but oh the contrary...There are so many things that I would change...

Gerard swung his legs out of the bed and he walked into the bathroom, turning on the shower. Woah, Gerard was showering – what was this? I lay in the newly made larger bed and I hugged Gerard's pillow to my face, taking in his scent in large amounts.

I just wanted to stay here forever; seriously. Gerard could give me food every now and again so I didn't waste away into nothing and then I could constantly be around him...

I didn't realize that I had fallen half asleep again until Gerard kissed the back of my neck, making me flip out and I smacked him on the arm. “Shit, Gerard!” I shrieked, clambering to my feet. He was all wet-faced and absolutely perfect like usual. He was now wearing a short sleeved, black shirt paired with black skinnies like normal.

His hair was fluffy and he had let his fringe hang over his eyes a little, casting a perfect shadow over his nose. I giggled a little to myself and wrapped my arms tightly around him, holding him close to me.

“Are you feeling alright?” Gerard asked as he ran a hand down my spine to my waist. I blushed a deep red then and shoved him away playfully, embarrassed and he smirked wide at me.

“Stop being so perfect, Gee. Then I'll be alright,” Gerard shook his head slowly.

“Stop complimenting yourself, Frank.” He winked and ran a hand over my raggedy hair. I lay back down on the bed again and snuggled up in the covers, Gerard switched the light off again and thanks to his insane hate towards the sunlight, he had black-out curtains, meaning that it was pitch black even though it was midday. He wrapped his arms around me and I snuggled back into him, “you're so perfect...” Gerard whispered into my ear, holding me close to him.

I turned around in his arms and ran a hand down his chest and to his trousers, was now the time to just go for it? To just give Gerard what he had wanted for so long. The one thing that he deserved more than anything in the world. “Frank...You know you don't have to, right?” God I swear that he had read minds sometimes. “I know that you feel like you need to because...I did it to you but...You don't.”

“I want to, Gerard...I just hate letting you down each time...” I mumbled, feeling dead guilty again. I took one of his hands in mine instead and played with his larger fingers. Mine were tiny in comparison.

“Don't worry about it, okay?” He leaned forwards and kissed me hard, I kissed him back softly and quickly, pulling away and snuggling into his chest. Just wanting to lay there forever with him and take in his warm, familiar scent of candles, cigarettes and coffee.

“G-Gerard...” I whispered quietly, not sure whether I wanted to tell him just yet. He needed to know how I felt right?

“Just sleep...Don't talk about it until you're ready, okay?” Oh...Right. He was still talking about the other thing...

“B-But Gee...” I continued, he shook his head and held me tighter to him.

“I don't wanna hear it,” he replied as I sighed, closing my eyes. I played with his shirt and ran a finger along the skin on his neck, he had suck perfect skin...It was insanely pale but perfect all the same. I ran my fingers all over the visible skin, admiring every single inch of him, I cupped his face at the end of it and kissed him softly, with his eyes still closed.

“I love you, Gerard...” My voice croaked out, I could feel the tears already forming behind my eyes as I got no response. I waited a few more seconds and still nothing. Oh man...I shook him and sighed, I leant down to his ear and bit it gently, he startled awake and I sighed.

“What'd I miss?” Gerard asked, his words slurring over one another.

“N-Nothing, Gerard. Nothing at all, go back to sleep...” And instantly, he closed his eyes and fell back into a deep sleep. So he hadn't heard me say it? He hadn't heard me confess my love for him? My feelings. One thing that I never usually did. I slipped out from his arms and changed into suitable clothes. He wouldn't be waking up for a few hours, he was exhausted, for no reason that I could think of.

I shoved on my black leather jacket, grabbed my headphones and some cash before exiting the dorm and making my way over to Mikey and Ray's dorm. Maybe Ray was up for a coffee or something, actually...I needed to eat something. So did Gee actually, he never ate. Gerard had always relied on cigarettes and alcohol to keep him alive.

Now...In some ways it was me that kept him alive. I was the reason why he got out of bed everyday and that made me feel so unbelievably special.

Today it was quite cold so I pulled my hood up and shoved my hands deeper into my pockets. Maybe Ray was up for teaching me some rifts on the guitar and then Mikey could join in. Mikey...Oh man. I needed to apologize from Gerard for the other night.

It wasn't his fault, it was the other Gerard. The Gerard who makes me sick to the stomach whenever I think about him doing something like that. The Gerard who would do anything to get what he wanted that would stop the pain that he was feeling.

That Gerard, was at the back of his mind and occasionally it would come out to play and that was when not only I was the most delicate. But also him as well.

