FicWad

Gerard tightened his arm around Ayasha’s shoulder as they both sat staring into the small fire. Tonight they’d used up the rest of the small kindling she’d brought inside and now the fire was burning low.

“Tomorrow I’ll bring in more wood.” Ayasha said softly.

The first thought in his head caused his heart to ache. Would he be here tomorrow night when she returned from work?

Ayasha could sense his feelings. “You’ll be waiting for me.”

Gerard leaned over and placed a kiss on her cheek. “Sure I will. Of course I will.”

For hours they’d talked about their lives sharing many memories they had never shared with anyone before. It was however getting late and Gerard knew Ayasha needed to sleep. “What to head downstairs?”

“Not yet.” She snuggled closer to him. “I don’t want this night to end yet.” She too was fighting her own fears. Each day he appeared weaker but she refused to let herself believe that tonight would be their last night together. Still, she wanted this night to last as long as possible.

“But Sugar you’ve got to work tomorrow and from what Tom said it sounds like you’re gonna be busy. Tell me about the festival.”

“It’s held at this time every year.” Ayasha explained. They close off the main street and vendors set up booths.”

“What kind of stuff do they sell?”

“Artwork, jewelry, crafts. People come from all over for the two day festival.”

He frowned, “Two day festival, does that mean your store will be open Sunday too?”

“Yes, but I don’t work on Sunday. I never have.”

“Wish I could see it.” He sighed, “I love stuff like that.”

Ayasha thought a minute. “I could take my digital camera tomorrow. I’ll take photos for you.”

He smiled, “I’d like that. I’d love to see where you work too.”

Ayasha warmed to the idea. In her mind it helped to cement the thought that he’d be waiting for her return so she could share her photos. “Okay, then I’ll take lots of photos. I’ll even take a picture of that necklace in the shop I told you about.”

He stroked her arm absently. “Great.”

Ayasha looked beyond the fire to the open doors. “It’s a beautiful night.” She said softly. “The weather should be perfect tomorrow, not a rain cloud in sight.”

Gerard too looked out into the inky darkness. “Yeah, it is beautiful. Look at all the stars. I always feel so small at times like this.”

She understood. “The world is huge and we are such a small part of it. But each part, no matter how small, makes up the whole.”

“More words of wisdom from your grandma?”

She smiled softly, “Yes, she always was reminding me how important I was. She never wanted me to think my life was unimportant, she wanted me to know, to understand, I was as important as any other.”

“Ayasha” He said suddenly, “I’ve never asked, what was your grandmother’s name?”

“Ominotago.” Ayasha said the voice with reverence. “It means beautiful voice and believe me she truly had a beautiful voice. She sang to me often, her voice was so soothing.”

“Did she sing in Cherokee?”

“Yes, always.” Ayasha smiled as memories filled her mind. “She wanted me to speak Cherokee, she was afraid our language would be lost so many times she would speak the language around the house and she always sang in Cherokee.”

Gerard could see the love in her eyes as she spoke of her grandmother. “Can you sing in Cherokee for me? I mean, I did hear you once but that was when I was banished to your bedroom.”

“Oh.” Ayasha blinked with surprise. “I’d forgotten and you weren’t exactly banished.”

“Please?” He kissed her cheek softly. “I’d love to hear you sing to me.”

For a moment she sat trying to recall one of the songs her grandmother sang. When the memory of her favorite song came forward she took a deep breath then began, softly at first then the more she sang her voice grew stronger.

Gerard was enchanted by her voice, by the words even though he did not understand their meaning. When her voice slowly faded and the last Cherokee word was sung he impulsively kissed her. “That was beautiful.”

Ayasha was pleased, yet slightly embarrassed. “You don’t even know what I was singing about.”

He laughed, “Okay that’s true. Tell we what the words mean.”

She grinned, “Only if you let me teach it to you.”

“You want to teach me to sing in Cherokee?”

“Yes, that’s it exactly.” She turned her body slightly to face him. “Is it a deal?”

“Okay.” He nodded. “It’s a deal.”

Ayasha reached out to take his hands in hers. “It is our Morning Song.”

Gerard frowned, “Mourning?”

It took her only a moment to understand why he was frowning. “That’s M-O-R-N-I-N-G not mourning. It is a song to greet the day. It is actually the first song Grandmother taught me.”

“And it is the first song in Cherokee you will teach me.” He leaned over and kissed her lips again. “Okay, let’s start.”

Ayasha smiled then began. “We n’ de ya ho. We n’ de ya ho.”

Gerard tried to mimic her words but when he saw Ayasha giggle he stopped. “Wrong?”

“It’s just cute, you are singing Cherokee with a Jersey accent.”

“Yeah, suppose that’s true.” He laughed.

“But it’s wonderful all the same.” Ayasha said warmly. She continued “We n’ de ya ho. We n’ de ya ho. Ho, ho ho ho. He ya ho he ya ya ya ya.”

Again Gerard tried to mimic her words.

“Very good. You see it is a very simple song.”

“But what are we singing?” He asked.

“Basically it translates, I am of the Great Spirit, I am of the Great Spirit. It is so, is so. Great Spirit, Great Spirit. The song is to remind us we are all part of the Great Spirit, which is the earth, the air, the water, everything.”

“That is beautiful.” Gerard said, his voice full of emotion.

“And now you can sing in Cherokee.” Ayasha smiled, “But I really don’t think it will fit well on your next album.”

He sighed, “Don’t suppose there will ever be another album. I’m sure by now the record company has pulled the plug on the shit we were working on. Before this happened they were already pissed we’d been in the studio for so long.”

“Oh.” She said sadly. “But I don’t believe you will never record again. You will.”

Before she could object he pulled her onto his lap. “Wish I had your faith.” He whispered as he nuzzled her neck. “I really do.”

An hour later Gerard finally convinced Ayasha it was time for her to sleep. Reluctantly she allowed him to lead her downstairs to bed.

“I didn’t realize it was so late.” He said after closing the closet door then gazing at the clock. “Shit, you aren’t going to get much sleep.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Ayasha said while moving towards her bedroom. “I’m not tired.”

He coughed to cover his smile because she was trying to hide a yawn while she spoke.

They walked into the bedroom and without turning on a light Ayasha started to undress. When she glanced up she saw Gerard’s smile. “Gee.” She sighed, “We are not going to make love.”

His smile slipped, “But uh, you’re naked.”

Ayasha moved closer to him and began to pull at the hem of his sweatshirt. He lifted his arms automatically. “And soon you will be naked too.” She said throwing his shirt to the ground.

Gerard was trying to think but her nude body was making that difficult. “It’s because you’re too tired?”

“No.” She answered as she pushed down his sweats. “That is not why. We’ve made love once today. That was enough.” When she looked into his face and saw he was still frowning she added, “I just want to feel your skin next to mine.”

“Well I want that too.” He answered nodding. “But I don’t get that once already today part.”

“I do not want you weakened.” She said turning towards the bed.

He placed his hand on her shoulder to turn her around. “Ayasha, we’ve been over this already. Stop worrying about that.”

“No.” Her voice was determined. “I can’t and I won’t. But I still like to think that my nearness makes you stronger.”

He gently cupped her face with his hands. “It does make me stronger. Being with you is all I need.”

It was hard for her not to show her true reaction to his words. “Come.” She took his hand then led him to the bed. Once they were lying curled up together she spoke again. “Tomorrow when I get home I will share my photos with you.”

At first he was confused she’d obviously changed the subject but after a moments hesitation he did understand. It was important to her to plan on what they would do together when she returned home tomorrow night. It was important because it made the possibility of him waiting for her seem more plausible. “Yeah, I can’t wait.” He said forcing enthusiasm into his tone. “I’d love to see some of the artwork.” He paused, “Uh, so are you going to take your painting?”

She had given this much thought. “Yes, I believe it’s something I should do. I can’t really explain why…”

“Sugar, sometimes we just know things, we can’t explain them but it’s just a feeling.”

“Yes.” Ayasha said softly. “That’s how I feel.”

He pulled her closer, “Now close those beautiful brown eyes and get some sleep.”

It was fortunate for Ayasha that in the darkness he couldn’t see the look on her face; he couldn’t see how badly his words had upset her.

__________
LA
_____________

Mikey slipped quietly from the bed not wanting to wake his wife. For hours he’d laid trying to sleep but it had been impossible, his mind refused to shut off. Finding out he and Alicia were going to have a baby on top of all his worries about Gerard was just too much.

Through the darkness he walked into the living room to take a seat on the sofa. Several minutes passed when he heard a sound.

“Can’t sleep?”

“Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you.” He said softly as he saw his wife’s form moving towards him.

Alicia sat down next to him and he automatically put his arm around her shoulder. “It’s okay but why are you sitting here in the dark?”

“Just thinking.”

She sighed, “You wish you were with Gerard, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess.” He admitted. “I know there really isn’t any point in me being there all the time and yet…”

“And yet you want to be near him.”