I knocked on Mikey's door and he let me in gladly which I was rather sceptical about but I stepped inside anyway and Ray was sat there tuning his guitar and Mikey looked like he was halfway through a comic by the pages being folded over on his bed. God, the room was completely different to mine and Gee's, not to mention the mood.

“H-hey,” I mumbled to Mikey quietly. I went and sat next to Ray, feeling more comfortable there and Mikey handed me a can of coke before sitting down on his bed.

“I'm sorry, alright.” Mikey said to me in a rush of breath, almost trying to get it out as quick as possible so he didn't screw it up. I was going to say those words first but... “I shouldn't have reacted that way. I wasn't myself and I'm sorry, please, please, please, tell Gerard that I never meant any of it. Please?”

Quickly, I wrapped my arms tightly around the boy and his skinny arms held me close to him. It was strange because although Mikey was Gerard's younger brother, he looked slightly older sometimes. But there was always this child-like glimmer in his eyes that was searching for some kind of adventure.

It made you feel comfortable with him whenever he spoke, because normally he didn't speak, only when he needed to.

“Hey...Don't be upset, okay? It was all so messed up and wrong, you have nothing to be sorry for.” I attempted to comfort him and it seemed to be working. Obviously, I had some kind of healing power over the Way's. I pulled away and he was looking down at his hands.

“B-b-but what if Gerard won't forgive me, e-e-ever?” He stammered, his bottom lip quivering just like Gee's did. I shook my head immediately and took one of his hands in mine. Ray stood and went into the bathroom shutting the door, obviously becoming too overwhelmed with the amount of love in the room. Not that kind of love – obviously. He was Gerard's brother – Always would be. Nothing more. Ever.

“He will, Mikes. I'm positive, he feels more guilty than you. You're both sorry and I think that all you need to do is talk to each other, alright? Everything's going to be okay.” I said as I hugged him again.

After around half an hour I had managed to calm him down after a mini-panic attack. I decided that it was time to leave again after Mikey had fallen asleep in my lap. I slowly slid out from underneath him and Ray waved to me before I left quietly and I decided to go back to the dorm.

Spending that much time with his brother had reminded me so much of Gerard and then how much I had missed him. I wondered what Gerard would be doing now...I had been gone for around two hours and he could either still be asleep or panicking off of his head. I hesitantly unlocked the door and I was attacked by black. Gerard wrapped his arms tightly around me and he pulled down my hood after he pulled away, smiling wide at me.

“Where'd you go, Fwankie?” He pouted and took one of my hands in his.

“Miss me, then?” I smirked wide and glanced around the room, the only thing that had moved was the duvet and he had been at his desk again.

“Of course I did! How could I not?” I pecked his lips softly, “seriously though...Where were you?”

“I er, went to see Mikey. He's sorry, Gee. For everything. For the other night. He really, truly is.” Gerard sighed and he held me tight in his arms again, he kissed my hair and I snuggled into his chest, taking in as much of his familiar scent as I could. God, I had missed him so much it was unreal.

“I'll go and talk to him tomorrow, Frank...I need to apologize myself and he needs to know that he didn't do anything wrong. It...It was my fault,” I pulled away and he led me over to the bed again, we both climbed in and he wrapped his arms around me again. I curled into his body and played with his shirt, why was he so perfect? I mean...No one should be allowed to be that perfect – yet he was. Completely.

“G-Gee...You're...” I whispered as I stared up into his eyes, I ran a hand over his cheek and I moved a strand of his hair away from his face. “...Perfect...” I finished quietly, “I don't think you realize how perfect you are for me.”

“You really need to stop doing that thing again,” Gerard said to me quietly as he had a small smile on his lips.

“What thing?” I asked, smiling right back at him and blushing a light shade of pink as he played with the hair on the back of my neck.

“The part where you keep talking about yourself, you're the only perfect one in this room.” I shook my head and climbed on top of him with my legs either sides of his hips.

“No!” I shouted down at him, hitting him gently on the chest. “Stop it!!” I shouted louder at him, wanting to get my point across as best as I could. “You, are perfect. I, am not. You're perfect in looks, body, personality, skills and you're so fucking talented, Gee.” I paused, “me? I've got talent to play a few strings, that's it.”

“You have more talents than that, Frank.” Gerard answered, looking like he was getting upset by the fact that I thought so lowly of myself.

“What are they then?” I asked, dying to know his answer. Needing to know that there was something else that I was good at because I can't think of it.

“You're one of the only people other than Mikey who hasn't given up on me. My parents gave up on me, my school, my family. Everyone. You? No.” Gerard gazed into my eyes, them filled with such honesty and determination to get his point across to me.

“You're keeping me alive.”