He tightened his arm around her body. “Yeah, I just can’t stand the thought of him laying in that bed. I want him to know I’m there for him.”

“Mikey, he knows that. You and Gee have always been so close.”

“Not the last couple of months.” Mikey said sadly. “He didn’t want me anywhere near him.”

“He didn’t want anyone who cared about him around.” Alicia said sadly. “He was pushing everyone who loved him away.”

Her words caused Mikey’s to close his eyes in pain. “I know that’s true and that hurt me more than anything. It was like he knew this was going to happen and he thought by pushing people away it would make it easier.”

“Well, he was wrong if that’s what he thought.” Alicia said in anger. “He’s hurt everyone who loves him.”

Mikey understood she was talking mostly about him. “But even so I just can’t make myself believe he meant for this to happen.”

“You can’t make yourself believe he tried to end his life.”

“Yeah.” Mikey whispered. “I can’t. Gee wouldn’t do that, not to himself, not to me.” He paused then his true feelings poured out. “I don’t know what I’ll do if…”

Alicia cupped his face with her hands. “Whatever happens you’ll go on. Mikey you’re stronger than you realize. And I’ll be at your side helping you.”

He took some comfort from her words. “I know you will. You and our baby will help me.”

She smiled, “Yes, both of us will because we love you.”
_____________________________________________________


Ayasha woke before the alarm went off. Immediately she gazed up at Gerard’s face. When she saw his eyes were closed her heart began to race.

Gerard, who could sense she’d awakened, smiled. “Just resting my eyes.”

“Oh.” She took a deep calming breath. “So you’ve been here all night?”

“Here watching you sleep.” He confirmed. “You look so peaceful when you sleep.”

“Just don’t tell me I snore.” She teased.

Gerard teased right back, “Okay, I won’t tell you.”

“Oh, you.” She poked him in the ribs.

“What would you like for breakfast?” Gerard asked as he slowly sat up.

“You.” The word popped out of her mouth before she could stop it.

“Oh really?” He laughed. Glancing over at the clock he was pleased there was still almost an hour before the alarm would go off. “Would you like me over easy?”

Her eyes grew wide and her cheeks flushed. “Uh, I was kidding.”

“No, you weren’t.” He said stroking her cheek. “And I’ll tell you again, stop worrying. I definitely feel up to it.” Earlier he’d glanced down while she was sleeping and knew he had an erection. “See?” He pulled off the blanket. “Just holding you in my arms caused that.”

Ayasha had followed his gaze. “Oh, my.”

“Oh my, indeed.” He pulled her into his arms. “So my little Cheorkee songbird, tell me what we’re gonna do about the situation.”

It was impossible to contain her desire. “Should I tell you, or show you?” Her voice was low and husky.

“Show me.” He whispered. “Show me how much you love me.”

“I do love you.” She answered from her heart. “More than I ever dreamed I could love.”



Because of their early morning lovemaking Ayasha was running late. She’d just appeared in the kitchen, dressed and ready for the day, when Gerard handed her a piece of toast.

“Don’t think you have time for anything else.” He sighed.

Ayasha smiled, took a bite, chewed, then once she swallowed, answered. “The breakfast I had was worth it.”

He grinned, “Yeah, it was. So will you be late today?”

Her smiled faded, “No, I’ll make sure I’m not.”

“Honey, if you are busy and have to be late, it’s okay. I’ll be here waiting to see the pictures you take.” It was important to him she not worry.

“Crap, almost forgot the camera.’ She took another bite of her toast while walking over to the desk. “Got it.” She said a moment later. She placed it in her bag. “Okay.” She sighed, “Got to go.” As is was, she’d have to walk fast to get to the store on time.

Gerard pulled her into his arms then kissed her soundly. “Have a good day.”

She blinked rapidly; fearfully the tears that threatened would fall. “I will. And I’ll see you tonight.”

“Yep.” He forced himself to smile. “I’ll be here.”

At the door she stopped. “Gee?”

“I love you too.” He said knowing what she was about to say.

She nodded, picked up her painting she’d placed by the door, then walked out.

Gerard sighed. Once more he didn’t go to the window; he laid down on the sofa waiting for the darkness he could feel coming. However this time when it came, it came fast and hard. His last thoughts were…please let me be here when she returns.


When Ayasha arrived Tom was waiting to escort her to the back office. She set down her painting then followed him. As soon as the office door closed she spoke. “Thank you for arranging to have my locks changed but I insist on paying you back.”

Tom laughed as he sat down behind the desk. “Figured you’d say that and the answer is no.”

“But Tom…”

He held up his hand, “Ayasha, Joe owed me a favor and I used it. Now tell me, you haven’t had anymore problems?”

“No, nothing.”

“Good, I was sure my little chat with Dole would have taken care of that.”

Ayasha sighed, “I’m sorry you had to get involved in this.”

He smiled, “I’m not. Damn glad you let me get involved. Let me tell you I gave Dole an earful about that son of his.”

Nervously Aysaha glanced away, “Did Dole tell you anything about me?” This thought had been plaguing her because she knew Dole like Kyle was aware of her past.

“He tried.” Tom said wanting to be honest with her. “But I told him in no uncertain terms I didn’t care one hoot about your past.”

“Thank you.”

“No need to thank me. I’ve told you I take care of my own. Now, lets get out there and have a good day. I’m sure you’ve already seen there are a lot more vendors set up this year. I’m sure we’re gonna get some good traffic in the store. If it’s okay with you I’d like to display your painting near the front of the store.”


Ayasha smiled, “Whatever you think is best.”

“Have you decided on a price for the piece?”

This was something she hadn’t given any thought to at all. “No.”

“Would you like me to handle that for you?” He asked watching her eyes closely. He understood the painting held a very special meaning to her and had been surprised to see she’d brought it to the shop to sell.

“Yes, thank you.” She answered without emotion.

Tom was pleased by her answer having already made his mind up about the painting. Not wanting to discuss it further he leaned across his desk. “Here.” He said holding out the necklace they’d discussed yesterday.

She took it from him. “I remembered to wear something that will really show the beauty of the piece.”

He watched her clasp the necklace around her neck. “It does look beautiful on you.” He was sure his next words would be met with resistance. “But you’re not to sell it.”

She gave him a shocked look. “What?”

“That necklace belongs to you now.”

He’d been right, she immediately started shaking her head. “No, there is no way I can accept this.”

“Of course you can, and you will. Consider it a bonus for all the work you do for me. I’ve never had a better employee than you, Ayasha.”

“Thank you for saying that but this piece is much too valuable.” She answered, her fingers touching the stones almost reverently.

“I’ve known for a long time how much you love that necklace." Tom said softy. “And I’ve always known that piece is what caught your eye and brought you into my store that day. I want you to have it, in a way I’ve always believed it was meant to belong to you.”

“But Tom…”

He laughed cutting her off. “This is where you smile and say thank you. Might was well because I’m not going to take no for an answer.”

She was overcome with emotion. “Thank you.” She said softly.

He nodded, “Good, now that’s taken care of I just want one promise from you.”

“What?”

“If you ever need anything you’ll come to me. I know it’s hard for you to accept help, I’ve always known that. But I’d like to think you trust me.”

“I do trust you.” She said looking down. “And you’re right it is hard for me to trust, has been for as long as I can remember.”

“So we have a deal?”

Ayasha smiled looking up. “Yes, I promise to come to you if I need help.”

“That includes just someone to listen.” He nodded, “Cause I’ve told you before, I’m a good listener.”

She sighed, “My life is just sort of jumbled up right now.”

Tom had been sure of that fact. “Yeah, that happens to all of us.”

While she knew what was happening in her life wasn’t something that most people could even begin to understand she nodded. “But it will be okay.” This was something she had to believe.

He nodded. “You’re a strong woman, I’m sure that’s true but I’m here if you need me.”

Ayasha stood then before she could stop herself she rounded the desk and gave him a quick hug. “Thank you.” She whispered.

Tom smiled happy in the knowledge she was slowly learning to lower her defenses. “No, thank you.”


At noon Ayasha took her lunch break. Grabbing her camera she left the shop intending to take photos to share with Gerard. First she headed down the street stopping often to take photos of art work she wanted to share with him. However, a small tent caught her eye. Not sure what it was about the jewelry that was displayed she stopped to get a closer look.

“Hello.” A young dark haired man greeted her.

“Hello.” Ayasha smiled gazing at him briefly then turned her attention back to the tray of rings on the table. She was shocked when she heard the voice of an older woman seated near the back of the booth, she was speaking to the man in Cherokee. Looking up she stared at the woman a moment then forced herself to look away. The woman again spoke to the young man in their native language.

“Grandmother wants me to tell you we are from the Talliage tribe.”

Ayasha looked up at him. “You are a long way from home.” She answered knowing the Talliage Nation was from Ohio.

He started to say something when his grandmother cut him off speaking again in Cherokee.

While the man looked surprised Ayasha smiled, “Yes, she is correct, I am Cherokee.”

“Oh.” He laughed, “Sorry, I didn’t realize you understood what she was saying.”

A strange feeling came over Ayasha she couldn’t understand. “My name is Ayasha.” She said looking into the eyes of the woman.

“Little One my name is Opal Spears and this is my grandson, Ridge.”

“Hello.” Ayasha nodded to the young man.

Still believing a sale was possible he nodded to the tray of rings. “Grandmother made all of these.”

“They are beautiful.” Ayasha answered. “My grandmother also made jewelry.” Suddenly her mouth snapped shut not sure why she’d just shared that information with strangers.

Opal stood slowly running her hands over her long skirt. For some reason as she grew nearer Ayasha suddenly wanted to turn away.

“You too are a long way from home.”

Ayasha was shocked by her words. “My home is here.”

Opal smiled, the wrinkles on her face becoming more pronounced. Before speaking she nodded to her grandson letting him know another potential customer was looking at her jewelry. As he walked to the end of the table to speak to the woman Opal glanced at Ayasha who had returned her attention to the tray of rings. “You are of the Cherokee Nation from North Carolina.” It was not a question.

Again Ayasha was shocked. “Yes.” She frowned looking up at Opal.

Opal nodded, “While you may live here now it will always be in your heart.”

“I left there a long time ago.” Ayasha said softly. She was unnerved by the way Opal was staring at her.

“But it remains in your heart.”

“I have to get back to work.” Aysaha muttered. It was hard to appear unfazed by Opal scrutiny.

She had just started to turn away when Opal’s voice stopped her. “Wait, Little One.”

As Aysaha watched she moved to the back of the tent. A moment later she was back handing Ayasha a cloth bag. “For your fire.”

Ayasha stared at her feeling her body begin to tremble. “I don’t understand.”

Opal held out the bag. “It may help you. We celebrate the New Moon Ceremony. Are you familiar with the tradition?”

Since Opal had uttered the word fire Ayasha couldn’t get the vision of Gerard and their fires out of her mind. “Not really.”

“This bag contains sprigs of Hickory, Maple, Locust, Beech, Sycamore, Ash and Oak. As the smoke rises we ask direction, thanking the Great Spirit for all good things. We do not ask for more, we only ask for direction.”

This whole conversation was taking its toll on Ayasha. “I’m sorry I don’t understand.”

“You are searching.” Opal said softly looking into her eyes. “You seek direction.”

“Yes.” Ayasha whispered. Suddenly her love for Gerard made her overcome the fear she didn’t understand. “I need direction to help someone.”

Opal nodded, “Yes, I can see that in your eyes.”

Could this woman hold the key to helping him return to his life? Ayasha prayed it was possible. “You and your grandson will be here tomorrow also?”

“Yes.”

“When the festival ends tomorrow evening would you have time to stop by my home?”

The request seemed to please Opal. “Of course, it would be an honor to be welcomed into your home.”

Praying she’d made the right decision Ayasha asked for a piece of paper then quickly scribbled down directions to her house. Opal took the paper from her making sure to gently squeeze Ayasha hand while doing so. “We will pack up our things first.” Opal explained. “We should be at your home around nine.”

Ayasha nodded, “Thank you.” She wasn’t sure why she was thanking the woman but hope that she could somehow help Gerard made her add, “I will burn this tonight.” She said holding up the bag.

“That is wise.” Opal nodded.

Feeling slightly disorientated Ayasha took a step back. “I’ll see you then.” She turned and walked away quickly.

Ridge who had just completed a sale walked over to his grandmother. “What was that all about? Why wouldn’t you let me tell her?’

His grandmother smiled, “It was not the correct time.”

“But we’re going to see her tomorrow night?”

Opal nodded.

Ridge followed her gaze which was on Ayasha disappearing into the crowd. “She is very lost.”

“Yes.” Opal sighed, “She is.”


The day seemed to go on forever for Ayasha. Since meeting Opal and her grandson she was feeling nervous yet tried to remain hopeful. At this point she would do anything to help Gerard. When at last the shop closed for the day she felt ready to jump out of her skin.

As she made her way towards home she found herself quickening her steps. In her mind she tried to get her fear under control. He will be there, she told herself over and over.

When at last she reached her house, she inserted the key then threw open the door. Immediately her heart began to race, he was not standing by the windows or seated in the chair. Her heart stopped beating, he hadn’t returned.